My Fans, you have been patient with MOI MIA this week! And I have a lot to share with you! So this will have to do as MOI is on the road in the back of my red limo being chauffeured across the country. More to Come my FANS!
Can you see Divine Man hunting in the woods with a gun or bow? Exactly nor can Moi? However I did one time.
“Picture It” the year is 1988 and it is a chilly fall day, leaves are falling off their branches, off in the distant you can hear the screeching sounds of flying monkeys…ok maybe not flying monkeys…but geese. And then there is the smell of leaves burning and cigar smoke.
Big Daddy is thee almighty hunter along with his protégé Terrance, thee other almighty hunter in training. So what would they need with Moi? I remember Big Daddy approaching Moi as he stares down with his glasses fogged up and snot dripping from his nose and he says “ My divine one, We was thinking you might want to grant us the honor of your presence in the woods today? Thought maybe we could show you the ropes?” I just stand there with my hands on my hips and reply with “Big Daddy…how many hours before you head out? As I will need to dress for this adventure.” Big Daddy said, wear something brightly colored.
So I walk into the house and go to my closet and swung open the doors and start looking through my vast collection of couture. Thinking to myself “whatever shall I wear?” Let me see…ummm…oh yes, this and this, and I think this will work most definitely with a few minor changes! So after about an hour and a half Moi is ready to go hunting!
Everyone is outside waiting for Moi to make my entrance. Big Daddy, Tulips and Terrance, hell even the dogs. As I am standing in the garage as the door starts to rise up above me to reveal my “Hunting Couture” to them I walk out onto the driveway and as Moi does, I stop and announce “Well boys…I am ready!”
Everyone just stands there starring, Tulips is laughing, Terrance is in shock, and Big Daddy’s mouth is hanging open so much so that his dentures fly out and hit the pavement!
While I was selecting my items of clothing I knew I had to wear something brightly colored. And I did just that, with a few adjustments!
Moi is standing there looking fabulous! On my feet I decided to go with hiking boots that I painted bright red and glued red feathers along the top of each. My pants were red with sequins striping them, a lovely red cashmere sweater under a fur and feather trimmed vest. Atop my lovely blonde locks was my red fur hat, oh and I decided to carry a white fur muff just in case my fingers got cold.
Let’s just say this…Moi never got to go out into the woods that day with thee Almighty Hunters! Instead Moi got to go shopping with Tulips at JCPenney’s.
When you want to get “your way” in a situation, remember to always dress for it! The right fashion and accessories can make all the difference!
Remember…Be Divine, because you are!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
MIA
To all my fans, followers and then some!
Divine Man Has been on a mad mission to secure the location of the F.O.Y.(Fountain Of Youth) once again! I am currently in Clearwater, Florida! And Will fill you in on my latest misadventures next week!
Do I have the stories to share with you! I will give you a hint: Hemorroids!
Divine Man
Happy Halloween!
Divine Man Has been on a mad mission to secure the location of the F.O.Y.(Fountain Of Youth) once again! I am currently in Clearwater, Florida! And Will fill you in on my latest misadventures next week!
Do I have the stories to share with you! I will give you a hint: Hemorroids!
Divine Man
Happy Halloween!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
A Little Bit Of Gold Lame' Goes A Long Way
It was “Back To College Week” and Moi, H-Bomb, and Bam Bam all decided we would go out and check out the view at our favorite club…which ironically so was called “The Club Tavern.” We enjoyed going there because of the local flavor and we of course were by far the best dam looking people in the place. Maybe that was because everyone else was red neck, WT or older then us? As we entered the club, we instantly all took notice to a poster that was mounted on the “Wall Of Bar Fly Fame” anyways, the poster read the following:
Back To College Toga Party!
Must be 21 to enter!
Drink Specials!
Shot Games!
Prizes for Best Toga!
Saturday
8pm -Midnight
Be There Or Be Square! Well, all 3 of us looked at the poster and then at each other with expressions of excitement, naughty delight, and glee! We decided we would for sure have to attend such an event dressed in togas.
In Order for you to envision my 2 best bitches, H-Bomb and Bam Bam I will have to describe them. Bare with me please! H-Bomb is a brunette(from a box) with flowing curly locks and twinkling dark eyes, with those cute soft cheeks that make you want to squeeze them and say “Grandma Loves You” and an ass you could serve tea on! She was always vamping it up occasionally if the mood was write would do this hilarious and almost freakish expression known as “The Lizard,” usually at random times, on windows, in the middle of a conversation, etc. Now Bam Bam was more quiet at first, she wore her hair light brown/blonde enjoyed a good pair of tight pants covering a equally pair of bubble cheeks! I remember one Halloween she dressed as a Bar Wench…she was perfect in the role! The fun and wild times the 3 of us had back in the day!
Anywho, it is Saturday Night the 27th and Moi is tired from school and all the drama. I am relaxing at “The Loft” with my flowing red robe, feathers and all, Diva Girl at my perfectly pedicured feet, and a dirty martini in one hand and my pal Brady massaging my ever so desirable bubble buttocks. The day was a bit rough and I just needed some pampering. The bitches called Moi at about 6:30 and asked if I was still interested in attending The Toga Party? I told them I was, but only if they too were going to fashion a toga for the evening. The bitches of course promised me they would and told me they would be there about 7:45 and would get us a table near the stage/dance area. I told them to expect me fashionably late!
I had no idea what I would even wear, I mean come on Divine Man could not attend this social party in just a mere bed sheet? No way. So I went across the hall to my storage room and dug through some plastic storage bins for something sexy to wear! And of course I found the perfect pieces of fabric to assemble the most alluring, sexy, shimmering toga complete with the right accessories. After I painted a pair of sandals gold with glitter to match, and selected the perfect necklace, earring, and rings to wear with my toga of gold lame’, ivory silk that shimmered in the moonlight, and a pair of ivory fitted jockey shorts underneath(Moi thought it was only appropriate to wear something for a change) so I would have a place to put my money and ID as I knew I would get carded because I looked only 16. I looked HOT with my tanned skin, flawless as always, my slender waist, and my toned legs. I made my way to “The Club Tavern.”
As I walk in slowly, thinking “what in the hell am I doing?” and then say “why not, you look hot, dam hot!” I walk into the main area of the club, the bar to my right is filled with people, there are some people already dancing, and there at a table in the middle of it all is my 2 best bitches. Wearing pants, shoes, shirts and jackets! As is the rest of every other single person there. I am the only person in a toga! And at that moment I decide…Divine Man just go with this, own it! And I did! I was the center of the whole evening, so many “straight men” were falling all over me, wanting to touch me, dance with Moi-it was raining men all night long! And they all wanted Moi, buying me drinks, supplying me with their number and sticking money in my shorts, heck even Captain Morgan made an appearance and asked me to slow dance with him! All the while H-Bomb and Bam Bam never once got even a mere glance in their direction! HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When you can own your Divineness like Moi, surprising things will come your way, of course a little bit of gold Lame’ can’t hurt either!
Back To College Toga Party!
Must be 21 to enter!
Drink Specials!
Shot Games!
Prizes for Best Toga!
Saturday
8pm -Midnight
Be There Or Be Square! Well, all 3 of us looked at the poster and then at each other with expressions of excitement, naughty delight, and glee! We decided we would for sure have to attend such an event dressed in togas.
In Order for you to envision my 2 best bitches, H-Bomb and Bam Bam I will have to describe them. Bare with me please! H-Bomb is a brunette(from a box) with flowing curly locks and twinkling dark eyes, with those cute soft cheeks that make you want to squeeze them and say “Grandma Loves You” and an ass you could serve tea on! She was always vamping it up occasionally if the mood was write would do this hilarious and almost freakish expression known as “The Lizard,” usually at random times, on windows, in the middle of a conversation, etc. Now Bam Bam was more quiet at first, she wore her hair light brown/blonde enjoyed a good pair of tight pants covering a equally pair of bubble cheeks! I remember one Halloween she dressed as a Bar Wench…she was perfect in the role! The fun and wild times the 3 of us had back in the day!
Anywho, it is Saturday Night the 27th and Moi is tired from school and all the drama. I am relaxing at “The Loft” with my flowing red robe, feathers and all, Diva Girl at my perfectly pedicured feet, and a dirty martini in one hand and my pal Brady massaging my ever so desirable bubble buttocks. The day was a bit rough and I just needed some pampering. The bitches called Moi at about 6:30 and asked if I was still interested in attending The Toga Party? I told them I was, but only if they too were going to fashion a toga for the evening. The bitches of course promised me they would and told me they would be there about 7:45 and would get us a table near the stage/dance area. I told them to expect me fashionably late!
I had no idea what I would even wear, I mean come on Divine Man could not attend this social party in just a mere bed sheet? No way. So I went across the hall to my storage room and dug through some plastic storage bins for something sexy to wear! And of course I found the perfect pieces of fabric to assemble the most alluring, sexy, shimmering toga complete with the right accessories. After I painted a pair of sandals gold with glitter to match, and selected the perfect necklace, earring, and rings to wear with my toga of gold lame’, ivory silk that shimmered in the moonlight, and a pair of ivory fitted jockey shorts underneath(Moi thought it was only appropriate to wear something for a change) so I would have a place to put my money and ID as I knew I would get carded because I looked only 16. I looked HOT with my tanned skin, flawless as always, my slender waist, and my toned legs. I made my way to “The Club Tavern.”
As I walk in slowly, thinking “what in the hell am I doing?” and then say “why not, you look hot, dam hot!” I walk into the main area of the club, the bar to my right is filled with people, there are some people already dancing, and there at a table in the middle of it all is my 2 best bitches. Wearing pants, shoes, shirts and jackets! As is the rest of every other single person there. I am the only person in a toga! And at that moment I decide…Divine Man just go with this, own it! And I did! I was the center of the whole evening, so many “straight men” were falling all over me, wanting to touch me, dance with Moi-it was raining men all night long! And they all wanted Moi, buying me drinks, supplying me with their number and sticking money in my shorts, heck even Captain Morgan made an appearance and asked me to slow dance with him! All the while H-Bomb and Bam Bam never once got even a mere glance in their direction! HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When you can own your Divineness like Moi, surprising things will come your way, of course a little bit of gold Lame’ can’t hurt either!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Lycra And A Spiral Staircase!
It is the summer 2003 and my 2 best bitches and I have been having the time of our lives. H-Bomb and Moi were attending night school together and met over folding towels. We were in Beauty College and we forced to do the dam laundry. As if! Anyhow, H-Bomb and I hit it off instantly and became fast BFF’s. Not that long after our fateful meeting she introduced me to another pal of hers called Bam Bam. Honestly to this day I have no idea why in the hell she was named that?
Summer nights were filled with frolicking fun, flirting, hitting the clubs and coloring each others hair and the occasional Brazilian wax!
One particular night me and the girls at school that seemed to be my “posse” decided to go out and tie one on! We actually tied on a few! Anyways we were at this Mexican Bistro called “Pedro’s,” we enjoyed going there for their 34oz Margaritas! So we are all in the dining room and there must have been 8 of us laughing, drinking, gossiping, and flirting with the waiter. Our one GF thought she could “hump” the waiter? He must have liked it, because they are now married! Eventually we all decided to call it a night…or so we thought. Now Moi was a well respected individual in the community and never ever attended an after bar party! So I thought…”girls wanna have and after bar party? At my loft? Well needless to say everyone was very cool with this! So off to Moi’s loft we go.
After a few drinks and laughing we all were tired and knew we had to get up Saturday morning for class! Which meant that everyone staying over would have to wear my clothes to school. Now, Divine Man had a lovely loft style apartment with a spiral staircase, a catwalk, a patio, and a balcony. So I went upstairs and slipped into something more comfortable. A pair of black lycra and a white wife beater. Being the gracious host I am Moi threw down bed shirts for each to wear. We decided to have one last night cap, at which point we did not need. Shall we just say that we were more then 3 sheets to the wind. At this point a few were falling asleep or passing out I guess? And Moi retired upstairs in my bed where I fell fast asleep. It must have only been an hour or 2 when my baby blues fluttered open and realized if Moi did not get to the bathroom that I would drench the entire bed! So I went across the room to the Powder Room. Once I completed my mission I proceeded to take my lycra shorts off and put them back on? Why I have no idea?
However doing so, I put both of my stunning legs through one of the legs in the shorts and went to bed.
Eventually I awoke later on during the night of drunken fun and somehow got down my spiral staircase like this. I hobbled over to get some water, trying not to step on anyone and proceeded back up my spiral staircase with my knees locked together in these lycra shorts with both legs in one and I am not realizing even what the hell I am doing, except the whole time I am thinking “why am I wearing such a skin tight skirt?” Oh lock I have a pocket(as I put my hand down the other unused leg.
Never drink and wear Lycra on a spiral staircase. Be more divine then that, wear nothing!
Drop a line of your thoughts, a question, lay on my couch and tell me your pains!
man.divine@yahoo.com
Summer nights were filled with frolicking fun, flirting, hitting the clubs and coloring each others hair and the occasional Brazilian wax!
One particular night me and the girls at school that seemed to be my “posse” decided to go out and tie one on! We actually tied on a few! Anyways we were at this Mexican Bistro called “Pedro’s,” we enjoyed going there for their 34oz Margaritas! So we are all in the dining room and there must have been 8 of us laughing, drinking, gossiping, and flirting with the waiter. Our one GF thought she could “hump” the waiter? He must have liked it, because they are now married! Eventually we all decided to call it a night…or so we thought. Now Moi was a well respected individual in the community and never ever attended an after bar party! So I thought…”girls wanna have and after bar party? At my loft? Well needless to say everyone was very cool with this! So off to Moi’s loft we go.
After a few drinks and laughing we all were tired and knew we had to get up Saturday morning for class! Which meant that everyone staying over would have to wear my clothes to school. Now, Divine Man had a lovely loft style apartment with a spiral staircase, a catwalk, a patio, and a balcony. So I went upstairs and slipped into something more comfortable. A pair of black lycra and a white wife beater. Being the gracious host I am Moi threw down bed shirts for each to wear. We decided to have one last night cap, at which point we did not need. Shall we just say that we were more then 3 sheets to the wind. At this point a few were falling asleep or passing out I guess? And Moi retired upstairs in my bed where I fell fast asleep. It must have only been an hour or 2 when my baby blues fluttered open and realized if Moi did not get to the bathroom that I would drench the entire bed! So I went across the room to the Powder Room. Once I completed my mission I proceeded to take my lycra shorts off and put them back on? Why I have no idea?
However doing so, I put both of my stunning legs through one of the legs in the shorts and went to bed.
Eventually I awoke later on during the night of drunken fun and somehow got down my spiral staircase like this. I hobbled over to get some water, trying not to step on anyone and proceeded back up my spiral staircase with my knees locked together in these lycra shorts with both legs in one and I am not realizing even what the hell I am doing, except the whole time I am thinking “why am I wearing such a skin tight skirt?” Oh lock I have a pocket(as I put my hand down the other unused leg.
Never drink and wear Lycra on a spiral staircase. Be more divine then that, wear nothing!
Drop a line of your thoughts, a question, lay on my couch and tell me your pains!
man.divine@yahoo.com
Monday, October 18, 2010
The Fog Keeps Rolling In...the conclusion!
Was it the devil? A dark power unknown to Moi? What is it that had my body frozen, unable to move? The only part of my body that I was able to move were my beautiful baby blues. As my eyes kept searching for another figure, I realized not even Terrance was anywhere to be found. I tried to move but my body was powerless to whatever it was that kept Moi a prisoner.
And then I heard the faint sound of foot steps, from where I was unsure. The foot steps seemed to be getting louder, closer and closer, louder as if they were inside my head and then they stopped. The fog was now so very thick and I could barely see past my nose. All was so very still, deathly still and the air seemed to cool the moment the footsteps stopped.
I remember feeling a bit tired, my eye lids began to tire, grow heavy and all I wanted to do was sleep, but my inner voice kept saying “Don’t fall asleep or you will not wake up.” I forced my baby blues open as my eyes danced from left to right. It seemed to be hours when I finally realized there was a cold hand upon my bare tanned shoulder and as I focused in on the movement of this cold hand it seemed to be tracing my skin in a circular pattern. And then it stopped and all I felt was 2 fingers now on my skin and then I felt the other cold hand slowly and ever so strategically tilt my head to the left as if to stretch out my neck.
My heart began to beat faster, and faster until I thought it explode through my chest and rip my skin apart. In that moment of shear and utter terror I felt his breath growing closer and closer to my neck. (Did you know that even the undead can have bad breath? You would think they wouldn’t right?) All I could think was “Moi you have to move, somehow you have to move and get away from this freak!” and yet there was apart of Moi that did not want to fight it. He/She was so very close now and then his lips began to touch my bare skin. He/She was gentle at first and then his lips began to grow stronger and more intense. I now could feel his teeth.
Just as he removed his/her mouth from my flawless youthful skin I suddenly felt a very warm and familiar trickle of fluid drenching my legs and splashing all over the patio. As the fluid flowed from my inner thighs I could faintly smell an odor that I knew. It was garlic! And within a fast second the fog seemed to withdrawal from all around my body and inch by inch my muscles began to move. First my toes, then my legs and in that fast moment I turned to look at this creature, this figure that was now staring me in the eyes. His/Her eyes were glowing an intense red color, his/her skin was very pale, and his hair was black as the night. It seemed like eternity that we stood there starring into each other’s eyes. And then in a burst of wind and fury, he/she was gone. The fog seemed to have disappear and the hundreds of beetles seemed to have vanish as well. As I turned back around to see the pool I thought to myself “ thank god I ate that garlic bread today!”
See, garlic is good for you! And if you ever come face to face with the undead, make sure you have Altoids or gum, because man they sure have bad breath!
Enjoy Halloween 2010 and be DIVINE!!!
And then I heard the faint sound of foot steps, from where I was unsure. The foot steps seemed to be getting louder, closer and closer, louder as if they were inside my head and then they stopped. The fog was now so very thick and I could barely see past my nose. All was so very still, deathly still and the air seemed to cool the moment the footsteps stopped.
I remember feeling a bit tired, my eye lids began to tire, grow heavy and all I wanted to do was sleep, but my inner voice kept saying “Don’t fall asleep or you will not wake up.” I forced my baby blues open as my eyes danced from left to right. It seemed to be hours when I finally realized there was a cold hand upon my bare tanned shoulder and as I focused in on the movement of this cold hand it seemed to be tracing my skin in a circular pattern. And then it stopped and all I felt was 2 fingers now on my skin and then I felt the other cold hand slowly and ever so strategically tilt my head to the left as if to stretch out my neck.
My heart began to beat faster, and faster until I thought it explode through my chest and rip my skin apart. In that moment of shear and utter terror I felt his breath growing closer and closer to my neck. (Did you know that even the undead can have bad breath? You would think they wouldn’t right?) All I could think was “Moi you have to move, somehow you have to move and get away from this freak!” and yet there was apart of Moi that did not want to fight it. He/She was so very close now and then his lips began to touch my bare skin. He/She was gentle at first and then his lips began to grow stronger and more intense. I now could feel his teeth.
Just as he removed his/her mouth from my flawless youthful skin I suddenly felt a very warm and familiar trickle of fluid drenching my legs and splashing all over the patio. As the fluid flowed from my inner thighs I could faintly smell an odor that I knew. It was garlic! And within a fast second the fog seemed to withdrawal from all around my body and inch by inch my muscles began to move. First my toes, then my legs and in that fast moment I turned to look at this creature, this figure that was now staring me in the eyes. His/Her eyes were glowing an intense red color, his/her skin was very pale, and his hair was black as the night. It seemed like eternity that we stood there starring into each other’s eyes. And then in a burst of wind and fury, he/she was gone. The fog seemed to have disappear and the hundreds of beetles seemed to have vanish as well. As I turned back around to see the pool I thought to myself “ thank god I ate that garlic bread today!”
See, garlic is good for you! And if you ever come face to face with the undead, make sure you have Altoids or gum, because man they sure have bad breath!
Enjoy Halloween 2010 and be DIVINE!!!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
The Fog Comes Rolling In...Part 1
Have you ever gone on a family vacation when you were a child? Was it fun, exciting and did it make you anxious so much so that you could not sleep the nights leading up to the day with you and your family fit the road or the air?
“Picture It”
It was the summer of 1986, June actually. The trip was planned for late June, but Tulips and Big Daddy decided to surprise Moi and my older brother Terrance(the pain in the ass that he is) and woke us up at 4a.m. June 8th. We hit the HWY in our 4 door Horizon Sundance(Torch Red) and by 8a.m. it was already a sweltering 85 degrees. We have no A/C in the that ever so trendy vehicle. As I reflect back on the trip I can honestly say I know what sardines feel like. As we drove along I tried to maintain my sanity and the perspiration that was dripping down my forehead and down to my underarms from reaching cheeks/booty. I waved a grass made hand held fan back and forth, side to side, up and down, between my legs, under my arms in hopes of remaining cooler.
We arrived late that first evening at a motel somewhere in some city unknown to Moi. We got to our room and Terrance and I decided to go out and take a swim in the pool. As I reached my perfect hand to the patio door handle and opened it slowly to this dense fog that seemed to be engulfing the patio area, the pool and decking. As my eyes adjusted to the heavy thick as pea soup fog and my sandled feet onto the deck I heard a crunch! And another crunch, and another until all Moi’s perfect ears only heard was sound of crunching everywhere we walked. Terrance reached down through the thick fog and grabbed an object. We were walking all over beetles, hundreds or thousands of these disgusting insects. I just stood there…
It was then at that moment that I for some unknown reason felt this power, this presence engulf me and almost control my body, my muscles, and my mind…All I could do was stand there frozen, unable to move, a prisoner in my own body. It was as if I were in a vat of ice cold water slowly rising higher and higher. My limbs were going numb slowly as the fog grew thicker all around me. As I slowly moved my eyes to my brother I saw then that the fog was only circling Moi… What was this exactly? Was it the devil? A dark power unknown to Moi?
Never take your Divine Ass to a motel that resembles “The Bates Motel” always stay at a 5***** establishment.
To Be Continued …
“Picture It”
It was the summer of 1986, June actually. The trip was planned for late June, but Tulips and Big Daddy decided to surprise Moi and my older brother Terrance(the pain in the ass that he is) and woke us up at 4a.m. June 8th. We hit the HWY in our 4 door Horizon Sundance(Torch Red) and by 8a.m. it was already a sweltering 85 degrees. We have no A/C in the that ever so trendy vehicle. As I reflect back on the trip I can honestly say I know what sardines feel like. As we drove along I tried to maintain my sanity and the perspiration that was dripping down my forehead and down to my underarms from reaching cheeks/booty. I waved a grass made hand held fan back and forth, side to side, up and down, between my legs, under my arms in hopes of remaining cooler.
We arrived late that first evening at a motel somewhere in some city unknown to Moi. We got to our room and Terrance and I decided to go out and take a swim in the pool. As I reached my perfect hand to the patio door handle and opened it slowly to this dense fog that seemed to be engulfing the patio area, the pool and decking. As my eyes adjusted to the heavy thick as pea soup fog and my sandled feet onto the deck I heard a crunch! And another crunch, and another until all Moi’s perfect ears only heard was sound of crunching everywhere we walked. Terrance reached down through the thick fog and grabbed an object. We were walking all over beetles, hundreds or thousands of these disgusting insects. I just stood there…
It was then at that moment that I for some unknown reason felt this power, this presence engulf me and almost control my body, my muscles, and my mind…All I could do was stand there frozen, unable to move, a prisoner in my own body. It was as if I were in a vat of ice cold water slowly rising higher and higher. My limbs were going numb slowly as the fog grew thicker all around me. As I slowly moved my eyes to my brother I saw then that the fog was only circling Moi… What was this exactly? Was it the devil? A dark power unknown to Moi?
Never take your Divine Ass to a motel that resembles “The Bates Motel” always stay at a 5***** establishment.
To Be Continued …
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Girlfriends and Married Guys!
BFF’s, GF’s, BF’s, Fans, etc etc etc. Moi has all of them! Especially the GF’s and what a bunch they are. I recently met my posse out for a nite of laughter, wine, smiles, cat fights, and the many many many older men that enjoyed starring at Moi!
We all decide to meet at an upscale lounge and bistro which overlooks a river which flows into a lake(which I suspect has dead bodies in it and God knows what else?). I arrive fashionably late, wearing a nice slimming pair of jeans that are lose even after washing them and drying them on high heat! Along with black squared shoes and a black thin long sleeved shirt with just enough buttons open to expose my tanned perfect skin and a peak at my chest, which is always a hit! My hair is perfectly styled, my face is flawless and my eyes are dancing with sparkles of excitement.
The posse included: My dear friend Dawneen, a sweet genuine blonde, who can admit she can be an airhead at times! But she is a woman of over the top love, compassion, a kindred free spirit with a twist of Mother Teresa all wrapped in one lovely soul! Then we have her sister Constance a.k.a. “Cubes” who is a caring witty lady who does not even realize the depth of her beauty and is kind of delicate with brassy hair! And there was Dawneen’s Gas Pump Attendant/Friend whom I only had met this particular evening! The jury is still out on this one. We were enjoying our wine, and the conversations were a delight enriched with gossip, sex, stress, and of course Moi!
After about an hour of great fun, in walks(or shall I say slithers in) “Sara” whom I have known for a few years(1 to many) and is there to see Dawneen. Now the thing about Sara is…well she is nuts! She is a nut job soaked in a lot of beer, from sun rise to sun down! And the remarkable thing about her is that she has this way of making everything all about her and her issues. Her sad, sad life. For example: If any one of us will end up in the Betty Ford…it will be Sara. She always has her hair ratted and looking like she just rolled out of bed no matter what time it is, when in fact she just drinks a bit on the heavy side. And by the end of the day her lips go numb and nothing of significance comes out of her mouth. And if going numb is not special enough her lips blow up, swell almost as if she just had them filled!
Anyways, the evening is fun regardless, I am looking divine as always, having a lovely chat when this white haired daddy walks by and looks me in my baby blues and smiles intently at Moi. Now he is older then I, long in the tooth, but looks really good. He does this multiple times throughout the evening. My posse and I decide to go outside on the patio and enjoy the stars, moonlight, warm air and over “clove cigs” which I rarely smoke. Maybe one or two every 2 or 3 months. While my back is turned facing the GF’s laughing and chatting a man approaches(another white haired daddy) and asks for my name, and number. He tells me “I have been enjoying the view all evening, especially the backside!” I tell him “thank you” and he offers me his name and number! We engage in chit chat and I compliment him and tell him of his devastating looks(can I embellish or what?) and he proceeds to tell Moi that he needs to return to his wife inside. TYPICAL JUST TYPICAL! I swear all men, most of whom are married like younger men. And not just like them…they want to “play” with them! And why is that? Because they will say “I am straight but like a guy sometimes” or “I am just bi-curious” or my favorite “My wife knows of my desire to be with a guy and she is ok with it.”
Anyways, the guy goes inside to his wife, and comes back out later when my posse and I go back out for more air. He tells me this time “I just can not stay away from you, but my girlfriend will wonder where I am?”
I stand there thinking “he has a wife, and a girlfriend? Where are they? Having drinks together?” What a loser!
Just remember: we can’t pick our family, but we can pick our friends and we surely can pick who gets our number and who does not!
Be Divine!
We all decide to meet at an upscale lounge and bistro which overlooks a river which flows into a lake(which I suspect has dead bodies in it and God knows what else?). I arrive fashionably late, wearing a nice slimming pair of jeans that are lose even after washing them and drying them on high heat! Along with black squared shoes and a black thin long sleeved shirt with just enough buttons open to expose my tanned perfect skin and a peak at my chest, which is always a hit! My hair is perfectly styled, my face is flawless and my eyes are dancing with sparkles of excitement.
The posse included: My dear friend Dawneen, a sweet genuine blonde, who can admit she can be an airhead at times! But she is a woman of over the top love, compassion, a kindred free spirit with a twist of Mother Teresa all wrapped in one lovely soul! Then we have her sister Constance a.k.a. “Cubes” who is a caring witty lady who does not even realize the depth of her beauty and is kind of delicate with brassy hair! And there was Dawneen’s Gas Pump Attendant/Friend whom I only had met this particular evening! The jury is still out on this one. We were enjoying our wine, and the conversations were a delight enriched with gossip, sex, stress, and of course Moi!
After about an hour of great fun, in walks(or shall I say slithers in) “Sara” whom I have known for a few years(1 to many) and is there to see Dawneen. Now the thing about Sara is…well she is nuts! She is a nut job soaked in a lot of beer, from sun rise to sun down! And the remarkable thing about her is that she has this way of making everything all about her and her issues. Her sad, sad life. For example: If any one of us will end up in the Betty Ford…it will be Sara. She always has her hair ratted and looking like she just rolled out of bed no matter what time it is, when in fact she just drinks a bit on the heavy side. And by the end of the day her lips go numb and nothing of significance comes out of her mouth. And if going numb is not special enough her lips blow up, swell almost as if she just had them filled!
Anyways, the evening is fun regardless, I am looking divine as always, having a lovely chat when this white haired daddy walks by and looks me in my baby blues and smiles intently at Moi. Now he is older then I, long in the tooth, but looks really good. He does this multiple times throughout the evening. My posse and I decide to go outside on the patio and enjoy the stars, moonlight, warm air and over “clove cigs” which I rarely smoke. Maybe one or two every 2 or 3 months. While my back is turned facing the GF’s laughing and chatting a man approaches(another white haired daddy) and asks for my name, and number. He tells me “I have been enjoying the view all evening, especially the backside!” I tell him “thank you” and he offers me his name and number! We engage in chit chat and I compliment him and tell him of his devastating looks(can I embellish or what?) and he proceeds to tell Moi that he needs to return to his wife inside. TYPICAL JUST TYPICAL! I swear all men, most of whom are married like younger men. And not just like them…they want to “play” with them! And why is that? Because they will say “I am straight but like a guy sometimes” or “I am just bi-curious” or my favorite “My wife knows of my desire to be with a guy and she is ok with it.”
Anyways, the guy goes inside to his wife, and comes back out later when my posse and I go back out for more air. He tells me this time “I just can not stay away from you, but my girlfriend will wonder where I am?”
I stand there thinking “he has a wife, and a girlfriend? Where are they? Having drinks together?” What a loser!
Just remember: we can’t pick our family, but we can pick our friends and we surely can pick who gets our number and who does not!
Be Divine!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Moi, A Stiff Shirt? As If!
I am just so shocked, so, so, so very shocked at what Moi was told recently! A few weeks ago I decided to share my credentials and fabulous experience with a very specific company. Now as you all well know, Divine Man is well…Divine! And any company(not just any company-I am not easy!) would be all the more divine to welcome Moi into their fold. Of course now I would have to be wined and dined a tad before even possibly contemplating such a move. You see, when I seek out a person, a place or company I always go for the best and brightest!
Anyways, I was called this week by this specific company and of course the Assistant to The Director Of Corporate Operations calls and practically begs me through the phone to if possible, “squeeze in a meeting this week.” Moi of course accepts her request and agrees to this on Friday at 11:30am.
I arrive at the Corporate Offices early naturally, and I look Divine as always, I am wearing my white Jackie O’s, my hair is perfect, as is my face. I decided to dress sharp and professional in all black with a cranberry red tie. Dam I looked hot! So I waited in the lobby for the DOCO to gather me up! Well he was fashionably late…he obviously did not know Moi or he would have been early like Moi.
He leads me into his conference room and offers me a chair. The air was still, and all I could do was take long shallow breaths to remain calm and cool like a freshly harvested cucumber just before it is going to be sliced and diced into a sandwich. For all intent purposes we will call The DOCO, Randy. Randy starts his lingo and is very detailed in his explanation of the 2 positions for which he so desperately wants me for. We engage in friendly banter back and forth.
And that’s when he tells Moi “I have to be honest, you are rather a stiff shirt, or at least I was getting that from you in the beginning and now you are opening up more, and I am feeling more of the man I imagined I would meet from your impeccable qualifications.” I am so stunned! Moi a stiff shirt? As if! I mean I am all about being professional and I truly feel there is a time and a place to be stiff! But Moi is no stiff shirt! I knew I should have worn my white Jackie O’s and red boa into the meeting(banging my head against the wall) and just been my perfectly charming funny over the top Divine self.
But can you imagine…me a stiff shirt? HA!
I sincerely hope that they call me back in for a second meeting. And Divine Man will be simply that…Divine!
“Randy” and “Patty”…I could go into song and dance right now but I would rather save the good stuff for when I start with the company. That way you can see me in Divine Action!
Remember all my divine people out there…Never second guess yourself or your instincts like I did at this first meeting. Never hide your star quality! Be who you are! Divine!
Feel free to write to Moi...about your thoughts, questions, issues, etc...
man.divine@yahoo.com
Anyways, I was called this week by this specific company and of course the Assistant to The Director Of Corporate Operations calls and practically begs me through the phone to if possible, “squeeze in a meeting this week.” Moi of course accepts her request and agrees to this on Friday at 11:30am.
I arrive at the Corporate Offices early naturally, and I look Divine as always, I am wearing my white Jackie O’s, my hair is perfect, as is my face. I decided to dress sharp and professional in all black with a cranberry red tie. Dam I looked hot! So I waited in the lobby for the DOCO to gather me up! Well he was fashionably late…he obviously did not know Moi or he would have been early like Moi.
He leads me into his conference room and offers me a chair. The air was still, and all I could do was take long shallow breaths to remain calm and cool like a freshly harvested cucumber just before it is going to be sliced and diced into a sandwich. For all intent purposes we will call The DOCO, Randy. Randy starts his lingo and is very detailed in his explanation of the 2 positions for which he so desperately wants me for. We engage in friendly banter back and forth.
And that’s when he tells Moi “I have to be honest, you are rather a stiff shirt, or at least I was getting that from you in the beginning and now you are opening up more, and I am feeling more of the man I imagined I would meet from your impeccable qualifications.” I am so stunned! Moi a stiff shirt? As if! I mean I am all about being professional and I truly feel there is a time and a place to be stiff! But Moi is no stiff shirt! I knew I should have worn my white Jackie O’s and red boa into the meeting(banging my head against the wall) and just been my perfectly charming funny over the top Divine self.
But can you imagine…me a stiff shirt? HA!
I sincerely hope that they call me back in for a second meeting. And Divine Man will be simply that…Divine!
“Randy” and “Patty”…I could go into song and dance right now but I would rather save the good stuff for when I start with the company. That way you can see me in Divine Action!
Remember all my divine people out there…Never second guess yourself or your instincts like I did at this first meeting. Never hide your star quality! Be who you are! Divine!
Feel free to write to Moi...about your thoughts, questions, issues, etc...
man.divine@yahoo.com
Saturday, October 9, 2010
The One Nutter 2
Continuation of The One Nutter
Dinner is lovely, the meal is superb and the jazz singer sets the mood for romance. We walk along the river hand in hand with the moon at our backs as he turns me towards him and pulls me close. His strong muscular arms are wrapped around me and slowly, gently pulls me into a kiss. A kiss of gentleness, of intensity that builds with each pairing of our lips. A kiss full of passion and his hands are running up and down my spine as our kisses continue and he pulls me closer into his warm body pressing his manhood against my thigh. It is then that I feel his attraction for me grow and grow.
We return to my town home light some candles, start some mood music, uncork a bottle of Shiraz and retire to the couch. All is right in the world at this moment and we talk, laugh and then he kisses me again. I again look at his pants, maybe it is my intuition but I am feeling something it just not right. But I brush off my feelings and continue to let him kiss me(as if that’s an issue) and things before more intense, hands are roaming, and lips are wet! Harry then starts to unbutton his pants…I gasp with sheer excitement and a sense of uneasiness. He lowers his pants and it is at this moment my intuition kicks in again and I just stare, eyes wide open, my heart still and I just stare at his thighs, his legs, and his obvious bulge…which looks a bit lopsided? I am just staring at his lower torso thinking what the hell is all over his legs? I begin to think “am I seeing things?” is this a joke? Is this for real? I blink my eyes a few times and look again. Nope, it is still there. His legs are completely covered with tattoos. Now I don’t mean just any tattoos, they all are names of people, men, women, and trailer courts. Except there is one spot that is bare. Harry Butts sits down next to me, as I move away just a tad and wants to explain to moi what the story is about with the tattoos and the bare spot. Harry proceeds to tell Divine Man that each tattoo represents each and every person he has kissed and each trailer court he has resided in. So I then ask him why the one bare spot on your inner right thigh? Harry replies with “ That one empty bare single spot with no ink on it is in honor of the one nut I only have. I am shocked, yet I knew something was off, or shall I say missing! You have only one nut, one nut as in one sac? One testical? One as in singular? One hanging? Yes Divine Man, I only have one nut.
The moral to the story is simple: Never assume a book by it’s fancy cover is the perfect read, open it up and read a bit, like the start, and the ending.
I mean why can’t I ever meet someone as Divine as Moi?
man.divine@yahoo.com
Dinner is lovely, the meal is superb and the jazz singer sets the mood for romance. We walk along the river hand in hand with the moon at our backs as he turns me towards him and pulls me close. His strong muscular arms are wrapped around me and slowly, gently pulls me into a kiss. A kiss of gentleness, of intensity that builds with each pairing of our lips. A kiss full of passion and his hands are running up and down my spine as our kisses continue and he pulls me closer into his warm body pressing his manhood against my thigh. It is then that I feel his attraction for me grow and grow.
We return to my town home light some candles, start some mood music, uncork a bottle of Shiraz and retire to the couch. All is right in the world at this moment and we talk, laugh and then he kisses me again. I again look at his pants, maybe it is my intuition but I am feeling something it just not right. But I brush off my feelings and continue to let him kiss me(as if that’s an issue) and things before more intense, hands are roaming, and lips are wet! Harry then starts to unbutton his pants…I gasp with sheer excitement and a sense of uneasiness. He lowers his pants and it is at this moment my intuition kicks in again and I just stare, eyes wide open, my heart still and I just stare at his thighs, his legs, and his obvious bulge…which looks a bit lopsided? I am just staring at his lower torso thinking what the hell is all over his legs? I begin to think “am I seeing things?” is this a joke? Is this for real? I blink my eyes a few times and look again. Nope, it is still there. His legs are completely covered with tattoos. Now I don’t mean just any tattoos, they all are names of people, men, women, and trailer courts. Except there is one spot that is bare. Harry Butts sits down next to me, as I move away just a tad and wants to explain to moi what the story is about with the tattoos and the bare spot. Harry proceeds to tell Divine Man that each tattoo represents each and every person he has kissed and each trailer court he has resided in. So I then ask him why the one bare spot on your inner right thigh? Harry replies with “ That one empty bare single spot with no ink on it is in honor of the one nut I only have. I am shocked, yet I knew something was off, or shall I say missing! You have only one nut, one nut as in one sac? One testical? One as in singular? One hanging? Yes Divine Man, I only have one nut.
The moral to the story is simple: Never assume a book by it’s fancy cover is the perfect read, open it up and read a bit, like the start, and the ending.
I mean why can’t I ever meet someone as Divine as Moi?
man.divine@yahoo.com
Thursday, October 7, 2010
The One Nutter 1
Moi has dated, loved, and left a few weeping. Which has never been my intent. In fact I have been left more then once. Crying my beautiful baby blues over some idiot.
Picture It! It’s the Fourth of July 2005 and I am out with friends, looking smashing in my holiday frock, tanned, my hair is a bit longer and I am glowing with excitement from the Gallery we have just been to where I noticed I was being watched. A stranger who could not take his eyes off of me. Which is no real surprise because everyone seems to watch me. I can enter a room and everyone stops talking, part way for me to enter.
Anyways, my friends and I walk into another Gallery and there he is, that stranger, handsome and rugged(think Indiana Jones) and he too is with a few people. I walk around, and am offered a glass of bubbly from a waitress, and as I turn around there he is. Wearing fitted boot cut jeans, sandals, and a loose linen shirt and a sexy grin. His hand extends towards me and I offer mine in return. We stand there which seems like forever and just stare into each others eyes. I can feel him undressing my perfect body with his piercing intense dark eyes. My breath is short, my chest tightens as do my perky tatas. I can feel his hands all over Moi and can only imagine what his lips are like?
We start talking and he asks for my name and number and if I would give him the privilege of going to dinner with him? I of course accept.
A few days later I am preparing for my date with Harry Butts and am feeling nervous with excitement. My palms are wet, my temples are moist, and I am smelling like it “tastes like more” wearing white linen against my tanned glistening skin, my hair is perfect, my nails are manicured and I look hot! I can’t wait for my date to arrive, I hope he is on time?
He arrives to pick me up, and I am in total amazement of how impeccable he looks. He is wearing tan fitted slacks(in all the right places) a black short sleeved shirt and sandals. His lips are moist and his 5 o’clock shadow is just right. Yet I find myself glancing at his pants. Something is just…odd. I must be out of my mind with lust. What am I thinking, he is perfect, a god! My stomach is in knots, as it begins to move I am thinking oh shit not again?
To Be Continued...
Send Divine Man An Email: Your Thoughts, Questions, Tips, Etc...
man.divine@yahoo.com
Picture It! It’s the Fourth of July 2005 and I am out with friends, looking smashing in my holiday frock, tanned, my hair is a bit longer and I am glowing with excitement from the Gallery we have just been to where I noticed I was being watched. A stranger who could not take his eyes off of me. Which is no real surprise because everyone seems to watch me. I can enter a room and everyone stops talking, part way for me to enter.
Anyways, my friends and I walk into another Gallery and there he is, that stranger, handsome and rugged(think Indiana Jones) and he too is with a few people. I walk around, and am offered a glass of bubbly from a waitress, and as I turn around there he is. Wearing fitted boot cut jeans, sandals, and a loose linen shirt and a sexy grin. His hand extends towards me and I offer mine in return. We stand there which seems like forever and just stare into each others eyes. I can feel him undressing my perfect body with his piercing intense dark eyes. My breath is short, my chest tightens as do my perky tatas. I can feel his hands all over Moi and can only imagine what his lips are like?
We start talking and he asks for my name and number and if I would give him the privilege of going to dinner with him? I of course accept.
A few days later I am preparing for my date with Harry Butts and am feeling nervous with excitement. My palms are wet, my temples are moist, and I am smelling like it “tastes like more” wearing white linen against my tanned glistening skin, my hair is perfect, my nails are manicured and I look hot! I can’t wait for my date to arrive, I hope he is on time?
He arrives to pick me up, and I am in total amazement of how impeccable he looks. He is wearing tan fitted slacks(in all the right places) a black short sleeved shirt and sandals. His lips are moist and his 5 o’clock shadow is just right. Yet I find myself glancing at his pants. Something is just…odd. I must be out of my mind with lust. What am I thinking, he is perfect, a god! My stomach is in knots, as it begins to move I am thinking oh shit not again?
To Be Continued...
Send Divine Man An Email: Your Thoughts, Questions, Tips, Etc...
man.divine@yahoo.com
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Dating
Have you ever been in love? I mean really ever truly loved someone so intensely that it makes you heart beater faster? And makes you lay awake all night thinking about that one person who fills your mind and thoughts with visions of lust, warm feelings that make you tingle inside? Or makes you beam with light and you walk around with a silly expression and everyone just assumes it is because you have had incredible sex, when infact you have not, you just are in love?
Divine Man has been in love. Yes, I have been in love so deeply that it made me do some really brainless things and some really wonderful acts.
It also has torn my heart out and has left it in desperate need of repair.
I have many questions as most do, and I know you think I have all the answers and I usually do. However when it comes to love and relationships all I can do is give my opinion and share my experiences.
I recently received a comment from a Follower, it reads:
Dear Divine Man, you are inspiring and completely hilarious! I look forward each and every day I get to read your blog of all your Misadventures. You say it the way it is. So I seek your advice.Dear Attracting All The Losers In Florida,
I am middle aged, professional, and consider myself to be outgoing and social. I am a professional and have been divorced for a number of years. I have 3 sons all of whom are living out on their own.
In appearance I am attractive, no old maid. I am curvy and clean up rather nicely. I can slug it and I can dress to the nines. Do enjoy many different activities and interests.
My question is: I seem to attract men that are either still married and are looking to cheat, jobless, live with their Mothers, have an addiction to drugs, gambling, alcohol or sex. Now I could handle the sex because I do enjoy it. But what is my problem? The last man I dated was handsome, outgoing and enjoyed his pain killers more then he did me. And the guy before that was seeing me and his ex-wife.
What am I doing wrong? Please help me Divine Man.
Attracting all the losers In Florida!
I am gonna tell you what I told an old friend( and when I say old…she was long in the tooth).
She was outgoing, professional and a lovely woman. Yet she would date losers, OMG some of them were losers. One man wanted to date her and have sex to know whether or not if he was gay or straight. Then once she met this guy, a co-worker whom she was so very much in lust with. He was married for the 3rd or 4th time and wanted her. Let’s just say, they “played” and enjoyed each other until she realized she disserved better.
Oh wait I have to tell you one more example: she started seeing this one guy who asked her on the 4th date if it would be an issue for her if he had “the clap” or that he had herpes? She asked how many women he has slept with and he told her 350 women and men. Now I like getting gifts from dates, but not the one that keeps on giving!
My advice is: Take a look in the mirror and tell yourself “I am better then these losers” and then look at your wardrobe, and where you are going to meet these losers. And if you are doing the “internet dating thing” just know that people tend to lie online and most are game players. I know, I have conversed online once or twice ….ok maybe 4 times, ok ok let’s just say I have tried the internet dating thing a few to many times.
Also, maybe you need to make a list of likes and dislikes. What do you appreciate in another? Interests, hobbies, values, and where do you want to meet someone. Instead of the same ole’ haunts, look outside the box. Expand your interests and at the same time you will be learning something new and going to new places.
See when Moi wants to meet someone I ask people I know if they can introduce me to a friend or someone they know. Just don’t try the blind date thing especially when you are constipated! It can be explosive!
Just be your Divine Self and detour around the losers! There is someone out there that is equal to you!
If anyone wants to write me, seek advice or offer advice, tips, stories, etc.
Email me at: man.divine@yahoo.com
Divine Man has been in love. Yes, I have been in love so deeply that it made me do some really brainless things and some really wonderful acts.
It also has torn my heart out and has left it in desperate need of repair.
I have many questions as most do, and I know you think I have all the answers and I usually do. However when it comes to love and relationships all I can do is give my opinion and share my experiences.
I recently received a comment from a Follower, it reads:
Dear Divine Man, you are inspiring and completely hilarious! I look forward each and every day I get to read your blog of all your Misadventures. You say it the way it is. So I seek your advice.Dear Attracting All The Losers In Florida,
I am middle aged, professional, and consider myself to be outgoing and social. I am a professional and have been divorced for a number of years. I have 3 sons all of whom are living out on their own.
In appearance I am attractive, no old maid. I am curvy and clean up rather nicely. I can slug it and I can dress to the nines. Do enjoy many different activities and interests.
My question is: I seem to attract men that are either still married and are looking to cheat, jobless, live with their Mothers, have an addiction to drugs, gambling, alcohol or sex. Now I could handle the sex because I do enjoy it. But what is my problem? The last man I dated was handsome, outgoing and enjoyed his pain killers more then he did me. And the guy before that was seeing me and his ex-wife.
What am I doing wrong? Please help me Divine Man.
Attracting all the losers In Florida!
I am gonna tell you what I told an old friend( and when I say old…she was long in the tooth).
She was outgoing, professional and a lovely woman. Yet she would date losers, OMG some of them were losers. One man wanted to date her and have sex to know whether or not if he was gay or straight. Then once she met this guy, a co-worker whom she was so very much in lust with. He was married for the 3rd or 4th time and wanted her. Let’s just say, they “played” and enjoyed each other until she realized she disserved better.
Oh wait I have to tell you one more example: she started seeing this one guy who asked her on the 4th date if it would be an issue for her if he had “the clap” or that he had herpes? She asked how many women he has slept with and he told her 350 women and men. Now I like getting gifts from dates, but not the one that keeps on giving!
My advice is: Take a look in the mirror and tell yourself “I am better then these losers” and then look at your wardrobe, and where you are going to meet these losers. And if you are doing the “internet dating thing” just know that people tend to lie online and most are game players. I know, I have conversed online once or twice ….ok maybe 4 times, ok ok let’s just say I have tried the internet dating thing a few to many times.
Also, maybe you need to make a list of likes and dislikes. What do you appreciate in another? Interests, hobbies, values, and where do you want to meet someone. Instead of the same ole’ haunts, look outside the box. Expand your interests and at the same time you will be learning something new and going to new places.
See when Moi wants to meet someone I ask people I know if they can introduce me to a friend or someone they know. Just don’t try the blind date thing especially when you are constipated! It can be explosive!
Just be your Divine Self and detour around the losers! There is someone out there that is equal to you!
If anyone wants to write me, seek advice or offer advice, tips, stories, etc.
Email me at: man.divine@yahoo.com
Monday, October 4, 2010
Can we say Crapper?
I really do love Fall, especially in the Midwest. Nothing better then driving along a country road in the early hours of the day, the sun is shining, the leaves are falling bright colors of red, orange, electric yellow and the crisp edge in the air. And you can’t forget the smell of fresh cow crap! Or the leftovers of a skunk dead on the road…why is it even after those nasty creatures are dead…they smell worst then when alive? Divine Man’s sense of smell is sensitive to such odiferous odors.
Regardless, I always seem to shine in the Fall and feel more radiant then the rest of the year. I always seem to feel like walking more, the cooler air is energizing. So I decided to start my Fall Walkathon.
Picture It….Thursday September 20th, 2010 it is a bright sunny morning and the leaves, grass is moist and the air is just a tad crisp. I dress in my red designer walking suit, put on a red cap, my white Jackie O’s and my new Shape Up shoes. I have been speed walking daily(3-6 miles) and loving that burning pain in my thighs and legs. Kind of like riding a ….well never mine that. So I start the walking trail, and I walk along reminiscing about past Falls, of days gone by. High School Homecomings, Halloween and the magic of old crushes.
So Moi is walking along, actually I am walking my perfect booty off, as if I have the need to improve such perfection? But it is good for the mind. I start my walk and am now on my 3rd mile and turn around to see two figures in the distant walking my way. There seems to be a woman and a man and 2 dogs. Although I cannot see who they are, my heart starts to pound faster, there is almost a jolt that goes through my body. As I am about 80 feet from the approaching duo the man turns around quickly and walks away. As the woman with her dogs eventually passes Moi, I think…”do I know her” “yes I think I do” and if that is who I think it is...then the man ahead is none other then Brent. Brent and I met years ago at the young age of 20 and 19. I was 20, he was 19. It was instant chemistry, flirtation and innocence. A great friendship in the making.
I remember in the beginning I went to say hi to him at his workplace(a home improvement store) one day, he was about 25 feet up in the air atop a ladder and as I walked into the store, almost in slow motion as I turned my head and looked up our eyes met and held in time. We each instantly wore a huge smile on our faces at the sight of each other. He came down from the ladder and asked why I was there? I of course pretended to be there for another reason. We spent a lot of time together, went out for pizza and beer on Saturday nights, car shows, walks, the theatre, etc… One particular Saturday night we went for the usual and proceeded to sit out back behind the pizza parlor in his black older Ford truck. We sat there a bit buzzed from the Schlitz, talked about what we wanted from life. And that’s when he looks into my eyes, all is still, and pulls me closer to him and kisses me. As fast as he kisses me, he pulls back. From that night on, our friendship is changed forever. I guess he could not handle the truth. That he was into Moi more then I guess he felt he should be. Slowly and terribly painfully our friendship suffered. We saw less and less of each other and he felt it necessary be mean, almost a bully of sorts to me instead of coming to terms with what happened between us.
As I am walking behind who I am sure is Brent, he is wearing tight fitting blue jeans, has a very nice …pair of back pockets on his jeans. A nicely fitted shirt and a certain walk, a sexy swaying of the hips and as I watched each cheek in those awesome jeans I knew it had to be him. And I wondered “why would a straight man wear an outfit like that on a walk?” and then it hit me…what I had known all along was true…this guy was no straight arrow. Never has been. I mean how could he be after kissing Moi, right? One kiss from me and I could turn the Pope himself(bad example I guess). He saw me from 50 feet away and knew he could not see me. SO he ran, like he did all those years ago. In fact each time he has seen me while visiting family in the Midwest, he tries to ignore me. When all he is thinking “I want that.”
So I get closer to his ever so nice backside and he rushes ahead to his black van with the flames on it and I go to my car. And as I look up over my car roof, our eyes meet again for the first time in years. Time stands still and those sparks start to fly. In that moment while all I want to do is have him get out of his van and approach me…I feel something on my ankle. I look down and see it is a snake, a huge grass snake. Well ok it is small but still. In that moment Brent drives off and I freeze, but apparently when something like this happens the only parts of you that freeze are your arms, legs and mouth. Because once I realized what was happening between seeing Brent and the snake at my feet, I felt this warm juicy spot in the seat area of my pants.
As the snake slithered across the ground and away from Moi I slowly opened my car door and tried not to bend and move much as to not disturb that warm juicy spot in my pants. So I reach for my jasmine infused wet wipes and proceed to pack my booty full as to not cause any leakage and sit down in my car fast
.
I ride home fearing there will be stains and a mess. How could this happen to Moi?
Remember, go out and find your own Divine self and bring a change of clothes and some wet wipes!
Regardless, I always seem to shine in the Fall and feel more radiant then the rest of the year. I always seem to feel like walking more, the cooler air is energizing. So I decided to start my Fall Walkathon.
Picture It….Thursday September 20th, 2010 it is a bright sunny morning and the leaves, grass is moist and the air is just a tad crisp. I dress in my red designer walking suit, put on a red cap, my white Jackie O’s and my new Shape Up shoes. I have been speed walking daily(3-6 miles) and loving that burning pain in my thighs and legs. Kind of like riding a ….well never mine that. So I start the walking trail, and I walk along reminiscing about past Falls, of days gone by. High School Homecomings, Halloween and the magic of old crushes.
So Moi is walking along, actually I am walking my perfect booty off, as if I have the need to improve such perfection? But it is good for the mind. I start my walk and am now on my 3rd mile and turn around to see two figures in the distant walking my way. There seems to be a woman and a man and 2 dogs. Although I cannot see who they are, my heart starts to pound faster, there is almost a jolt that goes through my body. As I am about 80 feet from the approaching duo the man turns around quickly and walks away. As the woman with her dogs eventually passes Moi, I think…”do I know her” “yes I think I do” and if that is who I think it is...then the man ahead is none other then Brent. Brent and I met years ago at the young age of 20 and 19. I was 20, he was 19. It was instant chemistry, flirtation and innocence. A great friendship in the making.
I remember in the beginning I went to say hi to him at his workplace(a home improvement store) one day, he was about 25 feet up in the air atop a ladder and as I walked into the store, almost in slow motion as I turned my head and looked up our eyes met and held in time. We each instantly wore a huge smile on our faces at the sight of each other. He came down from the ladder and asked why I was there? I of course pretended to be there for another reason. We spent a lot of time together, went out for pizza and beer on Saturday nights, car shows, walks, the theatre, etc… One particular Saturday night we went for the usual and proceeded to sit out back behind the pizza parlor in his black older Ford truck. We sat there a bit buzzed from the Schlitz, talked about what we wanted from life. And that’s when he looks into my eyes, all is still, and pulls me closer to him and kisses me. As fast as he kisses me, he pulls back. From that night on, our friendship is changed forever. I guess he could not handle the truth. That he was into Moi more then I guess he felt he should be. Slowly and terribly painfully our friendship suffered. We saw less and less of each other and he felt it necessary be mean, almost a bully of sorts to me instead of coming to terms with what happened between us.
As I am walking behind who I am sure is Brent, he is wearing tight fitting blue jeans, has a very nice …pair of back pockets on his jeans. A nicely fitted shirt and a certain walk, a sexy swaying of the hips and as I watched each cheek in those awesome jeans I knew it had to be him. And I wondered “why would a straight man wear an outfit like that on a walk?” and then it hit me…what I had known all along was true…this guy was no straight arrow. Never has been. I mean how could he be after kissing Moi, right? One kiss from me and I could turn the Pope himself(bad example I guess). He saw me from 50 feet away and knew he could not see me. SO he ran, like he did all those years ago. In fact each time he has seen me while visiting family in the Midwest, he tries to ignore me. When all he is thinking “I want that.”
So I get closer to his ever so nice backside and he rushes ahead to his black van with the flames on it and I go to my car. And as I look up over my car roof, our eyes meet again for the first time in years. Time stands still and those sparks start to fly. In that moment while all I want to do is have him get out of his van and approach me…I feel something on my ankle. I look down and see it is a snake, a huge grass snake. Well ok it is small but still. In that moment Brent drives off and I freeze, but apparently when something like this happens the only parts of you that freeze are your arms, legs and mouth. Because once I realized what was happening between seeing Brent and the snake at my feet, I felt this warm juicy spot in the seat area of my pants.
As the snake slithered across the ground and away from Moi I slowly opened my car door and tried not to bend and move much as to not disturb that warm juicy spot in my pants. So I reach for my jasmine infused wet wipes and proceed to pack my booty full as to not cause any leakage and sit down in my car fast
.
I ride home fearing there will be stains and a mess. How could this happen to Moi?
Remember, go out and find your own Divine self and bring a change of clothes and some wet wipes!
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