Magic Mirror My Ass!!!!

As if my body has not been through enough, like with the third nipple, the extra nut, etc…

It all started on a recent clear and humid night.

I had been running at work all day and evening, the sweat was trailing down my brow, my neck was moist as the perspiration dribbled down my back to that special little dark place, known as my perfectly perky booty!  I left work thinking… “gosh my ass is sore, the sweat must have really ran and oh my god, now I am chaffing!”  WTF!

So I go home and undress, step into the shower, and lather up and down, making sure I get every drop of perspiration from all those dark places!

I dry off, and decide to go lay on the bed and relax as the ceiling fan blows me dry, that has blades shaped like… banana’s….yeah that’s right bananas!  Anywho I am laying there and the soreness from the chaffing is still evident.  So I decide to powder my perky booty, thinking that might just do the trick.

I take a shot of peach flavored vodka and slam down 2 baby aspirin and hit the sheets.

The next morning I awaken to this severe pain in my ass!  I look over to make sure there is no one in bed with me, which might explain the pain in my ass, but alas to no avail there is no one.  I crawl to the changing room where I have my wigs, costumes, and my magic mirror.  I eventually get myself standing erect, and take the magic mirror off the wall.  I hobble to the bed(as if I had just rode a horse, or something really BIG) with the mirror in tow, and I lay it down on the bench at the foot end of the bed.  I then dis-robe and stand over the mirror and chant the curious incantation:  Magic Mirror On The Bench, tell me what is the source of this pain in my ass!

And the mirror replies:  thou art the fairest in all of Paradise, however your booty is …. Shall I say lumpy?

Lumpy, Lumpy I say!  How can this be?  As I spread my cheeks apart and open wide, I notice a lump, a deep reddish purple colored lump.  So I poke it, and surprisingly  aside from the pain it feels kinky.

I call Brady and tell him, he says:  You need to go in to a clinic, and not sit on this!  HAAAAAA!

I go to Urgent Care, the doctor tells me to lower my shorts, and so I do, he puts on his latex gloves and as he reaches for my perky cheeks he says:  open wide!

Needless to say he tells me that I have an External Hemorrhoid and that it will require HIM to massage a prescription cream onto it 3 times a day.

Thank heavens he is dreamy!

Never go against Doctor’s orders!