A Child Lost In Pain

Divine Man has a serious side to him. Shocking I know. But Moi does.
In fact I have a few serious sides to me. I normally try not to share my gloom and doom except for my Depression working for an “Au Natural Salon.”

I am a survivor of child sexual abuse and whenever I can share my story of survival in the hopes of helping someone else survive it helps me as well. I was 4 or 5 when it first happened. It was Christmas and what a joyful holiday it was. All was right, I was a happy young boy or at least I think I was? Thanks to the child molester I can not remember my youth much. Or who I was before that night.

It happened more then once, as if the first night of abuse wasn’t enough for this sick SOB he did it again in the summer. My memory of those events and my childhood were locked in a vault of sorts. I had no memory of my youth from that point on. My youth was over. I became withdrawn from society, school, life. Over the years I began to hate life, not really knowing why?

At this point I am in High School and I have been ridiculed, treated like shit. Kids are cruel, insensitive, down right mean. And then people wonder why kids bring guns to school? I do not agree with it, but people, teachers and parents need to open their ears.

I went through hell. I did not feel I could be honest with my parents with what I started to remember. You see I started having dreams, which turned into nightmares. And bit by bit I remembered all the details. Those events changed me forever and I sought out therapy on my own when I was 16. My Art teacher was the one that spoke with me about my mood swings, she cared, she loved me enough to help me. Her grandson was molested and she knew the signs and symptoms of child abuse. It was her that recommended a center to me.

And so I went to therapy on my own. Afraid of the rejection I would get from my parents, I thought if my Mother did not believe me that would kill me. You see, it was her Godson that molested me. And that part of the family was always looked upon as gold. I was terrified of seeing the look of disgust, anger, disbelief, and rejection on Tulips face and in her eyes. She was and is my world. That would have killed moi.
After a lot of therapy, and growing I began to regain a few memories. I started to heal piece by piece and one day at a time. It was a long process, but I finally was able to live for the first time. Or so I thought. But that is another story.

Parents, siblings, Relatives, Grams and Grandpas, please be aware of the signs and symptoms of Child Sexual Abuse and Assault. PLEASE.

Because I do not want this sick sadistic crime to happen to your child, friend, loved one. Somehow we have to find a way to end the nightmare. Breaking the silence and the pattern is the beginning.
Just remember, you are Divine and you are worth any pain or sorrow life throws into your path. Know this: What hurts us, makes us stronger.