The Road To Paradise

My absence has been felt deeply across the globe leaving each of you with a sad lonely and dire void of emptiness. I know, I know, because I have felt it as well, while my dear friend Brady has been driving Moi from the Midwest to the lovely paradise of Clearwater, Florida.

And I have to interject here…been biting my teeth way to long! What is all this excitement about Oprah and her BFF’s BIG Adventure? Move over Oprah and Gayle! Divine Man and Brady are in the House!About a week ago I received a cryptic message(which I thought was a prank) as to the location of the F.O.Y.
The message read as follows: GO SOUTH ON THE TATTERED WINGS OF A RAVEN, WHEN YOU COME TO THE HOLLOW PALM SEEK THE SHADOW OF THE SUN AT THE SETTING HOUR DUE WEST.

So Moi made the necessary arrangements, instructed Brady of the message and where we had to travel. Do you know how pissed off the US Postal system gets when there has to be a HOLD put on fan mail? Well they get postal! After doing that, Moi called Tulips and Big Daddy to make arrangements for Diva Girl to stay with them while I am away. Of course Tulips was rather busy with Lucinda and her rather large ass and all her drama, so Diva Girl would have to spend her days with Big Daddy and his hounds “ Jerry and Leon.”

Now, whenever Diva Girl stays with family she comes with “special instructions” such as: She does not like the sun blinding her early in the morning, requires that you fluff her bedding and make sure her perfectly alabaster white fur and dark chocolate/liver spots are covered with her chenille blanket every evening, and that when you prepare her meals you serve her meals to her on china and she likes to drink water from her crystal dish that is embellished with diamonds spelling out her name…DIVA GIRL.

Moi of course has to make sure to have the proper couture for such a voyage of great proportions! So I decided to go with 7 pairs of Jackie-O’s, each in a different color to match each of my outfits and flip flops. Along with my flowing red robe with my feather boas, crystal wine/champagne flutes to drink from when I feel parched. Moi even decided to pack the new Speedo Maxima 2011 “Special Edition” Beach Thong which is metallic torch red! Oh yes, and my Olive Oil enhanced Tanning Lotion!

Brady arrives with his 2 duffle bags, brown paper sack with his whiskey and wine (that has seen better days) and his crocs! Moi however is all ready with my 5 piece Prada set, 12 pairs of designer flips flops, mini bar, traveling makeup counter, and my portable pedicure tub, oh and 2 queens and a hot comb!

To Be Continued...