Never fear for Divine Man still LIVES! I know I am been in hiding of sorts and you have not heard a peep from me, but let me bend your ear, focus your eyes onto the following words…
Over the past few weeks I have seen lingering rat shit in places I did not even know it could be(which has stressed me), planning next years Halloween costume…I know I am tad early! Then I decided one day that Moi wanted to do something really self sacrificing for others, for all the beautiful men and women walking along on the beaches that seemed and looked lonely. I thought “what ever can I do for these poor folks?” I got thinking…mini-make-overs, new do’s, maybe some fashion tips? And then I had it, sometimes all one needs in life is a bit of inspiration. Some ego boosting old fashion attention. So I opened a booth on the beach…but not just any ole’ booth, but a kissing booth!
I figured I could knock off to birds with one stone…I could provide a absolutely perfect moist kiss to each of these handsome men that appeared single and to the sexy women that appeared to be desperate housewives. So for the next 7 days I collected $8.00 for a minute and a half worth of divine kissing. Not before I made each person gargle with mouthwash! Moi did this for 8 hours a day for 7 days, 7 days I tell ya! And do you know what my lips were like? They were once smooth, flawless, perky, and moist. Well after all that kissing Moi’s lips were all serviced out! Out Of Order! Closed! Needing Repairs! Get the picture? My lips were now flattened, dry, cracking, and bruising(one of the guys thought biting was part of it). Then after the flattening ended, my lips suddenly began to fill up, swell to an enormous size of like…baking potatoes!
So as you can imagine, I refused to go anywhere, look at a mirror, shower, write anything as I was so very depressed at the sight of my baking potato super sized lips! All I could do was eat my the shovel loads…with these new lips I was able to eat everything and anything I wanted to, even the dog! No, just kidding, but I could eat and eat and eat. Next thing I knew, I was sporting a big ass once again, my muffin top had started to rear it’s ugly puffy head, I was experiencing an acne breakout, not only on my face, but on my large ass as well. After a few weeks of self destruction I decided I needed to take control of the situation and to hell with what others thought! I decided to go swimming, but because of the size of my lips I was unable to go underwater(they were like floatation devices) but regardless Moi carried on, I began walking, sipping on low salt chicken broth, drinking only white wine, and eating greens.
Moi was close to being back to normal! Just in time for “The Glam Clam’s 2 Day Road Trip-South”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
More to come!
Toodles! Ta Ta! Kiss Kiss!
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