As the red limo of perfection continues onward toward paradise in a mad mission to get to the F.O.Y. and drink a gallon of that youthful spring water that will forever keep Moi perfect and youthful! Moi is looking out at the BIG city of Atlanta and enjoying my Cracker Barrel to go when Moi’s cell rings.
I feel the need to back the bus up(so to speak) prior to heading out on the road to the location of the F.O.Y.
I had an appointment with Doctor Feel Good for some discomfort I was experiencing. After arriving at the clinic Moi waits about 15 minutes then the cranky Nurse comes to collect my luscious booty…
After the usual workup I proceed to the blood bank and let them suck the blood from Moi’s left arm. I tell the intern who has never ever taken blood before(OMG! Of all the people in the world I would end up with…a freaking intern) and there is nothing more exciting then seeing your very existence in a test tube. The intern proceeds to tell Moi that the results will be done in a day or 4. I am thinking “Moi has to wait 4 days, 4 whole days?”
So the next few days are filled thankfully with other exciting things like receiving that cryptic message and being locked in that Tennessee bathroom with Bubba, Billy and Benny! Moi and Brady are coasting along the Georgia highways and my cell rings. I answer the phone and say “Hello Howie’s House Of Pleasure-How may I service you? JK! I just simply say…Hellloooo?
Hi, this is Doctor Feel Good! Oh, so nice of you to call Moi finally after what seems like weeks…can you imagine how nervous I have been? How many martini’s I have had, not to mention the happy pills I have ate for breakfast. Can you even begin to comprehend what I am going through? Huh? Can you? Well I will tell you. Do you know what it is like riding in a limo across half the country and have the diarrhea? Always having to pull over, sometimes even being locked in a bathroom with mountain men, and no toilet paper?
Doctor Feel Good expresses an apology and finally begins to tell Moi what I have been just waiting to hear(just barely hanging on, JK) and that’s when DFG delivers the news, it is the moment of truth…Divine Man, you have 22 Hemorrhoids! Can you believe this shit? No pun intended Divine Man.
Moi just sits there(thinking about my poor perfect booty) and says aloud “as if having 3 nuts and a 3rd tata were not enough, now I have 22 Hemorrhoids. Is that even possible?” DFG tells Moi that for the next 3 months I will have to sleep on my flat stomach so that there is no added pressure, and Moi has to stay away from cold surfaces and sudden movements. Guess there won’t be any sex anytime soon! Just thinking about that gorgeous flesh walking around in Paradise and Moi can’t have it!
Paradise here I come!
I guess all good things and bad come is 3’s…but 22? Enjoy your weekend my peoples! And remember, stay away from cold surfaces! I am sure cold surfaces don't even exist in Paradise!
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