The One Nutter 2

Continuation of The One Nutter

Dinner is lovely, the meal is superb and the jazz singer sets the mood for romance. We walk along the river hand in hand with the moon at our backs as he turns me towards him and pulls me close. His strong muscular arms are wrapped around me and slowly, gently pulls me into a kiss. A kiss of gentleness, of intensity that builds with each pairing of our lips. A kiss full of passion and his hands are running up and down my spine as our kisses continue and he pulls me closer into his warm body pressing his manhood against my thigh. It is then that I feel his attraction for me grow and grow.

We return to my town home light some candles, start some mood music, uncork a bottle of Shiraz and retire to the couch. All is right in the world at this moment and we talk, laugh and then he kisses me again. I again look at his pants, maybe it is my intuition but I am feeling something it just not right. But I brush off my feelings and continue to let him kiss me(as if that’s an issue) and things before more intense, hands are roaming, and lips are wet! Harry then starts to unbutton his pants…I gasp with sheer excitement and a sense of uneasiness. He lowers his pants and it is at this moment my intuition kicks in again and I just stare, eyes wide open, my heart still and I just stare at his thighs, his legs, and his obvious bulge…which looks a bit lopsided? I am just staring at his lower torso thinking what the hell is all over his legs? I begin to think “am I seeing things?” is this a joke? Is this for real? I blink my eyes a few times and look again. Nope, it is still there. His legs are completely covered with tattoos. Now I don’t mean just any tattoos, they all are names of people, men, women, and trailer courts. Except there is one spot that is bare. Harry Butts sits down next to me, as I move away just a tad and wants to explain to moi what the story is about with the tattoos and the bare spot. Harry proceeds to tell Divine Man that each tattoo represents each and every person he has kissed and each trailer court he has resided in. So I then ask him why the one bare spot on your inner right thigh? Harry replies with “ That one empty bare single spot with no ink on it is in honor of the one nut I only have. I am shocked, yet I knew something was off, or shall I say missing! You have only one nut, one nut as in one sac? One testical? One as in singular? One hanging? Yes Divine Man, I only have one nut.
　
The moral to the story is simple: Never assume a book by it’s fancy cover is the perfect read, open it up and read a bit, like the start, and the ending.

I mean why can’t I ever meet someone as Divine as Moi?


man.divine@yahoo.com

　

The One Nutter 1

Moi has dated, loved, and left a few weeping. Which has never been my intent. In fact I have been left more then once. Crying my beautiful baby blues over some idiot.

Picture It! It’s the Fourth of July 2005 and I am out with friends, looking smashing in my holiday frock, tanned, my hair is a bit longer and I am glowing with excitement from the Gallery we have just been to where I noticed I was being watched. A stranger who could not take his eyes off of me. Which is no real surprise because everyone seems to watch me. I can enter a room and everyone stops talking, part way for me to enter.

Anyways, my friends and I walk into another Gallery and there he is, that stranger, handsome and rugged(think Indiana Jones) and he too is with a few people. I walk around, and am offered a glass of bubbly from a waitress, and as I turn around there he is. Wearing fitted boot cut jeans, sandals, and a loose linen shirt and a sexy grin. His hand extends towards me and I offer mine in return. We stand there which seems like forever and just stare into each others eyes. I can feel him undressing my perfect body with his piercing intense dark eyes. My breath is short, my chest tightens as do my perky tatas. I can feel his hands all over Moi and can only imagine what his lips are like?

We start talking and he asks for my name and number and if I would give him the privilege of going to dinner with him? I of course accept.

A few days later I am preparing for my date with Harry Butts and am feeling nervous with excitement. My palms are wet, my temples are moist, and I am smelling like it “tastes like more” wearing white linen against my tanned glistening skin, my hair is perfect, my nails are manicured and I look hot! I can’t wait for my date to arrive, I hope he is on time?

He arrives to pick me up, and I am in total amazement of how impeccable he looks. He is wearing tan fitted slacks(in all the right places) a black short sleeved shirt and sandals. His lips are moist and his 5 o’clock shadow is just right. Yet I find myself glancing at his pants. Something is just…odd. I must be out of my mind with lust. What am I thinking, he is perfect, a god! My stomach is in knots, as it begins to move I am thinking oh shit not again?

To Be Continued...


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Dating

Have you ever been in love? I mean really ever truly loved someone so intensely that it makes you heart beater faster? And makes you lay awake all night thinking about that one person who fills your mind and thoughts with visions of lust, warm feelings that make you tingle inside? Or makes you beam with light and you walk around with a silly expression and everyone just assumes it is because you have had incredible sex, when infact you have not, you just are in love?

Divine Man has been in love. Yes, I have been in love so deeply that it made me do some really brainless things and some really wonderful acts.

It also has torn my heart out and has left it in desperate need of repair.
I have many questions as most do, and I know you think I have all the answers and I usually do. However when it comes to love and relationships all I can do is give my opinion and share my experiences.

I recently received a comment from a Follower, it reads:

Dear Divine Man, you are inspiring and completely hilarious! I look forward each and every day I get to read your blog of all your Misadventures. You say it the way it is. So I seek your advice.Dear Attracting All The Losers In Florida,
I am middle aged, professional, and consider myself to be outgoing and social. I am a professional and have been divorced for a number of years. I have 3 sons all of whom are living out on their own.
In appearance I am attractive, no old maid. I am curvy and clean up rather nicely. I can slug it and I can dress to the nines. Do enjoy many different activities and interests.

My question is: I seem to attract men that are either still married and are looking to cheat, jobless, live with their Mothers, have an addiction to drugs, gambling, alcohol or sex. Now I could handle the sex because I do enjoy it. But what is my problem? The last man I dated was handsome, outgoing and enjoyed his pain killers more then he did me. And the guy before that was seeing me and his ex-wife.
What am I doing wrong? Please help me Divine Man.
Attracting all the losers In Florida!



I am gonna tell you what I told an old friend( and when I say old…she was long in the tooth).
She was outgoing, professional and a lovely woman. Yet she would date losers, OMG some of them were losers. One man wanted to date her and have sex to know whether or not if he was gay or straight. Then once she met this guy, a co-worker whom she was so very much in lust with. He was married for the 3^rd or 4^th time and wanted her. Let’s just say, they “played” and enjoyed each other until she realized she disserved better.

Oh wait I have to tell you one more example: she started seeing this one guy who asked her on the 4^th date if it would be an issue for her if he had “the clap” or that he had herpes? She asked how many women he has slept with and he told her 350 women and men. Now I like getting gifts from dates, but not the one that keeps on giving!

My advice is: Take a look in the mirror and tell yourself “I am better then these losers” and then look at your wardrobe, and where you are going to meet these losers. And if you are doing the “internet dating thing” just know that people tend to lie online and most are game players. I know, I have conversed online once or twice ….ok maybe 4 times, ok ok let’s just say I have tried the internet dating thing a few to many times.

Also, maybe you need to make a list of likes and dislikes. What do you appreciate in another? Interests, hobbies, values, and where do you want to meet someone. Instead of the same ole’ haunts, look outside the box. Expand your interests and at the same time you will be learning something new and going to new places.

See when Moi wants to meet someone I ask people I know if they can introduce me to a friend or someone they know. Just don’t try the blind date thing especially when you are constipated! It can be explosive!
Just be your Divine Self and detour around the losers! There is someone out there that is equal to you!

If anyone wants to write me, seek advice or offer advice, tips, stories, etc.

Email me at: man.divine@yahoo.com

Can we say Crapper?

I really do love Fall, especially in the Midwest. Nothing better then driving along a country road in the early hours of the day, the sun is shining, the leaves are falling bright colors of red, orange, electric yellow and the crisp edge in the air. And you can’t forget the smell of fresh cow crap! Or the leftovers of a skunk dead on the road…why is it even after those nasty creatures are dead…they smell worst then when alive? Divine Man’s sense of smell is sensitive to such odiferous odors.

Regardless, I always seem to shine in the Fall and feel more radiant then the rest of the year. I always seem to feel like walking more, the cooler air is energizing. So I decided to start my Fall Walkathon.

Picture It….Thursday September 20^th, 2010 it is a bright sunny morning and the leaves, grass is moist and the air is just a tad crisp. I dress in my red designer walking suit, put on a red cap, my white Jackie O’s and my new Shape Up shoes. I have been speed walking daily(3-6 miles) and loving that burning pain in my thighs and legs. Kind of like riding a ….well never mine that. So I start the walking trail, and I walk along reminiscing about past Falls, of days gone by. High School Homecomings, Halloween and the magic of old crushes.

So Moi is walking along, actually I am walking my perfect booty off, as if I have the need to improve such perfection? But it is good for the mind. I start my walk and am now on my 3^rd mile and turn around to see two figures in the distant walking my way. There seems to be a woman and a man and 2 dogs. Although I cannot see who they are, my heart starts to pound faster, there is almost a jolt that goes through my body. As I am about 80 feet from the approaching duo the man turns around quickly and walks away. As the woman with her dogs eventually passes Moi, I think…”do I know her” “yes I think I do” and if that is who I think it is...then the man ahead is none other then Brent. Brent and I met years ago at the young age of 20 and 19. I was 20, he was 19. It was instant chemistry, flirtation and innocence. A great friendship in the making.

I remember in the beginning I went to say hi to him at his workplace(a home improvement store) one day, he was about 25 feet up in the air atop a ladder and as I walked into the store, almost in slow motion as I turned my head and looked up our eyes met and held in time. We each instantly wore a huge smile on our faces at the sight of each other. He came down from the ladder and asked why I was there? I of course pretended to be there for another reason. We spent a lot of time together, went out for pizza and beer on Saturday nights, car shows, walks, the theatre, etc… One particular Saturday night we went for the usual and proceeded to sit out back behind the pizza parlor in his black older Ford truck. We sat there a bit buzzed from the Schlitz, talked about what we wanted from life. And that’s when he looks into my eyes, all is still, and pulls me closer to him and kisses me. As fast as he kisses me, he pulls back. From that night on, our friendship is changed forever. I guess he could not handle the truth. That he was into Moi more then I guess he felt he should be. Slowly and terribly painfully our friendship suffered. We saw less and less of each other and he felt it necessary be mean, almost a bully of sorts to me instead of coming to terms with what happened between us.

As I am walking behind who I am sure is Brent, he is wearing tight fitting blue jeans, has a very nice …pair of back pockets on his jeans. A nicely fitted shirt and a certain walk, a sexy swaying of the hips and as I watched each cheek in those awesome jeans I knew it had to be him. And I wondered “why would a straight man wear an outfit like that on a walk?” and then it hit me…what I had known all along was true…this guy was no straight arrow. Never has been. I mean how could he be after kissing Moi, right? One kiss from me and I could turn the Pope himself(bad example I guess). He saw me from 50 feet away and knew he could not see me. SO he ran, like he did all those years ago. In fact each time he has seen me while visiting family in the Midwest, he tries to ignore me. When all he is thinking “I want that.”

So I get closer to his ever so nice backside and he rushes ahead to his black van with the flames on it and I go to my car. And as I look up over my car roof, our eyes meet again for the first time in years. Time stands still and those sparks start to fly. In that moment while all I want to do is have him get out of his van and approach me…I feel something on my ankle. I look down and see it is a snake, a huge grass snake. Well ok it is small but still. In that moment Brent drives off and I freeze, but apparently when something like this happens the only parts of you that freeze are your arms, legs and mouth. Because once I realized what was happening between seeing Brent and the snake at my feet, I felt this warm juicy spot in the seat area of my pants.

As the snake slithered across the ground and away from Moi I slowly opened my car door and tried not to bend and move much as to not disturb that warm juicy spot in my pants. So I reach for my jasmine infused wet wipes and proceed to pack my booty full as to not cause any leakage and sit down in my car fast
.
I ride home fearing there will be stains and a mess. How could this happen to Moi?
　
Remember, go out and find your own Divine self and bring a change of clothes and some wet wipes!

A Child Lost In Pain

Divine Man has a serious side to him. Shocking I know. But Moi does.
In fact I have a few serious sides to me. I normally try not to share my gloom and doom except for my Depression working for an “Au Natural Salon.”

I am a survivor of child sexual abuse and whenever I can share my story of survival in the hopes of helping someone else survive it helps me as well. I was 4 or 5 when it first happened. It was Christmas and what a joyful holiday it was. All was right, I was a happy young boy or at least I think I was? Thanks to the child molester I can not remember my youth much. Or who I was before that night.

It happened more then once, as if the first night of abuse wasn’t enough for this sick SOB he did it again in the summer. My memory of those events and my childhood were locked in a vault of sorts. I had no memory of my youth from that point on. My youth was over. I became withdrawn from society, school, life. Over the years I began to hate life, not really knowing why?

At this point I am in High School and I have been ridiculed, treated like shit. Kids are cruel, insensitive, down right mean. And then people wonder why kids bring guns to school? I do not agree with it, but people, teachers and parents need to open their ears.

I went through hell. I did not feel I could be honest with my parents with what I started to remember. You see I started having dreams, which turned into nightmares. And bit by bit I remembered all the details. Those events changed me forever and I sought out therapy on my own when I was 16. My Art teacher was the one that spoke with me about my mood swings, she cared, she loved me enough to help me. Her grandson was molested and she knew the signs and symptoms of child abuse. It was her that recommended a center to me.

And so I went to therapy on my own. Afraid of the rejection I would get from my parents, I thought if my Mother did not believe me that would kill me. You see, it was her Godson that molested me. And that part of the family was always looked upon as gold. I was terrified of seeing the look of disgust, anger, disbelief, and rejection on Tulips face and in her eyes. She was and is my world. That would have killed moi.
After a lot of therapy, and growing I began to regain a few memories. I started to heal piece by piece and one day at a time. It was a long process, but I finally was able to live for the first time. Or so I thought. But that is another story.

Parents, siblings, Relatives, Grams and Grandpas, please be aware of the signs and symptoms of Child Sexual Abuse and Assault. PLEASE.

Because I do not want this sick sadistic crime to happen to your child, friend, loved one. Somehow we have to find a way to end the nightmare. Breaking the silence and the pattern is the beginning.
Just remember, you are Divine and you are worth any pain or sorrow life throws into your path. Know this: What hurts us, makes us stronger.

Big Balls

What started out as a just another Sunday for Moi, with the usual routine in the morning. First I slowly awake and fluttering each eye ever so delicately so as not to overwhelm my baby blues with the bright morning sun. I then ever so gently lower my pedicured feet and step into my gemstone embossed red slippers and gather up my long flowing red robe, feathers and all.

I am sitting in my living room, comfy on my chaise lounge admiring my stunning profile in the mirror I so strategically placed opposite the chaise lounge. As I lay there looking Divine and enjoying my Mimosa from the freshly squeezed blood oranges I special ordered for just a morning like this. The phone rings, it is my Mother- Tulips! She tells me that Big Daddy is out for the day and that I should come over for drinks and a lite brunch around 11:00 a.m. and that we will conclude with a stroll.

Tulips, my Mother is a brunette with a striking white streak at her front hairline, with fair skin, not a line on her face and sparkly blue eyes! She is a saintly simple woman with a great amount of love, respect and dignity about her. However, she also has a wild fun streak in her as well. We enjoy a lovely brunch and a few sloe gin fizzes, which are rather refreshing on a nice warm fall day. And they kind of make you a bit fizzy/buzzed. Tulips tells me about her friend Lucinda whom is a bit of a trollop at times. Long legs, perky tatas, flaming red hair(dyed) and a bit of a wide ass! Anyways it seems she has gotten herself in a bit of a situation. She went out on one of her binges and now has a tattoo of some guys penis on her backside that reads “Lil D”
And can not remember whose “Lil D” it is.

We decide to go for our stroll, the sun is shining and the birds are chirping with excitement. As we walk along, looking fabulous of course, I notice there is some noise ahead and it seems to be coming from the bushes on the right. It is the sound of rustling leaves, twitching branches and as we approach closer there seems to be some ever so soft moaning of sorts. I quickly glance at Mother and she moves in closer to hear. The moaning gets louder and more rapid. In a fast second a man emerges from the bushes, the sun light spraying rays of light all around him, as our eyes begin to focus on his face, bare shoulders, arms and chest. And what a sexy, defined, hairy chest is it. His eyes meet ours and stands there almost in shock, as Tulips and I stare back at the naked man. Our eyes begin to lower to his broad muscular mid torso and then I do a double take and pat my mother on the arm and say “Ma, have you ever seen such enormous balls on a human man before? Tulips replies with “they are so BIG, I mean my god, no wonder the poor man was moaning, can you imagine walking around with those things, day after day? I wonder if he has bad chafing? Mother, I say “they are freaking huge-bigger then grapefruits” Mother adds “They are like coconuts…dam I wish I liked coconuts! Hell they are melons….and you know how much I love sucking on melons!

And within a flash, a streak, the sexy man with the massive balls(and a bit hairy might I add) took off in a sprint and we noticed there was something written across his bare backside…it read “1 800 big balls”
If you ever find yourself looking face to balls with a man of such massive proportions just remember…be Divine and think “what would Divine Man and Tulips do?”
　
　
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A Friday Night

There is nothing more refreshing then a crispy chilly evening that blows in your open bedroom window, exposing just a bit of the freshness from the outdoors(unless you live on or by a pig farm) and creating the best cuddling sessions! Last evening I did just that, I snuggled with my body pillow and Diva Girl. We watched the new Robin Hood starring Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchett. The best scenes were of course when Robin Hood was exposing his very nice bare chest! Or when Lady Marian was fighting off her would be rapist and stabbing him in the neck.

All in all it was a good re-telling of the legendary Robin Hood.

As Moi snuggled up for the chilly evening, glass of Cognac on the bedside table, candles flickering, Diva Girl curled up in a ball at the foot end of my lovely queenly bed, I got thinking…

Why am I, Divine Man at home on a Friday night? And now that the movie is over what am I ever going to do to entertain myself? I could paint my toenails? Do some assercises? To bad I don’t a big strong man rubbing oil all over my perfect body and massaging Moi into a slumber of peacefulness. But I don’t I have a strong man. No, I am rather tired from my last voyage to find the Fountain Of Youth a.k.a. FOY

I decide to work on a few new designs. Most people do not know what I do in life, other then be Divine! Well I will tell you. I am an Event Manager. I design, create and enhance special events. I have done a large number of weddings: hair, makeup, florals, décor, dress design, and venue planning. Special Events for non-profits, for profits, Cities, Dinner Parties, I market, advertise, sell, and create the buzz!

One of my favorite events that I produce is: Pumpkins At Twilight! It is a masquerade full of spooky libations, delectable horrific edible samplings of pure pleasure, mood lighting, a theme, entertainment, activities, and a silent auction. Last years theme was “An Evening with Tony and Oscar.” A Night of Broadway at the Movies!Each room in my palace was decorated to represent favorite movies and musicals of Moi’s. I turned the dining room into Sherwood Forest with a canopy of trees and leaves that blanketed the ceiling and walls, perfect for Robin and his Merry Men. The feast was staged! The living room was turned into the Phantom’s Lair, with gold fabrics and rich undertones of black draped and golden trees, candles flickering and fog engulfing the floors. The foyer was an enchanted forest fit to scare anyone seeking out The Castle Of The Wicked Witch Of The West. The bar room was the perfect place for all the Pirates, Damsels In Distress, and dead Captains to enjoy their favorite elixirs.

When Moi plans a party or event, everything is planned to the last smallest detail.
This year however I am looking to attend other soirees. So if anyone has a party that needs Divine Man’s attention or a guest appearance by Moi….

Halloween is the perfect night to raise the dead, and I do mean the dead!(ladies and gents, you know what I mean!)

As always, go out and find your own Divine Self!