Recently Moi has been living life one day at a time, which normally I live many days at time, always thinking about the future. Well lately I have been biting my nails, drinking wine out of a box(more then one box) ruining my eye makeup all because Doctor Feelgood recently put this idea into my brain that Moi possible could have Cancer of the Liver, or a tumor, or a blood disease? Today there is no punch line in this one. Today I have a clear head.
When you are faced with something so scary, the unknown and you have to wait and wait to find out your fate, or if you are accepted into the college of your dreams, or it you won a prize, or whatever it might be that you hold tight to your heart, well something like this can make you insane. Moi has spent the last 2 weeks seeing Dr. FG, having blood taken(which seemed like a gallon) tests being performed, x-rays, ultra-sounds, and more. Through this experience I did not share with anyone what I was feeling, experiencing, or even what might happen to Moi. Instead of sharing with the people who love me, care about me, family and friends, I retreated in haste and pushed them all away. I became irritable, crabby, I felt all alone and the idea of time running out for Moi was just to much.
So I would like to express to the following people in my life a sincere apology.
Tulips: I am so very grateful to you, for your support, your love, but mostly for your strength.
Brady: Even though you are hundreds of thousands of miles away from me, I felt your love and your spirit next to me.
MiMi: Thank you for allowing me to let out my fear and my tears without judgment. Thank you for being my friend.
No body is perfect, as shoking as this will sound, even Moi is not perfect! Every one of us has flaws, and we all have room for growth, and enhancement.
A lesson to be learned, never think that for one minute you are alone, because no one ever truly is. Even at your darkest hour, if you open your eyes you will see that someone is there willing to hold your hand.
Moi has learned that instead of pushing people away, I need to reel them in, otherwise who will give me presents?
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