Oh Rats!

Why do rodents find it necessary to make your house their home?
　
“Picture It” a lovely fall day, it is early evening and Moi, along with Diva Girl, and my ever so faithful sidekick Brady, arrive back in paradise. It is about 6:30pm and after 2 days in a limo, drinking free large Diet Cokes and inhaling McNuggets from none other then The Golden Arches, well lets just say that I will not be eating those again anytime soon. Do you know that you can use McNuggets for a variety of things, such as: cushion under the legs of a chair, a pin cushion, protection for the car antenna while in a car wash, a place to hide pain killers and if they are cooked in a Microwave they bounce like a ball on the pavement.

Anywho…

We arrive in the driveway of my paradise retreat, the sun is setting, the air is breezy, the smell of flowers is filtering in and out of my perfect nostrils, and finally my ass can breathe from the past 2 days on the seat. It is now so flat, one can serve tea and crumpets on it. As I extend my beautiful legs out of the car, people from everywhere appear, running towards us, screaming, throwing roses, snapping pictures, trying to get a piece of Moi! Brady and Diva Girl hide in the limo, and Moi braves the masses. Luckily for us, the local boys in blue are afoot on horses and are now controlling the crowds. My galpal Jordanna, that resides across the street from us escorts me inside my pad.
I love my fans, but all I wanted to do was massage my ass cheeks, fluff them up a bit!

As I look around, I am stopped dead in my tracks as I am shocked, shocked with horror as to what is displayed all over my kitchen floor. Rodent Shit! Yes folks, Rodent Droppings, crap, little black pieces of shit.

It brings a new meaning to the words: Oh Rats!

As I walk through the house I come to the master bathroom, where something has made a nest in the empty and dry toilet bowl out of a one of my lace teddies and pair of my see-thru undies. And if that is not enough I find a feather boa under the mantle, a towel under the dishwasher and one of Brady’s adult diapers stuffed under a dresser in his room!

As Brady stands in my bathroom staring at the toilet which is covered in mud from the recent rat runnings, in that moment one of those nasty creepy rodents climbs out of the toilet and scurries to hide under the dishwasher and proceeds to escape out of a hole that he/she made in the floor and flees for sanctuary in the wilds.

For the next 2 days Moi is terrified to sit upon the porcelain throne, so I now have to suspend myself in mid air above it hoping nothing will climb out and scratch my booty or anything else that is dangling!

Welcome Back To Paradise