New Years Eve over the years has had many different connotations to Moi, such as the year I had my hair all buzzed off by my bro…as if he was a expert in the art of buzz cutting? Moi ran my cute little perfect booty all the way to a salon to see if they could salvage what was left of my hair. Well after many tears shed Moi walked out Divine but in anew fashion. All was saved.
What does NYE represent? Closures, New Beginnings, Romance, Parties, Formal Attire, or Champagne? When to Moi NYE means a time to remember the year we are about to close. To reflect upon those we have lost, and to rejoice with those we have gained. Whether it be a person(s) a pet, a job, a home or a relationship. Like all endings, there are new beginnings. Like Moi here, I have lost my share throughout 2010. I have felt deep pain, and darkness. On the other side of all the loss Moi has been blessed with a new power, a new light. A newness, a hope for the future, for tomorrow, for 2011!
The year is based on time. And Timing is everything. Like when I was 21 and had my bro buzz my hair off. It clearly was not the right time to do that. I was not ready for it. And now today…just today I have gone to my exclusive Barber…who is a genius! Truly a wizard with the shears and clippers! Anyways…Moi has gone very short with my hair! And I love it! So I guess timing is all there is. Time. There is a place and time for everything.
So close 2010 with peace, love and no regret as we move into 2011. Don’t make promises you can not uphold, don’t pretend all is right, just seek out the goodness and positive, remember…It Is All In The Approach! So approach the new year with an open mind.
Happy New Year to my family, friends, and fans! Happy New Year 2011!
Make 2011 Divine, just like you!
Should auld acquaintance
Be forgot
And never brought to mind
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We’ll tak’ a cup o’ kindness yet
For auld lang syne
And surely you’ll be your pint stowp
And surely I’ll be mine
And we’ll drink a richt guid willy
Waught
For auld land syne
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne
And auld lang syne
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
A Traffic Jam, A Clear Bag and Deodorant!
As you know, Moi is simply divine, divine, divine! And gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous!
With that being said I feel compelled to share with you my Wednesday. What started out as a lovely day, especially when I peered into my magic mirror and asked…Mirror Mirror on my ceiling who is the most divine of them all? And of course my mirror replied: you are the most divine of all! After that Moi slipped into something wonderful and headed into the city to drop Tulips off at her friend Lucinda’s(remember big ass) to console her after her last breakup. It was her 18th “breakup” of 2010. Apparently Lucinda walked in on her man kissing his garbage man while rolling around on the recyclables! And all she could utter from her lipstick smeared mouth was: just look at all that trash!
Anyways…I drop Tulips off, and arrive at Kohl’s department store and I am kind of on a time crunch. So as I walk in, I realize in all my hurry and confusion Moi realizes that I have forgot my deodorant! Can you imagine my horror? I have never forgot to put deodorant on, that would be like forgetting to wipe my ass! As they say, I am rather anal about this! HA! So I pull into the local Wal~mart and run in to get a little tiny stick of deodorant! Finally fresh relief for my silky smooth pits!
As I am leaving Wal~mart who wobbles in but Big Daddy! He is there to buy something for the dogs! However I can not stop to chat, as I am on a time crunch! So Moi flies out of the parking lot and heads to the HWY. I call one of my dearest and closest friends Jolene, whom is riding shotgun with Moi for a morning of shopping and laughs to ask her to meet me on the HWY to head to the BIG City! I arrive in a parking lot, and I think 20 minutes passed and thought…maybe Jolene is not coming, unbeknownst to Moi she was waiting a few cars over with her stud man of a husband(whom likes to walk around outside naked at night checking tire pressure) and finally we connect. And we are off!
After a lovely wonderful heartfelt morning of shopping and friendship, Moi returns Jolene to her door and proceeds to head for the HWY yet again. What normally is a 20 minute ride that is quiet and serene turns into a ride that is 1.5 hours, flames, hot cops and firefighters and detours. A barn burned down. As I was 15 minutes into the delay and detour I felt that old familiar feeling pressuring my bladder. There was no where to urinate except for a Ziploc bag I had in my car. So as I was at a stand still I decided to give myself relief into the bag, and I am so close to being done, when ….
A bit of advice, don’t ever pee into a clear bag, make sure it is a camouflage one.
With that being said I feel compelled to share with you my Wednesday. What started out as a lovely day, especially when I peered into my magic mirror and asked…Mirror Mirror on my ceiling who is the most divine of them all? And of course my mirror replied: you are the most divine of all! After that Moi slipped into something wonderful and headed into the city to drop Tulips off at her friend Lucinda’s(remember big ass) to console her after her last breakup. It was her 18th “breakup” of 2010. Apparently Lucinda walked in on her man kissing his garbage man while rolling around on the recyclables! And all she could utter from her lipstick smeared mouth was: just look at all that trash!
Anyways…I drop Tulips off, and arrive at Kohl’s department store and I am kind of on a time crunch. So as I walk in, I realize in all my hurry and confusion Moi realizes that I have forgot my deodorant! Can you imagine my horror? I have never forgot to put deodorant on, that would be like forgetting to wipe my ass! As they say, I am rather anal about this! HA! So I pull into the local Wal~mart and run in to get a little tiny stick of deodorant! Finally fresh relief for my silky smooth pits!
As I am leaving Wal~mart who wobbles in but Big Daddy! He is there to buy something for the dogs! However I can not stop to chat, as I am on a time crunch! So Moi flies out of the parking lot and heads to the HWY. I call one of my dearest and closest friends Jolene, whom is riding shotgun with Moi for a morning of shopping and laughs to ask her to meet me on the HWY to head to the BIG City! I arrive in a parking lot, and I think 20 minutes passed and thought…maybe Jolene is not coming, unbeknownst to Moi she was waiting a few cars over with her stud man of a husband(whom likes to walk around outside naked at night checking tire pressure) and finally we connect. And we are off!
After a lovely wonderful heartfelt morning of shopping and friendship, Moi returns Jolene to her door and proceeds to head for the HWY yet again. What normally is a 20 minute ride that is quiet and serene turns into a ride that is 1.5 hours, flames, hot cops and firefighters and detours. A barn burned down. As I was 15 minutes into the delay and detour I felt that old familiar feeling pressuring my bladder. There was no where to urinate except for a Ziploc bag I had in my car. So as I was at a stand still I decided to give myself relief into the bag, and I am so close to being done, when ….
A bit of advice, don’t ever pee into a clear bag, make sure it is a camouflage one.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Holiday Letters!
Don’t you just love “holiday letters?” Moi has received many a letter throughout the years. I have had the joy of reading about many different things in these “holiday letters” such as: breast implants, having prostates checked, marriage, birth(in great detail-as if Moi was right there) divorce, death, bragging and even murders. People need to re-read the letters prior to mailing. I mean seriously! Or take a class on “Holiday Letter Writing 101.”
It was all these doom and gloom letters Moi would get each year that was actually the inspiration for The Misadventures Of A Divine Man. A few years ago I decided to write my own idea as to what a “holiday letter should read.” Moi got many replies via email telling me how inspiring, over the top, funny, and creative my letter was. And so finally after 2 or 3 years having requests for more letters/stories from Moi, Divine Man was created.
So this year I decided to take a different approach, like Moi always says: it is all in the approach! Instead of writing about what I don’t have, I want to share with you what I do have!
A Star In The Making:2010
After undergoing surgery to remove my 3rd nut(hernia) in early spring, I recovered at the family estate, and then at my palace with my own personal male nurse(aka Brady) which I especially loved the sponge baths! My recovery was successful and the palace went up for sale. Had 3 offers within the first month. Moi has a lot of fond memories of the palace in which I resided in for almost a year and a half.
Then in mid summer I started designing and writing “The Misadventures Of A Divine Man.” On September 12th, 2010 my first story In The Beginning…was published on blogger. I have learned that writing is and has always been a passion of mine and I plan to take “Divine Man” to another level and format in 2011. TBA. I want to thank my viewers again, for tuning in daily and/or weekly. On December 6th, 2010 “Divine Man turned 1,000! I am very proud of what I have accomplished since September.
Through all of my ups and downs, my wins, my losses, and twists I have endured and experienced I have loving parents, family, a beautiful pooch, dear close friends, and of course my devastatingly perfect looks.
As Fall was surrounding Moi, I found myself seeking something new, something exciting, something BIG!(cool it perverts-I know what you are thinking) and so I decided to take a trip, an exploratory adventure to Florida. Myself along with Brady, spent 10 days in paradise soaking up the sun, the sand, the gulf waters, and seeking to find a winter retreat to escape to during the harsh Midwest winters. I spent Thanksgiving on the warm white sandy shores of Indian Rocks Beach. Just prior to the holiday and Black Friday I spent that Monday at Disney World with a good friend!
Since then I returned to the Midwest to share the holiday season with family and friends. Oh yes and to celebrate my Birthday! You know I have been 25 more then once HEHEHEEE!
All in all my year has been filled with a lot of changes, new beginnings, new friends, loss, depression, old friends and a whole year ahead of grand adventures, memories and much much more!
Take hold of the present, let go of the past and look forward to the future!
Happy Holidays 2010!
Love,
Divine Man
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/AMvB1zKF5KeeutkX
It was all these doom and gloom letters Moi would get each year that was actually the inspiration for The Misadventures Of A Divine Man. A few years ago I decided to write my own idea as to what a “holiday letter should read.” Moi got many replies via email telling me how inspiring, over the top, funny, and creative my letter was. And so finally after 2 or 3 years having requests for more letters/stories from Moi, Divine Man was created.
So this year I decided to take a different approach, like Moi always says: it is all in the approach! Instead of writing about what I don’t have, I want to share with you what I do have!
A Star In The Making:2010
After undergoing surgery to remove my 3rd nut(hernia) in early spring, I recovered at the family estate, and then at my palace with my own personal male nurse(aka Brady) which I especially loved the sponge baths! My recovery was successful and the palace went up for sale. Had 3 offers within the first month. Moi has a lot of fond memories of the palace in which I resided in for almost a year and a half.
Then in mid summer I started designing and writing “The Misadventures Of A Divine Man.” On September 12th, 2010 my first story In The Beginning…was published on blogger. I have learned that writing is and has always been a passion of mine and I plan to take “Divine Man” to another level and format in 2011. TBA. I want to thank my viewers again, for tuning in daily and/or weekly. On December 6th, 2010 “Divine Man turned 1,000! I am very proud of what I have accomplished since September.
Through all of my ups and downs, my wins, my losses, and twists I have endured and experienced I have loving parents, family, a beautiful pooch, dear close friends, and of course my devastatingly perfect looks.
As Fall was surrounding Moi, I found myself seeking something new, something exciting, something BIG!(cool it perverts-I know what you are thinking) and so I decided to take a trip, an exploratory adventure to Florida. Myself along with Brady, spent 10 days in paradise soaking up the sun, the sand, the gulf waters, and seeking to find a winter retreat to escape to during the harsh Midwest winters. I spent Thanksgiving on the warm white sandy shores of Indian Rocks Beach. Just prior to the holiday and Black Friday I spent that Monday at Disney World with a good friend!
Since then I returned to the Midwest to share the holiday season with family and friends. Oh yes and to celebrate my Birthday! You know I have been 25 more then once HEHEHEEE!
All in all my year has been filled with a lot of changes, new beginnings, new friends, loss, depression, old friends and a whole year ahead of grand adventures, memories and much much more!
Take hold of the present, let go of the past and look forward to the future!
Happy Holidays 2010!
Love,
Divine Man
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/AMvB1zKF5KeeutkX
Monday, December 20, 2010
Why Am I Here? Why are you?
A birthday is a day or anniversary of the particular month and day on which a person was born. Birthdays are celebrated in numerous cultures, often with a gift, party or rite of passage. Although the major religions celebrate the birth of their founders (e.g., Buddha's Birthday), Christmas - which is celebrated widely by Christians and non-Christians alike - is the most prominent example. In contrast, certain religious groups express principled opposition to the very idea of celebrating birthdays. Or such as Divine Man’s Birthday. December 17th The most wonderful day of the year! Well at least Moi thinks it is and it should be deemed a national holiday, hell an international holiday!
Moi had a funny story to share with you about birthdays past, however I would prefer to tell you something serious, something maybe even inspiring.
Have you ever wondered why each of us are born? Really, have you ever just sat back and looked hard into a mirror and asked “why am I here?” Or taken a walk outside while the heavens are dropping hundreds of thousands of soft imperfect flakes of joy and wonder “why does it snow?” kind of like asking “why am I here?” well you maybe not know the answer to each of those questions, but what we do know is: there is a real purpose for each and everything and everyone.
Since I was a young child I can remember that Moi wanted to help others, make a real difference in the lives of people wherever I might go. As Moi reflects back over the years since my birth I can say…dam you have done good for others. From the moment I was born. In fact it was that very fact. You see Tulips was unable to get pregnant. After a number of miscarriages, she and Big Daddy adopted a newborn who is known as “The Gift.” Then a few years later on December 17th she gave birth to “The Miracle” who would grow up and become “Divine Man.”
Forgive Moi, as I am getting a bit chocked up! Maybe it is because I am watching one of my favorite flicks “Last Holiday” and Queen Latifah’s character, Georgia Byrd has just told the asshole and the others that she is dying. Now she is on the ledge and LL Cool J just told her he loves her…gets me every time! Tears are flying!
Anyways, so I ask, have I made a difference?
John F. Kennedy said that one person can make a difference, and every person must try. What if each of us really did try? What if each of us spontaneously decided that, one by one, we can really be the better world we wish for?
So I ask you take a few minutes and answer the following questions:
Who Am I?
Why Am I Here?
What Am I Doing For Others?
Moi is collecting stories for a project, and I would like to hear yours. So please email Moi with your answers, you can remain anonymous if you like. You can email Moi at: man.divine@yahoo.com
Albert Einstein: “Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose we know not, though sometimes we sense it. But we know from daily life that we exist for other people first of all, for whose smiles and well-being our own happiness depends.”
Happy Birth Day to each of you!
Moi had a funny story to share with you about birthdays past, however I would prefer to tell you something serious, something maybe even inspiring.
Have you ever wondered why each of us are born? Really, have you ever just sat back and looked hard into a mirror and asked “why am I here?” Or taken a walk outside while the heavens are dropping hundreds of thousands of soft imperfect flakes of joy and wonder “why does it snow?” kind of like asking “why am I here?” well you maybe not know the answer to each of those questions, but what we do know is: there is a real purpose for each and everything and everyone.
Since I was a young child I can remember that Moi wanted to help others, make a real difference in the lives of people wherever I might go. As Moi reflects back over the years since my birth I can say…dam you have done good for others. From the moment I was born. In fact it was that very fact. You see Tulips was unable to get pregnant. After a number of miscarriages, she and Big Daddy adopted a newborn who is known as “The Gift.” Then a few years later on December 17th she gave birth to “The Miracle” who would grow up and become “Divine Man.”
Forgive Moi, as I am getting a bit chocked up! Maybe it is because I am watching one of my favorite flicks “Last Holiday” and Queen Latifah’s character, Georgia Byrd has just told the asshole and the others that she is dying. Now she is on the ledge and LL Cool J just told her he loves her…gets me every time! Tears are flying!
Anyways, so I ask, have I made a difference?
John F. Kennedy said that one person can make a difference, and every person must try. What if each of us really did try? What if each of us spontaneously decided that, one by one, we can really be the better world we wish for?
So I ask you take a few minutes and answer the following questions:
Who Am I?
Why Am I Here?
What Am I Doing For Others?
Moi is collecting stories for a project, and I would like to hear yours. So please email Moi with your answers, you can remain anonymous if you like. You can email Moi at: man.divine@yahoo.com
Albert Einstein: “Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose we know not, though sometimes we sense it. But we know from daily life that we exist for other people first of all, for whose smiles and well-being our own happiness depends.”
Happy Birth Day to each of you!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
We Must Be Over The Rainbow?
One of Moi’s all time favorite quotes from(as far as Moi is concerned) thee best book turned musical turned movie…The Wizard Of Oz: Now tap your heals together 3 times and say There’s No Place Like Home! And/or: Who killed my sister? Was it you? “No it was an accident I didn‘t mean to kill anybody” Well I can cause accidents too! Are you forgetting the slippers? Yes the slippers…
Every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas Moi watches it every single holiday season.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be sucked up into a cyclone? And to have your house land somewhere over the rainbow? Well Moi’s has!
Moi and Diva Girl are inside the newly constructed cabin complete with all the extras and a loft. When all of a sudden with no warning there is this loud thunderous train like noise is circling the cabin and suddenly the house is lifted up off the ground! As my legs go up over my head(now that has not happened in a long time)and Diva Girl goes sliding across the floor to a corner. The lights go out, there is wind everywhere and what seemed like hours ended when the cabin quickly landed with a loud thump. Once Moi composed myself and gathered up Diva Girl…aka DG, we walked to the door and opened it to be completely surprised by the wondrous and exciting scents and colors that were all around Moi and DG.
Every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas Moi watches it every single holiday season.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be sucked up into a cyclone? And to have your house land somewhere over the rainbow? Well Moi’s has!
Moi and Diva Girl are inside the newly constructed cabin complete with all the extras and a loft. When all of a sudden with no warning there is this loud thunderous train like noise is circling the cabin and suddenly the house is lifted up off the ground! As my legs go up over my head(now that has not happened in a long time)and Diva Girl goes sliding across the floor to a corner. The lights go out, there is wind everywhere and what seemed like hours ended when the cabin quickly landed with a loud thump. Once Moi composed myself and gathered up Diva Girl…aka DG, we walked to the door and opened it to be completely surprised by the wondrous and exciting scents and colors that were all around Moi and DG.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Secret Talents: A Holiday Video!
We all have secret talents in life. Some are never exposed, some never even realized, while others are shared, used, taken away by a cruel twist of fate. Well I am here today to share with you one of Moi’s hidden secret talents!
It is something I recently learned how to do along with my pal Brady, and Diva Girl(my pooch) while in paradise! So Moi decided to film a video starring the 3 of us for this holiday season!
Moi hopes you enjoy it, laugh, cry, watch it over and over and over again, share it with your family, friends, co-workers, etc! Make some popcorn, grab a beverage and sit back and enjoy!
Cheers!
Seasons Greetings from Divine Man & Co.
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/Ettbh0axUgIlGkqyNYaa
It is something I recently learned how to do along with my pal Brady, and Diva Girl(my pooch) while in paradise! So Moi decided to film a video starring the 3 of us for this holiday season!
Moi hopes you enjoy it, laugh, cry, watch it over and over and over again, share it with your family, friends, co-workers, etc! Make some popcorn, grab a beverage and sit back and enjoy!
Cheers!
Seasons Greetings from Divine Man & Co.
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/Ettbh0axUgIlGkqyNYaa
Friday, December 10, 2010
Nothing More Exciting Then A Midwest Holiday I Say!
There is nothing more exciting then Christmas in the Midwest! Of course Moi can only imagine Christmas in Hollywood walking up the red carpet with thousands of fans screaming my name “Divine Man Divine Man, We LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU ” sure that would make my holiday complete, or a Guest Host spot on The View or Chelsey Lately! Hell why stop there let’s do Oprah too. Hint Hint people!
Or what a holiday it would be if a Publishing House would contact Moi!
But really, the holidays in the Midwest are filled with twinkling lights, holiday markets, tom & jerry’s, holiday festivals with live reindeer, nativities, family get togethers and Tulips baking in the kitchen wiping the beads of perspiration from her brow, either from a hot flash or the oven door being opened multiple times while Big Daddy is making his annual homemade Italian Sausages.
Every year Moi’s family is all aglow with parties, birthdays(Moi’s B-day is December 17th) holiday trimming, shopping, dinners, mistletoe and kids laughing with delight, Diva Girl licking her chops at the sight of the huge bone with the red bow and her name on it!
Again there is nothing more exciting then the holidays in the Midwest I say!
Just last evening Tulips expresses to Moi her feelings about these “hot flashes” she is having. She tells me that Dr. Feel Good thinks it is just “maturity” but, Tulips thinks there has to be some relief from them? She asks Moi what I think? Moi replies with “maybe you should try not to wear undies to bed at night under your nite time moo moo” …”maybe then you will feel cooler?” And all of a sudden Big Daddy bolts from his dining room chair(more like he wobbles)screaming as he goes for the basement door “I crapped myself, I crapped myself!” and wobbles down the stairs, as Tulips and Moi ask each other: “why is he going to the basement bathroom, by the time he gets there he surely will have crap running down his legs!”
Again there is nothing more exciting then the holidays in the Midwest I say!
Moi hopes your holidays are filled with only the best memories, hot flashes, hershey squirts and all!
Make it a Divine Holiday!
Or what a holiday it would be if a Publishing House would contact Moi!
But really, the holidays in the Midwest are filled with twinkling lights, holiday markets, tom & jerry’s, holiday festivals with live reindeer, nativities, family get togethers and Tulips baking in the kitchen wiping the beads of perspiration from her brow, either from a hot flash or the oven door being opened multiple times while Big Daddy is making his annual homemade Italian Sausages.
Every year Moi’s family is all aglow with parties, birthdays(Moi’s B-day is December 17th) holiday trimming, shopping, dinners, mistletoe and kids laughing with delight, Diva Girl licking her chops at the sight of the huge bone with the red bow and her name on it!
Again there is nothing more exciting then the holidays in the Midwest I say!
Just last evening Tulips expresses to Moi her feelings about these “hot flashes” she is having. She tells me that Dr. Feel Good thinks it is just “maturity” but, Tulips thinks there has to be some relief from them? She asks Moi what I think? Moi replies with “maybe you should try not to wear undies to bed at night under your nite time moo moo” …”maybe then you will feel cooler?” And all of a sudden Big Daddy bolts from his dining room chair(more like he wobbles)screaming as he goes for the basement door “I crapped myself, I crapped myself!” and wobbles down the stairs, as Tulips and Moi ask each other: “why is he going to the basement bathroom, by the time he gets there he surely will have crap running down his legs!”
Again there is nothing more exciting then the holidays in the Midwest I say!
Moi hopes your holidays are filled with only the best memories, hot flashes, hershey squirts and all!
Make it a Divine Holiday!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
The Paint(shit) Really Hit The Wall!
Moi has always painted each of my 12 properties I have owned/and/or renovated. Each room I have so majestically painted, designed and furbished with much love, attention to detail, and a bit of divineness!
Whenever Moi walks into a house, building or trailer(yes that is correct, a trailer) something exciting happens…it is like a rush of warmth deep inside bursting to explode in a wild mad frenzy of unadulterated and unbridled orgasmic creativeness.
Take my palace for example: Moi designed each room, the colors, the window treatments, furniture, accessories and of course my designer Christmas trees. The kitchen was a soft butter yellow, cherry wood cabinets, wood floor, and granite gray counter tops. All my accessories and small appliances were red. Moi even bought an old retro oven that was white and refinished the doors in red! The dining room blood red with a yellow washed parchment on the walls. Actually the day I applied the parchment to the walls I had the fireplace burning and when the parchment dried, the seams split. So Moi being more crafty then Martha. Moi hot glued blood red ribbon over the seams and no one knew what had happened. The dining room windows were covered with French toile fabric in red, white and goldenrod yellow. The living room was 3 shades of gold, and the bar room was copper, terra cotta and ivory. I would share with you Moi’s boudoir but only certain people ever got to see it.
I have to say, in all my years….which if you look at Moi you would say….21 years only?! Anyways I have never ever spilled paint while working on a room. And you know why? Because Moi is perfect, naturally.
Which brings me to share something devastating with you. Moi’s best bud Brady is painting the ceiling in my winter retreat in paradise while I am away visiting Tulips and Big Daddy.
I had selected to go with an Antique White for the ceiling in the great room. So while Brady was up on the ladder painting the trim and doing all the edging(his favorite part) he went to turn and dip his brush into the gallon of paint when for some unseen reason…in slow motion the pail began to tip and as Brady tried to stop it from tipping he broke a nail and the handle came off the pail and the pail of ivory paint splattered all over the walls I recently painted chocolate malt, the new fireplace mantle, and as it bounced off the new flooring and onto Moi’s new couch, Brady hurried down the ever so large ladder(it was a step ladder, but large to Brady) and began to weep with shear and utter terror at the display in from of him. Lucky for Moi, Diva Girl was in her closet sleeping. Otherwise my spotted pooch would no longer be spotted.
Below is a picture of a section of the floor, and the other picture is of the paint truck that Brady was driving the day after to bring new paint for the ceilings! Let’s just say Brady is not having a good week.
Whenever Moi walks into a house, building or trailer(yes that is correct, a trailer) something exciting happens…it is like a rush of warmth deep inside bursting to explode in a wild mad frenzy of unadulterated and unbridled orgasmic creativeness.
Take my palace for example: Moi designed each room, the colors, the window treatments, furniture, accessories and of course my designer Christmas trees. The kitchen was a soft butter yellow, cherry wood cabinets, wood floor, and granite gray counter tops. All my accessories and small appliances were red. Moi even bought an old retro oven that was white and refinished the doors in red! The dining room blood red with a yellow washed parchment on the walls. Actually the day I applied the parchment to the walls I had the fireplace burning and when the parchment dried, the seams split. So Moi being more crafty then Martha. Moi hot glued blood red ribbon over the seams and no one knew what had happened. The dining room windows were covered with French toile fabric in red, white and goldenrod yellow. The living room was 3 shades of gold, and the bar room was copper, terra cotta and ivory. I would share with you Moi’s boudoir but only certain people ever got to see it.
I have to say, in all my years….which if you look at Moi you would say….21 years only?! Anyways I have never ever spilled paint while working on a room. And you know why? Because Moi is perfect, naturally.
Which brings me to share something devastating with you. Moi’s best bud Brady is painting the ceiling in my winter retreat in paradise while I am away visiting Tulips and Big Daddy.
I had selected to go with an Antique White for the ceiling in the great room. So while Brady was up on the ladder painting the trim and doing all the edging(his favorite part) he went to turn and dip his brush into the gallon of paint when for some unseen reason…in slow motion the pail began to tip and as Brady tried to stop it from tipping he broke a nail and the handle came off the pail and the pail of ivory paint splattered all over the walls I recently painted chocolate malt, the new fireplace mantle, and as it bounced off the new flooring and onto Moi’s new couch, Brady hurried down the ever so large ladder(it was a step ladder, but large to Brady) and began to weep with shear and utter terror at the display in from of him. Lucky for Moi, Diva Girl was in her closet sleeping. Otherwise my spotted pooch would no longer be spotted.
Below is a picture of a section of the floor, and the other picture is of the paint truck that Brady was driving the day after to bring new paint for the ceilings! Let’s just say Brady is not having a good week.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
No Undies, No Plane!
Moi always says: It is all in the approach! Whenever we face different situations along our path, on this great journey we all are on.
Moi has been bestowed with a rare gift. The gift of unique approaches, especially with children, students and mature men. Moi has noticed that, well let’s use parents with young children for example.
Recently I attended my nephews Christmas Church Pageant. My Godson Brandon was the Narrator in the show. He is 9, and a unique young boy. Naturally he is known as “Divine Jr” and a star in the making. Anyways, Moi arrives at the church early and notices Brandon running from the worship center, looking rather upset with his mother in tow. So Moi follows and arrives at the men’s restroom only to find my sister in law Evita outside of it with red flannel pj’s. She tells me Brandon is inside and is mad and won’t change into his pj’s. Moi of course being the genius I am says: step aside, I will handle this!
So Moi enters the restroom and I find my Godson sitting in the first stall and he seems upset. So I ask him…Hey buddy, are you ok? Are you excited or nervous about the show? He replies with: no I am not nervous, I just don’t want to wear the pj’s. Ok, I say, well I am surprised you don’t want to wear them given Moi gave them to you last Christmas. But hey, you don’t have to wear them if you don’t want to. Guess what…I have to share with you something that happened to Moi recently. Well, when Moi got to the Tampa airport on Wednesday and claimed my ticket for boarding. As I walked away from the ticket counter Moi glanced at the ticket and read the following words: You must have underwear on in order to board the plane.
Well you can imagine my horror and surprise given that Moi never wears any. So I had to search the airport for a shop that sold undies. I finally found a shop that did and so I bought a pair. Of course they were 2 sizes too small, but I had no choice. I had to buy them or no plane ride. And what do you think riding on a plane in a seat that is cramped wearing really small undies was like for me? I was constantly grabbing myself trying to re-arrange myself for 2.5 hours. Well I will tell you. It was awful, but I did it because I was instructed to do so. You see buddy sometimes we all have to do things, or wear something that we don’t want to, but we have to do it regardless, because as they say in show business…the show must go on.
And with that Brandon understood what Moi was saying. And he changed into his pj’s. And proceeded to do a perfect performance as the Narrator!
He later told me: thank you! And then Evita asked me how I got him to wear the pj’s. I told her: it is all in the approach.
Next time you need to resolve a situation…think of how you can or will approach it first. Remember put yourself into the other person’s shoes.
I am Divine, it is awesome being Moi!
Moi has been bestowed with a rare gift. The gift of unique approaches, especially with children, students and mature men. Moi has noticed that, well let’s use parents with young children for example.
Recently I attended my nephews Christmas Church Pageant. My Godson Brandon was the Narrator in the show. He is 9, and a unique young boy. Naturally he is known as “Divine Jr” and a star in the making. Anyways, Moi arrives at the church early and notices Brandon running from the worship center, looking rather upset with his mother in tow. So Moi follows and arrives at the men’s restroom only to find my sister in law Evita outside of it with red flannel pj’s. She tells me Brandon is inside and is mad and won’t change into his pj’s. Moi of course being the genius I am says: step aside, I will handle this!
So Moi enters the restroom and I find my Godson sitting in the first stall and he seems upset. So I ask him…Hey buddy, are you ok? Are you excited or nervous about the show? He replies with: no I am not nervous, I just don’t want to wear the pj’s. Ok, I say, well I am surprised you don’t want to wear them given Moi gave them to you last Christmas. But hey, you don’t have to wear them if you don’t want to. Guess what…I have to share with you something that happened to Moi recently. Well, when Moi got to the Tampa airport on Wednesday and claimed my ticket for boarding. As I walked away from the ticket counter Moi glanced at the ticket and read the following words: You must have underwear on in order to board the plane.
Well you can imagine my horror and surprise given that Moi never wears any. So I had to search the airport for a shop that sold undies. I finally found a shop that did and so I bought a pair. Of course they were 2 sizes too small, but I had no choice. I had to buy them or no plane ride. And what do you think riding on a plane in a seat that is cramped wearing really small undies was like for me? I was constantly grabbing myself trying to re-arrange myself for 2.5 hours. Well I will tell you. It was awful, but I did it because I was instructed to do so. You see buddy sometimes we all have to do things, or wear something that we don’t want to, but we have to do it regardless, because as they say in show business…the show must go on.
And with that Brandon understood what Moi was saying. And he changed into his pj’s. And proceeded to do a perfect performance as the Narrator!
He later told me: thank you! And then Evita asked me how I got him to wear the pj’s. I told her: it is all in the approach.
Next time you need to resolve a situation…think of how you can or will approach it first. Remember put yourself into the other person’s shoes.
I am Divine, it is awesome being Moi!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Divine Man Turns 1,000!
Moi wants to express a sincere "Thank You" to all my fans for your support, your viewership, and without you, I would not be online today!
As divine as Moi is, it you...who make me all the more Divine!
Moi hopes you enjoy the continuing Misadventures, and share it with all you know! Add Moi to your favorites list if you have not done so already!
There is much more to come!
Thank You Again all my lovely peoples! For all 1,000 viewers!
As divine as Moi is, it you...who make me all the more Divine!
Moi hopes you enjoy the continuing Misadventures, and share it with all you know! Add Moi to your favorites list if you have not done so already!
There is much more to come!
Thank You Again all my lovely peoples! For all 1,000 viewers!
A Love Beyond Time
I walked along the quiet still beach barefoot as the sun was almost setting. The evening air was still and just every once and awhile a faint movement of coolness brushes past my face. The sand beneath my feet is still warm from the hot sun and the water is sparkling like diamonds in a showcase laying upon rippled blue velvet.
After walking a few miles and watching the setting sun out over the ocean on the beautiful horizon, I get a sense that there are eyes on me, watching my every step, movement, as the hair on my arms stands erect. I turn around ever so slowly yet sharp so I can catch this person, figure, or thing that is watching me. Yet I see no one. So I decide to sit a spell on the now cooling white sand. As I sit there in wonder and amazement looking around at my ever so plush, green and tropical surroundings I notice the foot prints. The foot prints that seem to be leading toward me. And then stop. With no retraction prints. They just stop. Pointing at me.
A few days later I find myself wondering and intrigued as to what would explain the mysterious foot prints in the sand? I decide to head to the historical society office. Perhaps I will find some clues or answers?
While digging through old papers, articles, and newspaper clippings(for 2.5 hrs) I finally come across a worn, browned old article it reads:
Is the Ghost that Roams Indian Rocks Beach Searching For A Lost Love? The Mystery of the Lost Love
As I sit there reading this article, I wonder if what I sensed on the beach was Astor’s spirit?
December 21st, 1912
The tragedy that struck Indian Rocks Beach in the late hour of 8 O’ Clock After Dark on December 17th, 1912 was a devastation of significant proportions that will haunt many persons for a long while.
There is one story I must share with you, it is about true love, a love that lives even after a loss so profound like you are going to follow.
Astor Benedict, 25 of The Benedicts’ Of Rockney Hill was aboard the Heartstar when it exploded December 17th, 1912. Astor was on deck with his true love, whom of which not one persons can name. Astor was thrown from the deck after the devastating explosion erupted and leaving the only survivor, Astor with many racing questions and a hole in his heart. It is said that Astor was witnessed at the beach near the wreckage site falling to his knees and feverishly searching the sands for an object.
Astor’s love still remains a mystery? Is this person alive? Injured, missing? And will Astor ever find his true love?
After walking a few miles and watching the setting sun out over the ocean on the beautiful horizon, I get a sense that there are eyes on me, watching my every step, movement, as the hair on my arms stands erect. I turn around ever so slowly yet sharp so I can catch this person, figure, or thing that is watching me. Yet I see no one. So I decide to sit a spell on the now cooling white sand. As I sit there in wonder and amazement looking around at my ever so plush, green and tropical surroundings I notice the foot prints. The foot prints that seem to be leading toward me. And then stop. With no retraction prints. They just stop. Pointing at me.
A few days later I find myself wondering and intrigued as to what would explain the mysterious foot prints in the sand? I decide to head to the historical society office. Perhaps I will find some clues or answers?
While digging through old papers, articles, and newspaper clippings(for 2.5 hrs) I finally come across a worn, browned old article it reads:
Is the Ghost that Roams Indian Rocks Beach Searching For A Lost Love? The Mystery of the Lost Love
As I sit there reading this article, I wonder if what I sensed on the beach was Astor’s spirit?
December 21st, 1912
The tragedy that struck Indian Rocks Beach in the late hour of 8 O’ Clock After Dark on December 17th, 1912 was a devastation of significant proportions that will haunt many persons for a long while.
There is one story I must share with you, it is about true love, a love that lives even after a loss so profound like you are going to follow.
Astor Benedict, 25 of The Benedicts’ Of Rockney Hill was aboard the Heartstar when it exploded December 17th, 1912. Astor was on deck with his true love, whom of which not one persons can name. Astor was thrown from the deck after the devastating explosion erupted and leaving the only survivor, Astor with many racing questions and a hole in his heart. It is said that Astor was witnessed at the beach near the wreckage site falling to his knees and feverishly searching the sands for an object.
Astor’s love still remains a mystery? Is this person alive? Injured, missing? And will Astor ever find his true love?
Friday, December 3, 2010
A Stalker or a Mover?
Moi’s life has been rather crazy, turned upside down, and full of all the elements that make a good story! I will share:
“Picture It” a lovely December morning…the birds are chirping away their happy tune, the sun is shining the grass is green, the palms trees are rustling, and Moi is looking ever more devastatingly beautiful(if that is even possible?) enjoying a glass from freshly squeezed orange juice from between the breasts of my housekeeper, Rosalita! As I sip my juice, nibble on some fruit and look at myself in the mirror I think to myself “am I all packed, do I have all I need for the voyage Home?” This is the day I return home on my Boeing 727-700 Jet. It’s not much, just a 100 passenger aircraft. Moi has decided to fly “home” for the holiday instead of arriving there in my red limo. Thinking that by flying I would save my perfect booty from going flat after 2 long days in the limo. This way it would be perfectly round when I land and are greeted by Tulips and Big Daddy. Ok and some fans!
So my pal Brady gases up the ole’ limo and carries my bags(all 10 of them) to the trunk. Moi being so lovely, looking fabulous beyond comprehension wearing a red velvet jump suit, with fur trim, zipped up just below my perky tatas, my see-through white t-top exposing my bronzed flawless skin and my chiseled pecs. On my feet I went with red and white walkers and a “holiday” European shoulder bag…oh and ever so faithful white Jackie-O’s!
Moi arrives at the airport, checks in and heads to the gate. You know, for the life of Moi, I can not figure out why people are so upset with this new “frisking search thing” at the airports. Some of these people should be happy that someone even wants to touch them like that. Moi was eagerly awaiting my “frisk and search” and guess what? Not a thing happened. No one frisked Moi! What a let down.
As Moi is standing around waiting for my flight number to be called so I can board the jet, Moi notices a man walking past a few times, always making eye contact, and smiling. So I decide…”what the hell, I might as well as be nice and say HELLO” so I do just that. We embark on a rather enjoyable conversation about…Moi nonetheless. After a stiff one at the airport bar, we board the plane only to discover we are sitting next to each other. What are the odds?
Now, Moi must explain something: I am not a fan of flying. Even though my life requires me to do so often, Moi just is not a fan of the take off or the landing. So I always make sure I have a travel companion. Well my new found flying friend, Jonah is trying to distract my mind and stomach from the take off my massaging my feet and talking to Moi. Take off is good. The flight is smooth and we finally land. And to show my appreciation I exchange email addy’s and #’s with Jonah and offer to have my driver take him to his destination.
While being driven “home” I recall the flight and realize that Jonah was doing his best to hold my hand multiple times on the plane. And I fear he has fallen in love with Moi(which happens all the time) and think “how did he get the wrong impression?”
Moi finally arrives home and has my housekeeper(Hans) unpack all 10 pieces of luggage and mix me a dirty martini. As I sit in my plush throne and sort through my emails, fan letters, and messages Moi begins to wonder…why is all my new furniture still here? And why has the mover not come to collect Moi’s things to transport to my winter retreat in paradise? Well it is late and I decide to retire for the evening and crawl into my beloved bed and snuggle in.
This morning before Moi even flutters my eyes open, the telly rings. When I finally get to the telly and look at the missed call…Moi thinks that the number looks familiar. A few hours later the telly rings again. And as I stare at the number I think ummm…can it be? It must be Jonah. And why in the hell is he calling Moi so early…and 2 times? Naturally I think he must be another stalker. This always happens to Moi, I meet someone everywhere I go. And they always fall in love with Moi. Which is easy to understand why. After all Moi is perfect!
Again the phone rings and Moi has decided…I have to let him down gently. So I answer the telly…Hello Jonah, YOU need to listen before speaking. I enjoyed meeting you and talking, the foot rub was nice, as was the shoulder massage and carrying my European hand bag and throwing your coat on the ground so I would not dirty my shoes, but you have to move on, forget we met, it was just a flight, nothing more then that. Please understand…
And the caller replies: Divine Man…this is Barry the mover! When shall I come over and collect your things for transport to paradise? Oh by the way, I like you but you really are not my type!
It pays to program your movers name and number into your telly. Just remember you are divine, even in a most embarrassing situation!
“Picture It” a lovely December morning…the birds are chirping away their happy tune, the sun is shining the grass is green, the palms trees are rustling, and Moi is looking ever more devastatingly beautiful(if that is even possible?) enjoying a glass from freshly squeezed orange juice from between the breasts of my housekeeper, Rosalita! As I sip my juice, nibble on some fruit and look at myself in the mirror I think to myself “am I all packed, do I have all I need for the voyage Home?” This is the day I return home on my Boeing 727-700 Jet. It’s not much, just a 100 passenger aircraft. Moi has decided to fly “home” for the holiday instead of arriving there in my red limo. Thinking that by flying I would save my perfect booty from going flat after 2 long days in the limo. This way it would be perfectly round when I land and are greeted by Tulips and Big Daddy. Ok and some fans!
So my pal Brady gases up the ole’ limo and carries my bags(all 10 of them) to the trunk. Moi being so lovely, looking fabulous beyond comprehension wearing a red velvet jump suit, with fur trim, zipped up just below my perky tatas, my see-through white t-top exposing my bronzed flawless skin and my chiseled pecs. On my feet I went with red and white walkers and a “holiday” European shoulder bag…oh and ever so faithful white Jackie-O’s!
Moi arrives at the airport, checks in and heads to the gate. You know, for the life of Moi, I can not figure out why people are so upset with this new “frisking search thing” at the airports. Some of these people should be happy that someone even wants to touch them like that. Moi was eagerly awaiting my “frisk and search” and guess what? Not a thing happened. No one frisked Moi! What a let down.
As Moi is standing around waiting for my flight number to be called so I can board the jet, Moi notices a man walking past a few times, always making eye contact, and smiling. So I decide…”what the hell, I might as well as be nice and say HELLO” so I do just that. We embark on a rather enjoyable conversation about…Moi nonetheless. After a stiff one at the airport bar, we board the plane only to discover we are sitting next to each other. What are the odds?
Now, Moi must explain something: I am not a fan of flying. Even though my life requires me to do so often, Moi just is not a fan of the take off or the landing. So I always make sure I have a travel companion. Well my new found flying friend, Jonah is trying to distract my mind and stomach from the take off my massaging my feet and talking to Moi. Take off is good. The flight is smooth and we finally land. And to show my appreciation I exchange email addy’s and #’s with Jonah and offer to have my driver take him to his destination.
While being driven “home” I recall the flight and realize that Jonah was doing his best to hold my hand multiple times on the plane. And I fear he has fallen in love with Moi(which happens all the time) and think “how did he get the wrong impression?”
Moi finally arrives home and has my housekeeper(Hans) unpack all 10 pieces of luggage and mix me a dirty martini. As I sit in my plush throne and sort through my emails, fan letters, and messages Moi begins to wonder…why is all my new furniture still here? And why has the mover not come to collect Moi’s things to transport to my winter retreat in paradise? Well it is late and I decide to retire for the evening and crawl into my beloved bed and snuggle in.
This morning before Moi even flutters my eyes open, the telly rings. When I finally get to the telly and look at the missed call…Moi thinks that the number looks familiar. A few hours later the telly rings again. And as I stare at the number I think ummm…can it be? It must be Jonah. And why in the hell is he calling Moi so early…and 2 times? Naturally I think he must be another stalker. This always happens to Moi, I meet someone everywhere I go. And they always fall in love with Moi. Which is easy to understand why. After all Moi is perfect!
Again the phone rings and Moi has decided…I have to let him down gently. So I answer the telly…Hello Jonah, YOU need to listen before speaking. I enjoyed meeting you and talking, the foot rub was nice, as was the shoulder massage and carrying my European hand bag and throwing your coat on the ground so I would not dirty my shoes, but you have to move on, forget we met, it was just a flight, nothing more then that. Please understand…
And the caller replies: Divine Man…this is Barry the mover! When shall I come over and collect your things for transport to paradise? Oh by the way, I like you but you really are not my type!
It pays to program your movers name and number into your telly. Just remember you are divine, even in a most embarrassing situation!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)