Happy New Year 2012!

Divine Man wishes you all a very happy new year!  Moi hopes you end 2011 without regrets, without fear in your heart, feelings of despair, or sadness.  Always know you are never really alone, not even at midnight tonight wherever you are.  Enter 2012 making memories that will last a lifetime! Let true love in, make your dreams comes true, never ever give up.  And make sure you stop and smell the roses along the way, because one day your sniffer won't be able to sniff and you will wonder ....why?  why did I not enjoy it more?

Live life with no regrets!

Happy New Year, 2012!

 

Holiday Traditions: Rocky's, Sausages and Boozie Woozie's!

Every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas Moi and Co. have traditions that are a must to experience!  I feel it is greatly important have them, whether that be 1 or 20!  

Here are some of mine:

Tulips and Moi always have an evening of shopping and Rocky Rococo Pizza.  We only do this in December.  We shop, laugh, eat, shop, laugh…

Every year the week leading up to Christmas, Big Daddy, the Bro, and Moi get together to make home-made stuffed Italian sausages.  We have a grinder, have fresh casings.  Can you imagine Moi stuffing those big, plump, and juicy sausages?  It is a trip!  Big Daddy has been doing this since he was a child with his Dad and Co.

Each year Moi watches: Santa Clause, The Movie.

Of course no holiday would be as merry without the proper libations…
Egg Nog
Tom n’ Jerry’s
Butter Balls

It is a must to drive through the local park to see all the lovely holiday lights and displays.

After which we go to the Eagles Club and try to win the “Boozie Woozie”

Moi has had a lot of wonderful memories of Christmas pasts, and some not so good ones as well, but one thing always remains true…family, love, laughter, and great food! 

Happy Holidays!

What Is The Meaning Of Christmas?

Recently Moi was challenged by someone who feels compelled to make Moi feel as if I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE REAL MEANING OF CHRISTMAS IS.

Divine Man knows very well what the meaning of Christmas is.  Let me tell you what I know.

I may not have all of my childhood memories due to a very tragic situation that left me numb for years, but I recall one December as a child and I was standing on the stage of the lower level of the church my family has attended since Tulips and Big Daddy were wed.  Anywho, I remember standing up on that stage under the burning bright lights with more then 30 kids that were suppose to be singing “Away In The Manger,”  well it seemed that a group effort soon became a solo for Moi!  I stood there proud and sang my little heart out.  My Mom and Dad were in the audience and sat there with love and pride in their hearts.   Love.

My parents have worked very very hard for what they have.  They might not be wealthy with millions of dollars, or a mansion in the Hollywood Hills but are the riches people I know.  My parents have always wanted my bro and I to know that we are loved.  I don’t know of any other Mom that displays this in all she does.  Always thinking of others, creating joy, smiles and leaving imprints on the hearts of those she touches.  Big Daddy is an entertainer in his own right.  Yeah he can be crude, and then some, but he has always made sure that we had a home, clothes, food and security.  Under his hard shell is a soft center.

Again, Love.

Over the past days Moi has taken to the streets, the stores and even to the gas station…and has repeatedly asked this question:  What is the meaning of Christmas? 

I was told the following:

It is about sharing the day with those you love and cherish.  This came from an elderly man.

Prayer.  To celebrate real unconditional sacrifice.  To remember what we have.  This came from 2 Nuns.

Making new memories and new traditions.  A Bus Driver with a family shared this with Moi.

Giving to those that can not do so for themselves.  A teenage girl told me that she volunteers during December at shelters.

Helping people realize what they are worth.  An HR Manager.

The spirit of the season is about Love, Giving, Hope, Sacrifice, Celebration, Being Together, Knowing that each of us is here for an individual purpose.  Spoken by a Pastor.

After listening and collecting these feelings, opinions and comments I decided to look to my roots and asked Tulips what she felt:  She shared with me the following:

Getting together with family and friends, love, I bake special cookies, desserts that I give out to others on plates(that I know will appreciate that simple act of kindness) I also enjoy giving to others things such as gifts to my family and those I love and care about, even you Brady. 
Celebrating the spirit in church on Christmas Eve singing ballads and carols.  Knowing that everyone has someone to love, people to surprise and shock.  Everyone has their own ideas of what this holiday means.  Everything I do is because I love those around me.  I simply like to give, because one day I will not be here, and until then I want to make memories, smiles and excitement. 

Everything that Moi has been told is all true.  Christmas is what you as a person makes of it.  If you want to be a Scrooge, then so be it, but don’t belittle what others do or how they express what they feel. 
Or perhaps you have no family, or because of some unfortunate circumstances you are separated from your family and friends, such as those overseas in the military, or the homeless, those in the hospital, or grieving at a funeral, or because you choose to simply be an ass.  Or maybe you are with your family and others you care about and celebrate in whatever fashion you decide to do it in.  Who am I to say what it right and what is wrong?  Who Are You, who is anyone to say? 

So if this season is about Love, Sharing, Giving, Family and Beliefs …then live that.  Show it, be it.  Think of what others want in their heart, and not about what you only want.  Compromise.  Work together, instead of against each other like so many do. 

Think about it.  Love seems to be the common thread we all share.

Moi has a wish this holiday season…that my Godfather receives the miracle of the season, positive health…that those I love can all share in the magic together…to just be able to wake up on the 25th with my Diva Girl, Brady, Tulips, Big Daddy, his “boys” and “the little family.” 

That is all I want.  I don’t need gifts, material objects, I want and need those I love with me.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas, or whatever you celebrate!

On A Ghostly Plane: Beyond Time

The instant I stepped onto the plane I felt shivers run wild all over my body.  There was a coldness in the air that seemed to engulf me as I made my way to my seat.  It was 7:00pm and the plane was going to leave shortly.  As I reached into my pocket to grab my seat ticket to make sure I sat in the right one, for some odd reason I could not find it.  It had been there just prior to stepping on board.  So where was it now?  As I stood there searching my pockets there was a tap on my shoulder.  I turned around to find a little old frail woman wearing a long black dress and wrap.  She was holding out her boney shaking hand which held a piece of paper.  She said to me:  Find him, you must find him for me!  The paper she handed me was a seat ticket.  It was old looking with wrinkles and torn.  She kept saying to me…YOU will find him, you will find the truth.  As our hands touched and I took the paper from her, she was gone.

As I looked at the ticket, I noticed the date, as it was a date I knew only too well…December 21st, the year was 1913.  The seat number was 17.  All these familiar numbers…was this fate?  Was this real?

It was not soon after sitting down in seat 17 that my eyes began to grow heavy and slowly close.

I was awakened by a voice, faint at first and as it seemed to get closer and closer to me I sat there very still as if I were a rabbit frozen at the thought of being discovered by my prey.  I sat there trying to contain my heartbeats so that they would not grow louder and be heard.  As I forced my eyes out the window of the plane I knew that I was not alone.  I knew that if I turned to the right, there would be someone there sitting next to me.  Seen or unseen, there would be someone there.  This would not be the first time I had a connection to a spirit with a story to tell me.  Somehow there was something familiar about this voice?

Divine Man's Birthday Wish List For 12/17/11

Not much has really changed for Moi since last December.  I still want and desire the following things:

1)  A Publishing Agent

2)  A guest spot on Chelsey Lately…move over Ross Matthews!

3)  Health and well being for my family and those I love.

4)  A smaller booty

5)  A radio talk show

6)  My own line of Divine products!

7) Mo more Kardashians, Lindsay Lohan or Snookie.  I guess trash and big asses are all the rage?

8)  I wish politicians could work together to make a better America, not work against each other.  A certain party needs to thing of the general public, not just the wealthy sector. 

9)  Someone to find me, and see what I am truly made of, my talents and my goals.  Make them reality!

10)  Equal Rights for all! 


Happy Birthday To Moi!   12/17

A Silver Bullet, And 2 Days with The Glam Clam!

So over the past few weeks, Moi has been traveling like a honey bee from hive to hive , arm to arm, leg to leg and even a large booty!  Well maybe not like that, but I have been busy traveling.  In October Brady, Diva Girl and Moi returned to Paradise after 2 hard days on the road in my white limo, filled with wine, champagne, caviar, frozen steaks, a few cigars and holiday décor. 

As if my ass was not flat enough my gal pal Jolie of The Glam Clam offered to fly Moi back to The Great Midwest to visit Tulips, Big Daddy & Co.
 
I must admit, the week was only 5 days short, yet a lovely excursion with Tulips and Big Daddy.  ‘Home Sweet Home” there is a great deal of truth in that.  On the 5th day Jolie and Moi headed out on the road in her “Silver Bullet” and began a road trip to Orlando, FL. 

Along the drive through Illinois we experienced a strongest, most fierce blowing of our lives.  Talk about intense and nipply!  It literally ripped the clothes off our booties!  My shorts ended up on the back end of a semi heading for god only knows?  Then after a never ending day of long boring driving through Illinois we started singing these words “ I hate driving through Illinois, Everyone sing with me, I hate….

We finally made it to our first destination “Clarksville” where we were greeted by no one.  HA!  At this point we did not care, all we wanted was to open one of the 5 gallons of wine we packed, the French bread, Pringles, shower and relax.  AAAHHH, there is nothing better then wine and Pringles and a nice soft bed. 

As we headed through Tennessee the next day, we decided to go incognito.  No make-up on, our hair in hats, sunglasses, each wearing lounge wear and looking ever so radiant.  As we got into Georgia we saw some rather odd things.  Like for example:  there was a rather large animal tied up inside the back of an open pickup truck, it was white with black spots…a Dalmatian?  Was it a Cow?  OMG!  It was a HUGE DOG!  Now who does this?  Only in Georgia I guess? 

Jolie and Moi talked, laughed and talked and laughed non-stop for 2 whole days.   We finally pulled into The Sunshine State that evening and made our way to her Condo.  And then found the bar where we enjoyed a few martini’s, comfort food and a lovely nights rest.  We did all of this for her daughter McNamara.  She bought the “Silver Bullet” from Jolie. 

Moi was finally on my way back to my little paradise retreat! 

And now I find myself once again on a plane heading back to The Great Midwest, Moi is going home for the holidays! 

Happy Holidays!

Five Guys Burgers And Fries!

Recently Brady and I were out in search of the FOY(Fountain Of Youth) and after a very early start to the day(5a.m.) and much walking, climbing, and digging we were famished. The noises that one could hear coming from our stomachs was so loud-you would think it was a train racing towards a blown-up bridge only to be saved by Superman as the train raced over his back! WE WAS HUNGRY FOLK!
 After heeeing and haaaaing as to what would feed our fires we decided on burgers and fries! Now, the only remaining question was “where to get the best burgers and fries?” As we stood there in the middle of the parking lot and turned around many times as our eyes searched high and low…it was then a lite went on(between the 2 of us) and we raced to the doors of “Five Guys Burgers and Fries.” As we ran to the door, pushing each other out of the way we both hit the wall. No, we really did, we actually hit the wall. As our faces were squeezed upon the glass windows and our bodies slowly sank to the ground, we were stopped by the sign on the door. It read: Open 7 Days A Week 11AM-10PM. It was now 10:48AM! What in the hell are we going to do now? We have 12 minutes Brady!

The next 12 minutes seemed to linger on for hours, days…luckily for us, Moi had nail polish in my murse and so we took turns painting each others toe nails. The color was a brilliant hue of red called “Red Hot Asset.”
Finally the doors were opened!

As we walked into Five Guys, we looked around at the open dining hall, it was white and red, there was a long counter separating us from the grill area. The menu was small but had all the right fillings!

BURGERS    DOGS     SANDWICHES

FRIES     DRINKS

ALL TOPPINGS FREE
　
We each ordered a Cheeseburger and a large French Fry, one with water, the other with Diet Coke.
We sat outside to enjoy the sunshine and the breeze, and as we sat there for a few minutes, our food was delivered to our table. It was in a brown bag and as I opened it in haste we were delighted at what we found. The bag was filled with old fashioned hand cut potatoes with the skins on each fry. There was a heaping amount of fries staring at each of us! As we dug through the bag we came upon our burgers. They were wrapped in foil and were rather big and heavy! We opened them up and as we did so, our eyes grew bigger and wider as we starred in amazement at the mammoth burgers! It was like having a cow in a bun with everything on it! There were juices flowing mixed with butter, mayo drippings and more. I guess when you order your burger and say “I want Everything On It” you get just that.

Everything includes: Mayo, Lettuce, Pickles, Tomatoes, Grilled Onions, Grilled Mushrooms, Ketchup, and Mustard. Our sandwiches were at least 4 inches tall(thick) and oozing with heaven!
The meat was 100% Beef, No Fillers or Preservatives !

If you seek a really, really awesome Burger and Fries…look no further then…Five Guys Burgers and Fries!
If you want to open a location, go to the website
 If you are ever in Paradise and want to satisfy your taste buds …..go to
Clearwater Mall at 2689 Gulf To bay BLVD, Clearwater FL 33759
727.726.0100 FAX 727.726.7373

Divine Man and Brady give this 2 thumbs and 2 Red Hot Asset toes up!

Also you can order online!

　
　
　
　
　www.fiveguys.com

A Kissing Booth, And Baking Potato Super Sized Lips!

Never fear for Divine Man still LIVES! I know I am been in hiding of sorts and you have not heard a peep from me, but let me bend your ear, focus your eyes onto the following words…

Over the past few weeks I have seen lingering rat shit in places I did not even know it could be(which has stressed me), planning next years Halloween costume…I know I am tad early! Then I decided one day that Moi wanted to do something really self sacrificing for others, for all the beautiful men and women walking along on the beaches that seemed and looked lonely. I thought “what ever can I do for these poor folks?” I got thinking…mini-make-overs, new do’s, maybe some fashion tips? And then I had it, sometimes all one needs in life is a bit of inspiration. Some ego boosting old fashion attention. So I opened a booth on the beach…but not just any ole’ booth, but a kissing booth!

 I figured I could knock off to birds with one stone…I could provide a absolutely perfect moist kiss to each of these handsome men that appeared single and to the sexy women that appeared to be desperate housewives. So for the next 7 days I collected $8.00 for a minute and a half worth of divine kissing. Not before I made each person gargle with mouthwash! Moi did this for 8 hours a day for 7 days, 7 days I tell ya! And do you know what my lips were like? They were once smooth, flawless, perky, and moist. Well after all that kissing Moi’s lips were all serviced out! Out Of Order! Closed! Needing Repairs! Get the picture? My lips were now flattened, dry, cracking, and bruising(one of the guys thought biting was part of it). Then after the flattening ended, my lips suddenly began to fill up, swell to an enormous size of like…baking potatoes!

So as you can imagine, I refused to go anywhere, look at a mirror, shower, write anything as I was so very depressed at the sight of my baking potato super sized lips! All I could do was eat my the shovel loads…with these new lips I was able to eat everything and anything I wanted to, even the dog! No, just kidding, but I could eat and eat and eat. Next thing I knew, I was sporting a big ass once again, my muffin top had started to rear it’s ugly puffy head, I was experiencing an acne breakout, not only on my face, but on my large ass as well. After a few weeks of self destruction I decided I needed to take control of the situation and to hell with what others thought! I decided to go swimming, but because of the size of my lips I was unable to go underwater(they were like floatation devices) but regardless Moi carried on, I began walking, sipping on low salt chicken broth, drinking only white wine, and eating greens.

Moi was close to being back to normal! Just in time for “The Glam Clam’s 2 Day Road Trip-South”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
More to come!
　
Toodles! Ta Ta! Kiss Kiss!

Halloween Night 2011: An Evening Of Big Hats, Big Sticks, Balls, Black Pussy-Cats and Louie's Cane!

It was Halloween Night 2011, Moi along with Brady and Jordanna decided to hit the town one last time in our costumes(mine being award winning and all) Brady as the Phantom Of The Opera, and Jordanna went as a Black Pussy-Cat.

The first place we hit was a LGBT bar where we were given free drinks and tokens to use the next time we are there. While people were chatting with Phantom and Black Pussy, Moi was approached by a rather dashing man that was holding a pool stick. He asked Moi: will you kiss me for luck? I replied with “no, but I will kiss and rub your big stick for luck!” From that point on for the next 30 minutes Moi and “Dan The Pool Guy” exchanged laughs and I even played with his balls…I mean I hit his balls with his big stick while on they were on table!

Next we decided to move onto a townie grill & bar called Louie’s. Brady and I go there on Tuesdays once and a while hoping to get the day’s special: broasted chicken, but it is always sold out. So we settle for the burgers which are extremely juicy and dripping with butter, freshly sliced sweet onions, fancy ketchup, mayo and topped off with lettuce. As the juices marry on my ever so intoxicating palette, Moi takes a sip of Shock Top brew.
 Yummmyyyy!

Anyways, while we are there in our frocks frolicking with other halloweeners, and a cute guy I called "Poncho."  In one fast moment I felt a quick stab at my perky buttocks! As I turned around in a fury to see who was perversely stabbing me, I noticed it was an old man…maybe even homeless? The old man turns out to none other then Louie himself. Now, Moi has never ever met him before. But he seems to be rather taken with “Maleficent” and continues to play pussy-cat and mouse with Moi’s perky buttocks and his cane. He buys Moi drinks, and we get talking about what I can do for him with online marketing. He is intrigued, however not as much as he is with my red lips, green face and black erect horns, I guess one could say I was “horny” but not like that you perverts!

He provided me with his business card and his private line. I then gave him mine: Divine Man, blah blah blah. If you could have seen his face as he read my card you would have thought he was ill or perhaps he was just green with envy!

The funny thing about this all is, Moi had forgotten my underpants before I left my pad in a mad haste. Good thing he was not “raising cane to high!”

Or he and everyone would have shouted out “ wow holy beef” not “where’s the beef.”

Happy Halloween!

Halloween, All Saints Day, All Hallows Eve or Day....

Cultures all around the world celebrate this day with many different traditions, ideas, etc.  For example: The turnip was carved to honor the lost souls that were held captive in purgatory(in Ireland and Scottland)

We here in America, celebrate with wearing costumes, attending parties, movies, festivals, trick-or-treating, etc.

Moi as you know is a Major Halloween Fan.  I will start planning next years costume tomorrow.  Actually I have already been considering options for a month. 

But for Moi Halloween is not just about costumes and candy and parties.  It is about the power of this day.  Some believe it is the one day that Spirits can roam the Earth freely.  I have experienced many supernatural events on Oct.31 through the years. 

I embrace each All Hallows Eve, I get out my broom, my cauldron, candles, Ouija Board, wine...ok lots of wine!

Enjoy the day, the power, the magic!


Origin of name:

The word Halloween is first attested in the 16th century and represents a Scottish variant of the fuller All-Hallows-Even ("evening"), that is, the night before All Hallows Day.^[11] Although the phrase All Hallows is found in Old English (ealra hālgena mæssedæg, mass-day of all saints), All-Hallows-Even is itself not attested until 1556.^[

Halloween 2010...with Mimi, Cubes, Moi, and Brady

The Misadventures Of A Divine Man!: Maleficent: The Mistress Of All Evil, Green Faced...

The Misadventures Of A Divine Man!: Maleficent: The Mistress Of All Evil, Green Faced...: From the Moment Maleficent stepped outside of her dungeon where she was keeping King Stefan locked in chains to make him her “slave” she wa...

Maleficent: The Mistress Of All Evil, Green Faced And ALL!

From the Moment Maleficent stepped outside of her dungeon where she was keeping King Stefan locked in chains to make him her “slave” she was cornered by peasants, villagers, tourists, housekeeping staff, paparazzi, cameras flashing uncontrollably in Moi’s face!

The crowds only got bigger as I glided through the court yard, around the pool where swimmers stopping splashing and looked in awe. Others clapped loudly, photo opps galore, autograph signings, and then my entourage which consisted of Moi as Maleficent, Brady as King Stefan, McNamara-the photographer and her BF Rodney-who is an excellent guide. The escorted us in style to the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World to attend the event of the season: “Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party.”

We got into the lobby and people everywhere just stopped and looked, admired my flawless green skin, perky ruby lips, and flowing black satin gown with sharp accents of star dusted purple, and raspberry gussets with glittered purple overlays. As we reached the front, the red carpet, men laid face down on the ground for Moi to walk over as not to touch the ground. Women were “green with envy” and kids were enchanted, yet scared. Who was this lovely creature?

As we rode the monorail to the Magic Kingdom, more photo opps, more autograph signings, and more applauses! We were at our magical destination. As Maleficent walked ahead toward the gates, the crowds would part like the Red Sea so Moi would pass through. We made our way to the masses of people on Main St. and just stood there as if everyone was in slow motion all turning to look at us! At that moment, security, and staff quickly approached Moi and asked why I was breaking protocol? In my Maleficent voice I said: Why, my poor dears, I am the Mistress Of All EVIL, and surely you would be more then ecstatic to accompany me back to my chambers? It was not until half way there that the real Maleficent was spotted and they all stopped, turned in astonishment and just gazed at Moi. They were speechless.

Throughout the evening, I met Princess Aurora, and Merriweather, Lady Tremain and the Ugly Stepsisters, Jafar, many, many Jack Sparrows-some with teeth and some without.

Finally the moment of truth had arrived, Moi would come face to face with his look-alike! She knew I had up-staged her, as I saw her lip quiver and she tried to smile but I could tell it hurt. After numerous photos were taken by staff, guests, etc… we parted ways, but not until we did the ole’ kiss kiss like the true divas we are!

Again, Disney does make dreams come true! A night of villains, the headless horseman, whispers and shadows, and lots and lots of cameras flashing at Divine Man!

A truly perfectly magical evening!

　

Deep Undercover: Inside the Tree

Do you ever wonder where and how people get those “Funny Wal~Mart Pictures?”

Well Moi also discovered another place for the best sightings! At Dollar Tree.

While I was in the Great Midwest for my summer hiatus I decided to go undercover and work at the Dollar Tree. Like those funny walmart pictures that are all the rage online, Moi was surprised each day at what I saw walk in off the street. In fact sometimes it was dragged in off the streets as well! Like the singing fool, the toothless ex-beauty queen, the man with the oozing toe nails, the shemale or the fat bearded lady from the circus.

I was mostly amazed at the wide range of products that are sold there, such as: rib-eye steaks, hot dogs, microwaveable French Fries, Mexican Jumping Beans(what makes them Mexican?) 8 varieties of Tampons, roach killer, shredded cheese that does not melt, enemas, and my favorite items:
Pregnancy Tests, Ovulation Predictors, Vagi-Itch, Warming Jelly, and now Home Drug Tests. So tell me this why do they not sell condoms? I mean think about it, the only reason they sell these items is because you have an itchy va-jj, and so you feel the need to warm it with some lube while partaking in something of a sexual nature, while stoned, and then a few days later you think…gee maybe I am ovulating? And realize you might be preggers? So again I ask of you, why no condoms? If they sold condoms there would be no need for each of those $1.00 items. So I guess it makes more sense to spend $5.00 then $1.00?

On a serious note, it is truly sad that the American people have no other choice then to buy their groceries, and home entertainment for a dollar. Oh wait, it is not the general public, it is a select population of people that once were the average hard working people whom now have no job, live on Food Stamps, and government aid, unlike the rich who only seem to get richer.

Moi learned a few lessons while working under-cover there. I also lost 20 pounds while unloading freight and stocking shelves.

If you need something and you can not find it elsewhere….go to your local Dollar Tree, they sell it all, except for the condoms. Try the gas station next door.

Oh Rats!

Why do rodents find it necessary to make your house their home?
　
“Picture It” a lovely fall day, it is early evening and Moi, along with Diva Girl, and my ever so faithful sidekick Brady, arrive back in paradise. It is about 6:30pm and after 2 days in a limo, drinking free large Diet Cokes and inhaling McNuggets from none other then The Golden Arches, well lets just say that I will not be eating those again anytime soon. Do you know that you can use McNuggets for a variety of things, such as: cushion under the legs of a chair, a pin cushion, protection for the car antenna while in a car wash, a place to hide pain killers and if they are cooked in a Microwave they bounce like a ball on the pavement.

Anywho…

We arrive in the driveway of my paradise retreat, the sun is setting, the air is breezy, the smell of flowers is filtering in and out of my perfect nostrils, and finally my ass can breathe from the past 2 days on the seat. It is now so flat, one can serve tea and crumpets on it. As I extend my beautiful legs out of the car, people from everywhere appear, running towards us, screaming, throwing roses, snapping pictures, trying to get a piece of Moi! Brady and Diva Girl hide in the limo, and Moi braves the masses. Luckily for us, the local boys in blue are afoot on horses and are now controlling the crowds. My galpal Jordanna, that resides across the street from us escorts me inside my pad.
I love my fans, but all I wanted to do was massage my ass cheeks, fluff them up a bit!

As I look around, I am stopped dead in my tracks as I am shocked, shocked with horror as to what is displayed all over my kitchen floor. Rodent Shit! Yes folks, Rodent Droppings, crap, little black pieces of shit.

It brings a new meaning to the words: Oh Rats!

As I walk through the house I come to the master bathroom, where something has made a nest in the empty and dry toilet bowl out of a one of my lace teddies and pair of my see-thru undies. And if that is not enough I find a feather boa under the mantle, a towel under the dishwasher and one of Brady’s adult diapers stuffed under a dresser in his room!

As Brady stands in my bathroom staring at the toilet which is covered in mud from the recent rat runnings, in that moment one of those nasty creepy rodents climbs out of the toilet and scurries to hide under the dishwasher and proceeds to escape out of a hole that he/she made in the floor and flees for sanctuary in the wilds.

For the next 2 days Moi is terrified to sit upon the porcelain throne, so I now have to suspend myself in mid air above it hoping nothing will climb out and scratch my booty or anything else that is dangling!

Welcome Back To Paradise

A Fan Club Luncheon: A Dozen Silver Trays, A Utility Knife, and A Mother Lioness!

Moi has gotta say, Fan Club Luncheons are always a hoot, a great sense of joy, pride, and full of surprises. However the one I recently attended with Tulips and Brady was full of a bit more then usual.

It was the first night at the ever so lovely boutique hotel downtown the Twin Cities. The air was warm, the sun was setting with a brilliant array of hues ranging from lilac, teal, pink and orange. There were girls, young men, a few grannies, and a multitude of paparazzi flashing cameras, screaming my name, asking questions, trying to get a glimpse of Moi. As I made my way through the crowd outside to the front doors, I signed autographs, took a few photos, and then I was escorted inside.

The hotel staff was awaiting my arrival with roses in hand, petals on the floor guiding me to the front desk. There were candles flickering all around, a pianist playing a favorite tune of mine, and a dozen or more very attractive concierge all in black tuxedos with their hair slicked back, each one caring a silver covered tray. But what was under each tray…?

To Be Continued…

Happy Birthday Tulips: One Hell Of A Lady!

How much do you love and worship your Mother?
　
Divine Man does more then anyone knows. Tulips is not just my Mother, she is the one, the one and only person that wanted me. She experienced great loss in hopes of conceiving and they eventually adopted. He was their gift.

A few years later Tulips walked into a family party and the first scent of Pizza, and she ran into the bathroom. After experiencing morning sickness, she emerged…And as she approached Big Daddy, she said “I am pregnant.”

Eight months later Divine Man was born. The Miracle child.

I was born with yellow jawness, and my mother, my champion would not leave the hospital until they let me leave with her. So even then, from the beginning Tulips was my protector.

My mother Tulips and I have had our fare share of laughs, disagreements, growing pains, and more laughs…
One afternoon Tulips and I walked up to the local Hardee’s drive thru, and we were laughing hysterically at the thought of this. We got to the window on foot and ordered, in between laughs…

My mother Tulips, she is the MOST amazing woman that I have ever had the privilege of knowing.
She is the one person that always comes running when I have a nightmare.  Tulips and I have the same exact eyes, and we have a strong connection, that we both can feel even when we are thousands of miles apart.  We know when the other is in pain.  She has always believed in me, my dreams and my hopes.

Tulips is a saint in my eyes, and in the eyes of so many others.  She is my beacon of light, because of her strength and her love I always know where home is.

She WAS the PTO in grade school, she was the greatest of all mothers, and still is.

Mom, do you remember the day that I dressed up as you? And then you dressed up as me in my Hocus Pocus costume? Remember the day we discovered the pictures of each of us as kids and we looked identical?

Remember the first time I said “I Love You Mommy?”

We have had so many wonderful and yet trying moments, but Moi would never change anything. If I could take you away from all the negativity in life I would. We could sit together on the beach in paradise. We would laugh, gossip, look at the eye candy, and enjoy fruity drinks with umbrellas in them.
　
Happy Birthday Tulips!

I love you with all my heart,

Divine Man

Moi's Great Midwest Top 10 List: What I learned while in Wisconsin

The scent of morning rain, lilacs in bloom, fire flies dancing in the summer nights sky, skinny dipping in the quarry pond with your true love, 4th of July picnics, the scent of burning leaves, the first snow flakes and mulled cider.

　
10. It is only in Wisconsin that people are concerned about how this years pumpkin crop will be.

9. Only here in the Midwest can you experience a true fish fry, complete with freshly made tartar sauce, rye bread, fries dripping with grease, homemade coleslaw, and locally freshly caught fish.

8. Where else can you ride your horse to the cheese shop for fresh, warm, squeaky cheese-curds.

7. The people of Wisconsin are different then any other, they are the hardest working, genuine, real, sure you have your petty ones, cranky ones and even deadbeats but nothing beats the hospitality of the people here. Whether it be family, friends or strangers.

6. The drivers here are like those in Paradise, minus the high amount of U-Turns. They sit at the green lights and sleep I think?

5. Only here can you be amazed and delighted with Amish made refreshing homemade ice-cream, farm fresh eggs, smokey slab thick bacon and peaceful hot summer nights.

4. In Wisconsin, Sundays are filled with nachos, wieners in the sauce, Shlitz, green and gold bread rings, BBQ and the Packers.

3. Kick ass Pizza

2. Corn Mazes that span 10 acres, apple orchards, hay rides, and tapped maple syrup.

1. Family: blood IS thicker then water.

　

A Summer Hiatus: A Tale Of Two Cities

While I have been in the Great Midwest, Somewhere in Small Town America, I have learned new things, lessons, re-visited old places and looked back and now forward.

What I have learned while on my summer hiatus:

People, wise people say home is where the heart is. But is it? Mine is in 2 places. Home is where you come from, where you were born and with those you call family. A House is just a house until love enters, then pain, laughter, tears, memories, and nightmares. All these things create a home. Mine is a tale of two cities: Small Town America and Paradise!

When I left Paradise in April I was eager to see my family, friends and continue the saga of Divine Man. I came back to “home1” to see Doctor FeelGood, de-clutter my life, and take on a new role.

While here I realized that it is perfectly ok finding a safe happy feeling, even if it is not at “home,” that when you go someplace new, you take parts of “home” with you. You take with you life. Life experiences, hurts, joys, lessons, stories, wisdom and memories.

Moi also knows that there is no other place for the VERY BEST Pizza then Joe’s Fox Hut in Fond du Lac, WI. Whether you are in NYC, Cali, or Alaska you need to make the flight or drive to FDL and experience Joe’s Fox Hut Pizza.

One can only experience the magic of a summer’s hot evening as the sun sets, while watching in merriment as the fire flies dance all around. Sometimes, there really is no place like home.
Or, where can you attend car shows, corn roasts, and go apple picking like at The Little Farmer.


Sometimes in life we have to leave in order to appreciate what is in our own backyards.

Thank You, Stitches and All!

Moi's surgery(Sept.15th) was successful, only time will tell how perfect it really was.


There is nothing better then having the parts of your body shaved, that never should be.  There is nothing better then being stitched, sliced and diced.  There is nothing more exhilarating then having a sponge bath by a sexy blonde nurse with blue eyes that sparkled like the crystal blue waters of the tropics, named Kate-Lynn. 

There is nothing better then knowing so many people care about Moi!  Thank You for each of you, your kind words, your thoughts, your letters, your words, and all the offers of sponge baths, foot massages, and toe-nail clippings!


Thank You, from the bottom of my stitches to the top of my pretty head!


Thank You

Dreams: Never Give Up!

We all have dreams, hopes, goals and even aspirations that some of us never tell another living person about. Some share their dream(s) within a journal of privacy, or some share with the world?

I have always thought that in order to make your dreams come true, become reality that you need to be “discovered” by the right person. Or you need to be in the right place at the right time. I also thought that you needed to come from wealth to be someone. While each of these all might have truth to them, I am beginning to believe and feel in my heart that perhaps the one person that needs to believe in me, is myself.

To really, truly believe in oneself, well it sometimes can take an overwhelming amount of courage, self sacrifice or maybe that’s just it. Maybe always sacrificing oneself for someone, others is what you need to stop doing? Just a raised question? Anyways, it also requires you to learn how to take your fear and cultivate it, re-mold it into strength, power. Create something from your core, your mind and your dreams.

We all want something in this life. Something simple, grand, huge, small, or genuine…whatever it may be it is attainable. All you need to do is fight for it, love it, breathe it, create it, and never give up hope.

Sometimes we have to go get our destiny, it does not always find us. I guess it is a time sensitive thing!
　

A Few Stones And Nurse McFantasy

Newsflash: Do you remember the 3 Nuts, the 3 tata’s, well now Doctor FeelGood has told me after numerous tests, like blood being sucked out of my perfect body, having a rectal search, checking my liver, my pancreas, and then after a few more tests Doc FeelGood informs Moi I have stones, not pebbles, but freakin’ stones in this perfect temple, can you imagine, Moi having stones?

So next week Thursday, Sept.15^th Moi will go under the knife yet again. I am like a dam turkey, or quilt. I have been stuffed, stitched, poked, zipped and sliced and diced. Thursday Doc FeelGood will remove my Gallbladder and all it’s stones. I was suppose to have it done already on the 1^st, but I have been working deep undercover for a good part of the Summer. All will be revealed soon. Let’s just say this: It is amazing what one can buy for $1.00

Today while I was having blood taken I met the nurse that will be with me through the whole surgery(before and after…house calls too) and I could not be happier! My nurse is 32, dark hair, dark eyes, chiseled jaw line, buff body, pecs and a stomach to was clothes on, and the thighs on this nurse….wow, this nurse was like something out of a magazine. I can not wait until the sponge baths start. Or the bandage dressing changes…dam, Moi should have more surgeries if it means having a nurse like this. Did I mention the booty on this nurse….yummmmmy. Or the way my name was spoken when I was asked to remove my…shoes so I could be weighed, which I will have you know Moi has lost 20 lbs! Thank You, Thank You…

Anywho…Nurse McFantasy was all about taking my pulse…

Stay tuned…

Pizzarro Pizazz Pizza Ala Divine Dip!

Do you ever wonder why people say “bring a dish to pass” when you are invited to a soiree? Instead of just saying “could you prepare your favorite recipe to share.”

Moi recently attended The Annual Picnic Of The Sisters And Brothers Of The Hills Of Saint Body Waxing…Moi prepared a favorite party pleaser, loved by hundreds, maybe thousands…

It is called: Pizzarro Pizazz Pizza Ala Divine Dip
 Recipe: A large crystal, plastic, china, cardboard, whatever you want to use.
Select a tray.

4 packages of low fat cream cheese, let it soften so that it is very spread able
Homemade/Store Bought Pizza/Marinara Sauce
2lbs. Of Mozzarella Cheese
2 Garden Fresh tomatoes
Sliced Pepperoni, or you can chop it up
1 chopped Vidalia or sweet onion
Crackers or ripped apart Italian Bread
　
Spread Cream Cheese on Tray, then apply and layer the Pizza Sauce, then sprinkle and spread out the Mozzarella Cheese.

Next, place the Pepperoni on top, followed by the diced tomatoes, onions, and any extra remaining sauce.

Use the Crackers or Italian Bread for dipping, smearing and enjoying the dip!
　

　
　
　
　

I Put A Spell On You!

The winds of change are beginning to occur yet again, the morning air is cooler, the leaves are changing colors, soup is sounding really good, and it has brought about some inspiration in Moi!

Each year Moi selects a new costume for my favorite holiday…All Hallows Eve aka Halloween. It is the one night that the spirits can roam the earth freely, and they do!

Anywho…for the past 7 years Moi has had his annual Costume Extravaganza called “Pumpkins At Twilight” however this year Moi will be headed to the happiest place on earth, Disney World. Moi has been asked to be a VIP, and the Host of the Halloween Festival(except Disney does not know it yet) and naturally I will arrive in high style with this years totally over-the-top fabulous delightfully down right evil and wicked costume! Oh, Moi never tells what costume I will step out in, it is always a SURPRISE!

However I will give you a hint: She Will Prick Her Finger On The Spindle of A Spinning Wheel And Die…
Over the years Moi has had some wonderful costumes, all designed and coordinated by yours truly. The first year I began this love affair with Halloween I felt compelled to attend an event as the lovely(and my favorite wicked broad) Winifred Sanderson of Hocus Pocus aka Bette Midler. Just like Scarlett I too used my velvet drapes to supply my seamstress with the fabric for my frock. I looked high and low for all the right accessories to complete the outfit. I found my teeth at The Mall Of America, my handmade broom at the Renaissance Festival in Shakopee, MN. My ring came from a magic shop in Stillwater, MN and big lovely locks of flaming red hair were found in Fond du Lac, WI at the mall. One never knows where I will find my accessories. And I never, never buy a costume pre-made. NEVER!!!

Then one year I donned The Phantom Of The Opera complete with theatrical facial scar(which I created with liquid latex, make-up and fake blood). The next year I was transformed into Cinderella with glass slippers ready for the ball with Prince Charming at my side. Another year Moi was Carol Channing in Hello Dolly, The Evil Queen from Snow White, and this year I will be…

I Put A Spell On YouI put a spell on you
and now you're mine.
You can't stop the things I do.
I ain't lyyyyyin'.

It's been 300 years
right down to the day,
now the witch is back
and there's hell to pay.

I put a spell on you
and now you're miiiiiine!

Hello, Salem! My name's Winifred, what's yours?

I put a spell on you
and now you're gone. (gone gone gone so long!)
My whammy fell on you
and it was strong. (so strong so strong so strong)

Your wretched little lives
have all been cursed,
'cause of all the witches working
I'm the worst!

I put a spell on you
and now you're mine!

[Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out!]

If you don't believe,
you'd better get superstitious.

Ask my sisters!
"Ooh, she's vicious!"
I put a spell on you....
I put a spell on you.
Sisters!

Ah say ento pi alpha mabi upendi
Ah say ento pi alpha mabi upendi
In comma coriyama
In comma coriyama
Ay, ay, aye, aye, say bye-byyyyyyyyyyye! bye bye!


http://youtu.be/nDidHzwYu3E

A Wine Filled Retreat, Peaceful In The Pines!

There is just something so peaceful, wonderfully quiet and soul cleansing about finding yourself in the middle of the great outdoors.

Just when Moi needed it the most, I found myself seeking refuge, solstice, and a deep need to cleanse my senses. While enjoying some of the finer elements that only nature can offer, Moi, Diva Girl and my “special guest/date” made our way to a cozy cabin. It was complete with deer heads, a fireplace, an antique dining table, a fireplace, bedding, and a lovely view of the forest. Outside the cabin, was a table, fire pit and the tallest trees I think Moi has ever seen.

This is the second time that Moi has stayed Peaceful Pines. The owner Anna and her fiancée Chad are such enduring, hospitable, and fun hosts! Anna is a guidance counselor by day, and by night she is provides a profound service called: Peaceful Pines Healing Practices. She offers: Personal and Holistic Counseling, Spiritual and Life Coaching, Hypnotherapy, Past Life Soul Regression, Reiki and a few other things.
　
Maybe it is the fresh air, or the stillness of the forests’, the late summer breezes, the stars at night that shine and twinkle, or the aura that encircles you while standing in the middle of the woods taking it all in, the power of nature, finding your center.

Moi, my “special guest,” met Mimi for lunch at my much loved and favorite lunch spot, the Deli Of Divinity…The Farmers Market Deli. This time I had the sandwich called The Metro Sexual, Cream Of Mushroom Wild Rice, and enjoyed the onlookers wondering if that was really Divine Man in the cut off jean shorts, with the wife beater t-top, diamond necklace and flip-flops.

After lunch Moi and my “special guest” retreated back to the woods with wine that we purchased at the surprising gem of a winery called: Pine River Winery LLC, Raven’s Cache Wine. The Oenologist, Patrick Arndt is also a school teacher and well as a delightful wine maker. He has over 40 wines available for sampling(which is the best part) and buying. Moi has bought his wines for 2 years now and enjoys them to the last drop. Moi recommends the Cherry Port as well as many others. He grows his own grapes, fruits, etc. Ravens Cache Wines is a must! And only about a mile from Peaceful Pines Cabin!

I encourage you to make a week, weekend, retreat out of Peaceful Pines

Anna@peacefulpineshealingpractices.com
　
　
Enjoy many and all of Patrick’s wines while relaxing at the cabin, reading The Misadventures Of A Divine Man!www.ravenscachewine.com
Corvus@centurytel.net
　
　
Divineness is within the mind, body, spirit and soul. In the your past, present and future, just let it be.

　
　
　www.peacefulpineshealingpractices.com

Sometimes Less Is More At A "Pool Party"

Moi was recently invited to attend a “pool party“. So you can imagine the ideas that were buzzing in my ever so creative and divinely mind! I had to look smashing for it!

Naturally I thought of going totally Greek god like, then the idea came to me to go overboard a bit with body paint and have a ocean scene painted on my back, but then if I dipped into the pool the paint would be washed away.

So after looking at about 50 different swim suits, 75 wigs, 100 pairs of flip-flops, and 374 tubes of lip gloss I finally made my choice. Thankfully I had 3 days to prepare.

Let’s just say this, sometimes less is more!

Prior to leaving for the “pool party” Moi thought a few opinions on my outfit for the event would be ideal. So I strutted myself outside onto the 3 tier deck that overlooked a sweeping view of the countryside and of the pool. Everyone was there, Tulips, Big Daddy, the boys and a few other people. Everyone was frolicking in the sun and the water, they were happy and gay(well not all of them, LOL) and I walked down the stairs and stood at the pool steps. Right away there was a camera flashing! I was given 2 thumbs up, or more like to 4’s. You see our family friend, Johnny was born without thumbs, hence the name Johnny No Thumbs, and when he gave you a five, he was actually giving you a four, so I guess 8 out of 10 is great!

Anyways…

I left and made my way to the “pool party” which I must say, when I got to the address that I was given, Moi was a bit perplexed, but thought “have an open mind Divine Man.” There was a sign on the very large doors which read “bell out of order please flash your tata’s” well I was already exposing them, due to my outfit and so I stood there shaking my chest and squeezing them together pretending to smash a beer can in between them.

Within a few seconds a man came to the door, he was wearing all leather, his beard was down to his 3^rd chin, his belly was…well rather bustling at the seams, and he took me by the arm and threw me up over his shoulder and carried me into the where all the action was.

As he put me down and I turned around, I was just so stunned. I mean stunned is not even the correct term to use, I was just so blown away(which I had the feeling a few wanted to do to me) and then I spotted my new friend that had invited me to come. I asked him why everyone else was wearing leather? And black boots, and why there was hard rock blasting from the pipes, and what was with all the beer? He then escorted me through the crowded room to a sealed doorway. On the other side of the doorway was a pool hall where his GF Big B. Bonnie was competing for the title: The Mid-west Pool Player of the Year!
I asked my friend why he had invited me to come to a “pool party” and felt no need for explanation as to what kind of “pool party” it was? He smiled and said: well we did meet in a leather/pool bar?

Turns out Big B. Bonnie won!

And Moi was the life of the party. Everyone took turns having Moi ride around on their shoulders, I taught them all the “Thriller” dance, and showed them how to make loin cloths out of their leather wears.
　
Just because a word is spelled the same, looks the same, it does not always mean the same thing.
　　
　

Protecting Yourself

Do you ever take notice to the lack of people or persons that will protect, stand next to you when life gets nasty?

Moi has a tale to tell you, one that is a bit disturbing, disgusting, and hopefully you or anyone you care about ever has to experience what Moi did.

It all started when I was 18 years young, when my parents began socializing with The Keiper Family. Which consisted of Timmy and Sharlie, and their daughter Dana. To paint a picture of them for you…here goes! Terry stood about 5’9, weighing in at about 325 lbs, large fat nose, breath that only another smoker could enjoy, his hair was brown with gray running through it and on each side of his face where sideburns would be, he had 2 patches of hair that were detached like 2 little islands. Most times he would be sporting a flask. Now his wife Sharlie was a meek and mild woman, skin and bones, fair skinned, permed hair that was a blonde/white/gray color. She was the ever so obedient little wifey. Then there was Dana who might have been 13, she wore her hair all slicked back and short. She was rather a tomboy I guess. She was always mistaken to be a boy. She lacked feminine touches. And she hung on to my every word.

Moi has always been very intuitive, some would say that I am a witch, or psychic, or that I have “the gift” which has helped me, guided me and been of great protection to me throughout my entire life.

Moi was able to read Timmy Keiper. He was a rude, arrogant and perverted creep. However Big Daddy and Tulips either did not see it that way, or chose not too. I guess no one wants to believe or see the worst in people, especially those you call friend.

Whenever the 2 families were together, dining out, at a antique car show, or at each others houses he would always, and I do mean each and every time, he would feel compelled to verbally attack me. And there I would be, all alone with no one to protect or stand up to this mean bully. I learned what it meant to be self-protective at a very young age.

Over the next few years these situations would escalate and turn physical. The first time it happened we were all at a holiday party which was for the auto club my parents were members of. It was the end of the evening and Timmy thought he was being funny in his own perverted mind and attacked me, he grabbed me and tried kissing me, and as I tried to fight him off he threw me to the floor and got on top of me and forced himself on my body and put his slimy wet smokers lips and breath on me. All the while the people that were standing all around just watching. No one came to my aid. No one.

This happened more then once. I shared my feelings of distain for this man with my parents. They finally “woke up” and saw the light. Or in his case, the darkness around him.  They were blinded, after all they are only mere humans.  They removed the Keiper family from their circle.  I always wanted to know why an adult man would openly try and kiss a young male while forcing himself ? Is he just a pervert, or is he on the DL? Has he done this to other young boys?
I also wondered if he beat his wife? I should tell you about her, that is another tale all in itself.

What I experienced and learned from this situation was that I am my own protector, and I alone would always wear my suit of protection. Make sure no one could break through my wall. And so I became the protector of those that needed protection. Someone to stand up for and next to them, when no one else would.

Karma…she always comes back around. And sometimes when she bites, she bites HARD. I am a true believer in Karma. 　
　
　
　

It was the best of times, it was the shits!

Moi is not sure if it was all the excitement of celebrating my 1^st Anniversary of “The Misadventures Of A Divine Man” last Friday, or if it was just simply one of the worst cases of Diarrhea known to man kind?

From the moment I fluttered my baby blues open until late afternoon I spent most of the day on the porcelain throne. The shitter, the poop pot, the hershey home, you get my point, right? Anyways, Moi ran to the bathroom many, many time. So many times that I was literally “pooped out” when all was said and done, and flushed!

No one at my “surprise” Anniversary Dinner knew what I had been through all day. No one knew my booty was sore, and that my booty was dragging. For I held it all together as I always do. As you know the show must go on.

I wore a red satin suit with a black boa, and of course my famous and infamous white Jackie-O’s! I was smashing, simply smashing. There must have been hundreds of people gathered awaiting my arrival. Hundreds of fans, friends and family all gathered there for me. Each of them held a white or a red rose in one hand, and in the other, something that was special to them for Moi to autograph.

Once the opening speeches were made, the toasts were shared, the laughs began, the tears flew, that is when the martini’s appeared! Moi just loves a good stiff one or two.

The menu consisted of Nachos, Pico Shrimp, Zesty Wings, Artichoke Dip, Cheesecake Squares, Soup, Steak Ala Divine and a few other sides. Moi was unable to eat certain items for fear of recapturing the shits again. Regardless though, Moi could not help but enjoy a few bites.

The evening concluded with hugs, congrats, kisses, lots and lots of pictures and well-wishes.

It wasn’t until Moi got home later that night, that I spent the night on the throne, being awakened by the pressure building from inside and the those old familiar pains that can only mean one thing, like a blast from the past, it blew like Mt. Saint Helens all over again!

Even when you think your life is the shits, it is then that you need to rise to the occasion and let the world know just how divine you are!　
　
　
　

One Year Later: Happy Anniversary!

Who would have thought a year ago when I created “The Misadventures Of A Divine Man,” Moi would touch the computer screens, hearts and minds of thousands of people from all over the world?

2009/2010 was a period of time in my life that tested my will, my courage, and my very core. As I reflect back since August 12^th, 2010 when Divine Man aka…Moi was born, I smile.

What Moi has learned since I first typed my first story “In The Beginning” well, Moi has learned a lot, and has become even more divine(if that is possible?) through all of life’s trials, twists, turns, highs, lows, smiles, tears, dates, and tribulations!

I started this blog as a therapy of sorts, and then I realized that Moi had an amazing gift: the gift of humor and inventive writing. Now, I know I have much more to learn about many things, but what I do know is that anyone, anywhere can be divine. Maybe you are homeless living in a park, a single parent of 3 kids, the president, in a wheelchair with no legs, battling cancer, or oversees in the military. Or climbing the Swiss Alps, growing your grapes at your vineyard, working 3 jobs to make ends meet. Or maybe you are living your dream? Doing exactly what you have always wanted to do, even being unemployed like so many others. It is in any and all times/situations we find ourselves in, that we can embrace who we really are. What we are made of, and that we are divine.

So I know you all are wondering “how is Divine Man going to celebrate this very special day?” well my fans, I am going The Big K! HAHA!!! I guess you will have to continue to read “The Misadventures Of A Divine Man” to find out!

Thank You to each and everyone of you for making Divine Man so divine!
Happy 1^st Anniversary to Moi!

Moi looks forward to the future! Moi has BIG plans in the works! Stay tuned!

Kiss, Kiss…
　

The Morning Of The BAT: lipgloss and the hershey squirts!

“Picture it” the time is 3:49am on a hot Saturday morning in August, there is darkness all around me, and as I lay in bed adjusting my eyes to the black void I slowly extend my left hand over to the table next to the bed to get my cell phone. Every now and then I hear the sound of flapping all around Moi. As I lay in bed thinking “there must me a big moth in my room?”

I grab my cell phone and open it up to reveal a bright light, almost like magic bursting out of Harry Potter’s wand. It is then I see the "it". It is a large BAT! I immediately go into stealth mode under my blanket, thinking “what in the hell am I gonna do with a freaking BAT?” I slowly uncover one eye to see where it is, and see it circling my bed as if it wants to join me! And then it flees from my room. I get up out of bed, am now standing naked, my knees are a bit shaky, and I feel the need to release some gas, which turns into a squirt that proceeds to run down my leg.

I quickly call Tulips and Big Daddy and tell them “There is a dam Bat in the house, I just shit myself, somebody better get their asses down here and KILL THE S.O.B.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big Daddy descends down the stairs(in boxer shorts) and sees the BAT flying around the bar/family room. He is ready with a broom, Raid, and his cane. Moi is loaded with a can of Hairspray, fresh lip-gloss, my red feather boa, dressed in silk PJ’s, and is also carrying a wooden boat paddle.

Once we are in place, ready for BAT Battle, it seems the BAT has disappeared. So we decide to sit in the dark and wait for it to rear it’s ugly head. Moi then decides to make some popcorn and watch a movie while waiting for the right moment to seize the BAT. We watch Bonanza, which is enough to make Moi sleep. Still no BAT.

Saturday night comes and no BAT is seen. I laid in bed with one eye open all night. When morning came and the first hints of the sunshine peaked into my room, I thought “what a rough 2 nights it has been.” I only wish that the BAT is gone! That somehow it found it’s way out!

“Picture It” it is 2:49am Tuesday morning, I am in bed and am awakened to the sound of pitter patters, almost as if it is hail hitting the wall, and so I turn on one of my pink crystal chandelier lamps to see if the BAT is in my room again. There is nothing flying around. But I keep hearing the pitter patter. So I open my bedroom door and turn on a light only to see the BAT fly past my nose and out into the bar/family room. Moi grabs a broom. Calls Tulips and Big Daddy for backup. I kneel on the floor, I go into attack mode, my blood is pumping, my heartbeat is rapid, and my teeth are grinding. I am ready and in position to hit the BAT as if I am standing at home base during the World Series waiting to hit the ball and make a home run. The BAT is wild, it is flying around and around and around. Diving left and right, Moi keeps swinging. The air is getting heavy, beads of sweat are starting to form on my head and now are beginning to trickle down my back and making my perfect booty wet. Moi swings, the BAT is getting tired, my hands are clutching my broom(the new Turbo 2012) as my knuckles whiten, and that’s when the BAT meets my broom. He is dazed and confused, but carries on. As The BAT continues to fly around, he seems to be slowing down some.

Is it possible that he wants a time out? Or maybe he realizes it is over?

Moi takes one last swing.

I know one is not suppose to kill BATS, but something in me snapped. I felt like I was in the middle of the battle of Troy, and I was fighting my way to the palace. I just kept pounding and pounding the BAT. Big Daddy was saying “Divine Man, that is enough” but I just kept pounding while yelling out “I got you, you S.O.B, you little freaking ugly ass!”
　
Even when in battle, always remember…to wear your lip-gloss and hold your own!　

The CourtHouse Pub: A Gem of historical proportions!

Recently Brady and Moi made our way to the shores of Lake Michigan for a long weekend of relaxation, cosmos, great food, fun filled conversation, and the occasional photo opp and autograph signings.

We were standing on the shoreline of Lake Michigan as the sun was setting, the seagulls were all a buzz, there were people out and about walking with their kids, the skyline was filled with lovely shades of pink, blue, purple and a fiery orange ball. The air was calm and heavy with the summer heat. As we walked along enjoying the view, Moi was wearing short white shorts exposing my tanned thighs, a red tank top, red flip flops, and my white Jackie-o’s. Brady had on tan linen shorts, a sporty white and tan short sleeved shirt and sandals while looking rather attractive. We walked along and ended up having a perfect dinner at The Courthouse Pub.

The Courthouse Pub is located at 1001 South Eighth Street, Manitowoc WI 54220.

Divine Man first had the pleasure and delight of discovering this historical gem the Summer of 2010. I vowed then and there that I would return!

Brady and I started out with the most intense, flattering, and palette pleasing Cosmopolitan that my mouth and lips have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. The glasses were chilled, glistening, and filled with cranberries that have been soaked in Chambord, the juice from the delightful mixture combined with the top shelf vodka, and the other ingredients made my body squirm with surprise and a bit of heaven! We then proceeded to a table where our perfect waitress greeted us with the day’s specials and the menu. After much debate Brady ordered the Walleye which was dusted in Almond Flour, then seared to mouth watering perfection with honey and white wine. It was balanced with wild rice and fresh green beans that snapped in his mouth with each bite.

Moi surprised everyone and ordered the thick, smoked and tender pork chop. It was moist and exuded a robust smokey finish that lingered just right on the palette. It made me feel tough and manly! While I chewed on the bone and enjoyed the snappiness of the green beans like Brady did, I also reeled in the cinnamon apple slices that were baked in a buttery sugar brown sauce that made me wanting more then just apples!

The Owner, John made his rounds more then once to inquire as to how our meals were and to ask where we were from and to make sure he met Moi(he must be a fan) and we concluded the truly outstanding dinner experience with a walk around the historical building and the neighborhood.
If you are desiring a dinner that will surprise, entertain, linger on the palette and stir feelings of romance from within, then you need to dine at The Courthouse Pub.

Moi and Brady will be back for more mouth watering, stimulating, and desirable Cosmos and cuisine.
We rated this with 5 stars!

Thank You to John and his very professional Staff for going above and beyond!
　
You want a divine dining experience, go to The Courthouse Pub.

　

What Is Your Purpose?

Have you ever wondered what your purpose is? Is it divine? Is it solitude? Is it helping others? Screwing people, lying, being an inspiration, entertaining the masses, or just living a quiet and simple life?

Moi has had a life full of drama, sadness, despair, happy moments, great love, turmoil, betrayal, laughter and death.

Have you really truly ever sat and looked into a mirror, or peered out the window at an open void pondering “What is my Divine Purpose?” “Am I deluding myself? Am I really something special? A person of great worth? Or am I just a nothing?

The great love I have experienced has come from my Mother Tulips, my Grams, Mother Rose, Brady, my Diva Girl, and even Big Daddy(in his ruff way) and my dearest friends.

Does one ever truly know their purpose?

Moi has always believed that Moi was destined for something great. Something special, big, and real. When Moi was a young child I was interviewed by the local paper and was asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Moi replied with: An actor in a Disney movie!

Well sadly, that has yet to happen. But since then I have had many dreams. Goals that I have met, and more I have yet to conquer.

I just one thing to say: “Chelsey Handler, Oprah, The View, Ellen, David and Jay….Oh and that orange haired guy Conan…..COME AND GET MOI!
　
Just know this, your life, IS your destiny! And only you can make it reality, unless you are Snookie with the big Ass! Or Kim, or Paris, or Lindsay Lo-ho-han…

Regardless of who you are, get out there and be your own divine self!　

Dr. Harry P.P. And The Caesar Salad

There I was yesterday morning, looking radiant of course, Greek god like tanned body, my hair blonde, with my baby blues sparkling as I walked into the hospital where I was greeted by a candy-striper with a wheelchair for Moi to ride in, gift shop attendants carrying flowers, roses, dozens of bouquets, trays of chocolate covered caramels, frothy and bubbly sparkling drinks, and my new wardrobe that Moi would need to wear while there. My wardrobe consisted of a satin robe that opened in the back to reveal my perfectly shaped ass, and my dark tan lines!

After all the excitement in the lobby calmed down Moi was escorted upstairs to the 3^rd floor(not 3 east) where I was taken into a room that was all surgically sterile and was lacking color. Everything looked cold and dead. I would say “Stiff” but that would be in poor taste, right?” or “would it be?”

Shortly after arriving in the room Moi was asked to strip down, peel my banana, show some skin, undress, get naked and put on my peek a boo robe. So I did, and soon after that my surgeon came in, Dr. Harry P.P. Handler(no relation to Chelsey Handler-or is it?). Dr. Harry PP is a man of great respect, brilliant surgeon and has touched my body inside and out more then once, ok 2 times, ok ok 4 times and this will make 5! Yup Dr. Harry PP has performed all my surgeries and will do another. But yesterday was a procedure to look up my perfect ass and make sure it was a-okay! That and to make sure my hat was on straight!

Seriously…Dr H needed to take some biopsies in order to screen for anything precancerous, or for colitis, and to make sure my 22 hemorrhoids were behaving and looking good. It turns out that my Caesar Salad from the night before had not passed through completely(ya know Caesar was a shitty guy!) and with that the test was done. Now Moi will have to wait almost a week to await the results. AHHHH!!!!!!

　
Remember, even when you are ass up in the hospital you are still divine, sometimes that is your better side! Keep your ass, I mean you head up!

Be happy! Be Divine!

　

Kissed By The Boss

Dear Divine Man,

I am a 25 year old male, professional who respects others, minds my own business, always goes above and beyond the call of duty, the extra mile at work and in life.

A few days ago, while I was finishing up a long day at work(it was about 8pm) and I was getting ready to leave, everyone else had left a few hours before. My boss came in (my boss is a female) wearing a black cocktail dress and heels. She seemed rather happy, giddy, and walked up to me and said: Oh I am so, so happy you are here late tonight! You see after leaving the wine bar, I realized that my zipper(as she slowly turns around) is stuck and I need to get out of this dress. Could you help me with this?

I told her I was not any good with zippers on dresses and that I was late for a dinner meeting. She turned around in a furry and grabbed my face and pressed her lips on mine. I pulled back and grabbed my coat and ran out the back door.

What should I do? Do I report this? And to who? The boss happens to be the owner of the company. Or should I just quit my job, that I am really dam good at, and love?
　
Kissed by the Boss.
　
　
Hello, Kissed by the Boss!

Well Moi does declare…even Moi has never been in that position. I have been in a few others, but never that one. I have been pondering my divine thoughts, searching my golden rolodex of opinions and advice!

Let me tell you a story Kissed.

Many moons ago, Moi was offered a position in management. Which Moi is dam good at, infact Moi is do dam good that the President calls upon Moi from time to time to seek out my management advice. Anywho, I start this job with passion, strength, professionalism, and above all else self respect. Moi was working under the supervision of a man that was 20 years older then Moi. He was experienced in his career, had the respect of the staff, colleagues, and other business professionals. He was strikingly handsome, had a boyish charm, a little salt & pepper at his temples starting, and was married with a family of 4.

“The Boss Man” asked to meet me for a dinner meeting one night. When I arrived at the restaurant and took a seat at the bar, I was approached by a host who was told to give me a certain envelope. Inside it was a room key. And a note that read: Divine Man, show me just how divine you really are! It was signed “The Boss”

Well naturally being the super sleuth Moi is, I hurried along to gather all the right information I needed to put this slime ball in his place. Like making sure his wife was on speed dial, made sure I got a copy of the room reservation with his signature, new batteries for my hand held recorder and bought a fresh tube of caramel flavored lip gloss.

Let’s just say this, that night Moi brought a whole new meaning to the phrase “pig on a stick.”
Now, I am not saying to blackmail your boss, heavens no, but what I am saying is: you are smart, resourceful, and professional. Imagine if this was your daughter or son, what would you tell them to do? You need to look at this situation objectively and gauge how much you value your job, but really how much you value your morals and ethics. Your boss sexually harassed you on the job. Most likely there are other men, ex male employees that left for the same reason, because like Moi always says “where there is a crumb, there is a trail-all need to do is follow it.”

Or you can do nothing, and see how it plays out.

Keep it professional, make sure you are never alone with her. And do not communicate outside of the office.

Most likely she will not approach the topic with you, for fear that you could spill the beans, let her think you might. Or won’t. You need to regain control of your position. I would like to know how this plays out. And if Moi can help more, I am only a click away.

Divine Man
　
　
　

The Misadventures Of A Divine Man!: A Bistro With Personality: Friar Tuck's

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