New Years Eve over the years has had many different connotations to Moi, such as the year I had my hair all buzzed off by my bro…as if he was a expert in the art of buzz cutting? Moi ran my cute little perfect booty all the way to a salon to see if they could salvage what was left of my hair. Well after many tears shed Moi walked out Divine but in anew fashion. All was saved.
What does NYE represent? Closures, New Beginnings, Romance, Parties, Formal Attire, or Champagne? When to Moi NYE means a time to remember the year we are about to close. To reflect upon those we have lost, and to rejoice with those we have gained. Whether it be a person(s) a pet, a job, a home or a relationship. Like all endings, there are new beginnings. Like Moi here, I have lost my share throughout 2010. I have felt deep pain, and darkness. On the other side of all the loss Moi has been blessed with a new power, a new light. A newness, a hope for the future, for tomorrow, for 2011!
The year is based on time. And Timing is everything. Like when I was 21 and had my bro buzz my hair off. It clearly was not the right time to do that. I was not ready for it. And now today…just today I have gone to my exclusive Barber…who is a genius! Truly a wizard with the shears and clippers! Anyways…Moi has gone very short with my hair! And I love it! So I guess timing is all there is. Time. There is a place and time for everything.
So close 2010 with peace, love and no regret as we move into 2011. Don’t make promises you can not uphold, don’t pretend all is right, just seek out the goodness and positive, remember…It Is All In The Approach! So approach the new year with an open mind.
Happy New Year to my family, friends, and fans! Happy New Year 2011!
Make 2011 Divine, just like you!
Should auld acquaintance
Be forgot
And never brought to mind
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We’ll tak’ a cup o’ kindness yet
For auld lang syne
And surely you’ll be your pint stowp
And surely I’ll be mine
And we’ll drink a richt guid willy
Waught
For auld land syne
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne
And auld lang syne
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
A Traffic Jam, A Clear Bag and Deodorant!
As you know, Moi is simply divine, divine, divine! And gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous!
With that being said I feel compelled to share with you my Wednesday. What started out as a lovely day, especially when I peered into my magic mirror and asked…Mirror Mirror on my ceiling who is the most divine of them all? And of course my mirror replied: you are the most divine of all! After that Moi slipped into something wonderful and headed into the city to drop Tulips off at her friend Lucinda’s(remember big ass) to console her after her last breakup. It was her 18th “breakup” of 2010. Apparently Lucinda walked in on her man kissing his garbage man while rolling around on the recyclables! And all she could utter from her lipstick smeared mouth was: just look at all that trash!
Anyways…I drop Tulips off, and arrive at Kohl’s department store and I am kind of on a time crunch. So as I walk in, I realize in all my hurry and confusion Moi realizes that I have forgot my deodorant! Can you imagine my horror? I have never forgot to put deodorant on, that would be like forgetting to wipe my ass! As they say, I am rather anal about this! HA! So I pull into the local Wal~mart and run in to get a little tiny stick of deodorant! Finally fresh relief for my silky smooth pits!
As I am leaving Wal~mart who wobbles in but Big Daddy! He is there to buy something for the dogs! However I can not stop to chat, as I am on a time crunch! So Moi flies out of the parking lot and heads to the HWY. I call one of my dearest and closest friends Jolene, whom is riding shotgun with Moi for a morning of shopping and laughs to ask her to meet me on the HWY to head to the BIG City! I arrive in a parking lot, and I think 20 minutes passed and thought…maybe Jolene is not coming, unbeknownst to Moi she was waiting a few cars over with her stud man of a husband(whom likes to walk around outside naked at night checking tire pressure) and finally we connect. And we are off!
After a lovely wonderful heartfelt morning of shopping and friendship, Moi returns Jolene to her door and proceeds to head for the HWY yet again. What normally is a 20 minute ride that is quiet and serene turns into a ride that is 1.5 hours, flames, hot cops and firefighters and detours. A barn burned down. As I was 15 minutes into the delay and detour I felt that old familiar feeling pressuring my bladder. There was no where to urinate except for a Ziploc bag I had in my car. So as I was at a stand still I decided to give myself relief into the bag, and I am so close to being done, when ….
A bit of advice, don’t ever pee into a clear bag, make sure it is a camouflage one.
With that being said I feel compelled to share with you my Wednesday. What started out as a lovely day, especially when I peered into my magic mirror and asked…Mirror Mirror on my ceiling who is the most divine of them all? And of course my mirror replied: you are the most divine of all! After that Moi slipped into something wonderful and headed into the city to drop Tulips off at her friend Lucinda’s(remember big ass) to console her after her last breakup. It was her 18th “breakup” of 2010. Apparently Lucinda walked in on her man kissing his garbage man while rolling around on the recyclables! And all she could utter from her lipstick smeared mouth was: just look at all that trash!
Anyways…I drop Tulips off, and arrive at Kohl’s department store and I am kind of on a time crunch. So as I walk in, I realize in all my hurry and confusion Moi realizes that I have forgot my deodorant! Can you imagine my horror? I have never forgot to put deodorant on, that would be like forgetting to wipe my ass! As they say, I am rather anal about this! HA! So I pull into the local Wal~mart and run in to get a little tiny stick of deodorant! Finally fresh relief for my silky smooth pits!
As I am leaving Wal~mart who wobbles in but Big Daddy! He is there to buy something for the dogs! However I can not stop to chat, as I am on a time crunch! So Moi flies out of the parking lot and heads to the HWY. I call one of my dearest and closest friends Jolene, whom is riding shotgun with Moi for a morning of shopping and laughs to ask her to meet me on the HWY to head to the BIG City! I arrive in a parking lot, and I think 20 minutes passed and thought…maybe Jolene is not coming, unbeknownst to Moi she was waiting a few cars over with her stud man of a husband(whom likes to walk around outside naked at night checking tire pressure) and finally we connect. And we are off!
After a lovely wonderful heartfelt morning of shopping and friendship, Moi returns Jolene to her door and proceeds to head for the HWY yet again. What normally is a 20 minute ride that is quiet and serene turns into a ride that is 1.5 hours, flames, hot cops and firefighters and detours. A barn burned down. As I was 15 minutes into the delay and detour I felt that old familiar feeling pressuring my bladder. There was no where to urinate except for a Ziploc bag I had in my car. So as I was at a stand still I decided to give myself relief into the bag, and I am so close to being done, when ….
A bit of advice, don’t ever pee into a clear bag, make sure it is a camouflage one.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Holiday Letters!
Don’t you just love “holiday letters?” Moi has received many a letter throughout the years. I have had the joy of reading about many different things in these “holiday letters” such as: breast implants, having prostates checked, marriage, birth(in great detail-as if Moi was right there) divorce, death, bragging and even murders. People need to re-read the letters prior to mailing. I mean seriously! Or take a class on “Holiday Letter Writing 101.”
It was all these doom and gloom letters Moi would get each year that was actually the inspiration for The Misadventures Of A Divine Man. A few years ago I decided to write my own idea as to what a “holiday letter should read.” Moi got many replies via email telling me how inspiring, over the top, funny, and creative my letter was. And so finally after 2 or 3 years having requests for more letters/stories from Moi, Divine Man was created.
So this year I decided to take a different approach, like Moi always says: it is all in the approach! Instead of writing about what I don’t have, I want to share with you what I do have!
A Star In The Making:2010
After undergoing surgery to remove my 3rd nut(hernia) in early spring, I recovered at the family estate, and then at my palace with my own personal male nurse(aka Brady) which I especially loved the sponge baths! My recovery was successful and the palace went up for sale. Had 3 offers within the first month. Moi has a lot of fond memories of the palace in which I resided in for almost a year and a half.
Then in mid summer I started designing and writing “The Misadventures Of A Divine Man.” On September 12th, 2010 my first story In The Beginning…was published on blogger. I have learned that writing is and has always been a passion of mine and I plan to take “Divine Man” to another level and format in 2011. TBA. I want to thank my viewers again, for tuning in daily and/or weekly. On December 6th, 2010 “Divine Man turned 1,000! I am very proud of what I have accomplished since September.
Through all of my ups and downs, my wins, my losses, and twists I have endured and experienced I have loving parents, family, a beautiful pooch, dear close friends, and of course my devastatingly perfect looks.
As Fall was surrounding Moi, I found myself seeking something new, something exciting, something BIG!(cool it perverts-I know what you are thinking) and so I decided to take a trip, an exploratory adventure to Florida. Myself along with Brady, spent 10 days in paradise soaking up the sun, the sand, the gulf waters, and seeking to find a winter retreat to escape to during the harsh Midwest winters. I spent Thanksgiving on the warm white sandy shores of Indian Rocks Beach. Just prior to the holiday and Black Friday I spent that Monday at Disney World with a good friend!
Since then I returned to the Midwest to share the holiday season with family and friends. Oh yes and to celebrate my Birthday! You know I have been 25 more then once HEHEHEEE!
All in all my year has been filled with a lot of changes, new beginnings, new friends, loss, depression, old friends and a whole year ahead of grand adventures, memories and much much more!
Take hold of the present, let go of the past and look forward to the future!
Happy Holidays 2010!
Love,
Divine Man
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/AMvB1zKF5KeeutkX
It was all these doom and gloom letters Moi would get each year that was actually the inspiration for The Misadventures Of A Divine Man. A few years ago I decided to write my own idea as to what a “holiday letter should read.” Moi got many replies via email telling me how inspiring, over the top, funny, and creative my letter was. And so finally after 2 or 3 years having requests for more letters/stories from Moi, Divine Man was created.
So this year I decided to take a different approach, like Moi always says: it is all in the approach! Instead of writing about what I don’t have, I want to share with you what I do have!
A Star In The Making:2010
After undergoing surgery to remove my 3rd nut(hernia) in early spring, I recovered at the family estate, and then at my palace with my own personal male nurse(aka Brady) which I especially loved the sponge baths! My recovery was successful and the palace went up for sale. Had 3 offers within the first month. Moi has a lot of fond memories of the palace in which I resided in for almost a year and a half.
Then in mid summer I started designing and writing “The Misadventures Of A Divine Man.” On September 12th, 2010 my first story In The Beginning…was published on blogger. I have learned that writing is and has always been a passion of mine and I plan to take “Divine Man” to another level and format in 2011. TBA. I want to thank my viewers again, for tuning in daily and/or weekly. On December 6th, 2010 “Divine Man turned 1,000! I am very proud of what I have accomplished since September.
Through all of my ups and downs, my wins, my losses, and twists I have endured and experienced I have loving parents, family, a beautiful pooch, dear close friends, and of course my devastatingly perfect looks.
As Fall was surrounding Moi, I found myself seeking something new, something exciting, something BIG!(cool it perverts-I know what you are thinking) and so I decided to take a trip, an exploratory adventure to Florida. Myself along with Brady, spent 10 days in paradise soaking up the sun, the sand, the gulf waters, and seeking to find a winter retreat to escape to during the harsh Midwest winters. I spent Thanksgiving on the warm white sandy shores of Indian Rocks Beach. Just prior to the holiday and Black Friday I spent that Monday at Disney World with a good friend!
Since then I returned to the Midwest to share the holiday season with family and friends. Oh yes and to celebrate my Birthday! You know I have been 25 more then once HEHEHEEE!
All in all my year has been filled with a lot of changes, new beginnings, new friends, loss, depression, old friends and a whole year ahead of grand adventures, memories and much much more!
Take hold of the present, let go of the past and look forward to the future!
Happy Holidays 2010!
Love,
Divine Man
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/AMvB1zKF5KeeutkX
Monday, December 20, 2010
Why Am I Here? Why are you?
A birthday is a day or anniversary of the particular month and day on which a person was born. Birthdays are celebrated in numerous cultures, often with a gift, party or rite of passage. Although the major religions celebrate the birth of their founders (e.g., Buddha's Birthday), Christmas - which is celebrated widely by Christians and non-Christians alike - is the most prominent example. In contrast, certain religious groups express principled opposition to the very idea of celebrating birthdays. Or such as Divine Man’s Birthday. December 17th The most wonderful day of the year! Well at least Moi thinks it is and it should be deemed a national holiday, hell an international holiday!
Moi had a funny story to share with you about birthdays past, however I would prefer to tell you something serious, something maybe even inspiring.
Have you ever wondered why each of us are born? Really, have you ever just sat back and looked hard into a mirror and asked “why am I here?” Or taken a walk outside while the heavens are dropping hundreds of thousands of soft imperfect flakes of joy and wonder “why does it snow?” kind of like asking “why am I here?” well you maybe not know the answer to each of those questions, but what we do know is: there is a real purpose for each and everything and everyone.
Since I was a young child I can remember that Moi wanted to help others, make a real difference in the lives of people wherever I might go. As Moi reflects back over the years since my birth I can say…dam you have done good for others. From the moment I was born. In fact it was that very fact. You see Tulips was unable to get pregnant. After a number of miscarriages, she and Big Daddy adopted a newborn who is known as “The Gift.” Then a few years later on December 17th she gave birth to “The Miracle” who would grow up and become “Divine Man.”
Forgive Moi, as I am getting a bit chocked up! Maybe it is because I am watching one of my favorite flicks “Last Holiday” and Queen Latifah’s character, Georgia Byrd has just told the asshole and the others that she is dying. Now she is on the ledge and LL Cool J just told her he loves her…gets me every time! Tears are flying!
Anyways, so I ask, have I made a difference?
John F. Kennedy said that one person can make a difference, and every person must try. What if each of us really did try? What if each of us spontaneously decided that, one by one, we can really be the better world we wish for?
So I ask you take a few minutes and answer the following questions:
Who Am I?
Why Am I Here?
What Am I Doing For Others?
Moi is collecting stories for a project, and I would like to hear yours. So please email Moi with your answers, you can remain anonymous if you like. You can email Moi at: man.divine@yahoo.com
Albert Einstein: “Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose we know not, though sometimes we sense it. But we know from daily life that we exist for other people first of all, for whose smiles and well-being our own happiness depends.”
Happy Birth Day to each of you!
Moi had a funny story to share with you about birthdays past, however I would prefer to tell you something serious, something maybe even inspiring.
Have you ever wondered why each of us are born? Really, have you ever just sat back and looked hard into a mirror and asked “why am I here?” Or taken a walk outside while the heavens are dropping hundreds of thousands of soft imperfect flakes of joy and wonder “why does it snow?” kind of like asking “why am I here?” well you maybe not know the answer to each of those questions, but what we do know is: there is a real purpose for each and everything and everyone.
Since I was a young child I can remember that Moi wanted to help others, make a real difference in the lives of people wherever I might go. As Moi reflects back over the years since my birth I can say…dam you have done good for others. From the moment I was born. In fact it was that very fact. You see Tulips was unable to get pregnant. After a number of miscarriages, she and Big Daddy adopted a newborn who is known as “The Gift.” Then a few years later on December 17th she gave birth to “The Miracle” who would grow up and become “Divine Man.”
Forgive Moi, as I am getting a bit chocked up! Maybe it is because I am watching one of my favorite flicks “Last Holiday” and Queen Latifah’s character, Georgia Byrd has just told the asshole and the others that she is dying. Now she is on the ledge and LL Cool J just told her he loves her…gets me every time! Tears are flying!
Anyways, so I ask, have I made a difference?
John F. Kennedy said that one person can make a difference, and every person must try. What if each of us really did try? What if each of us spontaneously decided that, one by one, we can really be the better world we wish for?
So I ask you take a few minutes and answer the following questions:
Who Am I?
Why Am I Here?
What Am I Doing For Others?
Moi is collecting stories for a project, and I would like to hear yours. So please email Moi with your answers, you can remain anonymous if you like. You can email Moi at: man.divine@yahoo.com
Albert Einstein: “Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose we know not, though sometimes we sense it. But we know from daily life that we exist for other people first of all, for whose smiles and well-being our own happiness depends.”
Happy Birth Day to each of you!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
We Must Be Over The Rainbow?
One of Moi’s all time favorite quotes from(as far as Moi is concerned) thee best book turned musical turned movie…The Wizard Of Oz: Now tap your heals together 3 times and say There’s No Place Like Home! And/or: Who killed my sister? Was it you? “No it was an accident I didn‘t mean to kill anybody” Well I can cause accidents too! Are you forgetting the slippers? Yes the slippers…
Every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas Moi watches it every single holiday season.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be sucked up into a cyclone? And to have your house land somewhere over the rainbow? Well Moi’s has!
Moi and Diva Girl are inside the newly constructed cabin complete with all the extras and a loft. When all of a sudden with no warning there is this loud thunderous train like noise is circling the cabin and suddenly the house is lifted up off the ground! As my legs go up over my head(now that has not happened in a long time)and Diva Girl goes sliding across the floor to a corner. The lights go out, there is wind everywhere and what seemed like hours ended when the cabin quickly landed with a loud thump. Once Moi composed myself and gathered up Diva Girl…aka DG, we walked to the door and opened it to be completely surprised by the wondrous and exciting scents and colors that were all around Moi and DG.
Every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas Moi watches it every single holiday season.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be sucked up into a cyclone? And to have your house land somewhere over the rainbow? Well Moi’s has!
Moi and Diva Girl are inside the newly constructed cabin complete with all the extras and a loft. When all of a sudden with no warning there is this loud thunderous train like noise is circling the cabin and suddenly the house is lifted up off the ground! As my legs go up over my head(now that has not happened in a long time)and Diva Girl goes sliding across the floor to a corner. The lights go out, there is wind everywhere and what seemed like hours ended when the cabin quickly landed with a loud thump. Once Moi composed myself and gathered up Diva Girl…aka DG, we walked to the door and opened it to be completely surprised by the wondrous and exciting scents and colors that were all around Moi and DG.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Secret Talents: A Holiday Video!
We all have secret talents in life. Some are never exposed, some never even realized, while others are shared, used, taken away by a cruel twist of fate. Well I am here today to share with you one of Moi’s hidden secret talents!
It is something I recently learned how to do along with my pal Brady, and Diva Girl(my pooch) while in paradise! So Moi decided to film a video starring the 3 of us for this holiday season!
Moi hopes you enjoy it, laugh, cry, watch it over and over and over again, share it with your family, friends, co-workers, etc! Make some popcorn, grab a beverage and sit back and enjoy!
Cheers!
Seasons Greetings from Divine Man & Co.
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/Ettbh0axUgIlGkqyNYaa
It is something I recently learned how to do along with my pal Brady, and Diva Girl(my pooch) while in paradise! So Moi decided to film a video starring the 3 of us for this holiday season!
Moi hopes you enjoy it, laugh, cry, watch it over and over and over again, share it with your family, friends, co-workers, etc! Make some popcorn, grab a beverage and sit back and enjoy!
Cheers!
Seasons Greetings from Divine Man & Co.
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/Ettbh0axUgIlGkqyNYaa
Friday, December 10, 2010
Nothing More Exciting Then A Midwest Holiday I Say!
There is nothing more exciting then Christmas in the Midwest! Of course Moi can only imagine Christmas in Hollywood walking up the red carpet with thousands of fans screaming my name “Divine Man Divine Man, We LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU ” sure that would make my holiday complete, or a Guest Host spot on The View or Chelsey Lately! Hell why stop there let’s do Oprah too. Hint Hint people!
Or what a holiday it would be if a Publishing House would contact Moi!
But really, the holidays in the Midwest are filled with twinkling lights, holiday markets, tom & jerry’s, holiday festivals with live reindeer, nativities, family get togethers and Tulips baking in the kitchen wiping the beads of perspiration from her brow, either from a hot flash or the oven door being opened multiple times while Big Daddy is making his annual homemade Italian Sausages.
Every year Moi’s family is all aglow with parties, birthdays(Moi’s B-day is December 17th) holiday trimming, shopping, dinners, mistletoe and kids laughing with delight, Diva Girl licking her chops at the sight of the huge bone with the red bow and her name on it!
Again there is nothing more exciting then the holidays in the Midwest I say!
Just last evening Tulips expresses to Moi her feelings about these “hot flashes” she is having. She tells me that Dr. Feel Good thinks it is just “maturity” but, Tulips thinks there has to be some relief from them? She asks Moi what I think? Moi replies with “maybe you should try not to wear undies to bed at night under your nite time moo moo” …”maybe then you will feel cooler?” And all of a sudden Big Daddy bolts from his dining room chair(more like he wobbles)screaming as he goes for the basement door “I crapped myself, I crapped myself!” and wobbles down the stairs, as Tulips and Moi ask each other: “why is he going to the basement bathroom, by the time he gets there he surely will have crap running down his legs!”
Again there is nothing more exciting then the holidays in the Midwest I say!
Moi hopes your holidays are filled with only the best memories, hot flashes, hershey squirts and all!
Make it a Divine Holiday!
Or what a holiday it would be if a Publishing House would contact Moi!
But really, the holidays in the Midwest are filled with twinkling lights, holiday markets, tom & jerry’s, holiday festivals with live reindeer, nativities, family get togethers and Tulips baking in the kitchen wiping the beads of perspiration from her brow, either from a hot flash or the oven door being opened multiple times while Big Daddy is making his annual homemade Italian Sausages.
Every year Moi’s family is all aglow with parties, birthdays(Moi’s B-day is December 17th) holiday trimming, shopping, dinners, mistletoe and kids laughing with delight, Diva Girl licking her chops at the sight of the huge bone with the red bow and her name on it!
Again there is nothing more exciting then the holidays in the Midwest I say!
Just last evening Tulips expresses to Moi her feelings about these “hot flashes” she is having. She tells me that Dr. Feel Good thinks it is just “maturity” but, Tulips thinks there has to be some relief from them? She asks Moi what I think? Moi replies with “maybe you should try not to wear undies to bed at night under your nite time moo moo” …”maybe then you will feel cooler?” And all of a sudden Big Daddy bolts from his dining room chair(more like he wobbles)screaming as he goes for the basement door “I crapped myself, I crapped myself!” and wobbles down the stairs, as Tulips and Moi ask each other: “why is he going to the basement bathroom, by the time he gets there he surely will have crap running down his legs!”
Again there is nothing more exciting then the holidays in the Midwest I say!
Moi hopes your holidays are filled with only the best memories, hot flashes, hershey squirts and all!
Make it a Divine Holiday!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
The Paint(shit) Really Hit The Wall!
Moi has always painted each of my 12 properties I have owned/and/or renovated. Each room I have so majestically painted, designed and furbished with much love, attention to detail, and a bit of divineness!
Whenever Moi walks into a house, building or trailer(yes that is correct, a trailer) something exciting happens…it is like a rush of warmth deep inside bursting to explode in a wild mad frenzy of unadulterated and unbridled orgasmic creativeness.
Take my palace for example: Moi designed each room, the colors, the window treatments, furniture, accessories and of course my designer Christmas trees. The kitchen was a soft butter yellow, cherry wood cabinets, wood floor, and granite gray counter tops. All my accessories and small appliances were red. Moi even bought an old retro oven that was white and refinished the doors in red! The dining room blood red with a yellow washed parchment on the walls. Actually the day I applied the parchment to the walls I had the fireplace burning and when the parchment dried, the seams split. So Moi being more crafty then Martha. Moi hot glued blood red ribbon over the seams and no one knew what had happened. The dining room windows were covered with French toile fabric in red, white and goldenrod yellow. The living room was 3 shades of gold, and the bar room was copper, terra cotta and ivory. I would share with you Moi’s boudoir but only certain people ever got to see it.
I have to say, in all my years….which if you look at Moi you would say….21 years only?! Anyways I have never ever spilled paint while working on a room. And you know why? Because Moi is perfect, naturally.
Which brings me to share something devastating with you. Moi’s best bud Brady is painting the ceiling in my winter retreat in paradise while I am away visiting Tulips and Big Daddy.
I had selected to go with an Antique White for the ceiling in the great room. So while Brady was up on the ladder painting the trim and doing all the edging(his favorite part) he went to turn and dip his brush into the gallon of paint when for some unseen reason…in slow motion the pail began to tip and as Brady tried to stop it from tipping he broke a nail and the handle came off the pail and the pail of ivory paint splattered all over the walls I recently painted chocolate malt, the new fireplace mantle, and as it bounced off the new flooring and onto Moi’s new couch, Brady hurried down the ever so large ladder(it was a step ladder, but large to Brady) and began to weep with shear and utter terror at the display in from of him. Lucky for Moi, Diva Girl was in her closet sleeping. Otherwise my spotted pooch would no longer be spotted.
Below is a picture of a section of the floor, and the other picture is of the paint truck that Brady was driving the day after to bring new paint for the ceilings! Let’s just say Brady is not having a good week.
Whenever Moi walks into a house, building or trailer(yes that is correct, a trailer) something exciting happens…it is like a rush of warmth deep inside bursting to explode in a wild mad frenzy of unadulterated and unbridled orgasmic creativeness.
Take my palace for example: Moi designed each room, the colors, the window treatments, furniture, accessories and of course my designer Christmas trees. The kitchen was a soft butter yellow, cherry wood cabinets, wood floor, and granite gray counter tops. All my accessories and small appliances were red. Moi even bought an old retro oven that was white and refinished the doors in red! The dining room blood red with a yellow washed parchment on the walls. Actually the day I applied the parchment to the walls I had the fireplace burning and when the parchment dried, the seams split. So Moi being more crafty then Martha. Moi hot glued blood red ribbon over the seams and no one knew what had happened. The dining room windows were covered with French toile fabric in red, white and goldenrod yellow. The living room was 3 shades of gold, and the bar room was copper, terra cotta and ivory. I would share with you Moi’s boudoir but only certain people ever got to see it.
I have to say, in all my years….which if you look at Moi you would say….21 years only?! Anyways I have never ever spilled paint while working on a room. And you know why? Because Moi is perfect, naturally.
Which brings me to share something devastating with you. Moi’s best bud Brady is painting the ceiling in my winter retreat in paradise while I am away visiting Tulips and Big Daddy.
I had selected to go with an Antique White for the ceiling in the great room. So while Brady was up on the ladder painting the trim and doing all the edging(his favorite part) he went to turn and dip his brush into the gallon of paint when for some unseen reason…in slow motion the pail began to tip and as Brady tried to stop it from tipping he broke a nail and the handle came off the pail and the pail of ivory paint splattered all over the walls I recently painted chocolate malt, the new fireplace mantle, and as it bounced off the new flooring and onto Moi’s new couch, Brady hurried down the ever so large ladder(it was a step ladder, but large to Brady) and began to weep with shear and utter terror at the display in from of him. Lucky for Moi, Diva Girl was in her closet sleeping. Otherwise my spotted pooch would no longer be spotted.
Below is a picture of a section of the floor, and the other picture is of the paint truck that Brady was driving the day after to bring new paint for the ceilings! Let’s just say Brady is not having a good week.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
No Undies, No Plane!
Moi always says: It is all in the approach! Whenever we face different situations along our path, on this great journey we all are on.
Moi has been bestowed with a rare gift. The gift of unique approaches, especially with children, students and mature men. Moi has noticed that, well let’s use parents with young children for example.
Recently I attended my nephews Christmas Church Pageant. My Godson Brandon was the Narrator in the show. He is 9, and a unique young boy. Naturally he is known as “Divine Jr” and a star in the making. Anyways, Moi arrives at the church early and notices Brandon running from the worship center, looking rather upset with his mother in tow. So Moi follows and arrives at the men’s restroom only to find my sister in law Evita outside of it with red flannel pj’s. She tells me Brandon is inside and is mad and won’t change into his pj’s. Moi of course being the genius I am says: step aside, I will handle this!
So Moi enters the restroom and I find my Godson sitting in the first stall and he seems upset. So I ask him…Hey buddy, are you ok? Are you excited or nervous about the show? He replies with: no I am not nervous, I just don’t want to wear the pj’s. Ok, I say, well I am surprised you don’t want to wear them given Moi gave them to you last Christmas. But hey, you don’t have to wear them if you don’t want to. Guess what…I have to share with you something that happened to Moi recently. Well, when Moi got to the Tampa airport on Wednesday and claimed my ticket for boarding. As I walked away from the ticket counter Moi glanced at the ticket and read the following words: You must have underwear on in order to board the plane.
Well you can imagine my horror and surprise given that Moi never wears any. So I had to search the airport for a shop that sold undies. I finally found a shop that did and so I bought a pair. Of course they were 2 sizes too small, but I had no choice. I had to buy them or no plane ride. And what do you think riding on a plane in a seat that is cramped wearing really small undies was like for me? I was constantly grabbing myself trying to re-arrange myself for 2.5 hours. Well I will tell you. It was awful, but I did it because I was instructed to do so. You see buddy sometimes we all have to do things, or wear something that we don’t want to, but we have to do it regardless, because as they say in show business…the show must go on.
And with that Brandon understood what Moi was saying. And he changed into his pj’s. And proceeded to do a perfect performance as the Narrator!
He later told me: thank you! And then Evita asked me how I got him to wear the pj’s. I told her: it is all in the approach.
Next time you need to resolve a situation…think of how you can or will approach it first. Remember put yourself into the other person’s shoes.
I am Divine, it is awesome being Moi!
Moi has been bestowed with a rare gift. The gift of unique approaches, especially with children, students and mature men. Moi has noticed that, well let’s use parents with young children for example.
Recently I attended my nephews Christmas Church Pageant. My Godson Brandon was the Narrator in the show. He is 9, and a unique young boy. Naturally he is known as “Divine Jr” and a star in the making. Anyways, Moi arrives at the church early and notices Brandon running from the worship center, looking rather upset with his mother in tow. So Moi follows and arrives at the men’s restroom only to find my sister in law Evita outside of it with red flannel pj’s. She tells me Brandon is inside and is mad and won’t change into his pj’s. Moi of course being the genius I am says: step aside, I will handle this!
So Moi enters the restroom and I find my Godson sitting in the first stall and he seems upset. So I ask him…Hey buddy, are you ok? Are you excited or nervous about the show? He replies with: no I am not nervous, I just don’t want to wear the pj’s. Ok, I say, well I am surprised you don’t want to wear them given Moi gave them to you last Christmas. But hey, you don’t have to wear them if you don’t want to. Guess what…I have to share with you something that happened to Moi recently. Well, when Moi got to the Tampa airport on Wednesday and claimed my ticket for boarding. As I walked away from the ticket counter Moi glanced at the ticket and read the following words: You must have underwear on in order to board the plane.
Well you can imagine my horror and surprise given that Moi never wears any. So I had to search the airport for a shop that sold undies. I finally found a shop that did and so I bought a pair. Of course they were 2 sizes too small, but I had no choice. I had to buy them or no plane ride. And what do you think riding on a plane in a seat that is cramped wearing really small undies was like for me? I was constantly grabbing myself trying to re-arrange myself for 2.5 hours. Well I will tell you. It was awful, but I did it because I was instructed to do so. You see buddy sometimes we all have to do things, or wear something that we don’t want to, but we have to do it regardless, because as they say in show business…the show must go on.
And with that Brandon understood what Moi was saying. And he changed into his pj’s. And proceeded to do a perfect performance as the Narrator!
He later told me: thank you! And then Evita asked me how I got him to wear the pj’s. I told her: it is all in the approach.
Next time you need to resolve a situation…think of how you can or will approach it first. Remember put yourself into the other person’s shoes.
I am Divine, it is awesome being Moi!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Divine Man Turns 1,000!
Moi wants to express a sincere "Thank You" to all my fans for your support, your viewership, and without you, I would not be online today!
As divine as Moi is, it you...who make me all the more Divine!
Moi hopes you enjoy the continuing Misadventures, and share it with all you know! Add Moi to your favorites list if you have not done so already!
There is much more to come!
Thank You Again all my lovely peoples! For all 1,000 viewers!
As divine as Moi is, it you...who make me all the more Divine!
Moi hopes you enjoy the continuing Misadventures, and share it with all you know! Add Moi to your favorites list if you have not done so already!
There is much more to come!
Thank You Again all my lovely peoples! For all 1,000 viewers!
A Love Beyond Time
I walked along the quiet still beach barefoot as the sun was almost setting. The evening air was still and just every once and awhile a faint movement of coolness brushes past my face. The sand beneath my feet is still warm from the hot sun and the water is sparkling like diamonds in a showcase laying upon rippled blue velvet.
After walking a few miles and watching the setting sun out over the ocean on the beautiful horizon, I get a sense that there are eyes on me, watching my every step, movement, as the hair on my arms stands erect. I turn around ever so slowly yet sharp so I can catch this person, figure, or thing that is watching me. Yet I see no one. So I decide to sit a spell on the now cooling white sand. As I sit there in wonder and amazement looking around at my ever so plush, green and tropical surroundings I notice the foot prints. The foot prints that seem to be leading toward me. And then stop. With no retraction prints. They just stop. Pointing at me.
A few days later I find myself wondering and intrigued as to what would explain the mysterious foot prints in the sand? I decide to head to the historical society office. Perhaps I will find some clues or answers?
While digging through old papers, articles, and newspaper clippings(for 2.5 hrs) I finally come across a worn, browned old article it reads:
Is the Ghost that Roams Indian Rocks Beach Searching For A Lost Love? The Mystery of the Lost Love
As I sit there reading this article, I wonder if what I sensed on the beach was Astor’s spirit?
December 21st, 1912
The tragedy that struck Indian Rocks Beach in the late hour of 8 O’ Clock After Dark on December 17th, 1912 was a devastation of significant proportions that will haunt many persons for a long while.
There is one story I must share with you, it is about true love, a love that lives even after a loss so profound like you are going to follow.
Astor Benedict, 25 of The Benedicts’ Of Rockney Hill was aboard the Heartstar when it exploded December 17th, 1912. Astor was on deck with his true love, whom of which not one persons can name. Astor was thrown from the deck after the devastating explosion erupted and leaving the only survivor, Astor with many racing questions and a hole in his heart. It is said that Astor was witnessed at the beach near the wreckage site falling to his knees and feverishly searching the sands for an object.
Astor’s love still remains a mystery? Is this person alive? Injured, missing? And will Astor ever find his true love?
After walking a few miles and watching the setting sun out over the ocean on the beautiful horizon, I get a sense that there are eyes on me, watching my every step, movement, as the hair on my arms stands erect. I turn around ever so slowly yet sharp so I can catch this person, figure, or thing that is watching me. Yet I see no one. So I decide to sit a spell on the now cooling white sand. As I sit there in wonder and amazement looking around at my ever so plush, green and tropical surroundings I notice the foot prints. The foot prints that seem to be leading toward me. And then stop. With no retraction prints. They just stop. Pointing at me.
A few days later I find myself wondering and intrigued as to what would explain the mysterious foot prints in the sand? I decide to head to the historical society office. Perhaps I will find some clues or answers?
While digging through old papers, articles, and newspaper clippings(for 2.5 hrs) I finally come across a worn, browned old article it reads:
Is the Ghost that Roams Indian Rocks Beach Searching For A Lost Love? The Mystery of the Lost Love
As I sit there reading this article, I wonder if what I sensed on the beach was Astor’s spirit?
December 21st, 1912
The tragedy that struck Indian Rocks Beach in the late hour of 8 O’ Clock After Dark on December 17th, 1912 was a devastation of significant proportions that will haunt many persons for a long while.
There is one story I must share with you, it is about true love, a love that lives even after a loss so profound like you are going to follow.
Astor Benedict, 25 of The Benedicts’ Of Rockney Hill was aboard the Heartstar when it exploded December 17th, 1912. Astor was on deck with his true love, whom of which not one persons can name. Astor was thrown from the deck after the devastating explosion erupted and leaving the only survivor, Astor with many racing questions and a hole in his heart. It is said that Astor was witnessed at the beach near the wreckage site falling to his knees and feverishly searching the sands for an object.
Astor’s love still remains a mystery? Is this person alive? Injured, missing? And will Astor ever find his true love?
Friday, December 3, 2010
A Stalker or a Mover?
Moi’s life has been rather crazy, turned upside down, and full of all the elements that make a good story! I will share:
“Picture It” a lovely December morning…the birds are chirping away their happy tune, the sun is shining the grass is green, the palms trees are rustling, and Moi is looking ever more devastatingly beautiful(if that is even possible?) enjoying a glass from freshly squeezed orange juice from between the breasts of my housekeeper, Rosalita! As I sip my juice, nibble on some fruit and look at myself in the mirror I think to myself “am I all packed, do I have all I need for the voyage Home?” This is the day I return home on my Boeing 727-700 Jet. It’s not much, just a 100 passenger aircraft. Moi has decided to fly “home” for the holiday instead of arriving there in my red limo. Thinking that by flying I would save my perfect booty from going flat after 2 long days in the limo. This way it would be perfectly round when I land and are greeted by Tulips and Big Daddy. Ok and some fans!
So my pal Brady gases up the ole’ limo and carries my bags(all 10 of them) to the trunk. Moi being so lovely, looking fabulous beyond comprehension wearing a red velvet jump suit, with fur trim, zipped up just below my perky tatas, my see-through white t-top exposing my bronzed flawless skin and my chiseled pecs. On my feet I went with red and white walkers and a “holiday” European shoulder bag…oh and ever so faithful white Jackie-O’s!
Moi arrives at the airport, checks in and heads to the gate. You know, for the life of Moi, I can not figure out why people are so upset with this new “frisking search thing” at the airports. Some of these people should be happy that someone even wants to touch them like that. Moi was eagerly awaiting my “frisk and search” and guess what? Not a thing happened. No one frisked Moi! What a let down.
As Moi is standing around waiting for my flight number to be called so I can board the jet, Moi notices a man walking past a few times, always making eye contact, and smiling. So I decide…”what the hell, I might as well as be nice and say HELLO” so I do just that. We embark on a rather enjoyable conversation about…Moi nonetheless. After a stiff one at the airport bar, we board the plane only to discover we are sitting next to each other. What are the odds?
Now, Moi must explain something: I am not a fan of flying. Even though my life requires me to do so often, Moi just is not a fan of the take off or the landing. So I always make sure I have a travel companion. Well my new found flying friend, Jonah is trying to distract my mind and stomach from the take off my massaging my feet and talking to Moi. Take off is good. The flight is smooth and we finally land. And to show my appreciation I exchange email addy’s and #’s with Jonah and offer to have my driver take him to his destination.
While being driven “home” I recall the flight and realize that Jonah was doing his best to hold my hand multiple times on the plane. And I fear he has fallen in love with Moi(which happens all the time) and think “how did he get the wrong impression?”
Moi finally arrives home and has my housekeeper(Hans) unpack all 10 pieces of luggage and mix me a dirty martini. As I sit in my plush throne and sort through my emails, fan letters, and messages Moi begins to wonder…why is all my new furniture still here? And why has the mover not come to collect Moi’s things to transport to my winter retreat in paradise? Well it is late and I decide to retire for the evening and crawl into my beloved bed and snuggle in.
This morning before Moi even flutters my eyes open, the telly rings. When I finally get to the telly and look at the missed call…Moi thinks that the number looks familiar. A few hours later the telly rings again. And as I stare at the number I think ummm…can it be? It must be Jonah. And why in the hell is he calling Moi so early…and 2 times? Naturally I think he must be another stalker. This always happens to Moi, I meet someone everywhere I go. And they always fall in love with Moi. Which is easy to understand why. After all Moi is perfect!
Again the phone rings and Moi has decided…I have to let him down gently. So I answer the telly…Hello Jonah, YOU need to listen before speaking. I enjoyed meeting you and talking, the foot rub was nice, as was the shoulder massage and carrying my European hand bag and throwing your coat on the ground so I would not dirty my shoes, but you have to move on, forget we met, it was just a flight, nothing more then that. Please understand…
And the caller replies: Divine Man…this is Barry the mover! When shall I come over and collect your things for transport to paradise? Oh by the way, I like you but you really are not my type!
It pays to program your movers name and number into your telly. Just remember you are divine, even in a most embarrassing situation!
“Picture It” a lovely December morning…the birds are chirping away their happy tune, the sun is shining the grass is green, the palms trees are rustling, and Moi is looking ever more devastatingly beautiful(if that is even possible?) enjoying a glass from freshly squeezed orange juice from between the breasts of my housekeeper, Rosalita! As I sip my juice, nibble on some fruit and look at myself in the mirror I think to myself “am I all packed, do I have all I need for the voyage Home?” This is the day I return home on my Boeing 727-700 Jet. It’s not much, just a 100 passenger aircraft. Moi has decided to fly “home” for the holiday instead of arriving there in my red limo. Thinking that by flying I would save my perfect booty from going flat after 2 long days in the limo. This way it would be perfectly round when I land and are greeted by Tulips and Big Daddy. Ok and some fans!
So my pal Brady gases up the ole’ limo and carries my bags(all 10 of them) to the trunk. Moi being so lovely, looking fabulous beyond comprehension wearing a red velvet jump suit, with fur trim, zipped up just below my perky tatas, my see-through white t-top exposing my bronzed flawless skin and my chiseled pecs. On my feet I went with red and white walkers and a “holiday” European shoulder bag…oh and ever so faithful white Jackie-O’s!
Moi arrives at the airport, checks in and heads to the gate. You know, for the life of Moi, I can not figure out why people are so upset with this new “frisking search thing” at the airports. Some of these people should be happy that someone even wants to touch them like that. Moi was eagerly awaiting my “frisk and search” and guess what? Not a thing happened. No one frisked Moi! What a let down.
As Moi is standing around waiting for my flight number to be called so I can board the jet, Moi notices a man walking past a few times, always making eye contact, and smiling. So I decide…”what the hell, I might as well as be nice and say HELLO” so I do just that. We embark on a rather enjoyable conversation about…Moi nonetheless. After a stiff one at the airport bar, we board the plane only to discover we are sitting next to each other. What are the odds?
Now, Moi must explain something: I am not a fan of flying. Even though my life requires me to do so often, Moi just is not a fan of the take off or the landing. So I always make sure I have a travel companion. Well my new found flying friend, Jonah is trying to distract my mind and stomach from the take off my massaging my feet and talking to Moi. Take off is good. The flight is smooth and we finally land. And to show my appreciation I exchange email addy’s and #’s with Jonah and offer to have my driver take him to his destination.
While being driven “home” I recall the flight and realize that Jonah was doing his best to hold my hand multiple times on the plane. And I fear he has fallen in love with Moi(which happens all the time) and think “how did he get the wrong impression?”
Moi finally arrives home and has my housekeeper(Hans) unpack all 10 pieces of luggage and mix me a dirty martini. As I sit in my plush throne and sort through my emails, fan letters, and messages Moi begins to wonder…why is all my new furniture still here? And why has the mover not come to collect Moi’s things to transport to my winter retreat in paradise? Well it is late and I decide to retire for the evening and crawl into my beloved bed and snuggle in.
This morning before Moi even flutters my eyes open, the telly rings. When I finally get to the telly and look at the missed call…Moi thinks that the number looks familiar. A few hours later the telly rings again. And as I stare at the number I think ummm…can it be? It must be Jonah. And why in the hell is he calling Moi so early…and 2 times? Naturally I think he must be another stalker. This always happens to Moi, I meet someone everywhere I go. And they always fall in love with Moi. Which is easy to understand why. After all Moi is perfect!
Again the phone rings and Moi has decided…I have to let him down gently. So I answer the telly…Hello Jonah, YOU need to listen before speaking. I enjoyed meeting you and talking, the foot rub was nice, as was the shoulder massage and carrying my European hand bag and throwing your coat on the ground so I would not dirty my shoes, but you have to move on, forget we met, it was just a flight, nothing more then that. Please understand…
And the caller replies: Divine Man…this is Barry the mover! When shall I come over and collect your things for transport to paradise? Oh by the way, I like you but you really are not my type!
It pays to program your movers name and number into your telly. Just remember you are divine, even in a most embarrassing situation!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Holiday Afterglow!
Black Friday. What makes it black? Is it the fact that everyone including their mother comes out in full force to bring terror to the minds of all retail workers everywhere? Moi decided to forego the pleasure of waiting in line for hours before the gates opened only to allow all that…well…insanity to pour in. No, Moi did not go out and risk breaking a nail. I have my peeps to do that for Moi!
Instead my Black Friday was rather quiet. After Moi arose from my boudoir’ all refreshed from a rather enjoyable nights rest and perfect dreams I entered the kitchen. Still wearing my leather skinned Thanksgiving themed outfit(loin cloth), feather headdress hanging off to one side of my head, tribal paint smeared on various parts of Moi’s irresistible body. As I look back over my shoulder Moi’s perky lips begin to grow from ear to ear recalling my unexpected “Thanksgiving Gift” that arrived in the form of a certain “Good Looking One” from Disney World! The sight of seeing this figure laying unclothed in Moi’s chambers beneath my 650 Egyptian Cotton thread count sheets while the ceiling fan spins lazily around filtering the lasting lingering aromas of love in the room.
Moi is now a “firm” believer in “Make A Wish” and “It Will Come True.”
After the “Good Looking One” leaves Moi and parts with a very intense passionate kiss and asks to take Moi out to dinner this weekend I decide to make this paradise a bit like “home” and so I start to filter through all my fabulous designs looking and seeking out a bit of inspiration. And naturally Moi finds it!
Last year(Christmas 2009) while still in my palace I designed a room fit for a Queen. Like Moi! Let me describe the room’s décor to you: The Living Room walls were painted with 2 shades of gold with a metallic golden sheen applied as a top coat, the crown molding was metallic gold, and the ceiling was ivory with a frame of gold leafing with a marbleizing faux finish. The room was all aglow with amber lights, clear holiday lights, with gold, bronze, champagne, and crystal ornaments with rich velvet ribbons to create a warm and truly opulent environment appropriate for royalty.
Moi has decided to re-create this room with a tropical twist and some more modern holiday floral pieces to accentuate the tree.
Moi has always loved decorating for the holidays…Halloween, Christmas, and Easter/Spring. And of course there is Divine Man Day! Which should be a legalized holiday!
Happy Home Trimming! Seasons Greetings!
Remember YOU are DIVINE! Well almost as divine as MOI!
Instead my Black Friday was rather quiet. After Moi arose from my boudoir’ all refreshed from a rather enjoyable nights rest and perfect dreams I entered the kitchen. Still wearing my leather skinned Thanksgiving themed outfit(loin cloth), feather headdress hanging off to one side of my head, tribal paint smeared on various parts of Moi’s irresistible body. As I look back over my shoulder Moi’s perky lips begin to grow from ear to ear recalling my unexpected “Thanksgiving Gift” that arrived in the form of a certain “Good Looking One” from Disney World! The sight of seeing this figure laying unclothed in Moi’s chambers beneath my 650 Egyptian Cotton thread count sheets while the ceiling fan spins lazily around filtering the lasting lingering aromas of love in the room.
Moi is now a “firm” believer in “Make A Wish” and “It Will Come True.”
After the “Good Looking One” leaves Moi and parts with a very intense passionate kiss and asks to take Moi out to dinner this weekend I decide to make this paradise a bit like “home” and so I start to filter through all my fabulous designs looking and seeking out a bit of inspiration. And naturally Moi finds it!
Last year(Christmas 2009) while still in my palace I designed a room fit for a Queen. Like Moi! Let me describe the room’s décor to you: The Living Room walls were painted with 2 shades of gold with a metallic golden sheen applied as a top coat, the crown molding was metallic gold, and the ceiling was ivory with a frame of gold leafing with a marbleizing faux finish. The room was all aglow with amber lights, clear holiday lights, with gold, bronze, champagne, and crystal ornaments with rich velvet ribbons to create a warm and truly opulent environment appropriate for royalty.
Moi has decided to re-create this room with a tropical twist and some more modern holiday floral pieces to accentuate the tree.
Moi has always loved decorating for the holidays…Halloween, Christmas, and Easter/Spring. And of course there is Divine Man Day! Which should be a legalized holiday!
Happy Home Trimming! Seasons Greetings!
Remember YOU are DIVINE! Well almost as divine as MOI!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
To Be Thankful
While on the road Moi has had A LOT of time to reflect, look back and look forward. I also have been thinking about what is important truly to Moi. Have you ever heard of the ole’ saying “Home Is Where The Heart Is?” well I believe that deeply. I have traveled and moved 31 times through my young existence and I do enjoy it because it provides me with excitement, a sense of newness that I am always eager to have in life. And it allows me to buy new furniture each time I move. It is Moi’s way of forever stimulating the economy.
Anyways, back to “Home Is Where The Heart Is” if you think about it, and if you reflect on all your happiest moments and memories from when you were a child to present day…where were you? For Moi really has been blessed. My “home” really is where the heart rests.
Growing up in a family like mine, remember Tulips…the saintly Mother of mine with the heart as pure as golden sugar cane who is my dearest and most treasured person in my life, and my Grams, may she be resting in peace with Gramps. And of course Big Daddy…he is a rather husky loud Italian man, who spends his time making wine, canning veggies and anything else that he can pickle(I have been looking for our bird for a few months, ummm?) and then there is the “happy lil family” which consists of my brother Terrance, his wife Evita, and their 3 adorable boys.
This Thanksgiving Moi will be spending it on the beach eating lobster, shrimp stuffing, flaming pink flamingo, citrus vodka infused cranberry relish, yams, couscous, and pumpkin pecan cheesecake. Moi does love traditional stuffing, especially when Tulips and I prepare it together. That really is the only part of turkey day that I enjoy, oh and when Tulips and Moi compares the size of Tom Turkey’s cobbler compared to that of Butterball’s. Sometimes you come across a really BIG cobbler!
Moi can safely say “Everyone really does have fruitful blessings and reasons to be thankful.” This year has been rather testing and as Moi looks back at last November and how I came so close to falling off The Edge Of Darkness and looking at where I am today(in my red limo) typing another fabulous tale for all of you.
So this November 25th, 2010 as you are gathering with your family, lover(s), your child, yourself or with perhaps those less fortunate then yourself take a moment to reflect, and share your reason(s) of gratitude.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Anyways, back to “Home Is Where The Heart Is” if you think about it, and if you reflect on all your happiest moments and memories from when you were a child to present day…where were you? For Moi really has been blessed. My “home” really is where the heart rests.
Growing up in a family like mine, remember Tulips…the saintly Mother of mine with the heart as pure as golden sugar cane who is my dearest and most treasured person in my life, and my Grams, may she be resting in peace with Gramps. And of course Big Daddy…he is a rather husky loud Italian man, who spends his time making wine, canning veggies and anything else that he can pickle(I have been looking for our bird for a few months, ummm?) and then there is the “happy lil family” which consists of my brother Terrance, his wife Evita, and their 3 adorable boys.
This Thanksgiving Moi will be spending it on the beach eating lobster, shrimp stuffing, flaming pink flamingo, citrus vodka infused cranberry relish, yams, couscous, and pumpkin pecan cheesecake. Moi does love traditional stuffing, especially when Tulips and I prepare it together. That really is the only part of turkey day that I enjoy, oh and when Tulips and Moi compares the size of Tom Turkey’s cobbler compared to that of Butterball’s. Sometimes you come across a really BIG cobbler!
Moi can safely say “Everyone really does have fruitful blessings and reasons to be thankful.” This year has been rather testing and as Moi looks back at last November and how I came so close to falling off The Edge Of Darkness and looking at where I am today(in my red limo) typing another fabulous tale for all of you.
So this November 25th, 2010 as you are gathering with your family, lover(s), your child, yourself or with perhaps those less fortunate then yourself take a moment to reflect, and share your reason(s) of gratitude.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Make A Wish
Just Monday Moi was invited to spend the day at Walt Disney World in Orlando Florida for what I thought would be a mere day of fun or frolic! After all it is the happiest place on earth is it not? I decide to go incognito wearing only a fitted white tank, tan shorts and my walking shoes oh and a lovely single piece of jewelry which hung around my ever so flawless tanned tight neck and dangled down to my perky tatas which drew just the right amount of attention to them.
Moi arrives at the World Of Disney in a rented car so as not to attract suspicion to my divine self. I even wore a different pair of Jackie O’s…red ones! So all is well and Moi is exploring the Disney’s Hollywood Studios. As I venture out into this exciting world of stars, lights, cameras and action(Moi is use to this) I decide to take in “The Great Movie Ride.” Which I so enjoy seeing all the life like scenes come to life, like Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom(snakes! not good!) Casablanca, Singing In The Rain, True Grit, and my favorite…The Wizard Of Oz! Moi wanted to steal the ruby slippers before that girl Dorothy did!
Next Moi went to Animal Kingdom and enjoyed watching the musical show “The Festival Of The Lion King” where Moi was honored with a front role seat which allowed me to revel with utter delight and had my heart pounding from the “Good Looking One” after I got a wink from that dark rich eye which was only a small part of a much bigger package! Nothing more enticing then a body suit with leather, African beads, feathers and bare skin exposed in all the right places! After the show I was allowed to go back stage for a Meet and Greet.
I left the “Meet and Greet” feeling refreshed. Moi proceeded to walk around Animal Kingdom with a big smile, a phone number, and unbeknownst to Moi…tribal paint rub off on my face!
My day concluded with “The Magic Kingdom Firework Spectacular” which was themed and narrated by Jimny Cricket and the Blue Fairy. It is the year of Make A Wish With Disney. The show was by far the very best and most moving fireworks display Moi has ever seen. And the most memorable part was when a certain someone quietly walked up next to Moi and touch my hand and held it ever so close to that one place on the body that is warm, throbbing, big, and is apparently really into Moi…the heart. You are such perverts, Moi knows what you were thinking!
Remember, go out and find your Divine Self!
Moi arrives at the World Of Disney in a rented car so as not to attract suspicion to my divine self. I even wore a different pair of Jackie O’s…red ones! So all is well and Moi is exploring the Disney’s Hollywood Studios. As I venture out into this exciting world of stars, lights, cameras and action(Moi is use to this) I decide to take in “The Great Movie Ride.” Which I so enjoy seeing all the life like scenes come to life, like Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom(snakes! not good!) Casablanca, Singing In The Rain, True Grit, and my favorite…The Wizard Of Oz! Moi wanted to steal the ruby slippers before that girl Dorothy did!
Next Moi went to Animal Kingdom and enjoyed watching the musical show “The Festival Of The Lion King” where Moi was honored with a front role seat which allowed me to revel with utter delight and had my heart pounding from the “Good Looking One” after I got a wink from that dark rich eye which was only a small part of a much bigger package! Nothing more enticing then a body suit with leather, African beads, feathers and bare skin exposed in all the right places! After the show I was allowed to go back stage for a Meet and Greet.
I left the “Meet and Greet” feeling refreshed. Moi proceeded to walk around Animal Kingdom with a big smile, a phone number, and unbeknownst to Moi…tribal paint rub off on my face!
My day concluded with “The Magic Kingdom Firework Spectacular” which was themed and narrated by Jimny Cricket and the Blue Fairy. It is the year of Make A Wish With Disney. The show was by far the very best and most moving fireworks display Moi has ever seen. And the most memorable part was when a certain someone quietly walked up next to Moi and touch my hand and held it ever so close to that one place on the body that is warm, throbbing, big, and is apparently really into Moi…the heart. You are such perverts, Moi knows what you were thinking!
Remember, go out and find your Divine Self!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Joe...A Bit OCD
Dear Divine Man,
First I want to tell you how much I enjoy reading your blog. You have given me something special to look forward to every week.
Second I have a growing concern with my 17 year old son. It seems my son has been coming to my place during the day during the lunch hour with his guy friend that is gay. Now I have no issue with him having a gay friend or them hanging out here. But what I am concerned about is the fact when I get home after work the pillows and comforter on my bed are not where I positioned them in the morning. And I know this because I am a bit OCD I guess about this.
I consider myself a bi-man. His mother and I got divorced this recently and I had a wonderful guy in my life that I neglected or maybe I mistreated in some way. He gave me my walking papers. Which I deserve, my son and my ex bf got along well. My son even opened up a bit with him about his thoughts and feelings. My concern is that maybe he is gay or is exploring his sexuality and it is in my bed. And I wish he would open up to me about whatever it is that he is dealing with. And how do I call my ex and ask him if he knows anything that can help me?
What should I do? Help me please.
Joe
Joe, Joe, Joe…
Let me get this clear…you were married and had a BF at the same time? Could this be why you are no longer married? Regardless…
Moi feels you need to do this one with your son’s Mother and openly discuss your concerns with your son. Make it a relaxed atmosphere, perhaps over dinner(Moi’s family has had a lot of sex talks with food present) or doing it casually. That way no one has to feel nervous. Talk about it, give him a chance to express what he is feeling and thinking.
Or
You can contact the wonderful man you neglected and beg for his help. Sometimes a neutral party is the best route to take? Whatever you decide, always know your own actions are what your own child sees and hears. Something to think about.
All the best!
D.M.
First I want to tell you how much I enjoy reading your blog. You have given me something special to look forward to every week.
Second I have a growing concern with my 17 year old son. It seems my son has been coming to my place during the day during the lunch hour with his guy friend that is gay. Now I have no issue with him having a gay friend or them hanging out here. But what I am concerned about is the fact when I get home after work the pillows and comforter on my bed are not where I positioned them in the morning. And I know this because I am a bit OCD I guess about this.
I consider myself a bi-man. His mother and I got divorced this recently and I had a wonderful guy in my life that I neglected or maybe I mistreated in some way. He gave me my walking papers. Which I deserve, my son and my ex bf got along well. My son even opened up a bit with him about his thoughts and feelings. My concern is that maybe he is gay or is exploring his sexuality and it is in my bed. And I wish he would open up to me about whatever it is that he is dealing with. And how do I call my ex and ask him if he knows anything that can help me?
What should I do? Help me please.
Joe
Joe, Joe, Joe…
Let me get this clear…you were married and had a BF at the same time? Could this be why you are no longer married? Regardless…
Moi feels you need to do this one with your son’s Mother and openly discuss your concerns with your son. Make it a relaxed atmosphere, perhaps over dinner(Moi’s family has had a lot of sex talks with food present) or doing it casually. That way no one has to feel nervous. Talk about it, give him a chance to express what he is feeling and thinking.
Or
You can contact the wonderful man you neglected and beg for his help. Sometimes a neutral party is the best route to take? Whatever you decide, always know your own actions are what your own child sees and hears. Something to think about.
All the best!
D.M.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
A Little Blue Beehive
Moi must apologize for my lack of words on Tuesday and last week a day or 2. Moi is re-adjusting as of late to a transition. A new location of sorts. Paradise.
Wherever Moi goes and lives, I create things of great beauty, appeal, comfort and of genius work, design and perception. This time I am embarking on something very different. Something of which Moi has never ever attempted…modern and contemporary. Moi’s new project place has a rather large living room…24 X 12, a dining room 12 X 12, The Kitchen is 12 X 12, two bedrooms that are 13 X 12 each with an adjoining bathroom and walk-in closets.
Of course Moi has begun to re-design the ever so boring interior. This is Moi’s 12th renovation/remodel after all. It is something I get great joy and a creative inspiring outlet with. All my property projects have been openly and honestly “Better Homes and Gardens” quality. But then anything Moi attempts and touches turns to gold…kinda like the “Midas Touch.”
As I begin the work I will include pictures of each room, Before and after pics! And who knows maybe you will want Moi to re-do and enhance a room in your living space?
Moi recently went to the pool where I laid out and let the sun engulf my ever so perfect body and work on my tan. While at the pool relaxing I noticed there were a large number of …shall Moi say “mature women” and most of them had blue, maroon, and even gold hair. And Moi began to wonder what would happen if they each got there hair wet? Would it turn the pool water a lovely shade of “mud?” or would nothing happen? As I laid there reading my latest copy of “Soap Opera Weekly” and enjoying all the latest and upcoming spoilers, Moi kept looking out over my magazine and kept retreating to my original thought…”What would happen to these ladies and their colorful beehives if they were wet or hosed down?”
So I ever so carefully tiptoed around the pool deck and one by one changed the timer on the sprinklers and coordinated(which Moi does perfectly) them so they all would go off 10 minutes after Moi has left the pool. The sprinklers are all placed around the pool and spray right into the water. As I leave and hide in anticipation of what will happen, snickering at the thought of all the hair dye running down their heads and into the pool water…
I wait, and wait for what seems like forever, but is only 5 minutes, then 7, 8, 9 and finally 10! I watch…and nothing happens! What? THIS CANNOT BE! And then I hear a noise behind MOI…I turn and look and all 20 of these multi colored hair grannies with hoses and buckets of water, and pails…
Moi eventually left drenched…and with a lot of phone numbers! You see sometimes even backfires can work out. It is just how you approach the situation. And Moi does it ever so perfectly.
Go out and find your own Divine self! And never ever under estimate those blue haired ladies!
Wherever Moi goes and lives, I create things of great beauty, appeal, comfort and of genius work, design and perception. This time I am embarking on something very different. Something of which Moi has never ever attempted…modern and contemporary. Moi’s new project place has a rather large living room…24 X 12, a dining room 12 X 12, The Kitchen is 12 X 12, two bedrooms that are 13 X 12 each with an adjoining bathroom and walk-in closets.
Of course Moi has begun to re-design the ever so boring interior. This is Moi’s 12th renovation/remodel after all. It is something I get great joy and a creative inspiring outlet with. All my property projects have been openly and honestly “Better Homes and Gardens” quality. But then anything Moi attempts and touches turns to gold…kinda like the “Midas Touch.”
As I begin the work I will include pictures of each room, Before and after pics! And who knows maybe you will want Moi to re-do and enhance a room in your living space?
Moi recently went to the pool where I laid out and let the sun engulf my ever so perfect body and work on my tan. While at the pool relaxing I noticed there were a large number of …shall Moi say “mature women” and most of them had blue, maroon, and even gold hair. And Moi began to wonder what would happen if they each got there hair wet? Would it turn the pool water a lovely shade of “mud?” or would nothing happen? As I laid there reading my latest copy of “Soap Opera Weekly” and enjoying all the latest and upcoming spoilers, Moi kept looking out over my magazine and kept retreating to my original thought…”What would happen to these ladies and their colorful beehives if they were wet or hosed down?”
So I ever so carefully tiptoed around the pool deck and one by one changed the timer on the sprinklers and coordinated(which Moi does perfectly) them so they all would go off 10 minutes after Moi has left the pool. The sprinklers are all placed around the pool and spray right into the water. As I leave and hide in anticipation of what will happen, snickering at the thought of all the hair dye running down their heads and into the pool water…
I wait, and wait for what seems like forever, but is only 5 minutes, then 7, 8, 9 and finally 10! I watch…and nothing happens! What? THIS CANNOT BE! And then I hear a noise behind MOI…I turn and look and all 20 of these multi colored hair grannies with hoses and buckets of water, and pails…
Moi eventually left drenched…and with a lot of phone numbers! You see sometimes even backfires can work out. It is just how you approach the situation. And Moi does it ever so perfectly.
Go out and find your own Divine self! And never ever under estimate those blue haired ladies!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Only With Mimi!
Remember Moi’s friend Dawneen? Well she recently emailed Moi and told me she longer is called Dawneen. Instead she now apparently goes by the name of “Mimi” which I think is so her. She is always doing things like that. Changing her name, her hair style, her underwear, her next favorite obsession!
So Mimi and Moi have been together through thick and thin, great times and not so great of times. We are each others secret medicine “laughter” and we have cried together. I remember one particular day in the Fall we were driving along in Mimi’s Jeep and were on our way to a Holiday Gift Sale and approached an intersection. The light was yellow and there was a vehicle in front of us so we came to a stop as the light changed to red. We sat there chatting and gossiping about people and laughing at everything. We must have sat there for 15 minutes while the light changed multiple times and then we realized in all the gossip and laughter that the car in front of us was empty! There was no one in it! When we finally composed ourselves Mimi pulled her Jeep around the empty car and proceeded to drive, which we ended up going the wrong direction. Eventually we got to our destination that day!
We have seen and heard a lot of crazy things over the years, love affairs, new jobs, relocations, children growing up and going to college, old flames, new flames, and much much more.
If you ever find yourself all alone, sad and torn apart by life or feeling fun and free always know you have someone in your corner. Someone that has your hand, your back, your big ass, little Tata’s, and Moi has been blessed with many great people! There is Tulips, Brady, Mimi, Cubes, Shanna and Patty, Stan, my adorable nephews Brandon, Ray and Devon. My goddaughter Jenna and many other people. Some living and those whose spirit fills me with strength such as: My Grams, Old Grandma, my Papa’s and the many other spirits that Moi has had the pleasure of meeting and helping.
We are entering a season of reflection, hope, blessings and a holiday of thanksgiving! Always let your those you hold close to your heart know how much you love them and appreciate them.
So Mimi and Moi have been together through thick and thin, great times and not so great of times. We are each others secret medicine “laughter” and we have cried together. I remember one particular day in the Fall we were driving along in Mimi’s Jeep and were on our way to a Holiday Gift Sale and approached an intersection. The light was yellow and there was a vehicle in front of us so we came to a stop as the light changed to red. We sat there chatting and gossiping about people and laughing at everything. We must have sat there for 15 minutes while the light changed multiple times and then we realized in all the gossip and laughter that the car in front of us was empty! There was no one in it! When we finally composed ourselves Mimi pulled her Jeep around the empty car and proceeded to drive, which we ended up going the wrong direction. Eventually we got to our destination that day!
We have seen and heard a lot of crazy things over the years, love affairs, new jobs, relocations, children growing up and going to college, old flames, new flames, and much much more.
If you ever find yourself all alone, sad and torn apart by life or feeling fun and free always know you have someone in your corner. Someone that has your hand, your back, your big ass, little Tata’s, and Moi has been blessed with many great people! There is Tulips, Brady, Mimi, Cubes, Shanna and Patty, Stan, my adorable nephews Brandon, Ray and Devon. My goddaughter Jenna and many other people. Some living and those whose spirit fills me with strength such as: My Grams, Old Grandma, my Papa’s and the many other spirits that Moi has had the pleasure of meeting and helping.
We are entering a season of reflection, hope, blessings and a holiday of thanksgiving! Always let your those you hold close to your heart know how much you love them and appreciate them.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
A Evening Of Mirkins and Electric Blue!
Moi has to tell you about two other dear friends, Jolene and Kitty. Jolene is blonde, perky tata’s, a wonderful personality(kinda cocky) and is always a joy to chat with. Now Kitty is much like Jolene and Moi, sassy, yet quiet but always looking for a good time. Recently the three of us decided to glam it up and hit the town for a evening filled with naughty laughter, smiles, gossip, drinks, and galleries filled with “Mirkins”…(look up what a Mirkin is) We had such a wonderfully happy evening, especially when we concluded our evening with Mimi, Wanda and Wanda’s FB Terry.
Jolene told us about her ever do stressful day she had. It seems Jolene discovered a pair of “pumps” that she just had to have in her most recent issue of “Mirkin Style.” The pumps are an erotic shade of blue called “Electric Blue” with diamonds encrusting the tips and are screaming out “Take Me Now!” She spent 4 hours of desperately trying to score thee earth for a pair of these pumps screaming at the sales reps and demanding that they find her a pair or start making them!
Kitty on the other hand sat there listening in an animated fashion slurping on her Bloody Mary, or as Moi likes to call them “Salad on Ice” enjoying every drop of it as if she were making love to Fabio on a stallion while trotting along up a hill and once reaching it’s peak releasing her shear and total unrequited love for it.
Moi looked ever so cute and almost 15 again in a clever little black canvass cap, while sporting a tan canvass coat with a banded collar that Mimi bought Moi and a pair of boot cut jeans with black shoes and my white Jackie O‘s. Moi really enjoyed the evening, and especially loved the surprise I received in the heart of this particular downtown. There on the opera square was an enormous pair of white Jackie O’s created out of white roses intertwined around hundreds of pearl white balloons. The display must have been 24 feet X 24 Feet! And there were people handing out pairs of white Jackie O’s and chanting those ever so familiar words…DIVINE MAN! DIVINE MAN! DIVINE MAN!
Just ask yourself “what more do you need in life, other then white Jackie O’s, a pair of blue pumps, and a stylish Mirken? Remember YOU are DIVINE!
Jolene told us about her ever do stressful day she had. It seems Jolene discovered a pair of “pumps” that she just had to have in her most recent issue of “Mirkin Style.” The pumps are an erotic shade of blue called “Electric Blue” with diamonds encrusting the tips and are screaming out “Take Me Now!” She spent 4 hours of desperately trying to score thee earth for a pair of these pumps screaming at the sales reps and demanding that they find her a pair or start making them!
Kitty on the other hand sat there listening in an animated fashion slurping on her Bloody Mary, or as Moi likes to call them “Salad on Ice” enjoying every drop of it as if she were making love to Fabio on a stallion while trotting along up a hill and once reaching it’s peak releasing her shear and total unrequited love for it.
Moi looked ever so cute and almost 15 again in a clever little black canvass cap, while sporting a tan canvass coat with a banded collar that Mimi bought Moi and a pair of boot cut jeans with black shoes and my white Jackie O‘s. Moi really enjoyed the evening, and especially loved the surprise I received in the heart of this particular downtown. There on the opera square was an enormous pair of white Jackie O’s created out of white roses intertwined around hundreds of pearl white balloons. The display must have been 24 feet X 24 Feet! And there were people handing out pairs of white Jackie O’s and chanting those ever so familiar words…DIVINE MAN! DIVINE MAN! DIVINE MAN!
Just ask yourself “what more do you need in life, other then white Jackie O’s, a pair of blue pumps, and a stylish Mirken? Remember YOU are DIVINE!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Divine Food From The Heart
Welcome to the kitchen of Divine Man!
Moi loves to whip up some fun and spice in the kitchen. I enjoy preparing seafood, chicken, pasta, sauces, unique salads, steaks and my ultimate favorite: SOUP! I so enjoy making good, creamy, rich soup. Most my what I prepare in my kitchen is created from my divine brain. No recipes. Ever!
Like today I felt the desire for a rich creamy soup with potatoes, onions, garden fresh green peas, thick cuts of bacon, heavy cream, veggie stock, cream cheese, chives, basil, garlic, peppercorn, and a spoonful of love!
Depending on how much you want to prepare will determine the amount of each ingredient.
I always cook way to much, growing up in an Italian and German household there was always enough food for the neighborhood! My love for creating new dishes and meals started when I moved away from “home” and lived my best pal Brady. When I cook soup for example I just look at what I have to work with.
Leftovers are always a good start. What is in the cupboards, or in the freezer.
I call today’s soup: Divine Potato Cream!
A few others I enjoy making for special requests are:
Lasagna Delight Stew
Taco Tuesday
Cheesy Seafood Chowder
Delectable Chicken Divine
Pizzasoupa
And many more. If you would like to share your soup ideas, please do, as well as general recipes for a Divine Cookbook online! Or if you would like more of Moi’s email me at:
man.divine@yahoo.com
Moi loves to whip up some fun and spice in the kitchen. I enjoy preparing seafood, chicken, pasta, sauces, unique salads, steaks and my ultimate favorite: SOUP! I so enjoy making good, creamy, rich soup. Most my what I prepare in my kitchen is created from my divine brain. No recipes. Ever!
Like today I felt the desire for a rich creamy soup with potatoes, onions, garden fresh green peas, thick cuts of bacon, heavy cream, veggie stock, cream cheese, chives, basil, garlic, peppercorn, and a spoonful of love!
Depending on how much you want to prepare will determine the amount of each ingredient.
I always cook way to much, growing up in an Italian and German household there was always enough food for the neighborhood! My love for creating new dishes and meals started when I moved away from “home” and lived my best pal Brady. When I cook soup for example I just look at what I have to work with.
Leftovers are always a good start. What is in the cupboards, or in the freezer.
I call today’s soup: Divine Potato Cream!
A few others I enjoy making for special requests are:
Lasagna Delight Stew
Taco Tuesday
Cheesy Seafood Chowder
Delectable Chicken Divine
Pizzasoupa
And many more. If you would like to share your soup ideas, please do, as well as general recipes for a Divine Cookbook online! Or if you would like more of Moi’s email me at:
man.divine@yahoo.com
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Paradise At Last!
The sun is shining, the sand is white, the sky is cloudless blue, and Moi has never looked more divine then when laying on the beach making my already tanned skin darker. This really is paradise. Clearwater Beach, Florida and it is 85 degrees, a slight breeze, beautiful people walking along the gulf waters, Brady is soaking up the rays while Moi is glistening with beads of perspiration and olive oil.
Moi is starting to think that the F.O.Y. is not really a liquid after all, but maybe it is a place where the weather, the people and ones emotional well being is in perfect harmony. Where one can call the environment they are in a: Utopia. After being in Florida for a week taking in the sun, breathing in the salty air, signing autographs, posing for pictures, and discovering a new reason every single day for living.
While on the beach Moi apparently captured the attention of a tourist, because everywhere Moi was or went all week there he was. He was a man of the ripened age of 57, he proudly carried his beer keg that protruded out a bit(he looked pregnant like) had short dark hair, his skin was the most stunning tan Moi could only dream of achieving and he wore blue flip flops with and red, white and blue Speedo which Moi could only see sneaking out from under his keg(belly). I truly am the lucky one. I always seem to attract only the best and most desired.
So what really is the recipe for attracting someone? When you figure it out…please let Moi know!
So paradise is real, it is wherever you might be with the sun shining. Such as: in a basement with the bright sun shining in the windows, or on a picnic on a sunny afternoon with your favorite person and a lovely spread, or going to Rocky Rococo’s with your most honored friend and Mother like Tulips and Moi every December late at night. See, so paradise is really wherever you make it.
Moi has come along way in life, and has met a lot of different people. All of which have touched my heart, my life and my soul.
Paradise is all around us, you just have to recognize it!
Moi is starting to think that the F.O.Y. is not really a liquid after all, but maybe it is a place where the weather, the people and ones emotional well being is in perfect harmony. Where one can call the environment they are in a: Utopia. After being in Florida for a week taking in the sun, breathing in the salty air, signing autographs, posing for pictures, and discovering a new reason every single day for living.
While on the beach Moi apparently captured the attention of a tourist, because everywhere Moi was or went all week there he was. He was a man of the ripened age of 57, he proudly carried his beer keg that protruded out a bit(he looked pregnant like) had short dark hair, his skin was the most stunning tan Moi could only dream of achieving and he wore blue flip flops with and red, white and blue Speedo which Moi could only see sneaking out from under his keg(belly). I truly am the lucky one. I always seem to attract only the best and most desired.
So what really is the recipe for attracting someone? When you figure it out…please let Moi know!
So paradise is real, it is wherever you might be with the sun shining. Such as: in a basement with the bright sun shining in the windows, or on a picnic on a sunny afternoon with your favorite person and a lovely spread, or going to Rocky Rococo’s with your most honored friend and Mother like Tulips and Moi every December late at night. See, so paradise is really wherever you make it.
Moi has come along way in life, and has met a lot of different people. All of which have touched my heart, my life and my soul.
Paradise is all around us, you just have to recognize it!
Friday, November 5, 2010
On The Road To Paradise: Not A Cold Surface In Sight!
As the red limo of perfection continues onward toward paradise in a mad mission to get to the F.O.Y. and drink a gallon of that youthful spring water that will forever keep Moi perfect and youthful! Moi is looking out at the BIG city of Atlanta and enjoying my Cracker Barrel to go when Moi’s cell rings.
I feel the need to back the bus up(so to speak) prior to heading out on the road to the location of the F.O.Y.
I had an appointment with Doctor Feel Good for some discomfort I was experiencing. After arriving at the clinic Moi waits about 15 minutes then the cranky Nurse comes to collect my luscious booty…
After the usual workup I proceed to the blood bank and let them suck the blood from Moi’s left arm. I tell the intern who has never ever taken blood before(OMG! Of all the people in the world I would end up with…a freaking intern) and there is nothing more exciting then seeing your very existence in a test tube. The intern proceeds to tell Moi that the results will be done in a day or 4. I am thinking “Moi has to wait 4 days, 4 whole days?”
So the next few days are filled thankfully with other exciting things like receiving that cryptic message and being locked in that Tennessee bathroom with Bubba, Billy and Benny! Moi and Brady are coasting along the Georgia highways and my cell rings. I answer the phone and say “Hello Howie’s House Of Pleasure-How may I service you? JK! I just simply say…Hellloooo?
Hi, this is Doctor Feel Good! Oh, so nice of you to call Moi finally after what seems like weeks…can you imagine how nervous I have been? How many martini’s I have had, not to mention the happy pills I have ate for breakfast. Can you even begin to comprehend what I am going through? Huh? Can you? Well I will tell you. Do you know what it is like riding in a limo across half the country and have the diarrhea? Always having to pull over, sometimes even being locked in a bathroom with mountain men, and no toilet paper?
Doctor Feel Good expresses an apology and finally begins to tell Moi what I have been just waiting to hear(just barely hanging on, JK) and that’s when DFG delivers the news, it is the moment of truth…Divine Man, you have 22 Hemorrhoids! Can you believe this shit? No pun intended Divine Man.
Moi just sits there(thinking about my poor perfect booty) and says aloud “as if having 3 nuts and a 3rd tata were not enough, now I have 22 Hemorrhoids. Is that even possible?” DFG tells Moi that for the next 3 months I will have to sleep on my flat stomach so that there is no added pressure, and Moi has to stay away from cold surfaces and sudden movements. Guess there won’t be any sex anytime soon! Just thinking about that gorgeous flesh walking around in Paradise and Moi can’t have it!
Paradise here I come!
I guess all good things and bad come is 3’s…but 22? Enjoy your weekend my peoples! And remember, stay away from cold surfaces! I am sure cold surfaces don't even exist in Paradise!
I feel the need to back the bus up(so to speak) prior to heading out on the road to the location of the F.O.Y.
I had an appointment with Doctor Feel Good for some discomfort I was experiencing. After arriving at the clinic Moi waits about 15 minutes then the cranky Nurse comes to collect my luscious booty…
After the usual workup I proceed to the blood bank and let them suck the blood from Moi’s left arm. I tell the intern who has never ever taken blood before(OMG! Of all the people in the world I would end up with…a freaking intern) and there is nothing more exciting then seeing your very existence in a test tube. The intern proceeds to tell Moi that the results will be done in a day or 4. I am thinking “Moi has to wait 4 days, 4 whole days?”
So the next few days are filled thankfully with other exciting things like receiving that cryptic message and being locked in that Tennessee bathroom with Bubba, Billy and Benny! Moi and Brady are coasting along the Georgia highways and my cell rings. I answer the phone and say “Hello Howie’s House Of Pleasure-How may I service you? JK! I just simply say…Hellloooo?
Hi, this is Doctor Feel Good! Oh, so nice of you to call Moi finally after what seems like weeks…can you imagine how nervous I have been? How many martini’s I have had, not to mention the happy pills I have ate for breakfast. Can you even begin to comprehend what I am going through? Huh? Can you? Well I will tell you. Do you know what it is like riding in a limo across half the country and have the diarrhea? Always having to pull over, sometimes even being locked in a bathroom with mountain men, and no toilet paper?
Doctor Feel Good expresses an apology and finally begins to tell Moi what I have been just waiting to hear(just barely hanging on, JK) and that’s when DFG delivers the news, it is the moment of truth…Divine Man, you have 22 Hemorrhoids! Can you believe this shit? No pun intended Divine Man.
Moi just sits there(thinking about my poor perfect booty) and says aloud “as if having 3 nuts and a 3rd tata were not enough, now I have 22 Hemorrhoids. Is that even possible?” DFG tells Moi that for the next 3 months I will have to sleep on my flat stomach so that there is no added pressure, and Moi has to stay away from cold surfaces and sudden movements. Guess there won’t be any sex anytime soon! Just thinking about that gorgeous flesh walking around in Paradise and Moi can’t have it!
Paradise here I come!
I guess all good things and bad come is 3’s…but 22? Enjoy your weekend my peoples! And remember, stay away from cold surfaces! I am sure cold surfaces don't even exist in Paradise!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Slinging in the Mud: The Blame Game!
While on the road recently I have had the fortunate opportunity to meet a lot of different people each with their own values, opinions, morals, and the right to vote. Moi normally stays away from political debates and discussions about who did what and did nothing and who is responsible for this great recession.
I have sat quietly on the side lines listening to the slander, the ridiculous bashing of each candidate, bringing up bad judgment from 20-30 years ago when a candidate was 14, as an example. Or each candidate slinging mud at the other and pointing out what the other WILL not do. My question is: What will each of these people try to do for Moi? And for the rest of the American public.
The biggest question I have is: Why are Americans blaming the current President for the recession and the awful economy? Did he cause the recession? Did he ignore the country for years? What really has the current President done that is so bad? Kinda funny how so many people blame him for everything. People expect him to clean up the mess that someone else created, and to do it over night. As If!
Whether it is Obama or if it would have been McCain the blame is being misdirected. Moi does not blame the current President for the state the country is in. When in fact I have reason to be angry, depressed, frustrated and mad. But Moi knows that the person or persons that ignored us, ruined the economy, well let’s just say this…they are no longer in the house.
As perfect and wise as Moi is, I would never want to be President. Just imagine the stress, pressure and day to day battles that he has to fight. Imagine how you might feel knowing that the masses are disgusted with you for all the wrong reasons. And no matter what you try and do to fix the issues and the loss of jobs, the closing of businesses, foreclosures, healthcare(don’t even get me started on this) and falling so deep into debt and depression that all you can think about is ending it all. Can you imagine being the spokesperson for the people with all this overwhelming pressure?
Moi truly feels that the blame has got to end. That expecting on person to make miracles happen over night is not going to happen. It took 8 years to get to this place, it will take longer to rebuild our country. What we are feeling is the after effects of a disaster just like it is when a natural disaster occurs. We have to all work together to rebuild, start anew, breath new life, create new futures.
But nothing good can happen with all the negative slinging, bashing and conflict or misdirected blame. It is time America grew up! Moi is so glad that the elections are over, now I can watch my soaps without interruptions and won't have to turn on the boob tube only to hear all that mudd slinging crap! Oh wait, Elizabeth will still have her mouth flapping on The View!
People need to take a good long hard look into the mirror(almost as much as Moi does) and realize no one person is perfect.
I have sat quietly on the side lines listening to the slander, the ridiculous bashing of each candidate, bringing up bad judgment from 20-30 years ago when a candidate was 14, as an example. Or each candidate slinging mud at the other and pointing out what the other WILL not do. My question is: What will each of these people try to do for Moi? And for the rest of the American public.
The biggest question I have is: Why are Americans blaming the current President for the recession and the awful economy? Did he cause the recession? Did he ignore the country for years? What really has the current President done that is so bad? Kinda funny how so many people blame him for everything. People expect him to clean up the mess that someone else created, and to do it over night. As If!
Whether it is Obama or if it would have been McCain the blame is being misdirected. Moi does not blame the current President for the state the country is in. When in fact I have reason to be angry, depressed, frustrated and mad. But Moi knows that the person or persons that ignored us, ruined the economy, well let’s just say this…they are no longer in the house.
As perfect and wise as Moi is, I would never want to be President. Just imagine the stress, pressure and day to day battles that he has to fight. Imagine how you might feel knowing that the masses are disgusted with you for all the wrong reasons. And no matter what you try and do to fix the issues and the loss of jobs, the closing of businesses, foreclosures, healthcare(don’t even get me started on this) and falling so deep into debt and depression that all you can think about is ending it all. Can you imagine being the spokesperson for the people with all this overwhelming pressure?
Moi truly feels that the blame has got to end. That expecting on person to make miracles happen over night is not going to happen. It took 8 years to get to this place, it will take longer to rebuild our country. What we are feeling is the after effects of a disaster just like it is when a natural disaster occurs. We have to all work together to rebuild, start anew, breath new life, create new futures.
But nothing good can happen with all the negative slinging, bashing and conflict or misdirected blame. It is time America grew up! Moi is so glad that the elections are over, now I can watch my soaps without interruptions and won't have to turn on the boob tube only to hear all that mudd slinging crap! Oh wait, Elizabeth will still have her mouth flapping on The View!
People need to take a good long hard look into the mirror(almost as much as Moi does) and realize no one person is perfect.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
A Tennessee Toilet: A Royal Flush, the conclusion
So “Triple B’s” however will we get out of here? I noticed that after the masses got my autograph that they filtered out. Which means we are all alone here and the only other person on the outside in my trusted friend Brady, however that does not make me feel any better. Because he is probably napping in my red limo. So what shall we do?
Benny speaks up and shares his thoughts with us: Well, I reckon we’s a should bang on the door and hollar “ Help us, help us ,help us!” Well, I being the intelligent MacGyver like person Moi is notices that there is a window that has been painted over. So I go into the stall and dismantle the toilet paper dispenser and take the metal flap from the roll and ask ever so nicely “ Triple B’s can you all left me up so I can scrap the letters S.O.S. onto the painted window and if that does not work we can try and find something to pry the window open with or if we have to…break it. Bubba and Benny lift Moi up wile Benny stands in the corner giggling with his hands in his pockets doing god only knows what! I scratch the letters S.O.S. on the window.
We wait for what seems like hours and finally Brady apparently has woken up from his long winters nap and bangs on the outside of the door and yells for Moi. I tell him we are locked in and we need help, because the hour glass is almost empty! Which means we are running out of air…stinky as it is, air none the less. He tries to jimmy the lock to no avail and goes searching for something to break the door in with. While he is doing that I am wiping beads of perspiration from my lovely brow and express my desire to break the dam window and have someone climb out and call 911 or the Mountain Rangers. So Benny breaks the window with his big thick head! Seeing as how I am the smallest and thinnest I am lifted up and begin to climb out the window and very so carefully dandle my gorgeous body from the broken window and jump to my freedom!
Needless to say, the Rangers were called and they got the “Triple B’s” out and I signed my autograph on each of there bellies! And thanked them for their hospitality in the crapper!
No matter where you find yourself in life, you are never alone. Just think, it can be always be worse. You could end up locked in a restroom with no toilet paper!
Benny speaks up and shares his thoughts with us: Well, I reckon we’s a should bang on the door and hollar “ Help us, help us ,help us!” Well, I being the intelligent MacGyver like person Moi is notices that there is a window that has been painted over. So I go into the stall and dismantle the toilet paper dispenser and take the metal flap from the roll and ask ever so nicely “ Triple B’s can you all left me up so I can scrap the letters S.O.S. onto the painted window and if that does not work we can try and find something to pry the window open with or if we have to…break it. Bubba and Benny lift Moi up wile Benny stands in the corner giggling with his hands in his pockets doing god only knows what! I scratch the letters S.O.S. on the window.
We wait for what seems like hours and finally Brady apparently has woken up from his long winters nap and bangs on the outside of the door and yells for Moi. I tell him we are locked in and we need help, because the hour glass is almost empty! Which means we are running out of air…stinky as it is, air none the less. He tries to jimmy the lock to no avail and goes searching for something to break the door in with. While he is doing that I am wiping beads of perspiration from my lovely brow and express my desire to break the dam window and have someone climb out and call 911 or the Mountain Rangers. So Benny breaks the window with his big thick head! Seeing as how I am the smallest and thinnest I am lifted up and begin to climb out the window and very so carefully dandle my gorgeous body from the broken window and jump to my freedom!
Needless to say, the Rangers were called and they got the “Triple B’s” out and I signed my autograph on each of there bellies! And thanked them for their hospitality in the crapper!
No matter where you find yourself in life, you are never alone. Just think, it can be always be worse. You could end up locked in a restroom with no toilet paper!
A Tennessee Toilet: A Royal Flush
On our journey we decide to exit the road for Moi, at a welcome center/wayside so I could powder my nose and stretch my newly sculpted legs and sign autographs(all it takes is one person to yell out: DIVINE MAN!) oh yes, and Brady felt inspired to try some Chew, being in the mountains and all! So after all the autographs and pictures taken of Moi(actually it turns out the people really wanted a picture of the statue behind Moi-but thought “why not get 2 for one!) Moi makes a bee line for the powder room. Moi’s bladder is full from the diet cokes from the “Golden Arches” and opens the door to the restroom. Immediately my gorgeous nostrils are engulfed with this burning horrendous stench of decaying road kill and cow patti’s! I ever so quickly cover my nose and slowly walk into the restroom and as I do the door behind Moi closes hard and makes an odd noise as it makes contact with the latch. Just then the lights flicker and I notice that I am not alone! As the lights flicker and buzz I see a man off to the right who seems to be enjoying relieving himself a bit to much. In the other direction are 3 stall doors, the first on is open so Moi dashes for the stall with my left hand over my nose and claiming sanctuary.
I lock myself in the stall and think “ for the love of god! What and the hell am I suppose to do now?” As I sit there with no cell phone, no pepper spray, and no nail file for protection I begin to hear this soft moaning coming from somewhere on the other side of my stall. As you can imagine I am just beside myself with shock and horror at the thought of what will happen to someone as gorgeous and innocent as Moi in a Tennessee mountain wayside restroom with strange men? *remember Deliverance*
The moaning escalates and then stops with a slow faint sign of …well…I guess relief? At this point the lights have stopped flickering and are now completely off. All is quiet so I think “Divine Man does not hide in a stall” so I unlock the door and let me eyes adjust to the darkness, and think “golly gee it sure is dark.” I begin to fumble with my hands trying to feel for the door and feel something soft, bouncy, kinda firm in certain spots and then realize I am touching the rather large, wide, tall, and flannel covered belly of a large lumberjack or mountain man. So I tickle him and he lets out a giggle and begs me to stop, but I can not! I do stop and ask him what his name is. He replies with “my names here is Bubba, and this here is my brother Benny and over yonder is my sonny Billy” We’s a reckon your name dem dere is Angel Of The Mountain! A pretty little thing such as yerself! I of course am flattered at the compliment regardless of the dire situation I find myself in. I always take time for a compliment from someone, even if his name is Bubba!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
The Road To Paradise 2
So Brady and Moi are driving through Illinois, paying the tolls and listening to Cher, Bette Midler, and Kenny Rodgers blaring from the audio system in the red limo. All is right with the world as we drive along this unknown path that we have embarked upon.
A little known fact about Moi’s travels, anytime I indulge myself with a vacation or holiday something life changing and/or altering happens to Moi. So we shall see what unfolds…
Brady decided to take HWY 51(thinking it would be quicker) guess he wanted the scenic route?
Not really sure what the hell he was thinking? Have you ever been through Illinois? Well I have twice! “Picture It” It is Fall 2010, the leaves are changing colors, falling lazily to the ground and the air is crisp and aromatic with the smell of cow crap and the sheer boredom of driving and stopping in each little non incorporated town that we seemed to pass through. It was like someone that is attempting to learn to drive a stick shift for the first time. Start, stop, start, and stop which continued which seemed like for days(a few hours) and as we approached the end of Illinois I was feeling a bit stressed, constipated(from the sitting) hemorrhoid irritation, and at a place of mental discomfort. I was not sure if I wanted to cry or just laugh uncontrollably. Thank the heavens we are finally past all that flat land and we are approaching Kentucky, the home of The Kentucky Derby(all those cute little men) Fried Chicken…do you know that there places to eat fried chicken on every corner? Such as: Chick Fil A, The Winners, KFC, Church’s Chix, Popeye’s and a few others. Tell me how many ways can one really fry chicken? It is also known for Bluegrass, and the fact that hunka hunk of burning flesh George Clooney was born there.
Kentucky was a very enjoyable ride for us…it was short.
Before we knew it, Brady was pulling into the exciting state of Tennessee, where country songs are created by women with very large breasts(Dolly Parton) men with achy breaky hearts, and 3 cigarettes in an ash tray! The day was long and we was approaching dusk as the fabulous red limo entered Nashville! I was of course admiring all the sights and sounds of this very BIG city from the back seat of my ride. I thought at this time it would be appropriate for a change of clothing. So I pulled out my red stetson, red boots and my skin tight black Wranglers and black t-shirt…oh and my red bandanna.
We made our way to our hotel, and of course yet again I was bombarded with fans, screaming, shouting my name, pulling on my shirt, one gal even tried tweaking my right nipple! As if! I guess everyone knows of me because of my white Jackie-O’s. I really do love my fans!
The next day in Tennessee would be like nothing Moi has ever experienced!
Stay tuned…
A little known fact about Moi’s travels, anytime I indulge myself with a vacation or holiday something life changing and/or altering happens to Moi. So we shall see what unfolds…
Brady decided to take HWY 51(thinking it would be quicker) guess he wanted the scenic route?
Not really sure what the hell he was thinking? Have you ever been through Illinois? Well I have twice! “Picture It” It is Fall 2010, the leaves are changing colors, falling lazily to the ground and the air is crisp and aromatic with the smell of cow crap and the sheer boredom of driving and stopping in each little non incorporated town that we seemed to pass through. It was like someone that is attempting to learn to drive a stick shift for the first time. Start, stop, start, and stop which continued which seemed like for days(a few hours) and as we approached the end of Illinois I was feeling a bit stressed, constipated(from the sitting) hemorrhoid irritation, and at a place of mental discomfort. I was not sure if I wanted to cry or just laugh uncontrollably. Thank the heavens we are finally past all that flat land and we are approaching Kentucky, the home of The Kentucky Derby(all those cute little men) Fried Chicken…do you know that there places to eat fried chicken on every corner? Such as: Chick Fil A, The Winners, KFC, Church’s Chix, Popeye’s and a few others. Tell me how many ways can one really fry chicken? It is also known for Bluegrass, and the fact that hunka hunk of burning flesh George Clooney was born there.
Kentucky was a very enjoyable ride for us…it was short.
Before we knew it, Brady was pulling into the exciting state of Tennessee, where country songs are created by women with very large breasts(Dolly Parton) men with achy breaky hearts, and 3 cigarettes in an ash tray! The day was long and we was approaching dusk as the fabulous red limo entered Nashville! I was of course admiring all the sights and sounds of this very BIG city from the back seat of my ride. I thought at this time it would be appropriate for a change of clothing. So I pulled out my red stetson, red boots and my skin tight black Wranglers and black t-shirt…oh and my red bandanna.
We made our way to our hotel, and of course yet again I was bombarded with fans, screaming, shouting my name, pulling on my shirt, one gal even tried tweaking my right nipple! As if! I guess everyone knows of me because of my white Jackie-O’s. I really do love my fans!
The next day in Tennessee would be like nothing Moi has ever experienced!
Stay tuned…
Monday, November 1, 2010
The Road To Paradise
My absence has been felt deeply across the globe leaving each of you with a sad lonely and dire void of emptiness. I know, I know, because I have felt it as well, while my dear friend Brady has been driving Moi from the Midwest to the lovely paradise of Clearwater, Florida.
And I have to interject here…been biting my teeth way to long! What is all this excitement about Oprah and her BFF’s BIG Adventure? Move over Oprah and Gayle! Divine Man and Brady are in the House!About a week ago I received a cryptic message(which I thought was a prank) as to the location of the F.O.Y.
The message read as follows: GO SOUTH ON THE TATTERED WINGS OF A RAVEN, WHEN YOU COME TO THE HOLLOW PALM SEEK THE SHADOW OF THE SUN AT THE SETTING HOUR DUE WEST.
So Moi made the necessary arrangements, instructed Brady of the message and where we had to travel. Do you know how pissed off the US Postal system gets when there has to be a HOLD put on fan mail? Well they get postal! After doing that, Moi called Tulips and Big Daddy to make arrangements for Diva Girl to stay with them while I am away. Of course Tulips was rather busy with Lucinda and her rather large ass and all her drama, so Diva Girl would have to spend her days with Big Daddy and his hounds “ Jerry and Leon.”
Now, whenever Diva Girl stays with family she comes with “special instructions” such as: She does not like the sun blinding her early in the morning, requires that you fluff her bedding and make sure her perfectly alabaster white fur and dark chocolate/liver spots are covered with her chenille blanket every evening, and that when you prepare her meals you serve her meals to her on china and she likes to drink water from her crystal dish that is embellished with diamonds spelling out her name…DIVA GIRL.
Moi of course has to make sure to have the proper couture for such a voyage of great proportions! So I decided to go with 7 pairs of Jackie-O’s, each in a different color to match each of my outfits and flip flops. Along with my flowing red robe with my feather boas, crystal wine/champagne flutes to drink from when I feel parched. Moi even decided to pack the new Speedo Maxima 2011 “Special Edition” Beach Thong which is metallic torch red! Oh yes, and my Olive Oil enhanced Tanning Lotion!
Brady arrives with his 2 duffle bags, brown paper sack with his whiskey and wine (that has seen better days) and his crocs! Moi however is all ready with my 5 piece Prada set, 12 pairs of designer flips flops, mini bar, traveling makeup counter, and my portable pedicure tub, oh and 2 queens and a hot comb!
To Be Continued...
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Hunting Couture
My Fans, you have been patient with MOI MIA this week! And I have a lot to share with you! So this will have to do as MOI is on the road in the back of my red limo being chauffeured across the country. More to Come my FANS!
Can you see Divine Man hunting in the woods with a gun or bow? Exactly nor can Moi? However I did one time.
“Picture It” the year is 1988 and it is a chilly fall day, leaves are falling off their branches, off in the distant you can hear the screeching sounds of flying monkeys…ok maybe not flying monkeys…but geese. And then there is the smell of leaves burning and cigar smoke.
Big Daddy is thee almighty hunter along with his protégé Terrance, thee other almighty hunter in training. So what would they need with Moi? I remember Big Daddy approaching Moi as he stares down with his glasses fogged up and snot dripping from his nose and he says “ My divine one, We was thinking you might want to grant us the honor of your presence in the woods today? Thought maybe we could show you the ropes?” I just stand there with my hands on my hips and reply with “Big Daddy…how many hours before you head out? As I will need to dress for this adventure.” Big Daddy said, wear something brightly colored.
So I walk into the house and go to my closet and swung open the doors and start looking through my vast collection of couture. Thinking to myself “whatever shall I wear?” Let me see…ummm…oh yes, this and this, and I think this will work most definitely with a few minor changes! So after about an hour and a half Moi is ready to go hunting!
Everyone is outside waiting for Moi to make my entrance. Big Daddy, Tulips and Terrance, hell even the dogs. As I am standing in the garage as the door starts to rise up above me to reveal my “Hunting Couture” to them I walk out onto the driveway and as Moi does, I stop and announce “Well boys…I am ready!”
Everyone just stands there starring, Tulips is laughing, Terrance is in shock, and Big Daddy’s mouth is hanging open so much so that his dentures fly out and hit the pavement!
While I was selecting my items of clothing I knew I had to wear something brightly colored. And I did just that, with a few adjustments!
Moi is standing there looking fabulous! On my feet I decided to go with hiking boots that I painted bright red and glued red feathers along the top of each. My pants were red with sequins striping them, a lovely red cashmere sweater under a fur and feather trimmed vest. Atop my lovely blonde locks was my red fur hat, oh and I decided to carry a white fur muff just in case my fingers got cold.
Let’s just say this…Moi never got to go out into the woods that day with thee Almighty Hunters! Instead Moi got to go shopping with Tulips at JCPenney’s.
When you want to get “your way” in a situation, remember to always dress for it! The right fashion and accessories can make all the difference!
Remember…Be Divine, because you are!
Can you see Divine Man hunting in the woods with a gun or bow? Exactly nor can Moi? However I did one time.
“Picture It” the year is 1988 and it is a chilly fall day, leaves are falling off their branches, off in the distant you can hear the screeching sounds of flying monkeys…ok maybe not flying monkeys…but geese. And then there is the smell of leaves burning and cigar smoke.
Big Daddy is thee almighty hunter along with his protégé Terrance, thee other almighty hunter in training. So what would they need with Moi? I remember Big Daddy approaching Moi as he stares down with his glasses fogged up and snot dripping from his nose and he says “ My divine one, We was thinking you might want to grant us the honor of your presence in the woods today? Thought maybe we could show you the ropes?” I just stand there with my hands on my hips and reply with “Big Daddy…how many hours before you head out? As I will need to dress for this adventure.” Big Daddy said, wear something brightly colored.
So I walk into the house and go to my closet and swung open the doors and start looking through my vast collection of couture. Thinking to myself “whatever shall I wear?” Let me see…ummm…oh yes, this and this, and I think this will work most definitely with a few minor changes! So after about an hour and a half Moi is ready to go hunting!
Everyone is outside waiting for Moi to make my entrance. Big Daddy, Tulips and Terrance, hell even the dogs. As I am standing in the garage as the door starts to rise up above me to reveal my “Hunting Couture” to them I walk out onto the driveway and as Moi does, I stop and announce “Well boys…I am ready!”
Everyone just stands there starring, Tulips is laughing, Terrance is in shock, and Big Daddy’s mouth is hanging open so much so that his dentures fly out and hit the pavement!
While I was selecting my items of clothing I knew I had to wear something brightly colored. And I did just that, with a few adjustments!
Moi is standing there looking fabulous! On my feet I decided to go with hiking boots that I painted bright red and glued red feathers along the top of each. My pants were red with sequins striping them, a lovely red cashmere sweater under a fur and feather trimmed vest. Atop my lovely blonde locks was my red fur hat, oh and I decided to carry a white fur muff just in case my fingers got cold.
Let’s just say this…Moi never got to go out into the woods that day with thee Almighty Hunters! Instead Moi got to go shopping with Tulips at JCPenney’s.
When you want to get “your way” in a situation, remember to always dress for it! The right fashion and accessories can make all the difference!
Remember…Be Divine, because you are!
MIA
To all my fans, followers and then some!
Divine Man Has been on a mad mission to secure the location of the F.O.Y.(Fountain Of Youth) once again! I am currently in Clearwater, Florida! And Will fill you in on my latest misadventures next week!
Do I have the stories to share with you! I will give you a hint: Hemorroids!
Divine Man
Happy Halloween!
Divine Man Has been on a mad mission to secure the location of the F.O.Y.(Fountain Of Youth) once again! I am currently in Clearwater, Florida! And Will fill you in on my latest misadventures next week!
Do I have the stories to share with you! I will give you a hint: Hemorroids!
Divine Man
Happy Halloween!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
A Little Bit Of Gold Lame' Goes A Long Way
It was “Back To College Week” and Moi, H-Bomb, and Bam Bam all decided we would go out and check out the view at our favorite club…which ironically so was called “The Club Tavern.” We enjoyed going there because of the local flavor and we of course were by far the best dam looking people in the place. Maybe that was because everyone else was red neck, WT or older then us? As we entered the club, we instantly all took notice to a poster that was mounted on the “Wall Of Bar Fly Fame” anyways, the poster read the following:
Back To College Toga Party!
Must be 21 to enter!
Drink Specials!
Shot Games!
Prizes for Best Toga!
Saturday
8pm -Midnight
Be There Or Be Square! Well, all 3 of us looked at the poster and then at each other with expressions of excitement, naughty delight, and glee! We decided we would for sure have to attend such an event dressed in togas.
In Order for you to envision my 2 best bitches, H-Bomb and Bam Bam I will have to describe them. Bare with me please! H-Bomb is a brunette(from a box) with flowing curly locks and twinkling dark eyes, with those cute soft cheeks that make you want to squeeze them and say “Grandma Loves You” and an ass you could serve tea on! She was always vamping it up occasionally if the mood was write would do this hilarious and almost freakish expression known as “The Lizard,” usually at random times, on windows, in the middle of a conversation, etc. Now Bam Bam was more quiet at first, she wore her hair light brown/blonde enjoyed a good pair of tight pants covering a equally pair of bubble cheeks! I remember one Halloween she dressed as a Bar Wench…she was perfect in the role! The fun and wild times the 3 of us had back in the day!
Anywho, it is Saturday Night the 27th and Moi is tired from school and all the drama. I am relaxing at “The Loft” with my flowing red robe, feathers and all, Diva Girl at my perfectly pedicured feet, and a dirty martini in one hand and my pal Brady massaging my ever so desirable bubble buttocks. The day was a bit rough and I just needed some pampering. The bitches called Moi at about 6:30 and asked if I was still interested in attending The Toga Party? I told them I was, but only if they too were going to fashion a toga for the evening. The bitches of course promised me they would and told me they would be there about 7:45 and would get us a table near the stage/dance area. I told them to expect me fashionably late!
I had no idea what I would even wear, I mean come on Divine Man could not attend this social party in just a mere bed sheet? No way. So I went across the hall to my storage room and dug through some plastic storage bins for something sexy to wear! And of course I found the perfect pieces of fabric to assemble the most alluring, sexy, shimmering toga complete with the right accessories. After I painted a pair of sandals gold with glitter to match, and selected the perfect necklace, earring, and rings to wear with my toga of gold lame’, ivory silk that shimmered in the moonlight, and a pair of ivory fitted jockey shorts underneath(Moi thought it was only appropriate to wear something for a change) so I would have a place to put my money and ID as I knew I would get carded because I looked only 16. I looked HOT with my tanned skin, flawless as always, my slender waist, and my toned legs. I made my way to “The Club Tavern.”
As I walk in slowly, thinking “what in the hell am I doing?” and then say “why not, you look hot, dam hot!” I walk into the main area of the club, the bar to my right is filled with people, there are some people already dancing, and there at a table in the middle of it all is my 2 best bitches. Wearing pants, shoes, shirts and jackets! As is the rest of every other single person there. I am the only person in a toga! And at that moment I decide…Divine Man just go with this, own it! And I did! I was the center of the whole evening, so many “straight men” were falling all over me, wanting to touch me, dance with Moi-it was raining men all night long! And they all wanted Moi, buying me drinks, supplying me with their number and sticking money in my shorts, heck even Captain Morgan made an appearance and asked me to slow dance with him! All the while H-Bomb and Bam Bam never once got even a mere glance in their direction! HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When you can own your Divineness like Moi, surprising things will come your way, of course a little bit of gold Lame’ can’t hurt either!
Back To College Toga Party!
Must be 21 to enter!
Drink Specials!
Shot Games!
Prizes for Best Toga!
Saturday
8pm -Midnight
Be There Or Be Square! Well, all 3 of us looked at the poster and then at each other with expressions of excitement, naughty delight, and glee! We decided we would for sure have to attend such an event dressed in togas.
In Order for you to envision my 2 best bitches, H-Bomb and Bam Bam I will have to describe them. Bare with me please! H-Bomb is a brunette(from a box) with flowing curly locks and twinkling dark eyes, with those cute soft cheeks that make you want to squeeze them and say “Grandma Loves You” and an ass you could serve tea on! She was always vamping it up occasionally if the mood was write would do this hilarious and almost freakish expression known as “The Lizard,” usually at random times, on windows, in the middle of a conversation, etc. Now Bam Bam was more quiet at first, she wore her hair light brown/blonde enjoyed a good pair of tight pants covering a equally pair of bubble cheeks! I remember one Halloween she dressed as a Bar Wench…she was perfect in the role! The fun and wild times the 3 of us had back in the day!
Anywho, it is Saturday Night the 27th and Moi is tired from school and all the drama. I am relaxing at “The Loft” with my flowing red robe, feathers and all, Diva Girl at my perfectly pedicured feet, and a dirty martini in one hand and my pal Brady massaging my ever so desirable bubble buttocks. The day was a bit rough and I just needed some pampering. The bitches called Moi at about 6:30 and asked if I was still interested in attending The Toga Party? I told them I was, but only if they too were going to fashion a toga for the evening. The bitches of course promised me they would and told me they would be there about 7:45 and would get us a table near the stage/dance area. I told them to expect me fashionably late!
I had no idea what I would even wear, I mean come on Divine Man could not attend this social party in just a mere bed sheet? No way. So I went across the hall to my storage room and dug through some plastic storage bins for something sexy to wear! And of course I found the perfect pieces of fabric to assemble the most alluring, sexy, shimmering toga complete with the right accessories. After I painted a pair of sandals gold with glitter to match, and selected the perfect necklace, earring, and rings to wear with my toga of gold lame’, ivory silk that shimmered in the moonlight, and a pair of ivory fitted jockey shorts underneath(Moi thought it was only appropriate to wear something for a change) so I would have a place to put my money and ID as I knew I would get carded because I looked only 16. I looked HOT with my tanned skin, flawless as always, my slender waist, and my toned legs. I made my way to “The Club Tavern.”
As I walk in slowly, thinking “what in the hell am I doing?” and then say “why not, you look hot, dam hot!” I walk into the main area of the club, the bar to my right is filled with people, there are some people already dancing, and there at a table in the middle of it all is my 2 best bitches. Wearing pants, shoes, shirts and jackets! As is the rest of every other single person there. I am the only person in a toga! And at that moment I decide…Divine Man just go with this, own it! And I did! I was the center of the whole evening, so many “straight men” were falling all over me, wanting to touch me, dance with Moi-it was raining men all night long! And they all wanted Moi, buying me drinks, supplying me with their number and sticking money in my shorts, heck even Captain Morgan made an appearance and asked me to slow dance with him! All the while H-Bomb and Bam Bam never once got even a mere glance in their direction! HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When you can own your Divineness like Moi, surprising things will come your way, of course a little bit of gold Lame’ can’t hurt either!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Lycra And A Spiral Staircase!
It is the summer 2003 and my 2 best bitches and I have been having the time of our lives. H-Bomb and Moi were attending night school together and met over folding towels. We were in Beauty College and we forced to do the dam laundry. As if! Anyhow, H-Bomb and I hit it off instantly and became fast BFF’s. Not that long after our fateful meeting she introduced me to another pal of hers called Bam Bam. Honestly to this day I have no idea why in the hell she was named that?
Summer nights were filled with frolicking fun, flirting, hitting the clubs and coloring each others hair and the occasional Brazilian wax!
One particular night me and the girls at school that seemed to be my “posse” decided to go out and tie one on! We actually tied on a few! Anyways we were at this Mexican Bistro called “Pedro’s,” we enjoyed going there for their 34oz Margaritas! So we are all in the dining room and there must have been 8 of us laughing, drinking, gossiping, and flirting with the waiter. Our one GF thought she could “hump” the waiter? He must have liked it, because they are now married! Eventually we all decided to call it a night…or so we thought. Now Moi was a well respected individual in the community and never ever attended an after bar party! So I thought…”girls wanna have and after bar party? At my loft? Well needless to say everyone was very cool with this! So off to Moi’s loft we go.
After a few drinks and laughing we all were tired and knew we had to get up Saturday morning for class! Which meant that everyone staying over would have to wear my clothes to school. Now, Divine Man had a lovely loft style apartment with a spiral staircase, a catwalk, a patio, and a balcony. So I went upstairs and slipped into something more comfortable. A pair of black lycra and a white wife beater. Being the gracious host I am Moi threw down bed shirts for each to wear. We decided to have one last night cap, at which point we did not need. Shall we just say that we were more then 3 sheets to the wind. At this point a few were falling asleep or passing out I guess? And Moi retired upstairs in my bed where I fell fast asleep. It must have only been an hour or 2 when my baby blues fluttered open and realized if Moi did not get to the bathroom that I would drench the entire bed! So I went across the room to the Powder Room. Once I completed my mission I proceeded to take my lycra shorts off and put them back on? Why I have no idea?
However doing so, I put both of my stunning legs through one of the legs in the shorts and went to bed.
Eventually I awoke later on during the night of drunken fun and somehow got down my spiral staircase like this. I hobbled over to get some water, trying not to step on anyone and proceeded back up my spiral staircase with my knees locked together in these lycra shorts with both legs in one and I am not realizing even what the hell I am doing, except the whole time I am thinking “why am I wearing such a skin tight skirt?” Oh lock I have a pocket(as I put my hand down the other unused leg.
Never drink and wear Lycra on a spiral staircase. Be more divine then that, wear nothing!
Drop a line of your thoughts, a question, lay on my couch and tell me your pains!
man.divine@yahoo.com
Summer nights were filled with frolicking fun, flirting, hitting the clubs and coloring each others hair and the occasional Brazilian wax!
One particular night me and the girls at school that seemed to be my “posse” decided to go out and tie one on! We actually tied on a few! Anyways we were at this Mexican Bistro called “Pedro’s,” we enjoyed going there for their 34oz Margaritas! So we are all in the dining room and there must have been 8 of us laughing, drinking, gossiping, and flirting with the waiter. Our one GF thought she could “hump” the waiter? He must have liked it, because they are now married! Eventually we all decided to call it a night…or so we thought. Now Moi was a well respected individual in the community and never ever attended an after bar party! So I thought…”girls wanna have and after bar party? At my loft? Well needless to say everyone was very cool with this! So off to Moi’s loft we go.
After a few drinks and laughing we all were tired and knew we had to get up Saturday morning for class! Which meant that everyone staying over would have to wear my clothes to school. Now, Divine Man had a lovely loft style apartment with a spiral staircase, a catwalk, a patio, and a balcony. So I went upstairs and slipped into something more comfortable. A pair of black lycra and a white wife beater. Being the gracious host I am Moi threw down bed shirts for each to wear. We decided to have one last night cap, at which point we did not need. Shall we just say that we were more then 3 sheets to the wind. At this point a few were falling asleep or passing out I guess? And Moi retired upstairs in my bed where I fell fast asleep. It must have only been an hour or 2 when my baby blues fluttered open and realized if Moi did not get to the bathroom that I would drench the entire bed! So I went across the room to the Powder Room. Once I completed my mission I proceeded to take my lycra shorts off and put them back on? Why I have no idea?
However doing so, I put both of my stunning legs through one of the legs in the shorts and went to bed.
Eventually I awoke later on during the night of drunken fun and somehow got down my spiral staircase like this. I hobbled over to get some water, trying not to step on anyone and proceeded back up my spiral staircase with my knees locked together in these lycra shorts with both legs in one and I am not realizing even what the hell I am doing, except the whole time I am thinking “why am I wearing such a skin tight skirt?” Oh lock I have a pocket(as I put my hand down the other unused leg.
Never drink and wear Lycra on a spiral staircase. Be more divine then that, wear nothing!
Drop a line of your thoughts, a question, lay on my couch and tell me your pains!
man.divine@yahoo.com
Monday, October 18, 2010
The Fog Keeps Rolling In...the conclusion!
Was it the devil? A dark power unknown to Moi? What is it that had my body frozen, unable to move? The only part of my body that I was able to move were my beautiful baby blues. As my eyes kept searching for another figure, I realized not even Terrance was anywhere to be found. I tried to move but my body was powerless to whatever it was that kept Moi a prisoner.
And then I heard the faint sound of foot steps, from where I was unsure. The foot steps seemed to be getting louder, closer and closer, louder as if they were inside my head and then they stopped. The fog was now so very thick and I could barely see past my nose. All was so very still, deathly still and the air seemed to cool the moment the footsteps stopped.
I remember feeling a bit tired, my eye lids began to tire, grow heavy and all I wanted to do was sleep, but my inner voice kept saying “Don’t fall asleep or you will not wake up.” I forced my baby blues open as my eyes danced from left to right. It seemed to be hours when I finally realized there was a cold hand upon my bare tanned shoulder and as I focused in on the movement of this cold hand it seemed to be tracing my skin in a circular pattern. And then it stopped and all I felt was 2 fingers now on my skin and then I felt the other cold hand slowly and ever so strategically tilt my head to the left as if to stretch out my neck.
My heart began to beat faster, and faster until I thought it explode through my chest and rip my skin apart. In that moment of shear and utter terror I felt his breath growing closer and closer to my neck. (Did you know that even the undead can have bad breath? You would think they wouldn’t right?) All I could think was “Moi you have to move, somehow you have to move and get away from this freak!” and yet there was apart of Moi that did not want to fight it. He/She was so very close now and then his lips began to touch my bare skin. He/She was gentle at first and then his lips began to grow stronger and more intense. I now could feel his teeth.
Just as he removed his/her mouth from my flawless youthful skin I suddenly felt a very warm and familiar trickle of fluid drenching my legs and splashing all over the patio. As the fluid flowed from my inner thighs I could faintly smell an odor that I knew. It was garlic! And within a fast second the fog seemed to withdrawal from all around my body and inch by inch my muscles began to move. First my toes, then my legs and in that fast moment I turned to look at this creature, this figure that was now staring me in the eyes. His/Her eyes were glowing an intense red color, his/her skin was very pale, and his hair was black as the night. It seemed like eternity that we stood there starring into each other’s eyes. And then in a burst of wind and fury, he/she was gone. The fog seemed to have disappear and the hundreds of beetles seemed to have vanish as well. As I turned back around to see the pool I thought to myself “ thank god I ate that garlic bread today!”
See, garlic is good for you! And if you ever come face to face with the undead, make sure you have Altoids or gum, because man they sure have bad breath!
Enjoy Halloween 2010 and be DIVINE!!!
And then I heard the faint sound of foot steps, from where I was unsure. The foot steps seemed to be getting louder, closer and closer, louder as if they were inside my head and then they stopped. The fog was now so very thick and I could barely see past my nose. All was so very still, deathly still and the air seemed to cool the moment the footsteps stopped.
I remember feeling a bit tired, my eye lids began to tire, grow heavy and all I wanted to do was sleep, but my inner voice kept saying “Don’t fall asleep or you will not wake up.” I forced my baby blues open as my eyes danced from left to right. It seemed to be hours when I finally realized there was a cold hand upon my bare tanned shoulder and as I focused in on the movement of this cold hand it seemed to be tracing my skin in a circular pattern. And then it stopped and all I felt was 2 fingers now on my skin and then I felt the other cold hand slowly and ever so strategically tilt my head to the left as if to stretch out my neck.
My heart began to beat faster, and faster until I thought it explode through my chest and rip my skin apart. In that moment of shear and utter terror I felt his breath growing closer and closer to my neck. (Did you know that even the undead can have bad breath? You would think they wouldn’t right?) All I could think was “Moi you have to move, somehow you have to move and get away from this freak!” and yet there was apart of Moi that did not want to fight it. He/She was so very close now and then his lips began to touch my bare skin. He/She was gentle at first and then his lips began to grow stronger and more intense. I now could feel his teeth.
Just as he removed his/her mouth from my flawless youthful skin I suddenly felt a very warm and familiar trickle of fluid drenching my legs and splashing all over the patio. As the fluid flowed from my inner thighs I could faintly smell an odor that I knew. It was garlic! And within a fast second the fog seemed to withdrawal from all around my body and inch by inch my muscles began to move. First my toes, then my legs and in that fast moment I turned to look at this creature, this figure that was now staring me in the eyes. His/Her eyes were glowing an intense red color, his/her skin was very pale, and his hair was black as the night. It seemed like eternity that we stood there starring into each other’s eyes. And then in a burst of wind and fury, he/she was gone. The fog seemed to have disappear and the hundreds of beetles seemed to have vanish as well. As I turned back around to see the pool I thought to myself “ thank god I ate that garlic bread today!”
See, garlic is good for you! And if you ever come face to face with the undead, make sure you have Altoids or gum, because man they sure have bad breath!
Enjoy Halloween 2010 and be DIVINE!!!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
The Fog Comes Rolling In...Part 1
Have you ever gone on a family vacation when you were a child? Was it fun, exciting and did it make you anxious so much so that you could not sleep the nights leading up to the day with you and your family fit the road or the air?
“Picture It”
It was the summer of 1986, June actually. The trip was planned for late June, but Tulips and Big Daddy decided to surprise Moi and my older brother Terrance(the pain in the ass that he is) and woke us up at 4a.m. June 8th. We hit the HWY in our 4 door Horizon Sundance(Torch Red) and by 8a.m. it was already a sweltering 85 degrees. We have no A/C in the that ever so trendy vehicle. As I reflect back on the trip I can honestly say I know what sardines feel like. As we drove along I tried to maintain my sanity and the perspiration that was dripping down my forehead and down to my underarms from reaching cheeks/booty. I waved a grass made hand held fan back and forth, side to side, up and down, between my legs, under my arms in hopes of remaining cooler.
We arrived late that first evening at a motel somewhere in some city unknown to Moi. We got to our room and Terrance and I decided to go out and take a swim in the pool. As I reached my perfect hand to the patio door handle and opened it slowly to this dense fog that seemed to be engulfing the patio area, the pool and decking. As my eyes adjusted to the heavy thick as pea soup fog and my sandled feet onto the deck I heard a crunch! And another crunch, and another until all Moi’s perfect ears only heard was sound of crunching everywhere we walked. Terrance reached down through the thick fog and grabbed an object. We were walking all over beetles, hundreds or thousands of these disgusting insects. I just stood there…
It was then at that moment that I for some unknown reason felt this power, this presence engulf me and almost control my body, my muscles, and my mind…All I could do was stand there frozen, unable to move, a prisoner in my own body. It was as if I were in a vat of ice cold water slowly rising higher and higher. My limbs were going numb slowly as the fog grew thicker all around me. As I slowly moved my eyes to my brother I saw then that the fog was only circling Moi… What was this exactly? Was it the devil? A dark power unknown to Moi?
Never take your Divine Ass to a motel that resembles “The Bates Motel” always stay at a 5***** establishment.
To Be Continued …
“Picture It”
It was the summer of 1986, June actually. The trip was planned for late June, but Tulips and Big Daddy decided to surprise Moi and my older brother Terrance(the pain in the ass that he is) and woke us up at 4a.m. June 8th. We hit the HWY in our 4 door Horizon Sundance(Torch Red) and by 8a.m. it was already a sweltering 85 degrees. We have no A/C in the that ever so trendy vehicle. As I reflect back on the trip I can honestly say I know what sardines feel like. As we drove along I tried to maintain my sanity and the perspiration that was dripping down my forehead and down to my underarms from reaching cheeks/booty. I waved a grass made hand held fan back and forth, side to side, up and down, between my legs, under my arms in hopes of remaining cooler.
We arrived late that first evening at a motel somewhere in some city unknown to Moi. We got to our room and Terrance and I decided to go out and take a swim in the pool. As I reached my perfect hand to the patio door handle and opened it slowly to this dense fog that seemed to be engulfing the patio area, the pool and decking. As my eyes adjusted to the heavy thick as pea soup fog and my sandled feet onto the deck I heard a crunch! And another crunch, and another until all Moi’s perfect ears only heard was sound of crunching everywhere we walked. Terrance reached down through the thick fog and grabbed an object. We were walking all over beetles, hundreds or thousands of these disgusting insects. I just stood there…
It was then at that moment that I for some unknown reason felt this power, this presence engulf me and almost control my body, my muscles, and my mind…All I could do was stand there frozen, unable to move, a prisoner in my own body. It was as if I were in a vat of ice cold water slowly rising higher and higher. My limbs were going numb slowly as the fog grew thicker all around me. As I slowly moved my eyes to my brother I saw then that the fog was only circling Moi… What was this exactly? Was it the devil? A dark power unknown to Moi?
Never take your Divine Ass to a motel that resembles “The Bates Motel” always stay at a 5***** establishment.
To Be Continued …
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Girlfriends and Married Guys!
BFF’s, GF’s, BF’s, Fans, etc etc etc. Moi has all of them! Especially the GF’s and what a bunch they are. I recently met my posse out for a nite of laughter, wine, smiles, cat fights, and the many many many older men that enjoyed starring at Moi!
We all decide to meet at an upscale lounge and bistro which overlooks a river which flows into a lake(which I suspect has dead bodies in it and God knows what else?). I arrive fashionably late, wearing a nice slimming pair of jeans that are lose even after washing them and drying them on high heat! Along with black squared shoes and a black thin long sleeved shirt with just enough buttons open to expose my tanned perfect skin and a peak at my chest, which is always a hit! My hair is perfectly styled, my face is flawless and my eyes are dancing with sparkles of excitement.
The posse included: My dear friend Dawneen, a sweet genuine blonde, who can admit she can be an airhead at times! But she is a woman of over the top love, compassion, a kindred free spirit with a twist of Mother Teresa all wrapped in one lovely soul! Then we have her sister Constance a.k.a. “Cubes” who is a caring witty lady who does not even realize the depth of her beauty and is kind of delicate with brassy hair! And there was Dawneen’s Gas Pump Attendant/Friend whom I only had met this particular evening! The jury is still out on this one. We were enjoying our wine, and the conversations were a delight enriched with gossip, sex, stress, and of course Moi!
After about an hour of great fun, in walks(or shall I say slithers in) “Sara” whom I have known for a few years(1 to many) and is there to see Dawneen. Now the thing about Sara is…well she is nuts! She is a nut job soaked in a lot of beer, from sun rise to sun down! And the remarkable thing about her is that she has this way of making everything all about her and her issues. Her sad, sad life. For example: If any one of us will end up in the Betty Ford…it will be Sara. She always has her hair ratted and looking like she just rolled out of bed no matter what time it is, when in fact she just drinks a bit on the heavy side. And by the end of the day her lips go numb and nothing of significance comes out of her mouth. And if going numb is not special enough her lips blow up, swell almost as if she just had them filled!
Anyways, the evening is fun regardless, I am looking divine as always, having a lovely chat when this white haired daddy walks by and looks me in my baby blues and smiles intently at Moi. Now he is older then I, long in the tooth, but looks really good. He does this multiple times throughout the evening. My posse and I decide to go outside on the patio and enjoy the stars, moonlight, warm air and over “clove cigs” which I rarely smoke. Maybe one or two every 2 or 3 months. While my back is turned facing the GF’s laughing and chatting a man approaches(another white haired daddy) and asks for my name, and number. He tells me “I have been enjoying the view all evening, especially the backside!” I tell him “thank you” and he offers me his name and number! We engage in chit chat and I compliment him and tell him of his devastating looks(can I embellish or what?) and he proceeds to tell Moi that he needs to return to his wife inside. TYPICAL JUST TYPICAL! I swear all men, most of whom are married like younger men. And not just like them…they want to “play” with them! And why is that? Because they will say “I am straight but like a guy sometimes” or “I am just bi-curious” or my favorite “My wife knows of my desire to be with a guy and she is ok with it.”
Anyways, the guy goes inside to his wife, and comes back out later when my posse and I go back out for more air. He tells me this time “I just can not stay away from you, but my girlfriend will wonder where I am?”
I stand there thinking “he has a wife, and a girlfriend? Where are they? Having drinks together?” What a loser!
Just remember: we can’t pick our family, but we can pick our friends and we surely can pick who gets our number and who does not!
Be Divine!
We all decide to meet at an upscale lounge and bistro which overlooks a river which flows into a lake(which I suspect has dead bodies in it and God knows what else?). I arrive fashionably late, wearing a nice slimming pair of jeans that are lose even after washing them and drying them on high heat! Along with black squared shoes and a black thin long sleeved shirt with just enough buttons open to expose my tanned perfect skin and a peak at my chest, which is always a hit! My hair is perfectly styled, my face is flawless and my eyes are dancing with sparkles of excitement.
The posse included: My dear friend Dawneen, a sweet genuine blonde, who can admit she can be an airhead at times! But she is a woman of over the top love, compassion, a kindred free spirit with a twist of Mother Teresa all wrapped in one lovely soul! Then we have her sister Constance a.k.a. “Cubes” who is a caring witty lady who does not even realize the depth of her beauty and is kind of delicate with brassy hair! And there was Dawneen’s Gas Pump Attendant/Friend whom I only had met this particular evening! The jury is still out on this one. We were enjoying our wine, and the conversations were a delight enriched with gossip, sex, stress, and of course Moi!
After about an hour of great fun, in walks(or shall I say slithers in) “Sara” whom I have known for a few years(1 to many) and is there to see Dawneen. Now the thing about Sara is…well she is nuts! She is a nut job soaked in a lot of beer, from sun rise to sun down! And the remarkable thing about her is that she has this way of making everything all about her and her issues. Her sad, sad life. For example: If any one of us will end up in the Betty Ford…it will be Sara. She always has her hair ratted and looking like she just rolled out of bed no matter what time it is, when in fact she just drinks a bit on the heavy side. And by the end of the day her lips go numb and nothing of significance comes out of her mouth. And if going numb is not special enough her lips blow up, swell almost as if she just had them filled!
Anyways, the evening is fun regardless, I am looking divine as always, having a lovely chat when this white haired daddy walks by and looks me in my baby blues and smiles intently at Moi. Now he is older then I, long in the tooth, but looks really good. He does this multiple times throughout the evening. My posse and I decide to go outside on the patio and enjoy the stars, moonlight, warm air and over “clove cigs” which I rarely smoke. Maybe one or two every 2 or 3 months. While my back is turned facing the GF’s laughing and chatting a man approaches(another white haired daddy) and asks for my name, and number. He tells me “I have been enjoying the view all evening, especially the backside!” I tell him “thank you” and he offers me his name and number! We engage in chit chat and I compliment him and tell him of his devastating looks(can I embellish or what?) and he proceeds to tell Moi that he needs to return to his wife inside. TYPICAL JUST TYPICAL! I swear all men, most of whom are married like younger men. And not just like them…they want to “play” with them! And why is that? Because they will say “I am straight but like a guy sometimes” or “I am just bi-curious” or my favorite “My wife knows of my desire to be with a guy and she is ok with it.”
Anyways, the guy goes inside to his wife, and comes back out later when my posse and I go back out for more air. He tells me this time “I just can not stay away from you, but my girlfriend will wonder where I am?”
I stand there thinking “he has a wife, and a girlfriend? Where are they? Having drinks together?” What a loser!
Just remember: we can’t pick our family, but we can pick our friends and we surely can pick who gets our number and who does not!
Be Divine!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Moi, A Stiff Shirt? As If!
I am just so shocked, so, so, so very shocked at what Moi was told recently! A few weeks ago I decided to share my credentials and fabulous experience with a very specific company. Now as you all well know, Divine Man is well…Divine! And any company(not just any company-I am not easy!) would be all the more divine to welcome Moi into their fold. Of course now I would have to be wined and dined a tad before even possibly contemplating such a move. You see, when I seek out a person, a place or company I always go for the best and brightest!
Anyways, I was called this week by this specific company and of course the Assistant to The Director Of Corporate Operations calls and practically begs me through the phone to if possible, “squeeze in a meeting this week.” Moi of course accepts her request and agrees to this on Friday at 11:30am.
I arrive at the Corporate Offices early naturally, and I look Divine as always, I am wearing my white Jackie O’s, my hair is perfect, as is my face. I decided to dress sharp and professional in all black with a cranberry red tie. Dam I looked hot! So I waited in the lobby for the DOCO to gather me up! Well he was fashionably late…he obviously did not know Moi or he would have been early like Moi.
He leads me into his conference room and offers me a chair. The air was still, and all I could do was take long shallow breaths to remain calm and cool like a freshly harvested cucumber just before it is going to be sliced and diced into a sandwich. For all intent purposes we will call The DOCO, Randy. Randy starts his lingo and is very detailed in his explanation of the 2 positions for which he so desperately wants me for. We engage in friendly banter back and forth.
And that’s when he tells Moi “I have to be honest, you are rather a stiff shirt, or at least I was getting that from you in the beginning and now you are opening up more, and I am feeling more of the man I imagined I would meet from your impeccable qualifications.” I am so stunned! Moi a stiff shirt? As if! I mean I am all about being professional and I truly feel there is a time and a place to be stiff! But Moi is no stiff shirt! I knew I should have worn my white Jackie O’s and red boa into the meeting(banging my head against the wall) and just been my perfectly charming funny over the top Divine self.
But can you imagine…me a stiff shirt? HA!
I sincerely hope that they call me back in for a second meeting. And Divine Man will be simply that…Divine!
“Randy” and “Patty”…I could go into song and dance right now but I would rather save the good stuff for when I start with the company. That way you can see me in Divine Action!
Remember all my divine people out there…Never second guess yourself or your instincts like I did at this first meeting. Never hide your star quality! Be who you are! Divine!
Feel free to write to Moi...about your thoughts, questions, issues, etc...
man.divine@yahoo.com
Anyways, I was called this week by this specific company and of course the Assistant to The Director Of Corporate Operations calls and practically begs me through the phone to if possible, “squeeze in a meeting this week.” Moi of course accepts her request and agrees to this on Friday at 11:30am.
I arrive at the Corporate Offices early naturally, and I look Divine as always, I am wearing my white Jackie O’s, my hair is perfect, as is my face. I decided to dress sharp and professional in all black with a cranberry red tie. Dam I looked hot! So I waited in the lobby for the DOCO to gather me up! Well he was fashionably late…he obviously did not know Moi or he would have been early like Moi.
He leads me into his conference room and offers me a chair. The air was still, and all I could do was take long shallow breaths to remain calm and cool like a freshly harvested cucumber just before it is going to be sliced and diced into a sandwich. For all intent purposes we will call The DOCO, Randy. Randy starts his lingo and is very detailed in his explanation of the 2 positions for which he so desperately wants me for. We engage in friendly banter back and forth.
And that’s when he tells Moi “I have to be honest, you are rather a stiff shirt, or at least I was getting that from you in the beginning and now you are opening up more, and I am feeling more of the man I imagined I would meet from your impeccable qualifications.” I am so stunned! Moi a stiff shirt? As if! I mean I am all about being professional and I truly feel there is a time and a place to be stiff! But Moi is no stiff shirt! I knew I should have worn my white Jackie O’s and red boa into the meeting(banging my head against the wall) and just been my perfectly charming funny over the top Divine self.
But can you imagine…me a stiff shirt? HA!
I sincerely hope that they call me back in for a second meeting. And Divine Man will be simply that…Divine!
“Randy” and “Patty”…I could go into song and dance right now but I would rather save the good stuff for when I start with the company. That way you can see me in Divine Action!
Remember all my divine people out there…Never second guess yourself or your instincts like I did at this first meeting. Never hide your star quality! Be who you are! Divine!
Feel free to write to Moi...about your thoughts, questions, issues, etc...
man.divine@yahoo.com
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