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Monday, October 24, 2011

Deep Undercover: Inside the Tree

Do you ever wonder where and how people get those “Funny Wal~Mart Pictures?”

Well Moi also discovered another place for the best sightings! At Dollar Tree.

While I was in the Great Midwest for my summer hiatus I decided to go undercover and work at the Dollar Tree. Like those funny walmart pictures that are all the rage online, Moi was surprised each day at what I saw walk in off the street. In fact sometimes it was dragged in off the streets as well! Like the singing fool, the toothless ex-beauty queen, the man with the oozing toe nails, the shemale or the fat bearded lady from the circus.

I was mostly amazed at the wide range of products that are sold there, such as: rib-eye steaks, hot dogs, microwaveable French Fries, Mexican Jumping Beans(what makes them Mexican?) 8 varieties of Tampons, roach killer, shredded cheese that does not melt, enemas, and my favorite items:
Pregnancy Tests, Ovulation Predictors, Vagi-Itch, Warming Jelly, and now Home Drug Tests. So tell me this why do they not sell condoms? I mean think about it, the only reason they sell these items is because you have an itchy va-jj, and so you feel the need to warm it with some lube while partaking in something of a sexual nature, while stoned, and then a few days later you think…gee maybe I am ovulating? And realize you might be preggers? So again I ask of you, why no condoms? If they sold condoms there would be no need for each of those $1.00 items. So I guess it makes more sense to spend $5.00 then $1.00?

On a serious note, it is truly sad that the American people have no other choice then to buy their groceries, and home entertainment for a dollar. Oh wait, it is not the general public, it is a select population of people that once were the average hard working people whom now have no job, live on Food Stamps, and government aid, unlike the rich who only seem to get richer.

Moi learned a few lessons while working under-cover there. I also lost 20 pounds while unloading freight and stocking shelves.

If you need something and you can not find it elsewhere….go to your local Dollar Tree, they sell it all, except for the condoms. Try the gas station next door.

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