Cold Darkness Chapter 1

It was a bitter cold December evening, as I walked along the snow covered city streets I dreamed of holidays past with family, friends and presents galore. I was on my merry way to the local playhouse (theater) where I was performing in the locally written and produced play “Dark Snow: Winter Bones”. It is a story about a twisted murder that happens on the Eve of Christmas Eve in a small town and it takes many twists and turns up to the very ending, the shocking ending.

A little about me, my name is Chris Stevens, I am 21 years young. My professional interests lie in the performing arts and writing. When I stand I am 5’10 with a slender build with striking features that are softened by my enchanting blue eyes and the happy smile that one can always look forward to seeing. My hair is dark brown, medium in length ending just above my shoulders. I am the lead in the play “Dark Snow: Winter Bones” and even though my character is dead(or am I?) I am still very present during the play.

As I approach the theatre I can hear voices, they are happy, laughing and singing! My mind wanders off for a minute and I am standing there thinking about how wonderfully exciting and challenging this has been. To be apart of such a talented cast and to share it with so many people. Suddenly I am slammed back to reality when the stage door is thrust open exposing my eyes to total chaos and delight! Everyone is changing into their opening scene costumes, streamers are flying in the air, balloons are everywhere they can land, music is dancing all around me and that magical energy you feel just before you are going to go on stage is in the air. It is all happening one last time, tonight. The final curtain will drop at the end of “Dark Snow: Winter Bones”.

After much excitement, hugs, laughter, champagne and roses everyone is ready to leave for various cast parties, and I am ready to just find myself a quiet place to reflect and fall into sweet slumber. Some of the cast and crew are going to “The Crypt” which is a dance club and bar, while others are going to various houses to drink, eat and relax.

As I make my way towards the stage door, I am the last to leave. With me are 4 dozen roses, balloons and a faux “Oscar” from my cast mates. Just as I take a step outside I begin to hear the faint voice calling my name…Chris, Chrissss help me! Where are you Chris? Hellllppppp meeeeeee… I stand there and listen, straining my ears to make sure I heard what I think I heard. What is going on? It must be one of the cast or crew playing a prank on me. They know how sensitive I am to ghosts and lost souls that are in need of crossing over. Could it be? Might there actually be a ghost, a spirit here in this old theatre? 

My heart is beating fast, my pulse is racing, and my mind is going all over the map. I decide to go find out who and what is calling my name. I set down my roses, balloons, and Oscar on a table near the stage door. The theatre is dark and there are only a few lights left on, which blankets the stage with shadows. As I cautiously walk to the center of the stage, while trying to adjust my vision in the darkness I hear it again. The voice sounds young, familiar, and also sad. I stand there listening, it is in front of me, behind me, next to me and above all at once. My head is splitting and my ears are being pierced with the sounds of a child’s voice, my voice. As my head and my eyes dart and dash, I start spinning around looking for the source of my childhood voice, when something pushes me down, down into the orchestra pit. Everything is black all around me and as my body falls to the floor I realize my legs are dangling and there is nothing below me but more darkness and cold. My arms are holding onto something big, I think it is a piano leg. But my hands are getting sweaty and they begin to slip, but I must pull myself up, and get out of here. All the while my childhood voice is still calling my name and now it is above me with a dark figure standing over me laughing…

I begin to loose my grip on the piano leg, my fingers are sliding off fast and my fall into the darkness of the black void comes to an end when I hit the cold hard surface. All is black. All is gone.

Leaving Paradise And The Valley Of The Dolls

So after nearly 7 years, 6 days, 85 minutes and 17 seconds I was ready to embark on a new but old journey….

The long road home.

7 years in Paradise, or was it really paradise?  What is paradise?  Is it a destination?  A feeling in one’s own mind? Or is it a scenario that we have created to fool ourselves into thinking that the past is the past, that love is overflowing, and the sun is always shining as you relax under its warmth with libations and friends and family gathered around you to revel in this glory? 

I met many people, from all varied and diverse backgrounds of life.

For example…

There are the Ben’s and Daniels I met, coupled and refreshingly genuine.

Arista (Paradises own version of Caitlynn Jenner) and her wifey Whistra, who has enjoyed the rise to fame. But alas like all things that rise…eventually they fall.

Then there is Jesus, the Puetro Rican shorty banker wannabe who had a whole lot of clusterfuck going on…

Ahhh yes, then we have the Hawaiian Amazon Princess, Pandora and her male puppy dog like universal lover Mitch.

Alfonso, a genuinely charismatic mature gent, seeking love in all the wrong places, avid art collector.

Rodney, my trusty hair stylist and sidekick, always wanting what he can’t have, but allowing himself to remember the true love he lost and can find again.

Evangelica  and her Queen Narista- Beautiful souls and forever friends and family.

And of course there is the Deannaster…. Tough as nails Itialian Lesbian shark fighting MothaFuckah pal and BFF.

Jerome, the deaf cutie who I can only hope finds his Prince and eternal love.

Johannie, a sun worshiping sex pistol who enjoys the occasional 420 experience.

Sharonna and Merry Anne… a powerhouse stuck in the 30’s/40’s and 50’s….

Kennneth… The Grandpa I have longed for, and fabulous Organist.

The Queen of Artistic and Sadistic Art, Mermista and her sex slave “Big Tisdale”

Galinda, a ray of absolute sunshine and baseball theories.

Amadeus… My sassy witchy sistah and friend, whom always can find the light at the bottom of a wine bottle… smootches!

What I learned while in so called Paradise…

So my question is” If Paradise is merely a scenario created by a longing to find peace, a new opportunity to begin fresh, and to back in the warmth of all the glittering palms, and faux pas, if in reality paradise is just that, a make believe scenario, then how could Moi ever expect every single person to be real and genuine?

Also…

With joy there is sorrow, with loss there is gain, and when one door closes, another one shall open.

The Deafening Danger, Part 3

Seven days had passed since he had stayed over night and slept in the guest room. It was half way through the week when I had started to remember the steamy dream I had that night.  It seemed beyond real in an almost uncomfortable way.  What did not make sense was waking up to find a note informing he that he left to attend church. I did not even know that he was religious?  

As the week came to a close I finally got a text message from him.  He wanted to express his lack of contact through the week. Normally I would be angered by this, however it made me want to see him all the more. It was as if I needed a fix!  A fix of something you knew in your gut that you needed to stay away from.  

We met for dinner, it was a lovely warm evening sitting outside under the moonlight.  There was laughter, gazing into each other eyes, and multiple funny conversations.

We eventually finished our delicious seafood dinner, and made our way to the beach to walk along and enjoy the calming effect of the waves crashing in onto the shore.   We stopped to sit for awhile and as we relaxed on the warmth of the sand, he leaned in and pulled me closer to his chest and slowly began to kiss my sweet soft delicate lips. As we kissed his snake like tongue made its way into mouth as I sat there unable to move as if he had taken complete control of my entire body.  
My mind became increasingly relaxed, as the rest of my body felt exposed and on fire.  

The Deafening Danger, Part 2

Have you ever met someone who just kinda made your heart break for them?

He most likely would not want me feeling this way, or would he?


As we sat in the quietness of the park overlooking the bay, we began to navigate our way through the barriers of communicating.  Not only was he hearing impaired, but he wore 2 devices to aid him in hearing a bit.  He also was able to read lips, use sign language, and he could talk some.  Surprisingly I was able to understand him and he, I.

As we talked, he told me of his sad and hardened life being abandoned, failed relationships with cheaters, his hearing loss, feeling all alone and broken at times.  How could I not want to help him, take him under my wing?  Want to care for him?  His life experience compelled me to want to do so.

 I invited him over for one of my famous "cooked from the heart-made from scratch homemade dinners- that people from all over beg me to prepare for them."  I was feeling as if we were establishing a real friendship, building some trust, and a safe zone for each.  It was enjoyable to chat with someone while I was in the kitchen, we sipped on wine, and enjoyed the lovely feast.

It was a delightful evening.

A few days later, I asked him to join me at a dear friends pad for cocktails and conversation, as I thought it might be good for him to get out and broaden his social circle.  Learn to feel comfortable around others in a social setting.  So we went to the party, all was going swimmingly!  Everyone was chatting, laughing, he was engaged in a conversation with a few others, and I just sat back and thought "you did good Divine Man."

The party came to a close and we rode back to my palace in the white limo, it was a good thing as we both felt a bit buzzed.  I knew he had a 40 minute drive ahead of him to get to his Aunt's home(where he was living) and so I offered him my guest room.  At first he resisted, but then caved into the idea of sleeping on a soft bed versus a lumpy couch.

It was still dark outside when I sensed someone in my chambers, I could feel someone breathing, getting closer to me as I laid sleeping.  Very gently I felt arms wrap around my fabulous body, and pull me close.  I felt safe yet startled all at once.  This is the stuff I love about dreams.  Anything can happen while asleep.  I felt hands slowly begin to explore my naked and butter soft skin, and then a silky wetness descended upon my neck.  I moaned as I felt unable to move and release myself from the pleasure I was experiencing.

The morning came, the sun was shining and I woke up to find a note on my kitchen counter that read "Divineness, Thank You for allowing me to stay over, I had to leave early for church."

The Deafening Danger, Part 1

Perhaps my intuition was off, maybe it wasn't totally balanced yet since awaking from the coma? Perhaps I was vulnerable since my memories of what I heard while I was in that death like state for so many months had started to return to me.  Learning what those deceitful twins had done to me unknowingly for so many years, maybe it was the longing for my one true soulmate to return to me again.


I can't believe I am actually gonna do this?  How had I fallen from such standards? How had the most simply amazingly divine man come to this moment?  As my hands trembled I grabbed for my wine glass and with the other hand I stretched out my right index finger and as I touched the screen on my phone...I thought "here goes nothing!"

I completed my dating profile and uploaded a fabulous selfie, and then sat on my couch waiting and waiting and drinking and waiting and drinking and waiting and then peeing and peeing and then "BING" I heard that surprisingly delightful sound!

Winner winner chicken dinner!  Someone had sent me a message!  Someone wanted to chat with me!

His name:  Jeremiah
Age: 33
Occupation: Nurse
Volunteer: Homeless Shelters
Interests: Walks on the beach, flea markets, movies, swimming, and art galleries.
He is seeking a LTR
And he was hearing impaired. But wore a device that helped him.  He was born able to hear until he was 4, when he suffered severe hearing loss from an infection is both ears.  Shortly after that his Mother left him with his Grandparents.

WOW, he has survived alot.  Which made me think that he was someone whom I thought I could indulge in chatting with.

We chatted for about 2 hours.

It was fun, and on my terms!

After chatting back and forth for about 5 or 6 days, I agree to a meeting.

Pride and Franklin Frankie

As I sit here in my penthouse, wrapped in my red feather boa, red satin shimmering robe as I sip on a glass of wine I poured out of a box I ponder this:

It's Gay Pride month.

And this is the St. Pete Pride Festival.... As in St.Petersburg, FL.

Naturally I normally go, however this year I felt no need to go, to attend.  I sit here with a heavy heart, and sense of sadness in my beautiful heart, mind, and body.

My reasons for not attending this evenings parade are:  Alot of things in my life changed during and after my coma.  For example:  Since I woke up, I have begun to slowly remember people, conversations and secrets that were told to me.  Also since the coma, I have realized that there are/were people that I held very dear to me that are no longer in my world.  In fact one person in particular is at the center of this pain,  his name is Franklin Frankie.  We met about 3 years ago when I had first arrived in Paradise via the Rainbow Connection.
He was involved in a toxic and tumultuous relationship with a young man that did not respect him, nor care, show/offer moral support or true love.  FF and I slowly became friends, and inched our way closer to each other.  I met his daughters, his bestie, and each time his ex would surface his slithery spineless head and wreak havoc on FF's life, FF would fall apart and I would always be there to help him pick up all the shattered pieces and re-assemble his life, and his heart.

After the last breakup, he seemed to bounce back quicker and we were attending parties, social events, gallery openings and other such things.  His bestie Kelly, would often come with us, and we all got along famously.  She was a lovely wild spirit with butterfly wings and a unicorn horn.

FF and I eventually began to hang out just he and I.

Things were good, no they were great.  It was the Summer of 69! LOL!!

We became the 3 Musketeer's, and regardless of what we were doing it was fun, joyful and always laughing.  I remember the night a group of us went roller skating(first time in 100 years) and then there was the Masquerade Ball, days spent at the pool, potluck's at the penthouse, nights out clubbing, and Costume parties galore!

FF and I were growing closer, not sexually but just closer.

And then nothing.  He cut me out of his life.

What is puzzling to me is that the whole time I was in the coma, he never came to see me.  There are so many things, unanswered questions I have.  It's rather disturbing and not easy to move forward when there are things that remind you of someone on a daily or weekly basis.  I just want to know why?

Was it just me?  What did I do to make you hate me so much? Was the connection all in my head?

Happy Pride my pets!!

Mandrake, Dog Shit and the Smiling Man!

"Picture It" ... it's a beautiful sunny morning, the skies are blue, the birds are chirping, there are cute little lizzard like geckos scurrying all around, and the flowers are in bloom!  As I skip along the sidewalk unaware that I have stepped off into the grass.  I realized this and thought ...why not take off my diamond studded flip flops off and go barefoot?  So I did.

I did this for a short while until I stepped in some wet and still warm, moist dog shit!  Great, just friggin great! I can imagine now how the rest of my day will go!

Thankfully, there was a Gardner working out in the upcoming yard and so I asked the nice man if he would assist me in cleaning off my perfectly shaped foot.  Of course he was more then happy to assist Moi!  I mean who wouldn't?

Once the dog shit is cleaned and removed from my delicate foot, I make my way to the marketplace where I begin to look for an assortment of items for a very special recipe!

The following ingredients:

Black Berry Root

Chicory

Hemlock

Henbane

Mandrake

As I make my way through the exotic market, trying to make conversation with the merchants from lands afar, which is not easy as one might think when you don't each speak the same tongue.
Regardless, I was offered samples of teas that possessed healing powers, and little cakes....breads...wines...and they gave Moi capes and magical slippers and a few other things.

As I took a minute from all the walking and mingling with the merchants, I sat down with a chalice filled with summer wine, and relaxed my feet.  Across the way, was a cute man, and at first I did not pay any attention to him, but I realized he was...well smiling at Moi... of course he was, I mean who doesn't?

As I sat there, I began to smile back, stir my wine with my left index finger so I could ever so slowly suck the wine from it in a seducing way...

This must have continued to go on for 2-3 hours... we just both sat there and smiled at each other.

Normally I would just approach...but thought I should just be coy and sweet today.

As I sat there smiling hoping and praying this handsome stranger would just get up and walk over to me... and before I know it, two large men in white coats approach the handsome man and as they do he stands up quickly and begins to fight them off.  They are big and strong and seem to restrain him.
I realize if I don't try and stop them I might never get to see him again... so I get up and run to his aid!

The men in white coats restrain him as I approach and quickly inform Moi that this handsome man is an escaped mental patient and has a condition called: Angelman Syndrome.  Which causes you to permanently smile forever.  So even if he did not want to smile or meant to....he was.

I learned a real lesson in life... just because someone smiles at you, find out why.... they maybe wincing from gas, or cramps or they might have Angelman Syndrome.  So the next time you step in warm moist dog shit, you should just turn around and go home!