Not knowing what time it was, if it was day or night or even what day it was, I was growing tired again, as I drifted off to sleep, I thought of nothing but seeing my parents again, and him.
I began seeing myself again as I slept, on the stage just before I was pushed into the pit, hearing my childhood voice, over and over again, my mind turned in a flash back to when I was young. Back to a time I didn't remember.
It was as if I was watching myself as a young child from afar, as if I was watching myself from the other side of a TV screen. It was December the 17th, 1982 it was my 6th birthday, my whole grade school class was at the hotel and banquet center for my birthday party, along with various relatives and friends of my parents.
The party was in a banquet room and in the swimming pool area, everyone was having fun, laughing, swimming, singing, I was opening gifts from everyone. Eventually I went off to the bathroom, I opened the bathroom door and as I did so, I heard a male voice saying: it's ok Chris, really it is, everyone does this, it's a ritual, it's something special that boys do with each other. I heard the quiet cry of a young boy, he kept crying and saying no and then all I heard was choking sounds, it grew so loud in my head, I stood there frozen in sheer terror and horror as I tried to move. My body would not move, not even an inch. My muscles were frozen, lifeless as I just stood there trying not to make a sound, as I covered my mouth. As I covered my mouth, I realized I was choking as well, I was Chris, I was the other young boy in the stall with him.
As I'm choking, as well as my younger self is choking, I start to come out of this nightmare as I am tossing and turning, screaming as I push him away from me... I force myself to wake up just before he yells at me and calls me Andy, he pushes me on the floor as I smack the back of my head onto the concrete floor.
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