Have you ever moved somewhere, whether it be for a month, short term or LT and learned a lot from the experience?
Moi escaped the cold and bitterness of the Great Midwest in hopes of finding refuge, warmth, a safe haven and a place to lay down and enhance my tan line. I did just that, along with some things I learned.
10. Moi has never seen so many U-turns anywhere but here. In paradise you can make U-turns at just about every light, intersection, one ways, and hell even in alleys.
9. It does not matter what color, size, shape, or how old you are, when you are on the beaches you see everything. Like just yesterday I saw this darling 80+ couple walking along holding hands. Or like the man I saw with a very dark tan and the most hair on a back I have ever seen on an actual man(not a werewolf) or the DDD’s on the woman that were using them as floatation devices. Anything goes in paradise, even wearing your thong backwards.
8. The pan handlers here don’t even carry pans, so why are they called “pan handlers?” Anyways, you find them in oddest places, and usually they are out in the sun holding up a sign that reads: lliw krow rof doof dna a rab fo paos! Guess they think everyone carries a 12 X 24 mirror with them like Moi!
7. The public beach restrooms are usually clean, no pit toilets here, however you still might meet a snake(especially in the men’s room!). And there are showers that you can use for free. I always shower with another person just to conserve the water so that the privilege is not taken away! And that way Moi gets those hard to reach places washed!
6. Moi never has to worry about looking too old or worn out, or fat here, because everyone else is older, or wider, or leathered from the years of sun worshiping. Moi is still the fairest one of all!
5. Here in paradise no one recycles, which is great for Moi, because that way no one can count the number of wine bottles in my trash.
4. It is amazing at the number of people who flee to paradise, which keeps the state running. The locals do not have to pay income taxes(smart political move the paradise politicians made) however everything else is taxed even water!
3. It is amazing to see all the road construction that takes 5 years to complete about 5 miles. Considering they can work 365 days in the sunshine. I always have believed in rationing things out, but a mile a year?
2. It still amazes Moi at how many young people, pimps, and average joes are walking around with their pants below their booty’s, exposing their underwear, while trying to hold them up in the front! Or the ladies that think it is high end fashion to expose each roll while wearing a sports bra! Like they say when in Wal~mart, dress like the Wal~martians!
1. For being a place filled with sunshine, warm air, blue skies, birds that fly overhead and rarely ever crap on your head, it is hard to find friendly people here. People such as: clerks, dept. managers, postal workers, baggers, cashiers, or even police. Moi would think that they would be just as happy and filled with gaiety as Moi. Always smiling, winking, looking fabulous, being divine. I guess it is all about the approach, no wonder Moi signs so many autographs! Can you imagine what living in Washington State is like? Oh wait I did that(hence the happy pills while there).
Seriously…Moi will return to paradise, perhaps sooner then later, especially if there is a knock on my country house door(in the Midwest) by a pack of studs wearing only loin cloths, glistening in the sunlight while holding roses, wine, feather boas, and a lifetime supply of flips flops and Jackie-o’s!
No matter wear you go in life, or what you do, there will always lessons to be learned, thongs to wear, and once in a lifetime opportunities!
As Moi always says: When you see a stud, nail it! Seize the moment!
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