What happens when real life collides with fantasy? Is it a war of two worlds? Is it a romance in the making, or maybe it is pain, loss and heartache? Or maybe, just maybe it is a small spark that will ignite into a billowing ball of fire...
Dreams, they are the secret wishes our hearts develop, sometimes at a very early age. Sometimes they are discovered later in life, and sometimes not at all. I have read so many stories of faith, hope, believing, and success. I have watched the movies and read the cliff notes, and in each of them the lead character has a happy ending, eventually.
I am in a place in my life where I am lost I guess? The passions that have stoked my fires have all slowly burned out one by one. It is due to the hardships in life, circumstances, hopes, desires, dreams, talents, and being beaten around. Being dragged through hell, the mud, and yeah sure I come out with scars, but I MAKE them heal. I make sure I am still standing. And right now I am standing. That is all I am doing. Standing and looking out over the openness, at the void.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
A Blind Man, The 400 Pounder, and Mr. BIG
Recently Moi here went on a blind date, only to find out that the “date” was actually blind. Really? Really? I mean what are the chances of that happening to Moi? A few days later I went on a date with someone that I had met online, spoke on the phone with numerous times and he suggested with meet at my favorite bistro for dinner. Moi of course thought “ like ok, I guess we can just meet there…
He did tell me he had his own wheels, so oh well. Moi arrives looking sexy, confident, and showing just enough of my ever so flawless skin. I tell the host that I am meeting someone and he tells me to follow him. As I follow Harry(the host) to an empty table I see that there is a dirty martini waiting for my perky lips to suck on. I am excited at the thought that “he” planned this. Impressive. A few minutes go by and I am sitting there enjoying my martini, when a very handsome man comes rolling up to me(in an electric scooter) and says to Moi: Good Evening you stunningly gorgeous creature! How is your martini?
Well Moi is stunned, just stunned, I mean when he said he had his own wheels, he was not fooling around. As he pulls in, Harry comes over and asks if he was ready for his libation? He answered with a firm YES. Moi chimes in and orders an even dirtier martini.
The evening was great, the conversation was full of laughs and intelligence. Eventually he approaches the “talk” about his “wheels” and what put him in the chair. It is a sad story…He was at a ever so crowded dance club, it was packed back to back. He and his friends were having a blast, all was great, the music was pumping, the drinks were flowing, and the phone numbers were flying! And just as the music got a little faster there was a bunch of loud nose, screaming and the sounds of metal shattering through the air. It happened so fast, the balcony above his was ripping away from the wall high above. Everyone looked up and starting running, pushing people to get out, he was tripped to the floor, In what seemed like a fast half a second he looked up and saw this big black darkness coming towards him. All went dark. When he regained consciousness, there were paramedics all around him, he had a air mask on his face, and they were trying to lift a 400 pound black woman off of his legs. Sadly to say, she was only bruised, he had broken her fall. But his legs were smashed. His legs had been smashed by a 400 pound woman. He would never walk again.
Another recent date I accepted was by someone I met online, again. Now I know agreeing to meet someone online is risky, so that is why I asked for a picture. He sent me a pic of himself, he seemed rather tall and attractive. He told me in an email that he would make a reservation at wherever I wanted to dine. He said his friends called him “Big.” I choose one of my fav places to dine: Guppy’s. I arrived early and told the host(Buzz) who I was meeting for dinner. He directed to the table and to my surprise there was a booster seat waiting on one of the seats. I thought to my divine self…maybe he has a kid? I only hope the kid is sedated!
Shortly after my arrival, I hear a soft and sexy spoken man’s voice from behind me saying…my, my ,my, you are even more divine in person! It seemed to be coming from below me almost. I turned slightly to the left and saw this short man standing there with roses. Not only was he short, but he was little, I mean a LITTLE MAN, a hobbit, a dwarf, a munchkin!
As they say, sometimes size does matter. And sometimes it is not how big the package is, it is what is inside that counts!
He did tell me he had his own wheels, so oh well. Moi arrives looking sexy, confident, and showing just enough of my ever so flawless skin. I tell the host that I am meeting someone and he tells me to follow him. As I follow Harry(the host) to an empty table I see that there is a dirty martini waiting for my perky lips to suck on. I am excited at the thought that “he” planned this. Impressive. A few minutes go by and I am sitting there enjoying my martini, when a very handsome man comes rolling up to me(in an electric scooter) and says to Moi: Good Evening you stunningly gorgeous creature! How is your martini?
Well Moi is stunned, just stunned, I mean when he said he had his own wheels, he was not fooling around. As he pulls in, Harry comes over and asks if he was ready for his libation? He answered with a firm YES. Moi chimes in and orders an even dirtier martini.
The evening was great, the conversation was full of laughs and intelligence. Eventually he approaches the “talk” about his “wheels” and what put him in the chair. It is a sad story…He was at a ever so crowded dance club, it was packed back to back. He and his friends were having a blast, all was great, the music was pumping, the drinks were flowing, and the phone numbers were flying! And just as the music got a little faster there was a bunch of loud nose, screaming and the sounds of metal shattering through the air. It happened so fast, the balcony above his was ripping away from the wall high above. Everyone looked up and starting running, pushing people to get out, he was tripped to the floor, In what seemed like a fast half a second he looked up and saw this big black darkness coming towards him. All went dark. When he regained consciousness, there were paramedics all around him, he had a air mask on his face, and they were trying to lift a 400 pound black woman off of his legs. Sadly to say, she was only bruised, he had broken her fall. But his legs were smashed. His legs had been smashed by a 400 pound woman. He would never walk again.
Another recent date I accepted was by someone I met online, again. Now I know agreeing to meet someone online is risky, so that is why I asked for a picture. He sent me a pic of himself, he seemed rather tall and attractive. He told me in an email that he would make a reservation at wherever I wanted to dine. He said his friends called him “Big.” I choose one of my fav places to dine: Guppy’s. I arrived early and told the host(Buzz) who I was meeting for dinner. He directed to the table and to my surprise there was a booster seat waiting on one of the seats. I thought to my divine self…maybe he has a kid? I only hope the kid is sedated!
Shortly after my arrival, I hear a soft and sexy spoken man’s voice from behind me saying…my, my ,my, you are even more divine in person! It seemed to be coming from below me almost. I turned slightly to the left and saw this short man standing there with roses. Not only was he short, but he was little, I mean a LITTLE MAN, a hobbit, a dwarf, a munchkin!
As they say, sometimes size does matter. And sometimes it is not how big the package is, it is what is inside that counts!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
So what does Love really have to do with it?
So what does love really have to do with it? Is love really worth all the pain, sadness, loss, confusion and heart wrenching situations really worth it all? Oh sure there are moments of happiness, maybe weeks, months and the first few years of a relationship that seem flawless. They can even seem eternal bliss until one day you turn on the computer that you are your beloved share and what is staring you in the face is his email account…wide open for all to see. As you sit there pondering…do I or do I not look? He loves me, he loves me not? After all you bought the dam thing to begin with, so you feel justified. But you sit there and ponder more…biting your lips, picking your nose, scratching your ass…
Finally you decide to just take a quick look and see what he has been up too.
As you are moving the mouser across the screen, you look at your engagement/commitment ring as it sparkles brightly up at you…and you think to yourself “there is nothing incriminating to find, what am I worried about?” but you keep looking. And just when you think there is nothing to find, your eyes are wide open as you read the subject line: I can’t wait to meet you sexy.
As your heart begins to beat faster and faster, your head starts pounding, your fingers are now shaking like French fries on a platter during an earthquake…you open the email and read it. It reads: I am so excited that we are going to meet, I will be at the club called “Black Diamond” at 7:00pm on Thursday evening. I will be wearing tight black pants, a short sleeved tight black shirt and waiting at the bar for you. Here is my phone number: 000-000-0000 call me anytime today! I can’t wait to hear your voice!
Thinking of you,
Young Lover
As my eyes are reading this in disbelief I scroll down to see my man’s reply.
He writes to “Young Lover” the following…
It was so great to talk with you yesterday and it was even better hearing your sweet, sexy young voice! I can not wait until we meet and hopefully…well who knows what will come of it?
I am now crying, feeling like my world has just been blown apart. As if my heart has been ripped out of my chest. What is wrong with me? Why does he not love me anymore? What did I do wrong? I am going to kill him! I hate him! He is going to pay for this!
All these raw emotions are flooding my mind and my shattered heart. So while under the influence of heart ache I call him at work…he is in the middle of a board meeting and he answers the call…hey honey, I am in a meeting, can I call you back? And I reply with…ummm well actually I have something I would like to share with everyone(as they all know me)…can you put me on speaker phone? He replies with, well sure I guess so.
So I start with saying hi to everyone! And then ask him who “Young Lover” is and what makes his voice sexier then my own? And that he can pack his dam bags and get the fuck out! In fact I will help you pack. In fact everything will be in the garbage like trash should be, which is exactly where you belong! Everyone, have a lovely afternoon, and just know that your boss here is a male whore! An OLD male Whore, but a whore all the same!
So I ask you, what does love really have to do with it? If this had happened to Moi I would have printed out the emails, and kept them for the perfect moment when they would be of most use. And in the meantime I would have held my tongue and made sure he knew how much I loved him, made sure I got anything I wanted, and then made copies of all the emails and mailed them to all his employees, his family, his friends, and then I would have kicked his ass to the curb…into the gutter!
You are a divine creature, and do not, DO NOT ever let anyone make you feel less then that!
Finally you decide to just take a quick look and see what he has been up too.
As you are moving the mouser across the screen, you look at your engagement/commitment ring as it sparkles brightly up at you…and you think to yourself “there is nothing incriminating to find, what am I worried about?” but you keep looking. And just when you think there is nothing to find, your eyes are wide open as you read the subject line: I can’t wait to meet you sexy.
As your heart begins to beat faster and faster, your head starts pounding, your fingers are now shaking like French fries on a platter during an earthquake…you open the email and read it. It reads: I am so excited that we are going to meet, I will be at the club called “Black Diamond” at 7:00pm on Thursday evening. I will be wearing tight black pants, a short sleeved tight black shirt and waiting at the bar for you. Here is my phone number: 000-000-0000 call me anytime today! I can’t wait to hear your voice!
Thinking of you,
Young Lover
As my eyes are reading this in disbelief I scroll down to see my man’s reply.
He writes to “Young Lover” the following…
It was so great to talk with you yesterday and it was even better hearing your sweet, sexy young voice! I can not wait until we meet and hopefully…well who knows what will come of it?
I am now crying, feeling like my world has just been blown apart. As if my heart has been ripped out of my chest. What is wrong with me? Why does he not love me anymore? What did I do wrong? I am going to kill him! I hate him! He is going to pay for this!
All these raw emotions are flooding my mind and my shattered heart. So while under the influence of heart ache I call him at work…he is in the middle of a board meeting and he answers the call…hey honey, I am in a meeting, can I call you back? And I reply with…ummm well actually I have something I would like to share with everyone(as they all know me)…can you put me on speaker phone? He replies with, well sure I guess so.
So I start with saying hi to everyone! And then ask him who “Young Lover” is and what makes his voice sexier then my own? And that he can pack his dam bags and get the fuck out! In fact I will help you pack. In fact everything will be in the garbage like trash should be, which is exactly where you belong! Everyone, have a lovely afternoon, and just know that your boss here is a male whore! An OLD male Whore, but a whore all the same!
So I ask you, what does love really have to do with it? If this had happened to Moi I would have printed out the emails, and kept them for the perfect moment when they would be of most use. And in the meantime I would have held my tongue and made sure he knew how much I loved him, made sure I got anything I wanted, and then made copies of all the emails and mailed them to all his employees, his family, his friends, and then I would have kicked his ass to the curb…into the gutter!
You are a divine creature, and do not, DO NOT ever let anyone make you feel less then that!
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