Memorials: Remembering those we have lost!

What is Memorial Day ?

It is a day we are suppose to remember and celebrate the people, lives, and the heroes that have fallen on our behalf in battle and at war.  But I think it also should be a day to celebrate what we have, and what we have lost.  When I think about it, it is rather bittersweet.

My Mother, Tulips’ Father- Caesar was in WWII and received the bronze star for his bravery.  According to legend, he was a strong man who sported curly dark brown hair, wore glasses and was lost to early in life.  In fact my Mother and the family lost him to a severe heart attack on Christmas Day 1975.  Somehow in all the pain of his passing my Mother Tulips, discovered she was with child.   You have to understand my Mother was unable to conceive and then she and Big Daddy got the news….

Almost a year to the date of Grandpa Caesar’s passing….the Divine One was born.  So I guess the saying “ When Someone Dies, another is born.”  Even though we never were able to meet, I have spent a good part of my life dreaming about him, what he must have been like, would he have loved me?  And then Moi thinks….of course he would silly, who doesn't!  I also had this recurring dream about him.  In the dream I was at the old homestead with Grams( Mother Rose) and we would be waiting with excitement as we watched the clock tick, 1:00, then 2:00, finally it was 3:00 and that meant Grandpa was coming home from work!  I would finally get to see him!  And just as the door knob would start to turn everything would go black and I would wake up.  Sometimes I would just be standing there waiting at the door waiting for him to appear….  It felt like it was hours, and hours and no Grandpa.  Finally after many years of having this dream…. 3:00 hit!  In walked Grandpa just like I always thought he would, he looked like the pictures!  He was so real, strong, handsome and had a twinkle in his eye, he made me feel like that twinkle was all for me!  As I sit here and type, my eyes are watering, I have goose bumps spreading all over my body thinking about that moment!  He hugged me tightly and called me “sparkle.”  After that last dream, in which we met and I got to feel the love that I was robbed of, the dream had come to it’s final chapter.

I saw him again a few years ago, this time he was coming to take my Grams home with him.  In fact I met him in the hallway of the rehab center that she was at.  He looked at me, put his hand on my left shoulder, and as I stood there with tears running down my face, my heart breaking he told me: “She is ok, she is going home with me finally.  You sparkle, are much stronger then you even realize,” We will always be here with you.  Then he walked down the hall and entered her room.

Later that morning, I asked my Tulips whom the white haired guy was that went into Grams’ room…. She asked what white haired man?  I said the man with the white curly hair and the twinkle in his eyes.

So this Memorial Day I am celebrating and honoring those people that I have lost, loved and will always be here in spirit with me!

“When one door closes, another one opens”

Taboo, Can a friend also be your lover?

Dear Taboo,

Moi feels that you need to give it more time before you make a decision as big as this.  First you need to let your friendship develop more, secondly, you need to let “him” figure out what is happening with this other guy, and as hard as it is, just be his friend.  YOU don’t want to be the rebound.  Or cause any conflict for him or anymore for yourself.

Life is never easy, and nor is love.  Love is brilliant and messy.  It sneaks up on us, takes over and sometimes with surrender, and sometimes it is dangerous for us to do so.

Ask yourself, what does your life, your soul need more…. A real genuine friend, or a lover?

And yes, I do feel that your friend can also be your lover.  Your lover should be your best friend, have your back, walk beside you, make you laugh, cry with you, listen, care, and then some…

Or you can tell him now, which personally I think is premature.  Sometimes in life we need to let the cards fall where they will.

Enjoy it for what it is as this moment.  He might very well be feeling the same about you?  And his other struggle is that he just started “seeing” someone.

Hang tight.  Be his friend first and foremost.

Divine Man

Is this Friendship Taboo?

Dear Divine Man,

I recently met a guy at a club.  I was with a gal pal, and he was with another guy. He and I engaged in a very friendly and entertaining conversation.  During the conversation I learned that he was casually “seeing” the guy he was there with.  They just started “seeing” each other about 2-3 weeks ago.  So I thought “he seems cool, god knows I would like another good friend in life.” We proceeded to exchange phone numbers.

The next morning I sent him a text: good morning, it was a pleasure to make your acquaintance.  He quickly replied:  I was just thinking about you, and was going to text you the same thing.  He has text-ed me daily, multiple times, and we have had more then one person comment:  You two should be dating, you are happy when near each other, or, you two make a very cute couple.

Needless to say, we have gone out, been chilling, laughing, talking about life, love and goals.  We established right away, while out for dinner the first night after meeting, that we both have been used, cheated on, and lied to.  Neither of us wants to feel that again.  See, in the gay world it seems that guys think that if they have sex, that…that makes them friends.  Where as I do not think or feel that way.  I guess I am old fashioned, and feel that guys can be friends without sealing the deal.

Here is my dilemma: I like him, I am really liking him, more then I should allow myself to.  He is “seeing” someone, and I value him as a person, and this new found friendship that is being created.  SO how do I handle this, and my growing feelings?  He has expressed to me that he is not all that happy with this guy, and that it’s more about business then love.  So do I make my feelings known or do I hide them and never voice them ever and just try and be his friend?

Help Me,

Taboo!