Moi is a mover and a shaker, meaning I shake martini's and move them towards my lips!
Today marks my last day in paradise until the Fall. Yes folks Moi is heading out onto the road once again. Heading back to the Great Midwest: Small Town America!
I will be making a stop at the local Wal~Mart to buy me some long underwear! Where Moi is going I will need them! Yuck! Hell I don't even wear short underwear! How depressing...
Anywho, the limo's will be gassed up, washed, polished and loaded up with my 10 piece luggage set, hot comb, my magic mirror, water and some boxed wine! Moi is almost ready to embark on the long road "home" where I will be greeted by thousands upon thousands of fans, family and friends all screaming my name. But until then...
Enjoy the stories, the laughs, the crazy dates and then many, many misadventures of a DIVINE MAN!
Moi will be back with stories of "The Long Road Home", I just hope I don't get stuck in any bathrooms again with hillbillies!
More laughs to come!
Divine Man
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Defying Gravity On A Blind Date!
Do you remember the “Explosive Date”?
Recently Moi was conned into going on another blind date by my pal Brady. As if the last one that exploded in the bathroom was not enough he felt compelled to continue his quest as a would be matchmaker.
Because Moi is such a good hearted person and does not want to hurt anyone’s feelings I agreed to try the ole’ blind date trick again. And before I tell you about it I must say “It seems all my dates are explosive!”
Anyways…It was a mid week date, and Moi dressed to kill, naturally! Moi wore white shorts that came to just my thighs that are ever so tan, sculpted, and firm. My shirt was light tan, linen and laced up the front to reveal just a enough of my perky chest, while exposing my glistening soft skin. My feet were comfortable in tan sandals and my hair was freshly colored and cut. I looked divine! I looked delicious!
I arrived at a Oceanside restaurant with a perfect view of the Gulf, the waves lazily crashing into the shore, the sun was blazing it’s radiant beams, the palm trees ever so gently swaying, and then there was the flash! In my face! And another, and another!
Moi ran inside quickly to take cover and get a stiff one(a drink that is, perverts) to calm me nerves! After a few sips of my cosmo all was right with the world! I decided that seeing as how I was early I would investigate the restaurant and the patio area. It was such a lovely evening, people were smiling, laughing, clinking wine glasses, a few asked for my John Hancock and my blind date had arrived. WOW…what a hunk! Picture It! He was a vision with black linen pants, a tan and black silky beach shirt on, his chest was broad and I wondered what his arms around my perfect waste would feel like. Think LL Cool J!!!! He was a bronzed chocolate god! He was a Jamaican me crazy and filling me with butterflies.
Dinner was wonderful, our entrees were great and the conversation was perfect. The way he watched Moi, rubbed my hands softly, hung onto every word I spoke and asked me if I wanted to go for a walk or see where he lived? Well I thought “see his pad?” or a walk? I opted for the pad!
His home was on the beach, a traditional Floridian home, with hurricane shutters that were white, the house itself was painted a mellow yellow, with lovely tropical plants everywhere perfectly placed. Once inside I was amazed at how clean, and well decorated it was. Most guys can’t decorate to save their souls! So I was impressed. The rooms were each painted a different color, using earth tones, and sharp accent colors. We made our way to the patio/backyard where he asked if I wanted a glass of wine. And with in a fast minute or two he was back with red wine for us both, soft music started streaming from all around Moi and mood lighting surfaced. He was a perfect host. We talked, laughed and danced. And then he slowly ever so gently wrapped his strong arms around me, pulling me close to his warm body and began to kiss me. And I do mean kiss! His lips were on fire! As were mine. His firmness became obvious and my body was melting!
Eventually we stopped kissing and he excused himself, and Moi just stood there smiling, feeling all tingly and giggly at the recap of what just happened. Once I came back to earth I realized I had to powder my nose and so I wandered into his home in search of the bathroom. I was being quiet as I did not want to disturb the still night air. I saw a light on at the end of the hallway and so I went inside the room. It was his, and so I figured he must have a master bath. He was no where to be found. The coast was clear. I saw the bathroom door, it was slightly open and so I opened the door. To my shock and surprise I was stopped in my tracks by “chocolate god.” He was bent over exposing his naked booty as he was trying to insert suppositories in order to get much needed relief. As he did so without noticing me standing there frozen, he blasted a very loud fart and sent the little suppository bullet in the air right past my head!
Let’s just say this: I made a fast dash for the front door, almost as fast as that bullet flew past my head, and I ran for cover!
Moi has learned a lesson: Before going on a blind date ask the following questions: Do you have your own hair, your own teeth, do you bathe, and do you use suppositories?
Recently Moi was conned into going on another blind date by my pal Brady. As if the last one that exploded in the bathroom was not enough he felt compelled to continue his quest as a would be matchmaker.
Because Moi is such a good hearted person and does not want to hurt anyone’s feelings I agreed to try the ole’ blind date trick again. And before I tell you about it I must say “It seems all my dates are explosive!”
Anyways…It was a mid week date, and Moi dressed to kill, naturally! Moi wore white shorts that came to just my thighs that are ever so tan, sculpted, and firm. My shirt was light tan, linen and laced up the front to reveal just a enough of my perky chest, while exposing my glistening soft skin. My feet were comfortable in tan sandals and my hair was freshly colored and cut. I looked divine! I looked delicious!
I arrived at a Oceanside restaurant with a perfect view of the Gulf, the waves lazily crashing into the shore, the sun was blazing it’s radiant beams, the palm trees ever so gently swaying, and then there was the flash! In my face! And another, and another!
Moi ran inside quickly to take cover and get a stiff one(a drink that is, perverts) to calm me nerves! After a few sips of my cosmo all was right with the world! I decided that seeing as how I was early I would investigate the restaurant and the patio area. It was such a lovely evening, people were smiling, laughing, clinking wine glasses, a few asked for my John Hancock and my blind date had arrived. WOW…what a hunk! Picture It! He was a vision with black linen pants, a tan and black silky beach shirt on, his chest was broad and I wondered what his arms around my perfect waste would feel like. Think LL Cool J!!!! He was a bronzed chocolate god! He was a Jamaican me crazy and filling me with butterflies.
Dinner was wonderful, our entrees were great and the conversation was perfect. The way he watched Moi, rubbed my hands softly, hung onto every word I spoke and asked me if I wanted to go for a walk or see where he lived? Well I thought “see his pad?” or a walk? I opted for the pad!
His home was on the beach, a traditional Floridian home, with hurricane shutters that were white, the house itself was painted a mellow yellow, with lovely tropical plants everywhere perfectly placed. Once inside I was amazed at how clean, and well decorated it was. Most guys can’t decorate to save their souls! So I was impressed. The rooms were each painted a different color, using earth tones, and sharp accent colors. We made our way to the patio/backyard where he asked if I wanted a glass of wine. And with in a fast minute or two he was back with red wine for us both, soft music started streaming from all around Moi and mood lighting surfaced. He was a perfect host. We talked, laughed and danced. And then he slowly ever so gently wrapped his strong arms around me, pulling me close to his warm body and began to kiss me. And I do mean kiss! His lips were on fire! As were mine. His firmness became obvious and my body was melting!
Eventually we stopped kissing and he excused himself, and Moi just stood there smiling, feeling all tingly and giggly at the recap of what just happened. Once I came back to earth I realized I had to powder my nose and so I wandered into his home in search of the bathroom. I was being quiet as I did not want to disturb the still night air. I saw a light on at the end of the hallway and so I went inside the room. It was his, and so I figured he must have a master bath. He was no where to be found. The coast was clear. I saw the bathroom door, it was slightly open and so I opened the door. To my shock and surprise I was stopped in my tracks by “chocolate god.” He was bent over exposing his naked booty as he was trying to insert suppositories in order to get much needed relief. As he did so without noticing me standing there frozen, he blasted a very loud fart and sent the little suppository bullet in the air right past my head!
Let’s just say this: I made a fast dash for the front door, almost as fast as that bullet flew past my head, and I ran for cover!
Moi has learned a lesson: Before going on a blind date ask the following questions: Do you have your own hair, your own teeth, do you bathe, and do you use suppositories?
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Moi's Paradise Top 10 List: What I learned while in paradise!
Have you ever moved somewhere, whether it be for a month, short term or LT and learned a lot from the experience?
Moi escaped the cold and bitterness of the Great Midwest in hopes of finding refuge, warmth, a safe haven and a place to lay down and enhance my tan line. I did just that, along with some things I learned.
10. Moi has never seen so many U-turns anywhere but here. In paradise you can make U-turns at just about every light, intersection, one ways, and hell even in alleys.
9. It does not matter what color, size, shape, or how old you are, when you are on the beaches you see everything. Like just yesterday I saw this darling 80+ couple walking along holding hands. Or like the man I saw with a very dark tan and the most hair on a back I have ever seen on an actual man(not a werewolf) or the DDD’s on the woman that were using them as floatation devices. Anything goes in paradise, even wearing your thong backwards.
8. The pan handlers here don’t even carry pans, so why are they called “pan handlers?” Anyways, you find them in oddest places, and usually they are out in the sun holding up a sign that reads: lliw krow rof doof dna a rab fo paos! Guess they think everyone carries a 12 X 24 mirror with them like Moi!
7. The public beach restrooms are usually clean, no pit toilets here, however you still might meet a snake(especially in the men’s room!). And there are showers that you can use for free. I always shower with another person just to conserve the water so that the privilege is not taken away! And that way Moi gets those hard to reach places washed!
6. Moi never has to worry about looking too old or worn out, or fat here, because everyone else is older, or wider, or leathered from the years of sun worshiping. Moi is still the fairest one of all!
5. Here in paradise no one recycles, which is great for Moi, because that way no one can count the number of wine bottles in my trash.
4. It is amazing at the number of people who flee to paradise, which keeps the state running. The locals do not have to pay income taxes(smart political move the paradise politicians made) however everything else is taxed even water!
3. It is amazing to see all the road construction that takes 5 years to complete about 5 miles. Considering they can work 365 days in the sunshine. I always have believed in rationing things out, but a mile a year?
2. It still amazes Moi at how many young people, pimps, and average joes are walking around with their pants below their booty’s, exposing their underwear, while trying to hold them up in the front! Or the ladies that think it is high end fashion to expose each roll while wearing a sports bra! Like they say when in Wal~mart, dress like the Wal~martians!
1. For being a place filled with sunshine, warm air, blue skies, birds that fly overhead and rarely ever crap on your head, it is hard to find friendly people here. People such as: clerks, dept. managers, postal workers, baggers, cashiers, or even police. Moi would think that they would be just as happy and filled with gaiety as Moi. Always smiling, winking, looking fabulous, being divine. I guess it is all about the approach, no wonder Moi signs so many autographs! Can you imagine what living in Washington State is like? Oh wait I did that(hence the happy pills while there).
Seriously…Moi will return to paradise, perhaps sooner then later, especially if there is a knock on my country house door(in the Midwest) by a pack of studs wearing only loin cloths, glistening in the sunlight while holding roses, wine, feather boas, and a lifetime supply of flips flops and Jackie-o’s!
No matter wear you go in life, or what you do, there will always lessons to be learned, thongs to wear, and once in a lifetime opportunities!
As Moi always says: When you see a stud, nail it! Seize the moment!
Moi escaped the cold and bitterness of the Great Midwest in hopes of finding refuge, warmth, a safe haven and a place to lay down and enhance my tan line. I did just that, along with some things I learned.
10. Moi has never seen so many U-turns anywhere but here. In paradise you can make U-turns at just about every light, intersection, one ways, and hell even in alleys.
9. It does not matter what color, size, shape, or how old you are, when you are on the beaches you see everything. Like just yesterday I saw this darling 80+ couple walking along holding hands. Or like the man I saw with a very dark tan and the most hair on a back I have ever seen on an actual man(not a werewolf) or the DDD’s on the woman that were using them as floatation devices. Anything goes in paradise, even wearing your thong backwards.
8. The pan handlers here don’t even carry pans, so why are they called “pan handlers?” Anyways, you find them in oddest places, and usually they are out in the sun holding up a sign that reads: lliw krow rof doof dna a rab fo paos! Guess they think everyone carries a 12 X 24 mirror with them like Moi!
7. The public beach restrooms are usually clean, no pit toilets here, however you still might meet a snake(especially in the men’s room!). And there are showers that you can use for free. I always shower with another person just to conserve the water so that the privilege is not taken away! And that way Moi gets those hard to reach places washed!
6. Moi never has to worry about looking too old or worn out, or fat here, because everyone else is older, or wider, or leathered from the years of sun worshiping. Moi is still the fairest one of all!
5. Here in paradise no one recycles, which is great for Moi, because that way no one can count the number of wine bottles in my trash.
4. It is amazing at the number of people who flee to paradise, which keeps the state running. The locals do not have to pay income taxes(smart political move the paradise politicians made) however everything else is taxed even water!
3. It is amazing to see all the road construction that takes 5 years to complete about 5 miles. Considering they can work 365 days in the sunshine. I always have believed in rationing things out, but a mile a year?
2. It still amazes Moi at how many young people, pimps, and average joes are walking around with their pants below their booty’s, exposing their underwear, while trying to hold them up in the front! Or the ladies that think it is high end fashion to expose each roll while wearing a sports bra! Like they say when in Wal~mart, dress like the Wal~martians!
1. For being a place filled with sunshine, warm air, blue skies, birds that fly overhead and rarely ever crap on your head, it is hard to find friendly people here. People such as: clerks, dept. managers, postal workers, baggers, cashiers, or even police. Moi would think that they would be just as happy and filled with gaiety as Moi. Always smiling, winking, looking fabulous, being divine. I guess it is all about the approach, no wonder Moi signs so many autographs! Can you imagine what living in Washington State is like? Oh wait I did that(hence the happy pills while there).
Seriously…Moi will return to paradise, perhaps sooner then later, especially if there is a knock on my country house door(in the Midwest) by a pack of studs wearing only loin cloths, glistening in the sunlight while holding roses, wine, feather boas, and a lifetime supply of flips flops and Jackie-o’s!
No matter wear you go in life, or what you do, there will always lessons to be learned, thongs to wear, and once in a lifetime opportunities!
As Moi always says: When you see a stud, nail it! Seize the moment!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Diva Girl, A Pooch With Attitude And Style!
Do you have a special pet? A best pal that is always happy to see you?
As you know Moi has an adorable full of spunk, attitude, beauty, and craziness kind of pooch named “Diva Girl” and she is truly a princess! She is Dalmatian, 11 years old going on 3! DG enjoys late lazy mornings, so do not disturb her until after 9:45a.m. or she will tell you off!
I got her when she was just tiny little pup, the smallest of the litter of 11! Can you imagine how 11 of those coming out feels? Guess you ladies don’t have it that bad with 1 or 2? I remember the day I got her, there I was kneeling down in hay, puppy poops, and urine stains wondering which one would become my best pal. That’s when I saw her come from behind a box, she was so gentle and walked with grace and sweetness! She crawled up onto my lap and curled into a ball and slept. That was it, she was the one for me! All cute, cuddling, being so sweet and dear. Her spots were in all the right places, and her tail was completely white! I picked her up and wrapped her in a baby blanket that Grams had made and whisked her away!
Tulips was at a work function, and Big Daddy was at home sleeping in his recliner. They did not know I was going to buy a puppy. In fact they told that if I wanted one ever I would have to move out, as they did not want more dogs. Which when I thought about it, Moi was like “DG is my ticket out of here!” As it was time for me to fly from the nest. Embark out into the world with my new pal on a grand adventure!
Once DG woke up and got familiar with Moi she was a wild girl! She loved chewing on things like my designer shoes, which as you can only imagine did not sit well with Moi, I had to lock her out of my chambers! One afternoon I left her alone for 5 minutes and she climbed on top of my glass dining room table and lifted one of my journals and decided to have it as a toy or snack. When I got back it was in every room. In pieces.
Then one weekend Tulips and Big Daddy came to visit as Moi lived 5 hours from them, and so they came for a long weekend. DG was doing better with the chewing thing or so I thought? She had her own “bed” which was a dog crate with a fluffy blanket and pillow inside it. It was rather plush. Moi decided to crate her so that we could travel better! Well that first afternoon with the folks, Tulips realized one of her thin socks was missing. We looked through everything and could not find it. Well we put DG in her crate and went out shopping. When we returned there it was in the crate with DG covered in fur, puke and we had realized that she had swallowed it and decided it did not agree with her!
Over the years she was grown into a perfect girl! Healthy, spunky, nuts, and she loves to talk, moan, groan, and jump like a kangaroo for her treats! She has a very good life, over the years she has upgraded her bedding from the crate to a comforter, to a basket with a fluffy blanket. Most recently she has a LARGE pillow down filled bed with a blanket. She likes to snuggle and so she always has to be covered up, even in paradise where the temps are 80 degrees!
She enjoys watching for geckos, rabbits, and anything that moves. When it rains she refuses to get her paws wet, and waits until it has passed. Whenever she lets out a toot, she turns her head to see where it came from each time! It is so cute and funny. She has special treats at certain times and she knows it.
She is Diva Girl, friend, pal, lovely companion to Moi! If she could talk a lot of people would be so screwed!
If you have ever had a dog then you know what mean, when I say: She is my best friend!
As you know Moi has an adorable full of spunk, attitude, beauty, and craziness kind of pooch named “Diva Girl” and she is truly a princess! She is Dalmatian, 11 years old going on 3! DG enjoys late lazy mornings, so do not disturb her until after 9:45a.m. or she will tell you off!
I got her when she was just tiny little pup, the smallest of the litter of 11! Can you imagine how 11 of those coming out feels? Guess you ladies don’t have it that bad with 1 or 2? I remember the day I got her, there I was kneeling down in hay, puppy poops, and urine stains wondering which one would become my best pal. That’s when I saw her come from behind a box, she was so gentle and walked with grace and sweetness! She crawled up onto my lap and curled into a ball and slept. That was it, she was the one for me! All cute, cuddling, being so sweet and dear. Her spots were in all the right places, and her tail was completely white! I picked her up and wrapped her in a baby blanket that Grams had made and whisked her away!
Tulips was at a work function, and Big Daddy was at home sleeping in his recliner. They did not know I was going to buy a puppy. In fact they told that if I wanted one ever I would have to move out, as they did not want more dogs. Which when I thought about it, Moi was like “DG is my ticket out of here!” As it was time for me to fly from the nest. Embark out into the world with my new pal on a grand adventure!
Once DG woke up and got familiar with Moi she was a wild girl! She loved chewing on things like my designer shoes, which as you can only imagine did not sit well with Moi, I had to lock her out of my chambers! One afternoon I left her alone for 5 minutes and she climbed on top of my glass dining room table and lifted one of my journals and decided to have it as a toy or snack. When I got back it was in every room. In pieces.
Then one weekend Tulips and Big Daddy came to visit as Moi lived 5 hours from them, and so they came for a long weekend. DG was doing better with the chewing thing or so I thought? She had her own “bed” which was a dog crate with a fluffy blanket and pillow inside it. It was rather plush. Moi decided to crate her so that we could travel better! Well that first afternoon with the folks, Tulips realized one of her thin socks was missing. We looked through everything and could not find it. Well we put DG in her crate and went out shopping. When we returned there it was in the crate with DG covered in fur, puke and we had realized that she had swallowed it and decided it did not agree with her!
Over the years she was grown into a perfect girl! Healthy, spunky, nuts, and she loves to talk, moan, groan, and jump like a kangaroo for her treats! She has a very good life, over the years she has upgraded her bedding from the crate to a comforter, to a basket with a fluffy blanket. Most recently she has a LARGE pillow down filled bed with a blanket. She likes to snuggle and so she always has to be covered up, even in paradise where the temps are 80 degrees!
She enjoys watching for geckos, rabbits, and anything that moves. When it rains she refuses to get her paws wet, and waits until it has passed. Whenever she lets out a toot, she turns her head to see where it came from each time! It is so cute and funny. She has special treats at certain times and she knows it.
She is Diva Girl, friend, pal, lovely companion to Moi! If she could talk a lot of people would be so screwed!
Friday, April 8, 2011
Bullying, The Sad Reality Of It!
Were you the one that was bullied in elementary, middle, high school? Or maybe it was not until college? Perhaps at work?
Every now and then Moi takes a stand, expresses my opinions, and shares my own experiences in hopes of helping others.
When I was in grade school I enjoyed attending class. Moi had a lot of friends, I guess you could say I was popular. I was a blonde blue eyed full of spunk, tact, refined but never stuck up. I would befriend anyone. My mother Tulips was a P.TO./P.T.A parent, hell she was the P.T.A. “The Harper Valley P.T.A.” and the teachers respected her, as did the parents. All was good until the new kid moved into town. We had the same first name. He was a jerk, and a bit of a punk and I began to refer to him as the “imposter“. And soon the kids I thought were my friends, no longer were. Then another boy came to school and soon everyone was so into them, and the other boys in my classes decided to become followers.
Eventually the only kids I had left to talk with were the girls. I was popular with them, because I did not harass nor was I mean to them. And because I was good guy I paid for it. Years of torture, pain, and silence would grow into a world of sadness for me. You might ask “how did Moi pay?” the boys would call me names like, fairy, faggot, and they would tell rumors like: When he was born and his parents found out he was a boy, they decided right then and there that they would treat him like a girl, because that is what they really wanted. Not another son. Or like the time I wanted to date “Alexia” who was funny, edgy, and from the other side of the tracks. But I did not care, because I liked her. The “imposter” and his thugs found out and told her in front of Moi and other kids that if she dated me, she would be a lesbian.
Another time another young lady liked me but we could only date in “private” so no one would know she liked me.
Kids also called me queer eyes. You know if they had called me something like queen eyes, I might have liked it? Even though Tulips was well known in the school, it did not stop and Moi started my long descent into darkness. Eventually I started “talking” to the school counselor. It helped I guess? But I decided the best thing for me was to not talk to anyone, shut out the bullies. Even on the bus I was humiliated, I was the punch line. Hell they would throw objects at Moi even. One particular female who lived nearby(and older) harassed me terribly, she even threatened me. Why? No idea. But that came to and end when my Big Daddy confronted her and her parents.
Then there was middle school, and there were some new losers on the bus, they along with a girl in my class decided to call me “Diane” and were simply cruel beyond belief. I guess it was that year when on the last day of school and Moi had to ride the bus home that I decided to teach the ring leader “Nikki” a lesson. Nikki was covered in acne…or at least her face was. So Moi decided “maybe I could help her?” so I bagged a box of Stridex Zip Pads and left it for her with the driver of the bus to give to her after I got off. He did. She never harassed me again.
The next year in middle school one morning I was at my hall locker minding my own business, when “Ray” walked up to me and said to me “why are you even alive? I mean no one likes you, your parents think you are a disgrace, and you are a dirty faggot” “why don’t you just die?” and he walked away. I stood there for a second or so, I got my coat on and walked to the counselors office and told my pal “Mr.T”, whom of which was the only person I had to talk to. Anyways I told him what happened and that I was done with this place, I was leaving. And I did. I walked that morning in the rain, crying as my tears poured down my face and into the puddles below my feet. I walked about 4 or 5 miles that day. Eventually I found myself at Grams house. She took one look and knew what I needed. Her arms around me. My Grams is, was a great woman, she was after all Tulips’ mother Rose. Eventually I went back to school, but it was never the same. I became even more withdrawn and counted the days until summer break.
High School was even more fierce. And then one day I decided I was done taking the harassment, the bullying, the comments, etc. I remember the day like it was yesterday, when I told “Ray” to go fuck himself! Because no one else would. From that point on I spoke up for myself and for those that could not.
My pal “Mr.T” always told me: As you become more of a class, it will become easier. He was right partially. It did become easier my senior year of high school. I started to change my appearance, started dieting, changed my hair style, got eye contacts, some clothes that spoke “don’t even start” and a backbone. I was done being the doormat. I started to realize and learn about karma. It always comes back around.
I guess what I want you to know is that it is not right to harass, bully, or treat someone like nothing, it is not allowed to rip others apart in school or on the job or just between people you know. Grow UP people!
Parents and teachers need to listen more and watch for the signs. Kids need to stop watching R rated movies, playing video games about killing people, and show respect. Respect seems to have fallen to the wayside. Everywhere! In school, at work, in politics, on the playground, online, and even in church.
People need to start taking notice, pay attention, be a real friend, care about others and not just ourselves. To many kids have committed suicide, taken guns to school and many kids are isolated. Let’s face it, kids are our future. We need to protect them, put them first. Not just have them to line our pocket books with or to look good.
I hope this helps you or many others. Bullying needs to end. Bullying is pathetic.
Pain makes us stronger, and if that is so, then I must be the strongest person alive, not to mention the most divine!
http://www.education.com/topic/school-bullying-teasing/
Every now and then Moi takes a stand, expresses my opinions, and shares my own experiences in hopes of helping others.
When I was in grade school I enjoyed attending class. Moi had a lot of friends, I guess you could say I was popular. I was a blonde blue eyed full of spunk, tact, refined but never stuck up. I would befriend anyone. My mother Tulips was a P.TO./P.T.A parent, hell she was the P.T.A. “The Harper Valley P.T.A.” and the teachers respected her, as did the parents. All was good until the new kid moved into town. We had the same first name. He was a jerk, and a bit of a punk and I began to refer to him as the “imposter“. And soon the kids I thought were my friends, no longer were. Then another boy came to school and soon everyone was so into them, and the other boys in my classes decided to become followers.
Eventually the only kids I had left to talk with were the girls. I was popular with them, because I did not harass nor was I mean to them. And because I was good guy I paid for it. Years of torture, pain, and silence would grow into a world of sadness for me. You might ask “how did Moi pay?” the boys would call me names like, fairy, faggot, and they would tell rumors like: When he was born and his parents found out he was a boy, they decided right then and there that they would treat him like a girl, because that is what they really wanted. Not another son. Or like the time I wanted to date “Alexia” who was funny, edgy, and from the other side of the tracks. But I did not care, because I liked her. The “imposter” and his thugs found out and told her in front of Moi and other kids that if she dated me, she would be a lesbian.
Another time another young lady liked me but we could only date in “private” so no one would know she liked me.
Kids also called me queer eyes. You know if they had called me something like queen eyes, I might have liked it? Even though Tulips was well known in the school, it did not stop and Moi started my long descent into darkness. Eventually I started “talking” to the school counselor. It helped I guess? But I decided the best thing for me was to not talk to anyone, shut out the bullies. Even on the bus I was humiliated, I was the punch line. Hell they would throw objects at Moi even. One particular female who lived nearby(and older) harassed me terribly, she even threatened me. Why? No idea. But that came to and end when my Big Daddy confronted her and her parents.
Then there was middle school, and there were some new losers on the bus, they along with a girl in my class decided to call me “Diane” and were simply cruel beyond belief. I guess it was that year when on the last day of school and Moi had to ride the bus home that I decided to teach the ring leader “Nikki” a lesson. Nikki was covered in acne…or at least her face was. So Moi decided “maybe I could help her?” so I bagged a box of Stridex Zip Pads and left it for her with the driver of the bus to give to her after I got off. He did. She never harassed me again.
The next year in middle school one morning I was at my hall locker minding my own business, when “Ray” walked up to me and said to me “why are you even alive? I mean no one likes you, your parents think you are a disgrace, and you are a dirty faggot” “why don’t you just die?” and he walked away. I stood there for a second or so, I got my coat on and walked to the counselors office and told my pal “Mr.T”, whom of which was the only person I had to talk to. Anyways I told him what happened and that I was done with this place, I was leaving. And I did. I walked that morning in the rain, crying as my tears poured down my face and into the puddles below my feet. I walked about 4 or 5 miles that day. Eventually I found myself at Grams house. She took one look and knew what I needed. Her arms around me. My Grams is, was a great woman, she was after all Tulips’ mother Rose. Eventually I went back to school, but it was never the same. I became even more withdrawn and counted the days until summer break.
High School was even more fierce. And then one day I decided I was done taking the harassment, the bullying, the comments, etc. I remember the day like it was yesterday, when I told “Ray” to go fuck himself! Because no one else would. From that point on I spoke up for myself and for those that could not.
My pal “Mr.T” always told me: As you become more of a class, it will become easier. He was right partially. It did become easier my senior year of high school. I started to change my appearance, started dieting, changed my hair style, got eye contacts, some clothes that spoke “don’t even start” and a backbone. I was done being the doormat. I started to realize and learn about karma. It always comes back around.
I guess what I want you to know is that it is not right to harass, bully, or treat someone like nothing, it is not allowed to rip others apart in school or on the job or just between people you know. Grow UP people!
Parents and teachers need to listen more and watch for the signs. Kids need to stop watching R rated movies, playing video games about killing people, and show respect. Respect seems to have fallen to the wayside. Everywhere! In school, at work, in politics, on the playground, online, and even in church.
People need to start taking notice, pay attention, be a real friend, care about others and not just ourselves. To many kids have committed suicide, taken guns to school and many kids are isolated. Let’s face it, kids are our future. We need to protect them, put them first. Not just have them to line our pocket books with or to look good.
I hope this helps you or many others. Bullying needs to end. Bullying is pathetic.
Pain makes us stronger, and if that is so, then I must be the strongest person alive, not to mention the most divine!
http://www.education.com/topic/school-bullying-teasing/
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Somebody, Anybody, Just Tell Me...Help Me...
Do you have a secret talent? Do you have wishes? Hopes? Dreams? Lost Loves?
What does hope feel like?
What is your destiny?
How do things get better?
Can things get worse?
What does action look like?
I’m asking you to believe. Not just in my ability to bring about real change…I’m asking you to believe in yours. -Unknown
One particular day when I was about 6 years old(this is one my few memories I can recall) Tulips and I were at a market shopping when a man with a big camera, a paper pad and a pen approached Moi and asked “ What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Moi answered: An Actor In A Disney Movie!
Well Moi is all gorwn up and this has never happened. Will it ever? Most likely not.
I have fallen in love with writing, expressing myself through word, pictures, and laughs. I have always wanted to help others forget about their worries and their strife(listening to Disney tunes at the moment) and express my compassion for others.
We each are born with a talent(s) and only we, along with time and ambition can make our dreams become a reality. No matter what I have endured in this lifetime, whether it be Abuse, A Fire that left me with 3rd degree burns all over my arms, stolen memories, paralysis, a shattered and torn heart, surgeries, depression, wishing it would just all end and somehow through it all I have found moments of light, hope for the future, laughter in the worst of times, a smile and new strength.
Maybe as times get worse we get better. Our pain makes us feel other people’s too; our fear lets us practice valor; we are tense, and tender as well. And among the things we can no longer afford are things we never really wanted anyway… - Nancy Gibbs
So I ask you, what do you think is Moi’s purpose? What do you think I should be doing? And how do I achieve what my heart so desires?
We all have to ask at some point, place and time… “Help Me!”
What does hope feel like?
What is your destiny?
How do things get better?
Can things get worse?
What does action look like?
I’m asking you to believe. Not just in my ability to bring about real change…I’m asking you to believe in yours. -Unknown
One particular day when I was about 6 years old(this is one my few memories I can recall) Tulips and I were at a market shopping when a man with a big camera, a paper pad and a pen approached Moi and asked “ What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Moi answered: An Actor In A Disney Movie!
Well Moi is all gorwn up and this has never happened. Will it ever? Most likely not.
I have fallen in love with writing, expressing myself through word, pictures, and laughs. I have always wanted to help others forget about their worries and their strife(listening to Disney tunes at the moment) and express my compassion for others.
We each are born with a talent(s) and only we, along with time and ambition can make our dreams become a reality. No matter what I have endured in this lifetime, whether it be Abuse, A Fire that left me with 3rd degree burns all over my arms, stolen memories, paralysis, a shattered and torn heart, surgeries, depression, wishing it would just all end and somehow through it all I have found moments of light, hope for the future, laughter in the worst of times, a smile and new strength.
Maybe as times get worse we get better. Our pain makes us feel other people’s too; our fear lets us practice valor; we are tense, and tender as well. And among the things we can no longer afford are things we never really wanted anyway… - Nancy Gibbs
So I ask you, what do you think is Moi’s purpose? What do you think I should be doing? And how do I achieve what my heart so desires?
We all have to ask at some point, place and time… “Help Me!”
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Trailer Park Benedict
Do you enjoy creating in the kitchen? If so write to me and tell Moi a recipe that you invented.
Just this morning while wandering through my adorable kitchen, I became inspired to make an open-faced breakfast sandwich. Moi decided to name this the: Trailer Park Benedict!
Ingredients:
1 egg
1 slice of whole wheat toast
1 slice of low sodium American Cheese, or Greek, Japanese, German, Italian, Slovenian….get the point? Whatever you have in stock.
1 slab of deli sliced oven roasted chicken
1 can/carton of mushrooms
½ of sweet onion, sliced and chopped
1/3 cup of white wine(whatever is leftover from last night)
A tablespoon of minced garlic
Cracked peppercorn
And a table spoon of butter, or if you prefer lard! Heheee! LOL!!!!
Mix these up in a sauté pan and brown the mushroom mixture, you can cook this on a 5/7 depending on what your range top says, or on medium. Simmer until your egg is cooked! HAHA!!! LMAO!!!!!
Line the pan with olive oil, virgin if you can find any, let’s face it, there are not to many of those around!
Crack open the egg and sprinkle with peppercorn.
Let it whiten up, and then flip it. You only want to cook it enough so that the white is not slimy(unless you like that)
Drop your whole wheat in the toaster
Once the toast is done, lather it up with some butter
Lay the cheese on it, followed by the deli chicken
Then the egg
Top off the open faced sandwich with your winey mushroom and onion mixture. Smother it!
Serve on a trash can lid if you like, or just a plate. Paper or China, your choice!
And enjoy as the juices from the winey mushrooms and onions explode in your wet mouth and bounce off the egg as it oozes together with the refreshing taste of cheese provocated by the oven roasted deli chicken.
And as you sit there looking like trailer trash, with drippins and spillins all over your face and shirt(unless you are naked) you will feel like the king or queen of the park!
Enjoy!
man.divine@yahoo.com
You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter! Search and you shall find!
Just this morning while wandering through my adorable kitchen, I became inspired to make an open-faced breakfast sandwich. Moi decided to name this the: Trailer Park Benedict!
Ingredients:
1 egg
1 slice of whole wheat toast
1 slice of low sodium American Cheese, or Greek, Japanese, German, Italian, Slovenian….get the point? Whatever you have in stock.
1 slab of deli sliced oven roasted chicken
1 can/carton of mushrooms
½ of sweet onion, sliced and chopped
1/3 cup of white wine(whatever is leftover from last night)
A tablespoon of minced garlic
Cracked peppercorn
And a table spoon of butter, or if you prefer lard! Heheee! LOL!!!!
Mix these up in a sauté pan and brown the mushroom mixture, you can cook this on a 5/7 depending on what your range top says, or on medium. Simmer until your egg is cooked! HAHA!!! LMAO!!!!!
Line the pan with olive oil, virgin if you can find any, let’s face it, there are not to many of those around!
Crack open the egg and sprinkle with peppercorn.
Let it whiten up, and then flip it. You only want to cook it enough so that the white is not slimy(unless you like that)
Drop your whole wheat in the toaster
Once the toast is done, lather it up with some butter
Lay the cheese on it, followed by the deli chicken
Then the egg
Top off the open faced sandwich with your winey mushroom and onion mixture. Smother it!
Serve on a trash can lid if you like, or just a plate. Paper or China, your choice!
And enjoy as the juices from the winey mushrooms and onions explode in your wet mouth and bounce off the egg as it oozes together with the refreshing taste of cheese provocated by the oven roasted deli chicken.
And as you sit there looking like trailer trash, with drippins and spillins all over your face and shirt(unless you are naked) you will feel like the king or queen of the park!
Enjoy!
man.divine@yahoo.com
You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter! Search and you shall find!
The Morning Of Pee Pee And Snakes!
We all have fears and/or phobias, some are small and easily overcome, while others are rather BIG.
“Picture It” the day is young, the sun is shining brilliantly high in the southern skies, the warmth of rays splash against Moi’s tanned skin, which starts a domino effect of perspiration trickling down my brow, merging into a fine line to my underarms where it collects a few more drops and makes its way down my back until it reaches “the cavern of buns.” Anywho, The morning is perfect, and Moi is enjoying the slight breeze while looking at the flowers outside, the green grass, the palms flapping, the cute little geckos scurrying around. They are so cute, slipping in and out of dark places as if they are sneaking along a dark hallway watching for any sign of like and today’s meal.
Moi decides to walk over towards the shrubs that were planted a month ago along my long driveway to ad curb appeal as you make your way to my paradise retreat. As I ever so quietly walk to the first set of shrubs all is perfect looking. They seem to be growing nicely, getting some blooms already in bright reds, peach, yellows, and their leaves seem to be dancing in merriment! Oh what a perfect morning this is!
As Moi comes up to the last set of plants, and as I start to bend down to look closer, I am scared stiff, shocked, but somehow I jump back up, in a mad frenzy I race up the long driveway screaming, wailing, as warm liquid streams down my inner thighs. Only to leave a trail behind me in the wake of what I saw. The discovery was enormous in size, shocking to see, especially on such a perfect morning. As I almost reach the house and realize I am wet, my heart is pounding heavy, my hands are moist and my knees are weak. Once I compose myself I decide to turn back to look at what I saw.
It was the biggest, thickest, black and green snake I have ever seen in my own yard. It’s fang like teeth were glistening in the sun and it’s hissing was loud enough to wake the dead as it echoed in my ears. It laid there coiled up in a stance that spoke to me. As if it were saying “sssssssdivine manssssss I wantsssssss to licksssssssss you and then wrap my ssssself around your beautiful thighsssssssss! Of course I am flattered until I come to my senses and again head for the door.
Once inside I grab my camera, the biggest knife I can find, a martini and head back out to try and get a picture, for seeing is believing!
As I approach the snake still basking in the sun, I set my martini down and the knife so Moi can take a few pictures of it. Again as the snake looks at Moi(probably thinking “hubba hubba”) I realize maybe this is not so scary after all? And then it starts to move and as it slithers away from me I then begin to feel as if during this brief courtship we had going he no longer wants to look at me, wrap himself around my thighsssss or coil up in my garden? Can it be that the snake has left Moi for something meatier?
Even when faced with a fear or when a phobia is starring you in the face, you need to stand tall, make sure you have your lip gloss on, and stare it down in return, and be the divine one you are! And a martini can help ease the stress!
“Picture It” the day is young, the sun is shining brilliantly high in the southern skies, the warmth of rays splash against Moi’s tanned skin, which starts a domino effect of perspiration trickling down my brow, merging into a fine line to my underarms where it collects a few more drops and makes its way down my back until it reaches “the cavern of buns.” Anywho, The morning is perfect, and Moi is enjoying the slight breeze while looking at the flowers outside, the green grass, the palms flapping, the cute little geckos scurrying around. They are so cute, slipping in and out of dark places as if they are sneaking along a dark hallway watching for any sign of like and today’s meal.
Moi decides to walk over towards the shrubs that were planted a month ago along my long driveway to ad curb appeal as you make your way to my paradise retreat. As I ever so quietly walk to the first set of shrubs all is perfect looking. They seem to be growing nicely, getting some blooms already in bright reds, peach, yellows, and their leaves seem to be dancing in merriment! Oh what a perfect morning this is!
As Moi comes up to the last set of plants, and as I start to bend down to look closer, I am scared stiff, shocked, but somehow I jump back up, in a mad frenzy I race up the long driveway screaming, wailing, as warm liquid streams down my inner thighs. Only to leave a trail behind me in the wake of what I saw. The discovery was enormous in size, shocking to see, especially on such a perfect morning. As I almost reach the house and realize I am wet, my heart is pounding heavy, my hands are moist and my knees are weak. Once I compose myself I decide to turn back to look at what I saw.
It was the biggest, thickest, black and green snake I have ever seen in my own yard. It’s fang like teeth were glistening in the sun and it’s hissing was loud enough to wake the dead as it echoed in my ears. It laid there coiled up in a stance that spoke to me. As if it were saying “sssssssdivine manssssss I wantsssssss to licksssssssss you and then wrap my ssssself around your beautiful thighsssssssss! Of course I am flattered until I come to my senses and again head for the door.
Once inside I grab my camera, the biggest knife I can find, a martini and head back out to try and get a picture, for seeing is believing!
As I approach the snake still basking in the sun, I set my martini down and the knife so Moi can take a few pictures of it. Again as the snake looks at Moi(probably thinking “hubba hubba”) I realize maybe this is not so scary after all? And then it starts to move and as it slithers away from me I then begin to feel as if during this brief courtship we had going he no longer wants to look at me, wrap himself around my thighsssss or coil up in my garden? Can it be that the snake has left Moi for something meatier?
Friday, April 1, 2011
A Drowned Beaver Kinda Bad hair Day!
Have you ever spent an entire day inside due to bad weather? With nothing to do? How does one survive?
Well let Moi tell you all about my rainy days…
This week has been filled with day after day of rain, dull skies, strong winds, did I mention rain? This makes for one long week of bad ass hair(not ass hair, but just bad hair days) and when you have nothing really to do except polish your toe nails, repeatedly. It truly is amazing to see how many layers of polish one can have on toe nails before your shoes no longer fit.
Moi has watched every soap, every talk show, every re-run of Law & Order: SVU and listened to every cd, 45, 8 track and even taken to playing naked twister, which is not fun when you are alone!
So today(Thursday) I decided to go out and get a pedicure, an arch wax and a Brazilian just in case the sun ever returns. Moi decides to drive alone to the salon hoping to get there before another round of rain and wind hits. I am driving along, looking fabulous in my glitter red flip flops, my white Capri’s, my blue gingham checkered satin button up shirt and my red feather boa. As I am driving along, I hear sirens blaring so loudly that it is hard to figure out where they are coming from. As they seem to get closer and closer until there is a police car right behind me, and the officer is speaking thru a speakerphone: “Divine Man is that you? I knew it was, I told Marvin here that it was you, but all he could say was…does Divine Man bake donuts?” anyways, I just had to catch up to you to get your autograph!
Well naturally I did and gleefully signed his pistol. I noticed the wild looking storm clouds heading in the direction Moi was going so I asked Officer Friendly for an escort to the Salon. He happily escorted me there so Moi would not get stuck in a storm.
As Moi parked the car, it hit, the heavy larger then life sized rain drops shattering the earth below me, the cars, and as Moi sat there contemplating what to do. Do I make a run for it, leave, or wait it out?
Moi is fearless except for when it comes to crow’s feet, which Moi has none of unlike Brady, Tulips, Big Daddy, MiMi, Cubes, Jolene, and the others, well they know who they are! Anywho Moi decides to make a run for it. As I run thru what seems like a raging river flowing with rapids in the parking lot getting deeper with each step Moi takes, it happens so fast! One of Moi’s glittered red flip flops decides to swim down stream without Moi!
As the torrential rain keeps coming down harder and harder and heavier now, I decide to swim for my flip flop! Moi has to save it! So I dive into the water and finally get to my precious glittered red flip flop.
Now my stunning outfit is completely drenched. Thank god I left my underwear at home today! My red feather boa is now resembling a drowned beaver, and my perfect hair is now, well let’s just say it is BAD! And if this were a wet t-shirt contest and if I was wearing a white shirt, Moi would totally win!
So I ask you what does one do and how to survive a rainy day?
Even when you look like a drowned beaver, just fluff your feathers up, and keep you head held high and make a fast getaway!
Well let Moi tell you all about my rainy days…
This week has been filled with day after day of rain, dull skies, strong winds, did I mention rain? This makes for one long week of bad ass hair(not ass hair, but just bad hair days) and when you have nothing really to do except polish your toe nails, repeatedly. It truly is amazing to see how many layers of polish one can have on toe nails before your shoes no longer fit.
Moi has watched every soap, every talk show, every re-run of Law & Order: SVU and listened to every cd, 45, 8 track and even taken to playing naked twister, which is not fun when you are alone!
So today(Thursday) I decided to go out and get a pedicure, an arch wax and a Brazilian just in case the sun ever returns. Moi decides to drive alone to the salon hoping to get there before another round of rain and wind hits. I am driving along, looking fabulous in my glitter red flip flops, my white Capri’s, my blue gingham checkered satin button up shirt and my red feather boa. As I am driving along, I hear sirens blaring so loudly that it is hard to figure out where they are coming from. As they seem to get closer and closer until there is a police car right behind me, and the officer is speaking thru a speakerphone: “Divine Man is that you? I knew it was, I told Marvin here that it was you, but all he could say was…does Divine Man bake donuts?” anyways, I just had to catch up to you to get your autograph!
Well naturally I did and gleefully signed his pistol. I noticed the wild looking storm clouds heading in the direction Moi was going so I asked Officer Friendly for an escort to the Salon. He happily escorted me there so Moi would not get stuck in a storm.
As Moi parked the car, it hit, the heavy larger then life sized rain drops shattering the earth below me, the cars, and as Moi sat there contemplating what to do. Do I make a run for it, leave, or wait it out?
Moi is fearless except for when it comes to crow’s feet, which Moi has none of unlike Brady, Tulips, Big Daddy, MiMi, Cubes, Jolene, and the others, well they know who they are! Anywho Moi decides to make a run for it. As I run thru what seems like a raging river flowing with rapids in the parking lot getting deeper with each step Moi takes, it happens so fast! One of Moi’s glittered red flip flops decides to swim down stream without Moi!
As the torrential rain keeps coming down harder and harder and heavier now, I decide to swim for my flip flop! Moi has to save it! So I dive into the water and finally get to my precious glittered red flip flop.
Now my stunning outfit is completely drenched. Thank god I left my underwear at home today! My red feather boa is now resembling a drowned beaver, and my perfect hair is now, well let’s just say it is BAD! And if this were a wet t-shirt contest and if I was wearing a white shirt, Moi would totally win!
So I ask you what does one do and how to survive a rainy day?
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