Embarrassing Moment, my ass!

I was recently asked what Divine Man’s most embarrassing moment was?
This was asked in front of a classroom full of writing students.

My reply was:  Moi has had so many of them!  But let me see…which one do I share with you first?

“Picture It” it is 1998, a cold night in November.  I am watching Melrose Place and as you know, there is nothing more sinful then watching MP while eating cheesecake!  I decide that during the commercials I would go slip into my PJ‘s(which is a night shirt).  After that I go and get myself a bottle of water from the refridge.  I then go back to the TV and sit down on the floor.  As I continue to watch MP another commercial is on.  All I remember is that it is funny, and I start laughing.  As my laughter gains momentum…it happens so fast-gas is released from my perfectly shaped ass.  What a buzz kill!  But I figure oh well, no one heard this indiscretion but Moi!  MP starts and I continue to sit there and watch all the scandal, sex and lies unfold in front of my eyes.

It is about 8:40pm and I have another 20 minutes to go.  I realize that my water is gone and need a night cap!  So I get up and I notice an odor…I start sniffing and think it must be from the fart.  I brush it off and get some bathroom air freshener.  I do so carefully as I like to watch TV in the dark, Moi comes back into the family room and sprays the air.  I think get a night cap and return to my spot on the floor.

Five, ten minutes pass and again I can smell the odor.  So I spray more freshener.  I don’t remember the ending of the episode.  All I remember is waking up to all these bright lights and my parents, my brother and his GF all standing around me.  I immediately smell that awful odor and start looking at my legs, my night shirt, and that’s when I touch it.  As I pull my fingers away from my booty and where I was sitting…I am mortified to discover poop on my fingers.

It turns out that when I laughed so hard earlier, my fart was a wet one.  It came out so easy and fast.  I never noticed it.  Now it was smeared all over my ass, PJ’s, the carpet, etc…

So whenever you think you have just done something embarrassing…unless you have crapped yourself in front of others, just know it could be worse.