“Picture It” the day is young, the sun is shining brilliantly high in the southern skies, the warmth of rays splash against Moi’s tanned skin, which starts a domino effect of perspiration trickling down my brow, merging into a fine line to my underarms where it collects a few more drops and makes its way down my back until it reaches “the cavern of buns.” Anywho, The morning is perfect, and Moi is enjoying the slight breeze while looking at the flowers outside, the green grass, the palms flapping, the cute little geckos scurrying around. They are so cute, slipping in and out of dark places as if they are sneaking along a dark hallway watching for any sign of like and today’s meal.
Moi decides to walk over towards the shrubs that were planted a month ago along my long driveway to ad curb appeal as you make your way to my paradise retreat. As I ever so quietly walk to the first set of shrubs all is perfect looking. They seem to be growing nicely, getting some blooms already in bright reds, peach, yellows, and their leaves seem to be dancing in merriment! Oh what a perfect morning this is!
As Moi comes up to the last set of plants, and as I start to bend down to look closer, I am scared stiff, shocked, but somehow I jump back up, in a mad frenzy I race up the long driveway screaming, wailing, as warm liquid streams down my inner thighs. Only to leave a trail behind me in the wake of what I saw. The discovery was enormous in size, shocking to see, especially on such a perfect morning. As I almost reach the house and realize I am wet, my heart is pounding heavy, my hands are moist and my knees are weak. Once I compose myself I decide to turn back to look at what I saw.
It was the biggest, thickest, black and green snake I have ever seen in my own yard. It’s fang like teeth were glistening in the sun and it’s hissing was loud enough to wake the dead as it echoed in my ears. It laid there coiled up in a stance that spoke to me. As if it were saying “sssssssdivine manssssss I wantsssssss to licksssssssss you and then wrap my ssssself around your beautiful thighsssssssss! Of course I am flattered until I come to my senses and again head for the door.
Once inside I grab my camera, the biggest knife I can find, a martini and head back out to try and get a picture, for seeing is believing!
As I approach the snake still basking in the sun, I set my martini down and the knife so Moi can take a few pictures of it. Again as the snake looks at Moi(probably thinking “hubba hubba”) I realize maybe this is not so scary after all? And then it starts to move and as it slithers away from me I then begin to feel as if during this brief courtship we had going he no longer wants to look at me, wrap himself around my thighsssss or coil up in my garden? Can it be that the snake has left Moi for something meatier?
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