The Awakening...A Love Beyond Time, The Coma

What I think was late last night(Tulips and Big Daddy were back at my side...praying that I would wake up, and mentioned it was late...about 10:30pm and said they would be back tomorrow) he came back again last night.

I did not know that I could smell while in a coma?  Or perhaps it was magical?  But the minute he walked in the intoxicating and heavenly scent of gardenias filled my nostrils.  How does he know these are my favorites?  I must know him... He just seems so familiar to me.  I wonder who he is, what he looks like and if I don't know him, then why is he here? and how did he find me?

Who am I to question why this man, whom apparently feels compassion for me?
Perhaps this is my fate?
Perhaps this is what was meant to happen?
Perhaps I will never wake up from this dam coma?
Perhaps this will be the day my life begins again?

I am not sure how long he stayed with me, but he began telling me a story about another time, another era.  It was a tale as old as time, it crossed many decades, generations, and a love so strong that not even an explosion, a sinking ship, could separate the love of the two people he spoke of.

As he talked, thought about all the loss and sadness that I have felt this year while my body laid lifeless.  My heart is still broken from the loss of Diva Girl, but somewhere in all of this something, no...someone has begun to fill the broken pieces of my heart with with a newness, a new strength. What the twin a-holes have done to me is scandalous and deceitful and all the other secrets I have learned from various people...whatever shall I do with all this info if and when I wake up?

He continued to tell this tale, of how they met, and eventually boarded a cruise ship that was suppose to be life changing for them.  It was there that the two lovers were engaged.  But fate would thrown a rock in their path.

It was then that I realized who he is...was....could it really be?  how is this even possible?

He then slipped the ring onto my finger.

Somehow I found a renewed burst of life travel through my entire body...

I wrapped my fingers around his hand...it was just for maybe an instant...maybe it was longer.  But I did it.

Perhaps "A Love Beyond Time" was possible after all?

The Awakening...The Coma

I must have been dreaming, was he here? was he really here with me?  I still do not know who he is, but I have the strongest feeling that I do!

Did he see my left hand move?  did he tell anyone?


I must have fallen asleep in my own body for awhile?  Because the next thing I know there are people in my room with me again.  Talking fast, moving all around me.

That's when I did it again, I moved my left hand...my fingers actually.  They all were clapping their hands I think?  Talking and laughing and then rushed out...

Am I waking up?  Am I finally coming back?

A Masterpiece of Beauty....The Coma

The mystery man came back again.  He seemed to have waited long enough until after Tulips and Big Daddy came to see me.  I am always happy to see them, they can't always be here with me, which I know just devastates Tulips.  Because they split their time between here and home in the Midwest with my adorable nephews.  Gosh I wonder how big they all have gotten?  I wonder if I will ever see them again?

They brought me a Christmas Tree, Big Daddy, I am trying to come back, I am using all of my will to move my hand, a finger, or open my eyes.

What seemed like for hours after they left, could have been only mere minutes.  He came back to see me again.  This time he took both of my hands in his, he held them tightly.  He moved closer to me, as I could again feel his warmth on my face, my neck.  Then he was gone as was his warmth.

I maybe in a coma but I know when someone wants to kiss me.

I recognized my Dr's and a few nurses' voices.  They were apparently checking my vitals, they said something about my heart rate speeding up and were now moving my limbs,

Was I starting to wake up?  Could it be this mystery man was evoking some kind of magical energy in me?

Eventually he came back.  Again holding my hands, his hands were the warmth of sunrise.  I must know him, or perhaps we had met prior to the accident?  Or was he simply a good Samaritan...

As I lay there I could feel his warmth once again close to me.  Close to my lips.

In that moment, he was so close to me, his lips were almost upon mine... and in that moment the man of mystery finally spoke the following words to my lifeless body..You are truly a Divine Man, you have always been and always will be a masterpiece of beauty, magnetic energy, pureness, strength, and love.  You are all I think about, all I have ever wanted...to know, to care for, to protect, to love.
I remember the very first time we ever met.  There was a cosmetic energy between us.  When we met, I felt as if I were looking at an angel.  An angel that was created just for me.  An angel I so desperately needed.

I know I know this man, he is so very familiar to me, his voice, his touch, his beating heart.

If only I could ....wait, wait...I so need to move my fingers, my eyes, something.  What seemed like an eternity for me, I moved my left hand.  I finally was able to move my left hand.

Did he see it?

Time Heals....The Coma

They say time heals all wounds.  I think whomever said that was either referring to a broken toe or a hangover.

As I lay here in this coma, I wonder if anyone can see my tears, or if one does not dry in a coma?

I have been heartbroken, my walls have crumbled around me, I have been to hell and back, but I have never felt such an emptiness inside of me as I feel now.  I have never felt such grief, loss, and sorrow as I have since I had to say goodbye to my sweet angel Iris.

Since being in this coma I have had time...all the time in the world to try and heal from the inside.  However I do not think I have?  Perhaps time has stopped for me, but not for the rest of the world.  Perhaps when I do wake up, if I ever do, everything will be as it was for me so many months ago.  Maybe I will not remember what I have learned from all the lying cheating people that have walked into my hospital room.

Not only have I learned of lies of deceit, but I have also learned that there are people that are cheating on the spouses, want a divorce, are fighting depression, HIV, Cancer, feeling broken, people that have lost hope in humanity, that simply wish to end their life.  Or the guy that is bored with his marriage, but yet has to cheat. Or the female that feels undesired, or the friend whose husband fled the country to seek refuge from the law.  To learn that another dear friend(a male) is in love with a man that is "straight" and another gf that is yearning for love in all the wrong places.

Does time ever truly heal all wounds?

The Mystery Man of Silence....The Coma

I don't know his name,

He has been coming to see me, sit with me while I lay here in this coma. This long lingering god forsaken coma.  He does not really talk to me much, but he does hold my hand, rub my shoulders, and I can feel the warmth of his heart, his compassion. His silence is comforting.  You see everyone that comes to see me and visit my lifeless body explodes with either loud sobs, wild emotional outbursts or feels the need to unburden themselves by revealing truths.

So whoever this mystery man is....he is refreshing.

I have been praying and hoping that both Brady and his twin never come back here again.  And that when I wake up they stay far away.  How could he, how could he have lied to me for so many years about so many things and think the truth would never come out.  The truth always comes out.

While I have had all the time in the world to think about my life...how it was before, my darling diva girl, Having to make the decision to end her suffering.  Being able to hopefully find peace in that, to not take people for granted, hugging those I care and love more....often.  To really fighting to make my dreams become reality.  To maybe even meeting someone actually honest to get to know, become friends, and fall in love with.

I have regrets, yes even Divine Man has regrets.  If I could only go back.  If only I could awaken and start over.