A Bistro With Personality: Friar Tuck's

So Moi is walking along minding my OWN business somewhere in the Midwest, somewhere like Fond du Lac, WI(where no one knows me) of all places, when naturally someone asks Moi for a photo.  Brady, Diva Girl and Moi are here for a summer lay-over, and will be in the area for a few weeks, ok maybe more like 2 months. There is not much here so far, but…there are always a few really excellent local establishments for dining here, believe it or not. And so far, Moi has not been recognized, thus far. Anywho…

There is the local place called Friar Tucks, it is a dimly lit bistro that resembles the inside of a wine barrel(one of Moi’s fav places) from Sherwood Forest, minus Robin Hood in his tights! But alas, it is a bistro with sandwiches of massive proportions, Moi always fares the “SUB” with the side of mayo, onion, and toasted with melted REAL WISCONSIN CHEESE. Happy Cows, Come From WISCONSIN!!!

Anywho, Moi has enjoyed more then one entrée at Friar Tuck’s, infact Moi has flown in friends from all over the world as of late to come and experience the fabulous, memorizing, and pristine Christine! She has been working there for…well many years shall we say. She takes your order, memorizes it, even when she has a table of 15, 20 etc…

If you want to experience a Diva Waitress without an attitude then you need to hit Friar Tuck’s in FDL, WI and ask for Chris! She will deliver the goods with a freshness of spunk, realism, a twist of sultriness, and the food itself is so delightful with it’s many layers of orgasmic pleasure, bite by bite.

This one time in band camp, Moi ordered FT’s for everyone, and it was explosive as if there were fireworks in my mouth, the taste, the texture and the flavor was out of this world.

Make a stop, make it a trip to…

Friar Tuck’s

Crashing Through Life, Intoxicated

When does life go from easy, playful, innocent fun where we have no worries to turning into an existence of intoxication?

When really does that happen? Is it when we reach puberty? Turn 13, or maybe 16 or 18? Perhaps it happens when we are even younger, like at 4 years old? Or when we are 23, and life is good. You just graduated college, have been offered the job of a lifetime, got your first apartment, and have met the love of your life.

But in one sharp fast second everything changes. Forever. You and your other half are driving home from going out for dinner and seeing a movie when a SUV comes crashing into your car, glass is flying, ripping into your flesh, blood is flowing, all you hear is screams and cries of pain, fear and panic.

The driver of the SUV was intoxicated, she claimed she never saw the car. Imagine that, what a shock that is? It turns out the female driver is a mother of one, and a business owner. Which raises the question: why was she intoxicated? And why was she behind the wheel?  She has what others can only dream of, and she just drinks it away.

Because she is addicted to alcohol, she loves the bottle far more then she loves her life, or the lives of her children and has no respect for the safety of others. That is an addict.

I am sure we all have known or know an addict. Moi has known a few people, relatives, friends, and acquaintances. Experts say it is an illness, a disease, others feel it is a choice that one makes about their life.
The two people in the car, well one barely survived, and the other person spent 9 months in a coma. To this day, the drunk driver is still out there doing what she does best, drinking.

Tell me this…why is she driving, and why is she a mother?

Fireworks In The Cabin Of Naked Love 2

Standing before us was 7 little men(little people, dwarfs) and as we stood there in total shock just looking at them and then at each other thinking “what in the hell is this? The Fairest One Of All-The Live Action Version?

Each one of them were covered, or at least most of their bodies/parts were covered with leaves, some big, some not so big, one even had acorns hanging from a rather comically placed leaf! HAHAHA!

They simultaneously announced themselves as “Seven Shorties, Of Seven Hills, Of Seven Delights!”

They told Moi they had heard of my possible arrival to their neck of the woods and wanted desperately to meet Moi and get my John Hancock!

Well as you can imagine, Moi was just so flattered and freaked out all at the same time! I mean men have desired this temple of perfectness, women have chased it, kissed it, but never have there been 7 little men all wanting Moi in a cabin, in the woods! I mean, what are the insane chances of all these little men gathering from across the meadows, the rivers, the hills and the forests full of wonder?

From that point on, the shorties were at my beck and call. They set up camp nearby outside, preparing meals, hot spring bathes, massages, and entertainment.

Size is not everything, it helps, but it can surprise you!

Fireworks In The Cabin Of Naked Love!

Wow what a long holiday weekend that was? Moi’s weekend started Thursday with the enjoyment of good company, great food and even better martini’s.

On Friday afternoon, Brady, Diva Girl and Moi all packed into the white limo and headed out for the woods, where we would relax, grill out, hike, drink and be merry for 3 days! Moi had discovered this cute cabin that was erected on a hilltop in the middle of the great forest. It had all the amenities that Moi likes: A full bathroom with a lovely view of the great outdoors, a fireplace in case we got chilled, a full bar, gourmet kitchen, a pillow top Queen sized bed, fit for…well…a Queen! And a very private deck with a Jacuzzi! How much better can it get?

As I explored the cabin, I discovered a secret panel in the floor, as I pushed on it a trap door began to open and provided us with a staircase that led to another level underneath the cabin. As we fumbled for lights, Moi felt something hanging next to Moi and thought “maybe I should give it a pull and see what pops up?” With one nice yank of the what seemed to be a very large tassel, one by one all these flickering like candle-lites started to radiate the space and as our eyes adjusted we were shocked at what we saw…

The floor was green marble, that shined like glass, there was 1,2, 3, 4 gold chandeliers with crystals that danced in merriment, beautiful red velvet kidney bean shaped sofas, an ornate wood round cocktail table in the center of the room, a full bar off to the left, the walls appeared to be golden with a red flocked pattern and long flowing red velvet drapes that opened up to reveal a master suite, even more stunning then the main room.

Once inside the suite, Moi and Brady soon discovered all kinds of treasures. In one highboy dresser, I found myself starring at what must have been hundreds of vibrators with a look of shock, delight and surprise on my perfect face! We had hit the jack pot, the mother lode! Not only were there all these vibrators, but there were jellies, oils, creams, ropes, feathers, paddles, chains, and over to the right corner was this particular swing of sorts. Well Moi and Brady were wondering why there would be a swing in the midst of all this sex stuff? Brady found an instruction book, it was titled “How to Swing into Great Love Making.”

Moi and Brady decided we needed time to absorb our shocking discovery, and so we retreated back upstairs where we were stunned, just so stunned to find what we saw standing in the middle of the cabin great room!


To Be Continued…
　

Life, Death and Irritability

Recently Moi has been living life one day at a time, which normally I live many days at time, always thinking about the future.  Well lately I have been biting my nails, drinking wine out of a box(more then one box) ruining my eye makeup all because Doctor Feelgood recently put this idea into my brain that Moi possible could have Cancer of the Liver, or a tumor, or a blood disease?  Today there is no punch line in this one.  Today I have a clear head.

When you are faced with something so scary, the unknown and you have to wait and wait to find out your fate, or if you are accepted into the college of your dreams, or it you won a prize, or whatever it might be that you hold tight to your heart, well something like this can make you insane.  Moi has spent the last 2 weeks seeing Dr. FG, having blood taken(which seemed like a gallon) tests being performed, x-rays, ultra-sounds, and more.  Through this experience I did not share with anyone what I was feeling, experiencing, or even what might happen to Moi.  Instead of sharing with the people who love me, care about me, family and friends, I retreated in haste and pushed them all away. I became irritable, crabby, I felt all alone and the idea of time running out for Moi was just to much.

So I would like to express to the following people in my life a sincere apology.

Tulips:  I am so very grateful to you, for your support, your love, but mostly for your strength.
Brady:  Even though you are hundreds of thousands of miles away from me, I felt your love and your spirit next to me. 

MiMi:  Thank you for allowing me to let out my fear and my tears without judgment.  Thank you for being my friend.


No body is perfect, as shoking as this will sound, even Moi is not perfect!  Every one of us has flaws, and we all have room for growth, and enhancement.


A lesson to be learned, never think that for one minute you are alone, because no one ever truly is.  Even at your darkest hour, if you open your eyes you will see that someone is there willing to hold your hand.


Moi has learned that instead of pushing people away, I need to reel them in, otherwise who will give me presents?

Blonde Ambition

Have you ever done something that made yourself feel so alive, only to have some asshole try and dampen what you did?

First of all I want to apologize for my lack of words recently.

Anyways, Moi was a true brunette for many, many years to being a radiant shiny blonde! Once the transformation was completed, hair, clothing, black rimmed glasses and all one by one past clients, old friends, family members, and my fans have all offered such wonderful greetings to Moi. Such as, “you look 10-20 years younger, you look angelic, your blue eyes pop! You are a California god, you look radiant!

After the many different and wonderfully flattering compliments from the many people that love me, like me and worship me, well there is always that one a-hole that thinks that being rude is acceptable.
“Picture It” it is a lovely summer evening, Moi is laying outside enjoying the water, reading fan mail, and sipping on a glass of vino while having my delicate tootsie’s massaged my phone beeps! As I open it up with delight and anticipation of what the text message will say…

A little background story first, Moi texted a picture of my new “look” and the following words: “Don’t you just love my new look?” and was answered with flattering words. However this one person, who of which I felt was a friend, replied to me days later with the words: Not Really.

I was confused and asked what he was referring to? He said…about your blonde locks, I do not like it.
Moi just wants this a-hole to know…I was not asking for yours or anyone’s approval, permission, or acceptance. In fact I was just so excited, elated that I am making this change, re-inventing myself, and letting myself shine!

The a-hole’s name in case anyone wants to know is: Hint: Barbie’s other half. He is a chubby man, bald, wears glasses and always wears black jeans with striped shirts and hiking boots. What Moi would like to know is why some people feel the need to be rude and disrespectful when I have only ever been a friend, and have helped, offered words of support and my time to this a-hole. If I were willing to sink to his level, it would imply that Moi is a miserable person with nothing better to do then share my jealousy with people who are my friends, in order to make them feel as sad as I am. But alas, Moi is none of those things, unlike HIM.

Guess there is always a rotten apple in every basket! 　

3 Martini's And The World's Largest Weiner...

Remember Dr. Feelgood? Moi’s personal Doc that always has something crazy to tell Moi about my body?

Like the time I had the 3 nuts, the 3^rd tata forming on my chest? And the 22 Hemorrhoids?

Recently I experienced the sudden urge to empty my bladder, but it would not stop. I mean as soon as I would finish it would start again, and again, and again! Poor guy was all pissed out, or so one would have thought! But no! So Moi thought about it and decided that there must be something wrong? And so I went to see my Doc and told him of my symptoms, he replied with “Divine Man, you need to drop your pants and cough” naturally I did so(I must say it was kind of erotic-nothing better then the feel of cold latex against your skin) and all was good. Next he instructed me to bend over to check my tonsils(HAHA) which was all in perfect shape! I mean what did he think he was going to find up there? A family of mice?

After a few other tests, and blood was taken Moi was called into the Doc’s office. Before me on his desk, were 3 Martini’s. The first one was called: The Full Moon, it was a dark blue color with a pearl onion on a stick. The next one was called: The Pap Smear and was red at the bottom with a yellow cherry and the color became clear as it got to the rim of the glass. The third one was called: The Colonpolitan and was a lovely shade of vibrant pink!

Moi asked Dr. Feelgood what the reason was for all these Martini’s? He told Moi that the only way to determine what was wrong with me was if I drank each one, and if my water stream came out orange while making double arches in mid air the we would know what was wrong. It would either be my colon, my “friend” or my hemorrhoids.

Well after downing each martini we were both baffled by what we discovered. None of them turned my water stream orange. But I sure did have a good buzz going! It turns out that my bladder had been shaken, stirred and mixed up from my recent long 2.5 day limo ride to attend the “World’s Largest Weiner Fest.” Or maybe it was the consumption of the very BIG Weiner that Moi so delightfully enjoyed chewing on, with all it’s juices flowing, streaking down my chin and plopping onto my perky tata’s!

Remember, you are Divine, even when you can’t leave the throne! Just know this: No Weiner is worth it, unless it is golden!!!