An Explosive Conclusion!

Oh course the pressure is building, almost like a volcano slowly bubbling and the pressure popping. I get to the restrooms now in a sprint, and come to discover…

The Gent’s restroom is closed at the moment, due to cleaning. What am I suppose to do now? Moi’s intestines are ready to burst, my cheeks are trying to remain squeezed together, there is beads of perspiration trickling down my temples, my cramps are increasing as I start to bend over in pain. WHAT THE HELL I AM GOING TO DO?! NO RESTROOM, WAIT! NO, I CAN’T…CAN I? I AM DIVINE MAN AFTERALL, AND I CAN DO ANYTHING! With that I ever so quietly(trying to be quiet) look all around and sneak into the Ladies restroom. All is quiet, and I look under the stalls for heels and legs. The coast is clear! I run into the last stall at the far end of the room. I fumble with my pants draw strings, dam…this is not the time for a knot! Just as I lower my tan linen pants…it blows, explosive spasms of never ending pressure! Almost as if I am in labor delivering a 20 lb. turkey! I can only imagine what all you women must feel in that moment of sheer pain! As I take each of my hands and grab onto each of the handicap rails on the walls of the stall…my body starts to shake and rock side to side, thrusting up and down on this cold toilet seat.

One last push, must be careful though. Grams always told me pushing is not good for the heart, kids should never attempt this at home. Finally all is calming down, the pressure is subsiding, and the beads of perspiration are drying. As I wrap things up and open the door I am frozen in shock and all at once not one but 3, 4 no 6 women stand all before me as a loud thunderous round of applause breaks the silence. Smiles and laughter fill the restroom, so I decide to take a bow and ask “is this why you all come in pairs to powder your noses, in case something explosive happens?”

I finally am refreshed, the ladies help fix me all up and once again I can return to the living without cramps and rejoin my mystery date: H. Splatterlidd aka “brownie”. The first course arrives along with our libations. And conversation begins, laughter, personal exchanges, glances at each other, and the spark that is so obviously between us.