Succubus or is it Incubus?

As I was walking through the arts & crafts store, minding my own divine business, pushing my bedazzled (with red glitter and rhinestones) shopping cart, I felt someone watching me.  Which I thought “who would even know me here? Afterall I was incognito with my white Jackie-o’s, red feather boa, and white linen jumpsuit.” Unlike Kirstie Alley who always makes her presence known…

Anywho… I continued to walk as I could not allow myself to look around to find the person who was so obviously starring at Moi.  Which really was nothing new, as I have grown accustomed to the hundreds of thousands of people who merely enjoy just looking at me. 

As I made my way through the store, I realized the only way to shake this tail was to zig zag through it.  After about 4 hours of this, my legs and feet were beginning to falter and so Moi descended to a room that is used for classes and workshops.  As I sat down, once again I felt the presence of someone, now even closer than the previous 4 hours. 

He approaches me with confidence and a gentle smile, he is slender, standing about 5’10, thick silver hair that sported a slight wave, inviting eyes, and spoke with an accent.  He asks… Are you a designer? I naturally replied with, but of course I am! Which in return I asked him… I can see from your shopping cart that you are a painter of sorts? He began to tell me of his art, the style in which he creates in, and a bit about himself. 

I sit there and find myself intrigued by this man with the accent, if I had to guess, I would say he is Cuban or Spanish.  He carries himself with a certain presence that exudes power, status and nobility.

We exchanged an enticing conversation and then he presents me with his calling card, and writes his personal private number on the back.  I then in return offer him mine, and part with “I am interested in seeing your stuff, I mean your art…”

I guess a week or two passed and then one early warm and moist evening, he calls…

I answer the phone with “ This is Divine Man, how may you help me?”  I think he was a bit taken aback at first as there was a pause and then he spoke to me with his sexy accented voice.  Divine Man, I realize this is such short notice but would you do me the privilege of meeting me for wine and spirited conversation this evening?

The next thing I know we are sitting at this dahling little wine bar, the lights are dim, soft music in the background, and we are the only 2 there(aside from the wine merchant) as if he had arranged it to be just us.  We sat there, toasted to a robust glass of red wine, and began an exotic conversation which was jolly, and dark all at the same time.  Eventually we ventured out onto the cobble stone streets and walked in the moonlight as the fog slowly began to drift in.  The air was still and quiet around us, the moon was full and the shadows danced all around us.  I suddenly trip on a brick, and he catches me and as he does our eyes lock, his arms grow strong around my small waist and he quickly pulls me up and extremely close to him.  I just stare into his piercing eyes, frozen and unable to move, not wanting to remove myself from his clutches.  He then ever so gently presses his wet lips to mine, slowly but with intent.  And then wham! His mouth and lips and tongue go full throttle on me.  It is as if he is a toilet plunger encasing my entire mouth area, and forcing his snake like long tongue into my mouth and down my throat, filling it with his venom.  His strong arms are securely around me, not allowing me to break free.  His hands begin to shift and he starts to slap my perfectly shaped booty. 

He pulls us into a wooded area, dark with uncertainty and all the while I am fearing for my life, for my inners not to be sucked out of my fabulous body.  I stand there in a trance yet, as he stands back and looks at me with eyes full of lust and hunger for Moi. 

All I can think is… Succubus or Incubus?

Timing is everything, as I am saved by the bell, so to speak.

I manage to escape from his menacing clutches and flee the country, no …not really, but I do flee to my penthouse and begin to pray I never see him again.

In fact, whenever my handlers and network see him they text me: Succubus/Incubus sighting!  

Jesus Has Left The Building

Like any good story or movie, there is always plot twists, cliffhangers, roller coasters filled with emotions, and unanswered questions…

Perhaps it was because of my insecurities with relations of a personal nature? It’s funny really, because I can trust someone with my life, but not with my heart?

I was beginning to realize quickly on that Jesus …. well let’s just say this: he did not walk on water. It was more like he walked in vodka. 

I noticed more and more that he seemed to look for any excuse to have a libation.  For example: a hang nail, having to vacuum his 12 X 12 studio apartment, comb his shaved bald head, and many others…

Now Moi here, enjoys libations as well, but normally not until happy hour. 

With most things, there is always a price.  There is always the good with the not so good.

As fun as Jesus was at times to hang out with, he was also a tad controlling.  He came from a failed marriage, which had not yet been resolved, a job that would soon be over, and he would be without employment, no real place to call home, an 11 yr old daughter who is going on 17, and an arrogance that would rear its ugly head in the form of sentences which were unwarranted. 

As likeable and charming as he could be, he also made it easy to despise him as well.  I guess you could say it was a love/hate kind of relation.  I’ve always felt that 2 people, whether it be a friendship or relationship of any stature should bring out the best in each other, not the worst as well. 

I made a decision that would affect us both.  I gave him his reason to leave, the push he needed to remove himself.  He very much needs to find himself, find his own happiness, a place he can call home, and sometimes that place is home. 

As I reflect back on my time spent with Jesus, I can say this:  I learned things about myself, how to reconnect with my own inner emotions, communicate better, know that when my “gut” speaks to me, I need to listen.  Since my coma, everything is odd, different and yet still the same.  Perhaps it’s not everything else, perhaps I have changed? Perhaps I no longer need things or people to make me happy, perhaps I just need to be happy? 

Thawing Out...

We began talking, hanging out, going to happy hours, laughing at the stupidest things. 

It was really nice feeling like I was beginning to live again after languishing in that coma for so long.  It was because of him.  He pushed my boundaries, made me start to slowly thaw.  One would think it would be so easy to thaw a frozen heart? Right? It’s not.

The 2 most unlikely people in the world to meet and build a friendship.  A friendship that would go full steam ahead, blast on all cylinders, charge forth like a train wreck waiting to explode!

My walls were so very high since waking up, I slowly started remembering all the things I learned while in the coma. All the dark deceitful secrets that had been unleashed into my ears.  I was full of pain, loss, sorrow and icey venom coursing through my veins. 

No matter how much I pushed, and created distance between us, he would push that much harder to reach me, to reach my heart and hold it gently so that I could open up.

Hours turned into days, days turned into nights, many nights of endless talking, laughing, crying and just letting go, being me, being myself, flaws and all.

I only let the world see the polished, pretty, white Jackie-o, made up in high fashion Divine Man.  No one sees what’s underneath.  No one sees how high the walls really are, the fortress of ice that I have built.  No one saw it but him. Jesus, the taxi driver.

I would soon learn that it was not just I that was afraid to feel, to live, to care…

I had begun To Let It Go!

https://youtu.be/moSFlvxnbgk