Do you have a secret talent? Do you have wishes? Hopes? Dreams? Lost Loves?
What does hope feel like?
What is your destiny?
How do things get better?
Can things get worse?
What does action look like?
I’m asking you to believe. Not just in my ability to bring about real change…I’m asking you to believe in yours. -Unknown
One particular day when I was about 6 years old(this is one my few memories I can recall) Tulips and I were at a market shopping when a man with a big camera, a paper pad and a pen approached Moi and asked “ What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Moi answered: An Actor In A Disney Movie!
Well Moi is all gorwn up and this has never happened. Will it ever? Most likely not.
I have fallen in love with writing, expressing myself through word, pictures, and laughs. I have always wanted to help others forget about their worries and their strife(listening to Disney tunes at the moment) and express my compassion for others.
We each are born with a talent(s) and only we, along with time and ambition can make our dreams become a reality. No matter what I have endured in this lifetime, whether it be Abuse, A Fire that left me with 3rd degree burns all over my arms, stolen memories, paralysis, a shattered and torn heart, surgeries, depression, wishing it would just all end and somehow through it all I have found moments of light, hope for the future, laughter in the worst of times, a smile and new strength.
Maybe as times get worse we get better. Our pain makes us feel other people’s too; our fear lets us practice valor; we are tense, and tender as well. And among the things we can no longer afford are things we never really wanted anyway… - Nancy Gibbs
So I ask you, what do you think is Moi’s purpose? What do you think I should be doing? And how do I achieve what my heart so desires?
We all have to ask at some point, place and time… “Help Me!”
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Trailer Park Benedict
Do you enjoy creating in the kitchen? If so write to me and tell Moi a recipe that you invented.
Just this morning while wandering through my adorable kitchen, I became inspired to make an open-faced breakfast sandwich. Moi decided to name this the: Trailer Park Benedict!
Ingredients:
1 egg
1 slice of whole wheat toast
1 slice of low sodium American Cheese, or Greek, Japanese, German, Italian, Slovenian….get the point? Whatever you have in stock.
1 slab of deli sliced oven roasted chicken
1 can/carton of mushrooms
½ of sweet onion, sliced and chopped
1/3 cup of white wine(whatever is leftover from last night)
A tablespoon of minced garlic
Cracked peppercorn
And a table spoon of butter, or if you prefer lard! Heheee! LOL!!!!
Mix these up in a sauté pan and brown the mushroom mixture, you can cook this on a 5/7 depending on what your range top says, or on medium. Simmer until your egg is cooked! HAHA!!! LMAO!!!!!
Line the pan with olive oil, virgin if you can find any, let’s face it, there are not to many of those around!
Crack open the egg and sprinkle with peppercorn.
Let it whiten up, and then flip it. You only want to cook it enough so that the white is not slimy(unless you like that)
Drop your whole wheat in the toaster
Once the toast is done, lather it up with some butter
Lay the cheese on it, followed by the deli chicken
Then the egg
Top off the open faced sandwich with your winey mushroom and onion mixture. Smother it!
Serve on a trash can lid if you like, or just a plate. Paper or China, your choice!
And enjoy as the juices from the winey mushrooms and onions explode in your wet mouth and bounce off the egg as it oozes together with the refreshing taste of cheese provocated by the oven roasted deli chicken.
And as you sit there looking like trailer trash, with drippins and spillins all over your face and shirt(unless you are naked) you will feel like the king or queen of the park!
Enjoy!
man.divine@yahoo.com
You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter! Search and you shall find!
Just this morning while wandering through my adorable kitchen, I became inspired to make an open-faced breakfast sandwich. Moi decided to name this the: Trailer Park Benedict!
Ingredients:
1 egg
1 slice of whole wheat toast
1 slice of low sodium American Cheese, or Greek, Japanese, German, Italian, Slovenian….get the point? Whatever you have in stock.
1 slab of deli sliced oven roasted chicken
1 can/carton of mushrooms
½ of sweet onion, sliced and chopped
1/3 cup of white wine(whatever is leftover from last night)
A tablespoon of minced garlic
Cracked peppercorn
And a table spoon of butter, or if you prefer lard! Heheee! LOL!!!!
Mix these up in a sauté pan and brown the mushroom mixture, you can cook this on a 5/7 depending on what your range top says, or on medium. Simmer until your egg is cooked! HAHA!!! LMAO!!!!!
Line the pan with olive oil, virgin if you can find any, let’s face it, there are not to many of those around!
Crack open the egg and sprinkle with peppercorn.
Let it whiten up, and then flip it. You only want to cook it enough so that the white is not slimy(unless you like that)
Drop your whole wheat in the toaster
Once the toast is done, lather it up with some butter
Lay the cheese on it, followed by the deli chicken
Then the egg
Top off the open faced sandwich with your winey mushroom and onion mixture. Smother it!
Serve on a trash can lid if you like, or just a plate. Paper or China, your choice!
And enjoy as the juices from the winey mushrooms and onions explode in your wet mouth and bounce off the egg as it oozes together with the refreshing taste of cheese provocated by the oven roasted deli chicken.
And as you sit there looking like trailer trash, with drippins and spillins all over your face and shirt(unless you are naked) you will feel like the king or queen of the park!
Enjoy!
man.divine@yahoo.com
You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter! Search and you shall find!
The Morning Of Pee Pee And Snakes!
We all have fears and/or phobias, some are small and easily overcome, while others are rather BIG.
“Picture It” the day is young, the sun is shining brilliantly high in the southern skies, the warmth of rays splash against Moi’s tanned skin, which starts a domino effect of perspiration trickling down my brow, merging into a fine line to my underarms where it collects a few more drops and makes its way down my back until it reaches “the cavern of buns.” Anywho, The morning is perfect, and Moi is enjoying the slight breeze while looking at the flowers outside, the green grass, the palms flapping, the cute little geckos scurrying around. They are so cute, slipping in and out of dark places as if they are sneaking along a dark hallway watching for any sign of like and today’s meal.
Moi decides to walk over towards the shrubs that were planted a month ago along my long driveway to ad curb appeal as you make your way to my paradise retreat. As I ever so quietly walk to the first set of shrubs all is perfect looking. They seem to be growing nicely, getting some blooms already in bright reds, peach, yellows, and their leaves seem to be dancing in merriment! Oh what a perfect morning this is!
As Moi comes up to the last set of plants, and as I start to bend down to look closer, I am scared stiff, shocked, but somehow I jump back up, in a mad frenzy I race up the long driveway screaming, wailing, as warm liquid streams down my inner thighs. Only to leave a trail behind me in the wake of what I saw. The discovery was enormous in size, shocking to see, especially on such a perfect morning. As I almost reach the house and realize I am wet, my heart is pounding heavy, my hands are moist and my knees are weak. Once I compose myself I decide to turn back to look at what I saw.
It was the biggest, thickest, black and green snake I have ever seen in my own yard. It’s fang like teeth were glistening in the sun and it’s hissing was loud enough to wake the dead as it echoed in my ears. It laid there coiled up in a stance that spoke to me. As if it were saying “sssssssdivine manssssss I wantsssssss to licksssssssss you and then wrap my ssssself around your beautiful thighsssssssss! Of course I am flattered until I come to my senses and again head for the door.
Once inside I grab my camera, the biggest knife I can find, a martini and head back out to try and get a picture, for seeing is believing!
As I approach the snake still basking in the sun, I set my martini down and the knife so Moi can take a few pictures of it. Again as the snake looks at Moi(probably thinking “hubba hubba”) I realize maybe this is not so scary after all? And then it starts to move and as it slithers away from me I then begin to feel as if during this brief courtship we had going he no longer wants to look at me, wrap himself around my thighsssss or coil up in my garden? Can it be that the snake has left Moi for something meatier?
Even when faced with a fear or when a phobia is starring you in the face, you need to stand tall, make sure you have your lip gloss on, and stare it down in return, and be the divine one you are! And a martini can help ease the stress!
“Picture It” the day is young, the sun is shining brilliantly high in the southern skies, the warmth of rays splash against Moi’s tanned skin, which starts a domino effect of perspiration trickling down my brow, merging into a fine line to my underarms where it collects a few more drops and makes its way down my back until it reaches “the cavern of buns.” Anywho, The morning is perfect, and Moi is enjoying the slight breeze while looking at the flowers outside, the green grass, the palms flapping, the cute little geckos scurrying around. They are so cute, slipping in and out of dark places as if they are sneaking along a dark hallway watching for any sign of like and today’s meal.
Moi decides to walk over towards the shrubs that were planted a month ago along my long driveway to ad curb appeal as you make your way to my paradise retreat. As I ever so quietly walk to the first set of shrubs all is perfect looking. They seem to be growing nicely, getting some blooms already in bright reds, peach, yellows, and their leaves seem to be dancing in merriment! Oh what a perfect morning this is!
As Moi comes up to the last set of plants, and as I start to bend down to look closer, I am scared stiff, shocked, but somehow I jump back up, in a mad frenzy I race up the long driveway screaming, wailing, as warm liquid streams down my inner thighs. Only to leave a trail behind me in the wake of what I saw. The discovery was enormous in size, shocking to see, especially on such a perfect morning. As I almost reach the house and realize I am wet, my heart is pounding heavy, my hands are moist and my knees are weak. Once I compose myself I decide to turn back to look at what I saw.
It was the biggest, thickest, black and green snake I have ever seen in my own yard. It’s fang like teeth were glistening in the sun and it’s hissing was loud enough to wake the dead as it echoed in my ears. It laid there coiled up in a stance that spoke to me. As if it were saying “sssssssdivine manssssss I wantsssssss to licksssssssss you and then wrap my ssssself around your beautiful thighsssssssss! Of course I am flattered until I come to my senses and again head for the door.
Once inside I grab my camera, the biggest knife I can find, a martini and head back out to try and get a picture, for seeing is believing!
As I approach the snake still basking in the sun, I set my martini down and the knife so Moi can take a few pictures of it. Again as the snake looks at Moi(probably thinking “hubba hubba”) I realize maybe this is not so scary after all? And then it starts to move and as it slithers away from me I then begin to feel as if during this brief courtship we had going he no longer wants to look at me, wrap himself around my thighsssss or coil up in my garden? Can it be that the snake has left Moi for something meatier?
Friday, April 1, 2011
A Drowned Beaver Kinda Bad hair Day!
Have you ever spent an entire day inside due to bad weather? With nothing to do? How does one survive?
Well let Moi tell you all about my rainy days…
This week has been filled with day after day of rain, dull skies, strong winds, did I mention rain? This makes for one long week of bad ass hair(not ass hair, but just bad hair days) and when you have nothing really to do except polish your toe nails, repeatedly. It truly is amazing to see how many layers of polish one can have on toe nails before your shoes no longer fit.
Moi has watched every soap, every talk show, every re-run of Law & Order: SVU and listened to every cd, 45, 8 track and even taken to playing naked twister, which is not fun when you are alone!
So today(Thursday) I decided to go out and get a pedicure, an arch wax and a Brazilian just in case the sun ever returns. Moi decides to drive alone to the salon hoping to get there before another round of rain and wind hits. I am driving along, looking fabulous in my glitter red flip flops, my white Capri’s, my blue gingham checkered satin button up shirt and my red feather boa. As I am driving along, I hear sirens blaring so loudly that it is hard to figure out where they are coming from. As they seem to get closer and closer until there is a police car right behind me, and the officer is speaking thru a speakerphone: “Divine Man is that you? I knew it was, I told Marvin here that it was you, but all he could say was…does Divine Man bake donuts?” anyways, I just had to catch up to you to get your autograph!
Well naturally I did and gleefully signed his pistol. I noticed the wild looking storm clouds heading in the direction Moi was going so I asked Officer Friendly for an escort to the Salon. He happily escorted me there so Moi would not get stuck in a storm.
As Moi parked the car, it hit, the heavy larger then life sized rain drops shattering the earth below me, the cars, and as Moi sat there contemplating what to do. Do I make a run for it, leave, or wait it out?
Moi is fearless except for when it comes to crow’s feet, which Moi has none of unlike Brady, Tulips, Big Daddy, MiMi, Cubes, Jolene, and the others, well they know who they are! Anywho Moi decides to make a run for it. As I run thru what seems like a raging river flowing with rapids in the parking lot getting deeper with each step Moi takes, it happens so fast! One of Moi’s glittered red flip flops decides to swim down stream without Moi!
As the torrential rain keeps coming down harder and harder and heavier now, I decide to swim for my flip flop! Moi has to save it! So I dive into the water and finally get to my precious glittered red flip flop.
Now my stunning outfit is completely drenched. Thank god I left my underwear at home today! My red feather boa is now resembling a drowned beaver, and my perfect hair is now, well let’s just say it is BAD! And if this were a wet t-shirt contest and if I was wearing a white shirt, Moi would totally win!
So I ask you what does one do and how to survive a rainy day?
Even when you look like a drowned beaver, just fluff your feathers up, and keep you head held high and make a fast getaway!
Well let Moi tell you all about my rainy days…
This week has been filled with day after day of rain, dull skies, strong winds, did I mention rain? This makes for one long week of bad ass hair(not ass hair, but just bad hair days) and when you have nothing really to do except polish your toe nails, repeatedly. It truly is amazing to see how many layers of polish one can have on toe nails before your shoes no longer fit.
Moi has watched every soap, every talk show, every re-run of Law & Order: SVU and listened to every cd, 45, 8 track and even taken to playing naked twister, which is not fun when you are alone!
So today(Thursday) I decided to go out and get a pedicure, an arch wax and a Brazilian just in case the sun ever returns. Moi decides to drive alone to the salon hoping to get there before another round of rain and wind hits. I am driving along, looking fabulous in my glitter red flip flops, my white Capri’s, my blue gingham checkered satin button up shirt and my red feather boa. As I am driving along, I hear sirens blaring so loudly that it is hard to figure out where they are coming from. As they seem to get closer and closer until there is a police car right behind me, and the officer is speaking thru a speakerphone: “Divine Man is that you? I knew it was, I told Marvin here that it was you, but all he could say was…does Divine Man bake donuts?” anyways, I just had to catch up to you to get your autograph!
Well naturally I did and gleefully signed his pistol. I noticed the wild looking storm clouds heading in the direction Moi was going so I asked Officer Friendly for an escort to the Salon. He happily escorted me there so Moi would not get stuck in a storm.
As Moi parked the car, it hit, the heavy larger then life sized rain drops shattering the earth below me, the cars, and as Moi sat there contemplating what to do. Do I make a run for it, leave, or wait it out?
Moi is fearless except for when it comes to crow’s feet, which Moi has none of unlike Brady, Tulips, Big Daddy, MiMi, Cubes, Jolene, and the others, well they know who they are! Anywho Moi decides to make a run for it. As I run thru what seems like a raging river flowing with rapids in the parking lot getting deeper with each step Moi takes, it happens so fast! One of Moi’s glittered red flip flops decides to swim down stream without Moi!
As the torrential rain keeps coming down harder and harder and heavier now, I decide to swim for my flip flop! Moi has to save it! So I dive into the water and finally get to my precious glittered red flip flop.
Now my stunning outfit is completely drenched. Thank god I left my underwear at home today! My red feather boa is now resembling a drowned beaver, and my perfect hair is now, well let’s just say it is BAD! And if this were a wet t-shirt contest and if I was wearing a white shirt, Moi would totally win!
So I ask you what does one do and how to survive a rainy day?
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Saturday Nights Can Be A Real Drag
What do you expect out of a Saturday night?
Friday and Saturday nights are suppose to be exciting, filled with butterflies in the stomach, memories in the making, glamorous events, dancing the night away and libations that make you feel all a buzz.
On a recent Saturday night, Moi experienced just the opposite, but with a twist.
As I was relaxing in front of my 52 inch flat screen with theater surround sound enjoying some gourmet popcorn and a spiked root beer, lounging in my designer Moo Moo, Brady walked in. He asked if I wanted to hit the town for a bit? I replied with “why I thought you would never ask?” And with that I slipped out of my something comfortable and into something a bit more Friday night revealing.
We arrived at a local hotspot where everyone that is anyone wanting to get lucky goes to. I guess Brady was in a particular mood? Anyways as we walk inside in the dim lighting and smoky filled club, Moi was able to sneak in undetected. Brady of course immediately rounded us up drinks and flashed his Divine Man badge and got us the best table in the house!
While sitting there enjoying the music a drag show started. Out pranced an older then old drag queen, her tata’s were hanging rather low almost as if she were a native from the village of “Kong” while strutting around in her very revealing almost naked dress, or was it a drape? Anywho, Mummy did her number and made her buck 2 fifty in tips.
Then the special guest of honor hit the floor, no she really hit the floor! Her make-up was very well done, her one piece black suit with diamonds and glitter accentuated her curvy figure. However Moi could not figure out why all she seemed to do was throw her arms into the air at half mass? Was it because she forgot her deodorant or did she forget to shave?
And there was the Diva of the night, and boy oh boy, she was a toilet bowl mouth! I loved it! Except for when she got stuck on the word that rhythms with truck but begins with a “F.” It was like a record skipping. But her first outfit was glamour and rhinestones all the way!
They were handing out copies of Jennifer Hudson’s new single “Where You At” and Moi was given one only to have it taken away by my the door man along with my our drinks. I guess Moi can’t even use the powder room without all my goodies growing legs and walking.
Saturday Nights are not what they use to be. Oh well, all in all it was worth it.
Don’t just try and make Friday and Saturday nights divine, make each night divine!
Friday and Saturday nights are suppose to be exciting, filled with butterflies in the stomach, memories in the making, glamorous events, dancing the night away and libations that make you feel all a buzz.
On a recent Saturday night, Moi experienced just the opposite, but with a twist.
As I was relaxing in front of my 52 inch flat screen with theater surround sound enjoying some gourmet popcorn and a spiked root beer, lounging in my designer Moo Moo, Brady walked in. He asked if I wanted to hit the town for a bit? I replied with “why I thought you would never ask?” And with that I slipped out of my something comfortable and into something a bit more Friday night revealing.
We arrived at a local hotspot where everyone that is anyone wanting to get lucky goes to. I guess Brady was in a particular mood? Anyways as we walk inside in the dim lighting and smoky filled club, Moi was able to sneak in undetected. Brady of course immediately rounded us up drinks and flashed his Divine Man badge and got us the best table in the house!
While sitting there enjoying the music a drag show started. Out pranced an older then old drag queen, her tata’s were hanging rather low almost as if she were a native from the village of “Kong” while strutting around in her very revealing almost naked dress, or was it a drape? Anywho, Mummy did her number and made her buck 2 fifty in tips.
Then the special guest of honor hit the floor, no she really hit the floor! Her make-up was very well done, her one piece black suit with diamonds and glitter accentuated her curvy figure. However Moi could not figure out why all she seemed to do was throw her arms into the air at half mass? Was it because she forgot her deodorant or did she forget to shave?
And there was the Diva of the night, and boy oh boy, she was a toilet bowl mouth! I loved it! Except for when she got stuck on the word that rhythms with truck but begins with a “F.” It was like a record skipping. But her first outfit was glamour and rhinestones all the way!
They were handing out copies of Jennifer Hudson’s new single “Where You At” and Moi was given one only to have it taken away by my the door man along with my our drinks. I guess Moi can’t even use the powder room without all my goodies growing legs and walking.
Saturday Nights are not what they use to be. Oh well, all in all it was worth it.
Don’t just try and make Friday and Saturday nights divine, make each night divine!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Dating, And More Dating!
Do you feel like giving up on the whole dating scene?
Recently Moi has had a number of dates with all kinds of surprises, here is the story…
We met online, which I have to say seems to be the main stream for dating these days, or at least to get to know someone “safely” which in all reality…well, is it all that safe really? Sure you can be anyone, anywhere you want to be, you can be dishonest about your age, your stats, your life, etc etc etc. Example: years ago Moi met someone from a personals site that said they were 38, and were Mediterranean with rich dark hair, tan skin, and felt they were an impeccable dresser with a lot to offer. The reality was: this person was actually 51, Swedish, with shoe polish like hair color, wore a track suit from the 70’s, and used that self tanning crap in a bottle, and had been married 3 times and had 7 kids. Yeah he had a lot to offer, apparently he had already offered it to everyone else!
Let Moi look back into my Rolodex of dates…Oh, there was this time I started dating “Mrs. Robinson” when Moi was 20, young, open to love, lust and excitement! “Mrs. R” was 36, blonde, thin, outgoing personality, and wanted Moi, like a hungry mountain man attacking a rack of ribs dripping and oozing with sauce! Anywho, she(Jeri) had a really nice set of tata’s and was an amazing kisser. Moi thinks back and realizes it was the taboo of it all that had me so into her. Until Moi discovered the truth, for “Mrs. R” was more like the Merry Widow then just your average cougar. Needless to say Moi ran for the hills!
Then there was this one who Moi had known as a child, she was a few years older then I, and never ever got along. Eventually we started talking and dating, and eventually that turned into an emotional rollercoaster headed straight for hell, with a one way ticket.
Then I met “D. Long” who was an entertainer and Moi had hired to perform at a festival I was the director of. “D. Long” was charismatic, unknown territory, attractive, and mysterious. All the makings of a great love affair. “D. Long” was a great kisser, and funny! However “D. was not so Long” shall we say and turns out was merely a carnie but with teeth and had showered! Oh well, Moi was only 19 then and naïve.
Moi really has had some wild and crazy dates, like The One Nutter, and the Explosive Date!
Since being in paradise in retirement Ville, you can imagine at all the mature dates I have had. They fight over me here! Throw Moi around like a bounce ball while soaking their dentures in Polident! Or the ladies, in between their blue dye hair color sessions!
Oh one of my favorites is: The Hollywood Star” which I will have to save for another day!
Recently, I went to a movie with someone who was seeking a “movie buddy” and I thought…good finally someone that will not fall head over heals for Moi at first sight. So while sitting in the theater waiting for the movie(Red Riding Hood) to start(which is 2 thumbs up) I noticed my phone was vibrating in my Prada bag, and so I got it out to see who had sent me a text. My “movie buddy” next to me sent this text “Divine Man is OMG….so cute!” “Ebert” had sent it to Moi on accident, it was meant for his BF in Minnesota…So much for that theory! It is not easy being so divine, perfect and irresistable!
Don’t give up, even when the dating pool looks a bit cluttered with trash, it is then you can find a diamond in the ruff! Just be open to it, who knows? Life might just surprise you?
Recently Moi has had a number of dates with all kinds of surprises, here is the story…
We met online, which I have to say seems to be the main stream for dating these days, or at least to get to know someone “safely” which in all reality…well, is it all that safe really? Sure you can be anyone, anywhere you want to be, you can be dishonest about your age, your stats, your life, etc etc etc. Example: years ago Moi met someone from a personals site that said they were 38, and were Mediterranean with rich dark hair, tan skin, and felt they were an impeccable dresser with a lot to offer. The reality was: this person was actually 51, Swedish, with shoe polish like hair color, wore a track suit from the 70’s, and used that self tanning crap in a bottle, and had been married 3 times and had 7 kids. Yeah he had a lot to offer, apparently he had already offered it to everyone else!
Let Moi look back into my Rolodex of dates…Oh, there was this time I started dating “Mrs. Robinson” when Moi was 20, young, open to love, lust and excitement! “Mrs. R” was 36, blonde, thin, outgoing personality, and wanted Moi, like a hungry mountain man attacking a rack of ribs dripping and oozing with sauce! Anywho, she(Jeri) had a really nice set of tata’s and was an amazing kisser. Moi thinks back and realizes it was the taboo of it all that had me so into her. Until Moi discovered the truth, for “Mrs. R” was more like the Merry Widow then just your average cougar. Needless to say Moi ran for the hills!
Then there was this one who Moi had known as a child, she was a few years older then I, and never ever got along. Eventually we started talking and dating, and eventually that turned into an emotional rollercoaster headed straight for hell, with a one way ticket.
Then I met “D. Long” who was an entertainer and Moi had hired to perform at a festival I was the director of. “D. Long” was charismatic, unknown territory, attractive, and mysterious. All the makings of a great love affair. “D. Long” was a great kisser, and funny! However “D. was not so Long” shall we say and turns out was merely a carnie but with teeth and had showered! Oh well, Moi was only 19 then and naïve.
Moi really has had some wild and crazy dates, like The One Nutter, and the Explosive Date!
Since being in paradise in retirement Ville, you can imagine at all the mature dates I have had. They fight over me here! Throw Moi around like a bounce ball while soaking their dentures in Polident! Or the ladies, in between their blue dye hair color sessions!
Oh one of my favorites is: The Hollywood Star” which I will have to save for another day!
Recently, I went to a movie with someone who was seeking a “movie buddy” and I thought…good finally someone that will not fall head over heals for Moi at first sight. So while sitting in the theater waiting for the movie(Red Riding Hood) to start(which is 2 thumbs up) I noticed my phone was vibrating in my Prada bag, and so I got it out to see who had sent me a text. My “movie buddy” next to me sent this text “Divine Man is OMG….so cute!” “Ebert” had sent it to Moi on accident, it was meant for his BF in Minnesota…So much for that theory! It is not easy being so divine, perfect and irresistable!
Don’t give up, even when the dating pool looks a bit cluttered with trash, it is then you can find a diamond in the ruff! Just be open to it, who knows? Life might just surprise you?
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Pickles, Gelato And A Martini!
Have you ever experienced/dreamed something that you really thought happened?
There I was standing in the middle of Wal~Mart of all places, and I had a shopping cart that seemed to be filled with diapers, baby powder, a breast pump(which all of these are what most over sexed people have at home) jumpers(again…) Vaseline(need I say more?) blankets, etc, etc, etc…
As I look around to see if I am alone or with anyone, I hear from behind these words “ Sweetheart, what else do you think we need?” and just as I am going to turn around to see the person asking me this(which the voice is somewhat familiar but, I can not place it) I turn around only to find everyone I have ever dated, which started in grade school, and spans to 2010. Can you imagine my horror to find all these people standing there? As I stand there frozen like a margarita, and apparently round like one as well, it is then that one of my exes motions for me to look down. As I look down, I scream out “where the hell are my feet?” where in God’s name is my small waist? And my tata’s are like freakin melons! WTF?
I am pregnant!
How is this possible, I mean I know how this happens, but to Moi? I mean I would have to have sex in order to get pregnant, and the last I heard on this topic, this was impossible! So pleaseeeeeeeee someone explain who, what, where and why? ASAP!
Unless this is a gift from the BIG guy upstairs? This is like Mary, Madonna and the immaculate conception, the slip a mickey in Moi’s martini, the ole’ sneakin up from behind scam, or maybe this is simply just pure love?
Once I have calmed down some, enough to feel my overly large belly, which I must say, Moi looks awesome preggers! I have that “glow” about me, my outfit is adorable, which is a pair of red bibs, a white t-shirt, red and white striped shoes, my hat is red, and my manbag is a red gingham check Prada. I guess Prada custom designed this one for Moi!
As Moi is looking out over the crowd of past GF’s, BF’s, one nighters, one weekers, one mothers, LTR’s, and back up plans, I wonder who is my baby mommy or daddy?
Each one of the 101 candidates are standing there smiling, holding yellows roses in their hands, dill pickles, gelato, a martini, feather boas, etc. As I think to myself “wow, all this for Moi? I should have gotten preggers along time ago?”
I stand there looking at each one, trying to decide who the donor is? Who is responsible for this? Who is going to do the right thing by me and this kid! Oh, I hope it is someone I want, that is sexy, smart, wealthy, parent material, and loving. However if I must do this alone I will. And with that thought, I turn back around to face my cart, and begin to walk away when I get a tap on my shoulder. I hesitate to turn around to see who it is, I take in a sniff of their scent, ummmm it is familiar, I do likey it! And that is when it happens, this never ending pain in my lower belly, and the gushing wild trickles of liquid streaming down my inner thighs, dam! MYYYYYYY WATERRRRRRRR JUSTTTTT BROKEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And with that I try to turn around to look into the eyes of the “donor” but the pain is to severe and then I wake up!
Dam!
Don’t you just hat when that happens, Oh do I hate that. Will I ever know the face of the donor? Well at least I still have my figure, but I must admit, my clock is ticking and loudly! No need for an alarm clock in boudoir!
“A Dream Is A Wish You’re Heart Makes” - Cinderella
There I was standing in the middle of Wal~Mart of all places, and I had a shopping cart that seemed to be filled with diapers, baby powder, a breast pump(which all of these are what most over sexed people have at home) jumpers(again…) Vaseline(need I say more?) blankets, etc, etc, etc…
As I look around to see if I am alone or with anyone, I hear from behind these words “ Sweetheart, what else do you think we need?” and just as I am going to turn around to see the person asking me this(which the voice is somewhat familiar but, I can not place it) I turn around only to find everyone I have ever dated, which started in grade school, and spans to 2010. Can you imagine my horror to find all these people standing there? As I stand there frozen like a margarita, and apparently round like one as well, it is then that one of my exes motions for me to look down. As I look down, I scream out “where the hell are my feet?” where in God’s name is my small waist? And my tata’s are like freakin melons! WTF?
I am pregnant!
How is this possible, I mean I know how this happens, but to Moi? I mean I would have to have sex in order to get pregnant, and the last I heard on this topic, this was impossible! So pleaseeeeeeeee someone explain who, what, where and why? ASAP!
Unless this is a gift from the BIG guy upstairs? This is like Mary, Madonna and the immaculate conception, the slip a mickey in Moi’s martini, the ole’ sneakin up from behind scam, or maybe this is simply just pure love?
Once I have calmed down some, enough to feel my overly large belly, which I must say, Moi looks awesome preggers! I have that “glow” about me, my outfit is adorable, which is a pair of red bibs, a white t-shirt, red and white striped shoes, my hat is red, and my manbag is a red gingham check Prada. I guess Prada custom designed this one for Moi!
As Moi is looking out over the crowd of past GF’s, BF’s, one nighters, one weekers, one mothers, LTR’s, and back up plans, I wonder who is my baby mommy or daddy?
Each one of the 101 candidates are standing there smiling, holding yellows roses in their hands, dill pickles, gelato, a martini, feather boas, etc. As I think to myself “wow, all this for Moi? I should have gotten preggers along time ago?”
I stand there looking at each one, trying to decide who the donor is? Who is responsible for this? Who is going to do the right thing by me and this kid! Oh, I hope it is someone I want, that is sexy, smart, wealthy, parent material, and loving. However if I must do this alone I will. And with that thought, I turn back around to face my cart, and begin to walk away when I get a tap on my shoulder. I hesitate to turn around to see who it is, I take in a sniff of their scent, ummmm it is familiar, I do likey it! And that is when it happens, this never ending pain in my lower belly, and the gushing wild trickles of liquid streaming down my inner thighs, dam! MYYYYYYY WATERRRRRRRR JUSTTTTT BROKEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And with that I try to turn around to look into the eyes of the “donor” but the pain is to severe and then I wake up!
Dam!
Don’t you just hat when that happens, Oh do I hate that. Will I ever know the face of the donor? Well at least I still have my figure, but I must admit, my clock is ticking and loudly! No need for an alarm clock in boudoir!
“A Dream Is A Wish You’re Heart Makes” - Cinderella
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