The Edge Of Darkness

While living in my Queen Anne in “small town America” I accepted a position at a “au natural” beauty parlor….yep just another one of my talents. What started out positive soon turned into just another nightmare. I guess I was not “divine” enough or maybe was too “divine?” I was treated…wait strike that. I was dismissed by the owners and the staff. Never felt like I was apart of the team, no matter how I tried to “fit in.” In fact, one of the girls hired me to coordinate her wedding reception décor and florals. However after 3 months of my planning, design prep work, I found out that she had hired another designer. And happen to forget to tell me. Her memory must have been shot, because everyone else was invited to her shot-gun wedding but I.


A long story short, they made me feel like the crap under their shoes. The comments, the sneering glares from their clients, the whispers that stopped whenever I would walk in, the rudeness they portrayed to my clients, and how they sabotaged my existence.

While employed there, my emotions and thoughts turned into depression, lack of self worth, I found myself breaking down, yelling, asking God to end my life. I was unable to pay bills, take care of myself or Diva Girl(the pooch). Waking up each morning was something I hoped would not happen. The pain of how they treated me had shattered my spirit. I remember one night in November, my best friend was with me at home, and I fell completely apart, each piece of my frail existence crumbled all around me, or what was left of myself. Which now was a hurt, devastated, and saddened person who was once full of life and passion. I felt as if I could not continue in the pain anymore. I did not want to. All I did was cry, ask over and over again…”why and how could they treat someone like this.” I left the house in a rage of pain and tears. It was chilly out, but I don’t even recall feeling the cool air on my bare arms as I ran to the river. All I could think was “end the pain finally.”

I stood there looking at the rippling cold water below me, staring off into the darkness that had engulfed my life. The darkness that I was going to surrender myself to. And as I went to step off into the rapids of escape it was then at that last step before death…a strong hand grabbed my arm. Not just one hand but two hands.

Just remember, you are never truly alone, no one is. When death looks like your only chance for peace, look inside yourself, pull the strength from the pain and darkness and embrace it. There is power in numbers, let it set you free.

Always know, that I am living proof that inner strength is real, that survivors are made everyday, and that not even the worst of times is worth you ending your existence.

I mean if I were toes up, what would you have to read?

Divine Man signing off…


When you do find your divine self, go out