I grab my cell phone and open it up to reveal a bright light, almost like magic bursting out of Harry Potter’s wand. It is then I see the "it". It is a large BAT! I immediately go into stealth mode under my blanket, thinking “what in the hell am I gonna do with a freaking BAT?” I slowly uncover one eye to see where it is, and see it circling my bed as if it wants to join me! And then it flees from my room. I get up out of bed, am now standing naked, my knees are a bit shaky, and I feel the need to release some gas, which turns into a squirt that proceeds to run down my leg.
I quickly call Tulips and Big Daddy and tell them “There is a dam Bat in the house, I just shit myself, somebody better get their asses down here and KILL THE S.O.B.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Big Daddy descends down the stairs(in boxer shorts) and sees the BAT flying around the bar/family room. He is ready with a broom, Raid, and his cane. Moi is loaded with a can of Hairspray, fresh lip-gloss, my red feather boa, dressed in silk PJ’s, and is also carrying a wooden boat paddle.
Once we are in place, ready for BAT Battle, it seems the BAT has disappeared. So we decide to sit in the dark and wait for it to rear it’s ugly head. Moi then decides to make some popcorn and watch a movie while waiting for the right moment to seize the BAT. We watch Bonanza, which is enough to make Moi sleep. Still no BAT.
Saturday night comes and no BAT is seen. I laid in bed with one eye open all night. When morning came and the first hints of the sunshine peaked into my room, I thought “what a rough 2 nights it has been.” I only wish that the BAT is gone! That somehow it found it’s way out!
“Picture It” it is 2:49am Tuesday morning, I am in bed and am awakened to the sound of pitter patters, almost as if it is hail hitting the wall, and so I turn on one of my pink crystal chandelier lamps to see if the BAT is in my room again. There is nothing flying around. But I keep hearing the pitter patter. So I open my bedroom door and turn on a light only to see the BAT fly past my nose and out into the bar/family room. Moi grabs a broom. Calls Tulips and Big Daddy for backup. I kneel on the floor, I go into attack mode, my blood is pumping, my heartbeat is rapid, and my teeth are grinding. I am ready and in position to hit the BAT as if I am standing at home base during the World Series waiting to hit the ball and make a home run. The BAT is wild, it is flying around and around and around. Diving left and right, Moi keeps swinging. The air is getting heavy, beads of sweat are starting to form on my head and now are beginning to trickle down my back and making my perfect booty wet. Moi swings, the BAT is getting tired, my hands are clutching my broom(the new Turbo 2012) as my knuckles whiten, and that’s when the BAT meets my broom. He is dazed and confused, but carries on. As The BAT continues to fly around, he seems to be slowing down some.
Is it possible that he wants a time out? Or maybe he realizes it is over?
Moi takes one last swing.
I know one is not suppose to kill BATS, but something in me snapped. I felt like I was in the middle of the battle of Troy, and I was fighting my way to the palace. I just kept pounding and pounding the BAT. Big Daddy was saying “Divine Man, that is enough” but I just kept pounding while yelling out “I got you, you S.O.B, you little freaking ugly ass!”
Even when in battle, always remember…to wear your lip-gloss and hold your own!
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